Hanging out in the waiting room

Romans 5:3-5 (The Message)
There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!


Have you ever arrived for a doctor appointment only to find the waiting room brimming with people and illness? Naturally it's a day when your to-do list is longer than your weekly grocery list. And you can just feel your teeth gritting and grinding in frustration and annoyance as you sit and stew for minutes, then an hour and you haven't even been called back yet. "What the...."





What if you instead turned your entire perspective around. You walk in and excitedly realize you might get a whole hour -- to pray, read your Bible, meditate. What a gift from God that you can set everything aside and focus on him and what really matters most. Passionately patient!


Right now, I'm in one of life's waiting rooms. God called me to leave my full-time job with nothing lined up to replace lost income and help pay our mounting medical debts. Then he called me to go to Africa without even a dollar to finance my own trip. Why would he do this? Why am I still sitting here jobless? 


It would be easy to complain, and don't get me wrong -- I have bad days and get stressed! But God has already shown me he will provide. He DID provide -- every last penny for my mission trip. And while we're not making much headway on medical bills, I was just able to pay all our bills in the third month of me being unemployed with a few odd jobs here and there. 


This, how ever ridiculous it may sound, is my choosing. Yes, I COULD get a job. I am perfectly capable. But when I prayed in January that I would surrender myself to God's will, I made a commitment that I would have faith and let him worry about the details. Sound nuts? We're such control freaks about our lives that it is very, very difficult to walk where he leads! Well, he very clearly led me to Africa and then worked out every last detail. What a faith strengthening exercise that was!


So I'm back in the waiting room, reminding myself not to get frustrated. God has called me again, and I am working toward obedience. Can I follow him in faith without losing hope? Can I shout my praises in worship while hemmed with troubles? I think I MUST, because I promised and he's never let me down yet. And he has a promise, too...that he will show me what to do if I am alert (which is hard to do when I'm annoyed and frustrated!), that I will become virtuous in my waiting, that I will not feel shortchanged and that he will pour generously into my life through the Holy Spirit. 


Wow. Making a choice about how I view my waiting room seems quite easy in light of this! I will wait, excitedly, for him to keep his promises to me!

Angry and sad and confusing....oh my!

Warning: This post is harsh, but it gets better. So please in the name of all that's decent and right in this world, stick with it, love me in my unlovable state and read it all the way through!


Lately I've been sad a lot. God's really breaking my heart for the things that break his. And it's, well, really truly heart-breaking in ways I never knew I could be be heartbroken. 


For instance, I couldn't listen to an NPR story on chronic acute malnutrition in a Yemen village this morning without bawling. 


Maybe because I've seen it...face-to-face. And "it" has a name. Lots of names. Sadly I didn't even get this woman's name, because I had to walk away. I could not muster a single word, and I was "working" lest I cry right then and there! She has given birth to eight children. Three of them are currently walking the earth. She has named and then said good-bye to five of her own, burying them in the ground before they had a chance to grow up. And here's the thing: It's not a fluke. This is one of many, many sobering realities for the poorest on our planet. Did she do something to deserve this life? Just try to look one of them in the eyes and ever say or think it. The reality is THIS COULD BE YOU. The only difference between this woman and me is the place we were born. 

I've also been angry lately. Oh, so angry. At God somewhat for the state of our world, for not giving me more resources to help the heartbroken. But mostly at other people. With their new cars, vacations, ridiculous "toys," weekly mani/pedis, rituals that involve their hair. You get the point. I'm angry at how it seems people take things for granted. I am angry at the reality that a mom in Africa is forced to wait a week to take her dying child to see a doctor because she doesn't have $1 -- the amount it takes to get a cab and get there.


Did you know that Americans spend $31 billion on their pets every year, $13 billion on plastic surgery, $65 billion on jewelry and an astounding $705 billion on entertainment and recreation? 


Did you know if every American church-goer tithed, there would be an extra $168 billion? To eliminate the most extreme poverty on the planet for more than a billion people, it would require 40 percent of that -- $65 billion. 


These numbers -- presented in "The Hole in Our Gospel" -- kind of make me more sad. 



I am angry, too, because the place where I come from -- my upbringing, my world -- put such a high value on "things," more stuff and achievement that is tied to a dollar figure. I watch as people I love look down their noses at their own family members who can't "afford" a car or boat or RV (loan) and snub their own blood, blaming them for not being successful enough to pay their own way. 


