What’s So Bad About a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?
Nearly everyone is either female or male. It's a fact, kinda like I am a United States citizen. Being American sets me up for all kinds of stereotypes when I cross onto another country's soil. Just like being a boy -- or a girl -- sets us up for cultural expectations. And this, I believe, is really the problem.
Society evolves. When I was a wee one, there were hardly tiaras, frilly Disney princess dresses for make-believe, or a trove of hour-glass figure dolls to play with. I had legos, blocks and toys with primary colors that were more-or-less gender-less. Go back even farther, and pink was a boy color. Even farther, men wore wigs of long hair and dresses. Some men in other societies still wear dresses. So while I may or may not have purchased a few (dozen) Disney items, it seems to me our societal accumulation of "stuff," bloated toy aisles exploding with pink and general societal infatuation with materialism seems to have injected us with discrimination based on paranoia and fear. It's not enough to keep up with the Joneses, but we must also be accepted by them.
What happens when you leave children to just be themselves -- wearing, playing with and enjoying the things they want? No wonder so many struggle with identity crises in our country; our cultural norms and expectations are so perverted, pervasive and rigidly enforced that few people really get to be who they are destined to be.
Right now, I embrace my children with their independent and carefree disregard for what's considered by the masses to be acceptable.
My daughter has gone in and out of the "pink" phase. Today, she might wear a little pink, though she previously rejected it entirely. But she despises princesses. However, she also spends a great deal of time picking out the right ensemble -- for bed even! She wears mostly skirts, likes her toenails painted and wears an occasion girly hairdo. Then she goes outside, climbs trees, makes mud pies, picks up any and all moving creatures, and attempts daring stunts on her scooter. She also likes theater, singing and dancing. She enjoys scary movies and books, climbs to the top of the rock wall at the state fair every year and rode the water ride where the floor drops out from under your feet three times this summer. But like her mom, her athletic abilities are less certain, though she does, on occasion, play sports (and spit sunflower seeds that she sets on the infield dirt).
On the flip side, her brother is very athletic. He excels at team and individual sports. But he doesn't dig in the dirt or climb trees. When he discovered an empty turtle shell at his grandparents' house, he fetched his sister to pick it up. He's scared -- of everything and anything. He tears up at the thought of a scary movie. He walked up to ride the scary water ride twice and chickened out, even though he's a great swimmer. His favorite color is pink. He wore pink socks to every baseball game, wore a pink shirt for his birthday celebration and picked a pink ruler and pencil sharpener when we shopped for school supplies. He won't touch most animals, and we have to BEG him to play outside. He has, in fact, tried on my high heels and clip-clopped through the house with them on. He likes having his toenails painted, and he's currently growing out his hair. He's been mistaken for a girl many, many times. He also screams louder and more high pitched than any girl he knows.
My point is, my children could not be more individual, unique, one-of-a-kind. And the fact that we debate these PERSONALITY traits in the context of "normal" and with a psychological "ruler" means only one thing: WE LIVE IN AN INTOLERANT WORLD. We judge and then beyond that we categorize, bully and label anyone who doesn't fit within our societal definition of "normal." It's time for all parents to let our children be who they are and express themselves in the context of a safe, loving, disciplined home where morals rule -- not tutus and superhero capes.
Want to read the whole NYTimes article? Click below:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/magazine/whats-so-bad-about-a-boy-who-wants-to-wear-a-dress.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1&hp