Then I wonder where my parents would have been without the occasional handout from my grandparents or where we would be without my parents helping out. Certainly we wouldn't have paid off all our debt without the occasional shoes, back-to-school clothes and food that my own and my husband's parents have aided us with over the years. And without their help, how could we possibly leave a legacy for our own children. How can we teach them what money means if we aren't showing them? 


1 Timothy 6:17-19 says "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they make take hold of life that is truly life."


I love the way Richard Stearns also describes the parable Jesus tells in Matthew 25:14. The master gives to each "according to his ability," but what he expects is that we multiply our gifts for his kingdom. I want my kids to know: It all comes from God; we are not entitled to it but entrusted with it and we are to use it to further his kingdom. 


God talks to us more about money than most any other subject. He WANTS us to have wisdom in this matter. This I know well, but I'm reading along thinking of all the people I know who could do so much to further God's kingdom, to end pain and suffering, to feed the poor, to help a woman in Africa watch her children grow past age 5 or get a cab to see a doctor. I was literally getting mad at what the people in my life are NOT doing. Can you imagine my indignation and self-righteousness? 


Then I read on in Stearns' book last night to discover that 87 percent of non-churchgoers view Christians as judgmental, 85 percent view Christians as hypocritical, 70 percent view us as insensitive to others and 72 percent believe we are out of touch with reality. 


Yikes. Was he writing that for me? 


And so I MUST turn the table if I am to call myself a Christian. I must get that darned plank out of my eye. Because to be Christian is to be Christ-like. And besides loving ALL people, Christ was forgiving, revolutionary, truthful, radical and genuine. 


There it is. MUCH WORK is to be done in me. Who am I to be sad or angry and then judgmental when I'm sitting here among the 1 percent of the world's wealthiest people? And then, to make matters worse, look at that scripture in Timothy again. He is calling out the "rich," and while I may not feel rich in my society, the reality is I AM rich, and there's no dollar amount on the call to action here: Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. The time for action is NOW. 


The church doesn't exist within the four walls where I worship every Sunday. And I love this quote in Stearns' book, too, by Billy Sunday: "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."


Will you take this challenge with me, Christian sisters and brothers? Will you take the church to the people? Will you help be the hands, feet and mouth of Jesus? Will you be radical and revolutionary with me? 


Look at the woman above again. She's beautiful, isn't she? She's happy (probably more so than most Americans) and she has faith in a great God who can perform miracles. Brother and sister, WE are her miracle! She is praying for us, for us to be the hands and feet. 


God gave us all the tools and resources to change the world. We have all we need to end poverty. But until we join forces in faith, we can never create the church that God envisioned!

My lovely boy

It's time for me to brag about Ryker, who so often lives in the shadow of his older sister. He is a fantastic young man who has a big heart for God. 


This past spring, when Dan and I coordinated Dave Ramsey's Generation Change, there was an exercise where the kids had to write down 10 "things" they really love. Even though Ryker was not a part of the class, he wanted to participate in the teenagers' activity. After giving them five or so minutes to think about it, then we tell them that they are forced to give away three things and to cross out three. And then three are stolen.....and then three are destroyed in a fire. 


The idea is that the only thing on the list should be JESUS. 


We picked up Ryker's paper -- all folded up after class. I loved the insight into my precious son!


1. Books
2. Jesus (with a backwards 'J')
3. Bible
4. family
5. friends
6. math
7. reading
8. homework (huh?)
9. school
10. the Cardinals


All were crossed off but No. 2. I was just proud to see that Jesus even made the list. Not sure that would have been the case when I was 7.

A little crap helps a garden grow

We all have them -- bad days. Sometimes bad weeks or a string of bad days. Or even just a slump we can't explain, even though we've been in a better mood on a previous "really bad" day. 

I've been kind of slumpy this week -- without much of an explanation. At least not a good one! Abby's on-again, off-again emotional/behavioral highs and lows were affecting me more than her it seemed. She cut a chunk out of her hair; used scissors to carve a divot in her brother's wall (and feeling shame and guilt afterward, "evened" things out by doing the same on her wall!); painted the bottom of spices with blue food color as some kind of torture to me when I took them of the cabinets and got blue all over my hands and couldn't figure out where it had come from; lost a good shoe that we spent 15 minutes looking for and ended up late for camp; wore the same shirt -- dirty -- for three straight days and nights; and other such ADHD-type of impulsiveness that would make this blog too long to read. 

I've been good. No yelling. Lecturing and lots of crying, but no yelling. Grace. Grace. Grace. I'm calling on my "God power" big time; I'm really trying my best to extend grace all over the place! I felt like I was doing good, but the people around me can tell it's bothering me and that I'm not doing the best I can do. I thank God for their accountability and honesty, because they opened me up to hear what God wanted me to experience this morning, and it's too amusing not to share!

Dan is always texting me little "love notes," and while I reply, I rarely initiate. Before you bring out the hate, I have a strict limit on texting on my phone plan. An average of six a day is what I get, and he's a big texter. 

I do love getting his notes, and I started my day on a real "high" after a couple of bad days and wanted to send a quick note to let him know I care. 

"I <3 U!" 

I sent it from the bank parking lot at Bud's corner. And then sixty seconds later, I got stuck behind several big trucks painting the lines on the side of the road. It took me 30 minutes to get to Athens. So much for my productive day I had planned!

Still, I kept a smile on my face. 'Cause that makes everything better, right? 

I needed gas, so I stopped at Casey's. While there, I figured I would fill up the low tire that must have a screw or slow leak that we can't locate because it's been getting low every few days for a couple weeks now. No time or money to deal with it, and air is keeping it at bay. 

I get out and OH MY GOSH!!! I had somehow driven through the white line they painted, and it was splashed up all over and quite high on the passenger side of the Jeep. 

All I could think was that Dan would kill me. Which is humorous, because if you know us then you know I do stupid things all the time like hit the side of the garage with the rear view mirror, run into light poles, hit parked cars, drive through fresh tar that isn't rocked yet. Yet here I am, still alive!

Yes, I've done it all. And every time, I hesitantly pick up the phone to call my husband, hands shaking, tears filling up the corners of my eyes. He knows something is wrong after I've gotten a few words out, and then he yells at me -- for making him think something serious had happened. And replies the same words every single time without fail or hesitation: 

"It's just a car."

My husband. He's so good at GRACE! I need to be more like him to deal with the weeks ahead of Abby off her medication. It WILL be hard. It WILL be frustrating and taxing and emotional and loooooong. But if I can have grace every time without fail, I've done my job. Because she's already filled with regret, shame and self-hatred when she stumbles. She doesn't need a mom who bends down and shoves her face in it. 

Will you pray for me to find it? I could certainly use all the help I can get!

I had to chuckle as I desperately brainstormed how to get the paint problem fixed because I remembered the text. Holy cow! He would probably think I was buttering him up in preparation for the story of my ignorance! (I might have  started some of my post-accident phone calls with "How much do you love me?")

Thank goodness I didn't need to suck up! Next time you see me in my Jeep, there may be some remnants of white paint on the tires. But the paint job itself looks the same as before -- dull, rusted in spots and dinged up from two kids who play basketball and ride bikes around it. 

Thank God for the high-pressure sprayer (with soap) at the car wash this morning. But before I could clean it off, I would step in manure that had apparently been cleaned off the last vehicle in that bay. In fact, the odor was suffocating, and it was wedged in every crevice of my tires, too. And so here's the crappy part. 

I then laughed out loud. Literally. It's good to laugh on a bad day. Smiling makes everything better....right?

I laughed because I was absolutely where God wanted me -- dripping wet, sweating over my stupidity and covered in poop. How can I grow big and strong without that fertilizer? I so needed God's reminder that no matter how much crap I get myself into he'll always be there for me -- extending grace or putting me in the path of loved ones who give me grace and giving me the power of poop. 


I needed to be filled with that grace, love and faith today! I am constantly awed at how he can take lemons and make lemonade and teach me to do the same! 

Thankful for my man of courage!

It seemed fitting that on Sunday morning of Father's Day, as I stood brushing my hair and teeth in our (shared) family bathroom, I could hear my husband patiently readying our two children for church. 


For so many dads who wear these three letters -- D-A-D -- more as a title of burden than blessing, Father's Day is a RIGHT...for them to do as they please, to escape from their children or be pampered by them. Not my husband. There were no such expectations in our home. 


My normal morning routine with the kids is very rush-rush as I follow behind them begrudgingly picking up their messes. But Sunday mornings always offer reprieve -- a chance for me to slow down while Dan picks up the slack. 


Unlike me, he offers patient words of encouragement when they resist brushing their teeth and seeks out teachable -- or laughable -- moments in everything. 


That's because, you see, he has expectations. Expectations of who is to be as a dad and expectations for his own children so they will grow up strong in Christ. 


And so when we arrived at church to Katie Ibbotson's powerful message on a father's expectations as part of the sermon, it was a reminder to me. A reminder that our heavenly Father has expectations for ALL of us. Among those expectations are strong, influential, godly dads for our children. 


Make no mistake: This is NOT just a job for men. Women must also ensure our husbands can be the leaders in our homes -- as God designed them to be. 


Turn on your television and you'll see what society expects in a home (if a father is even present!) -- a father figure who is mocked by his family, the butt of all jokes, stripped of his masculinity and nagged like a "dripping faucet" (doesn't that sound like a Proverb!). 


And because Katie said it so eloquently, she was willing to share her words from Sunday. Here's an excerpt:


"What can a father do for his child?? Have EXPECTATIONS! A father who expects from his child, who sets forth these expectations in the lives of his children impacts not only his children but those who are watching. 


"What expectations?! Which expectations?! The written word of our FATHER in Heaven Himself sets forth the expectations of our fathers. In Romans 12:2, we read: 'Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will.'


"Oh... men of courage... Don’t let Hollywood set forth the expectations for your loved ones. Seek his pleasing and perfect will and find the way to show your children what expectations our Father in Heaven has for a home...your home.... Read HIS word, show them what OUR Father in Heaven expects!"


Two of my favorite "daddy" photos of my man of courage. :) 

What I want as a mom

Have you ever taken a moment since you've become a mom to think about -- I mean REALLY think about -- what you want to accomplish in the 18 years you have yours? 


I had not. Sadly. Except to say that I hoped for them all the things I didn't have or do. In retrospect, that was honestly A LOT! And now that I've grown up a little in my 9 1/2 years of parenting, I realize that kids today have and do too much. What they really need is to slow down, ease up and learn to live with less. Which is a lesson this grownup is realizing she needs more every day!


On of the many "points well taken" I wrote down from the Hearts at Home conference in the spring was to decide "what matters most to me as a mom." 


Recently, it occurred to me that if after 18 years my children can learn to:
1. Love God
2. Serve God
3. Listen to God 
4. Obey God
then I'm calling the mommyhood thing a success! 


Because when I honestly evaluated everything else I REALLY, REALLY wanted for my kids, I realized those desires all came from list of four. 


I want my kids to be happy, give freely, love deeply, learn from their mistakes and life's mishaps, extend grace, rely on faith, forgive and be patient. Life is an adventure. It's a process, and if we rush to what we think is the "prize" (a career, a house, money, a car, a vacation, retirement?) too quickly, we'll have discovered that what the world tells us is the "prize" might turn out hollow and disappointing. We are filled with a God-shaped void for a reason!


Life is about building relationships -- with God and with others. That's not something that just happens, and so I hope I teach my children to slow down, do their best and enjoy every step of the way. They have already taught me so much, it's the least I could do! 

Make music, have fun!

This really takes me back. I remember popping bubble wrap at my Nana's house. I don't think we had enough money growing up to ever order anything that was shipped to our house, and I don't know what Nana ordered but it seems like we popped bubbles a lot at her house! 


So when we got a package this week, it was a major bonus that its contents were rolled in two large pieces of unspoiled, fat bubble wrap that seemed more precious than the cargo. The kids came up with a fun way to pop them. (Turn your volume down!) 

Our chalkboard wall

This has been one of those "wish we'd done it sooner" projects. For a couple years, we used a small dry erase board to list our activities for that week. On our fridge was our meal plan. And we kept complaining that we were losing our "honey-do" list and couldn't remember what we needed to do around the house (that's our excuse...we'll come up with another one soon!). So transformed a wall in our kitchen, and we all LOVE it. Everyone who visits comments on it, too, so I figured I would post it here in case you're in need of a new organization system!

We use it for our weekly schedule, easy access to phone numbers for the kids and babysitters, our menu, our honey-do list, our summer bucket list, our daily summer schedule, occasional doodles by Abby and something inspiring from what we're studying in the Bible. 

Can you think of other uses? Maybe we'll paint another wall! 

Before summer kicks the bucket...

This is a tradition we started last year: a bucket list. Not for when we kick the bucket, but things we want to do before summer "dies." Last year we picked 10 things and completed nine. Can you believe "make homemade ice cream" was the only one we didn't do last year? So it made it on this year's list. :-)  

Here's where we need your help! We came up with nine, and we're asking for nominations for No. 10 on our list (or No. 10, 11 and 12. Who knows...maybe we'll expand the list!). We try to keep them affordable, since we're on a tight budget, and naturally it must be fun! We like the outdoors, adventure, sports. 

So...what would you put in for ??? Leave your nomination below! 

Taking a break from sports???

Ryker had a rough end of season in football last year, as in one hard (from behind) tackle when a play was over. The other boy was bigger and ruthless and the illegal act went unnoticed. He was disheartened. But he played great all year, and we saw that he has great potential. Still, he doesn't want to play football this year, and I'm not pushing the issue because I'm honestly not a big fan of tackle football at this age especially since our local program doesn't have a concussion-prevention component to it. 


Here's the thing about Ryker, though. He's actually got great potential with just about any sport he tries. He's naturally gifted in sports, very coordinated and competitively motivated, while also being a great teammate to his buddies. When it comes to sports, he makes us very proud. 


Thankfully he's talented at other things, too, particularly reading. I love my little nerdy athlete! Ryker also very much enjoys Boy Scouts and camping, and those activities have been great for our whole family. The problem is that our around-the-calendar sports schedule allows for little time to camp and fully enjoying the Scouting activities. 


So when Ryker suggested not playing football this year, and then waffled between football and soccer for several weeks, I had an idea. How about no sports for the end of summer/start of the school year? Both sports play games on Saturdays or Sundays, and having a few months with weekends and most week nights free would be a REAL blessing. 


I thought he might agree. But his response, "You guys can go camping while I play soccer."


He does NOT want to sit out a season. He's 7. I think it could be a great time for family bonding, togetherness and a breather from the hectic-ness that has become our collective life of sports. Plus, he's never played outdoor soccer, so I'm thinking why start something new?


Here's my dilemma, I feel strongly about my position, and I know it would be good for us and good for him. However, part of me acknowledges that when school starts and the other boys are wearing their football jerseys and talking about upcoming games, he will be upset that he's not a part of a team. 


I should point out that if this were Abby, the decision would be easy. It wouldn't break her heart, and she would be over it. But she's a leader, and Ryker is very much a follower. Part of his identity is tied to fitting in with the boys. 


So, I must know....what would you do???

Breastfeeding in military uniform: Really? Who cares?

I recently blogged about the Time magazine cover on breastfeeding, and then linked to the story about these military moms nursing on Facebook. 


But I just can't get the story out of my head. Because there's more I want to say. Because darn it, my opinion and our attention shouldn't be on breastfeeding. It shouldn't be focused on a "controversial" military policy. My innermost desire is that we would hone in on basic human rights. That we would be aware. That we would drop petty opinions in lieu of "bigger issues" on our globe that should DEMAND our attention. And yet time after time, we turn a blind eye on what really matters and get fired up over some of the most ridiculous so-called problems in the world.  


Yes, breastfeeding is wonderful. I think it's the best way to feed babies. For some moms, it's the only way. Breasts have been over-sexualized, in my opinion, in America, to the point of ridiculousness. But like I said, it's not about breastfeeding. 


Yes, the military has a policy. And yes, these gals have disregarded it. Does it mean they disrespect their country? For God's sake, of course not! That's a huge leap! If they did, would they be serving in the military? Personally, I would not violate a dress code. Because to me, a job is a job, and if they can't provide me basic privileges to nurse or pump as a human being, it's simply not worth working for that employer. I'm a quitter, not a policy fighter. Never have been. But for the sake of argument, maybe these moms found the dress policy to be reasonable when they signed up for the military and then discovered how impractical and inconvenient it was once they were nursing. God knows my perspective on a lot of things changed once I became a mom. Should we assume they have no respect for the Air Force or their country because they nurse their babies in uniform? Because they seem to be fighting a policy that -- whether proven true or not -- they believe inherently discriminates against women? Should we encourage or participate in berating them? Really? Seek first the plank in your own eye before going after the speck in your sister's! I certainly couldn't throw the first stone, lest someone pick up a stone and examine my sinful life!


This also seems like another "excuse" to question whether women should even be in the military, not that I would ever want to fight side-by-side with men in combat. But today a woman can choose to, and the truth is the gender of a pilot dropping bombs on another country is hardly consequential, is it? The fact is they are there because they want to be there, and that policy was more than likely written before breastfeeding moms were allowed to serve in the military. Sometimes policies need to be changed and updated based on new circumstances. Period. 


But I also said it's not about military policy. 


Because the truth is eating is a basic human right. And to deny a baby the opportunity to eat because of a dress code is deplorable, especially as mothers in developing countries give birth and then cannot even produce breast milk because of malnutrition. Honestly, they and their babies are dying. Right now. One reason among many that are completely preventable: Starvation. So pardon me if I suggest that we divert our attention from this so-called controversy and look toward one worthy of our attention.


Here's a glimpse of what I mean by "bigger issues:"


Each year in Africa, 30 million women become pregnant, and 18 million give birth at home without skilled care.

Each day in Africa:
• 700 women die of pregnancy-related causes.
• 3,100 newborns die, and another 2,400 are stillborn.
• 9,600 children, after their first month of life and before their fifth birthday, die.


This is according to Opportunities for African Newborns, a publication developed by a partnership of UN agencies, donors, NGOs, professional organisations and individuals to be useful for all those who are committed to accelerating progress to save the lives of African mothers, newborns, and children.

"At least two thirds of newborns and a similar proportion of mothers and children could be saved with cost-effective interventions that already exist in the policies of most countries, but do not reach the poor," said Dr. Gertrude I. Mongella, President, Pan African Parliament, African Union. "Strengthening newborn health is a win-win-win for mothers, babies, and children. The price is affordable at an extra US$1.39 per person. Imagine if all the funds used for destruction and conflict in Africa were redirected to the health and survival of newborns."


Do we have enough people in our very country with $1.39 they could spare to save a life? That's a bigger issue.


Let's focus our energy on partnerships for a better world for babies who didn't choose the circumstances they were born into, not silly bickering over controversial breastfeeding images and whether or not someone's violation of a dress code makes them somehow less than human! 

A malnourished boy eagerly eating a meal of rice in Africa.

Where there's money, is there trust?

The best thing I've read all week is two short sentences toward the bottom of a top 10 list of best advice from a missionary couple leaving the field. It's too bad I can't take credit as the writer 'cause this is GOOD stuff: 


"Money doesn’t make character. It proves character."

How many people do you know who have little money but use is so well, constantly finding creative ways to give it back to God? And how many wealthy people do you know who squander it all away for themselves, giving nothing to the poor and have very little to show at the end of the year?

Just because people get money, doesn't mean they "get" money, does it? If more people "got" money, there would be less debt and more giving, and that to me, is just such a joyful thought!

When Dan and I first committed to be better stewards of our money, it was because we signed up for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.

We were unable to pay all of our bills, which included a ridiculous amount of debt in the form of more loans than I could count on one hand. Each month became more and more of a challenge....and then I left my job. Before we sold our house. Before we paid off our debt. Before we began tithing.

For six months, we lived paycheck to paycheck before our home sold. We were barely doing so before that period... you know, on two incomes. But then something truly miraculous happened: we began to pay off debt, didn't acquire any new debt and started tithing instead of simply giving an offering. Logistically, we shouldn't have lasted a month, but we went six months in this fashion with Christmas right in the middle.

We learned something then that (sadly) Dave Ramsey's class doesn't teach. TRUST.

Yes, we were learning more practical ways to handle our money. We saw many things -- debt, life insurance, car payments and giving -- in a whole new light that changed our lives in unfathomable ways.

But God saw that we needed to learn more than Dave could teach us. God wanted us to stop the worrying. To give it to him so that we could live our lives more peacefully and focus on what really mattered.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him,and he will make your paths straight.

And Matthew 6:25-34 (Jesus' words) says:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdomand his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It's been two months since I left my full-time job. We have spent the same amount of money on life's necessities, even paid off some medical bills. So it's a reminder to me, after years of coordinating the FPU classes while we so carefully followed all of Dave's advice, we'd forgotten to factor in God's wisdom. I treasure very much all we have learned in FPU and I believe EVERYONE should take this course. But sometimes God wants us to lean on his ways instead of the ways of the world. His ways don't always seem logical, but when we meet him there, he grows us, shapes us, makes us stronger and wiser.

In the years since we leaned so heavily on him, I've been craving those miraculous ways in my life. Oddly, I've done nothing radical for him so he couldn't show me. So here I am, on the edge of a proverbial cliff ready to step out and do the one thing that is so humanly hard: TRUST.