Wednesday, April 23, 2014

An update on adoption, Denney Photography and Mighty Strong Girls

Have you ever gotten excited about something that God put in your heart? 

Two years ago, I attended an orphans conference and heard beautiful stories of adoption. I knew then and there it was something I could do, and I felt like God wanted my family to adopt. Since then, I've been excited (and anxious) about adding to our family.

A little less than a year later, my husband was at a church leaders conference when a speaker spoke for less than three minutes about adopting one of his children. Then and there, he received God’s word that we are to adopt. Seven months or so later, our children were able to instantly “find” enough money to cover the fees for an application for adoption. So we applied. We earnestly thought it was God's will. We were all comfortable with the challenges adoption brings and excited to see God's glory shine in and through the brokenness.
 
But then there was a communication snafu with the adoption agency we were working with, and it seemed we were already late with the $5,000 fee, on top of needing anywhere between $2,000-$6,000 for our home study that needed to begin right away. We thought we had 90 days to raise the money, and because our case worker dropped the ball in explaining anything to do with finances, they were gracious and gave us a 30-day extension. 

We were super busy at the time with the kids and Dan being in Jungle Book and me writing and photographing on deadline for Mighty Strong Girls, so it was obvious that if it was God's will for us to adopt right now with this agency, it would be His miraculous act that would make it possible. We ended up with a $50 donation right away and then nothing.  The 30 days came and they went.

Part of me wanted to (still wants to?) grieve. I have been saving the kids' clothes for hand-me-downs, dreaming of bedroom remodels. We've been praying for our children. We've been faithful. We've been hopeful. 

And yet, reality was hitting us hard over the head. Both kids NEED new mattresses, and we have no way to buy even those. We have a couple medical bills in collections, and then we discovered that the credit card we use for Mighty Strong Girls, Trades of Hope, gas and occasional food had suddenly been "maxed out." There was only $2,000 of "wiggle room," and while we knew I was without the teaching job that paid $500 a month, we didn't guard this very carefully and it grew. 
 
Why do I share such intimate details? Most people cringe at personal finance stories.
 
I KNOW that many of us go through such trials, and because we announced our adoption here, it seems only fitting to announce our un-adoption here with the reasons. 
 
YES, I believe in a big God who can do all things, and I had a few in the adoption community call out my doubt. But as former leaders of Financial Peace University, we knew we were being less than good stewards by letting things slide. Does God want us to adopt AND pay off our debt? Yes! But we believe He stopped this process so that we could see that it's time to right the financial wrongs FIRST so we can then get back to the adoption He so clearly put on our hearts and continue living in the principles He has taught us. He's here to help us not to hurt us!
 
I was feeling shame and regret, condemnation and criticism because I thought we failed, that I failed. That I disappointed my family. None of these are feelings are of God! 
 
Did we somehow screw up? You betcha! We are human, and we stumble. We know better. Oh my gosh, we know so much better. And if wasn't for the grace and glory of God, we would have far more debt right now than we do. Plus, we know what to do to get out of it. 
 
Here's where it gets sticky. It seems obvious to "get out of it," I need to get a job, right?
 
But something about scanning classifieds and considering a $15 per hour graphic design job seemed "icky." I could invest (I guess on credit) in Denney Photography. 
 
So I went back to "basics," the basics that have led me thus far. I prayed. I asked God to intervene, to show me the path to take, AND I promised I would be obedient. Uh-hum, the sticky part. 

My daughter had passed out magazines to the teen girls on the Jungle Book cast, and one of the moms wanted to talk to me. I knew this on Friday but didn't run into her. Saturday morning was when I went on a bike ride and I said my prayer before going to work at Jungle Book. It was then that I ran into her — the nameless woman I had never before met. It was SO WEIRD! She was asking questions and shaking her head in agreement before she spoke. She admitted she didn't read the magazine but only saw the cover. Then she began speaking to me with authority. It was almost like God was standing there talking to me through her! She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "If you are really serious about this, you have to give it everything you've got." 

I have always felt like this is what God wants of me. To brush all else aside. To focus on Mighty Strong Girls alone. It seems impossible, as there is barely enough in faith pledges to cover the basic necessities, let alone a salary of any sort. Plus, it was my photography that literally saved our butts in the last couple weeks as Dan took three days off for his grandpa's death and funeral (he doesn't get paid time off).

I absolutely believe and KNOW that God can do all things, and that the timing isn’t for us to figure out. I can count at least a half dozen reasons the adoption isn't in His timing right now, the most important being that it's about the kids He has planned to join our family.

So, what does this mean for our family? A lot of scary things, I suppose. A restructuring of Mighty Strong Girls is coming that will allow it to be both a mission (Business as Mission) AND a ministry. It will open up doors for us to sell magazines, advertising, event tickets and other things that simply aren't acceptable under IRS rules with our Ripe for Harvest partnership. We still are accepting and NEED donors more than ever. Those are tax-deductible through account 381 with Ripe for Harvest, and they allow us to do printing of the magazine as well as one-on-one ministry with preteen and teen girls.

It also means I am closing the doors on Denney Photography. I won't renew the website, so if you have a gallery online, place your orders soon! At first, this saddened me, but in prayer, I don't think it's the end of my creative and portrait photography work. For one thing, I am doing this now for Mighty Strong Girls, which gives me great joy! We can set up a shopping link on the Mighty Strong Girls website and sell prints from the magazine to help offset our expenses. Also, I will continue to take photography work as God brings it to me without investing time and money in marketing it. I don't need fancy tools, flashy props or sophisticated websites to bring me the small amount of work it would take to help our family. And this way, I can feel free to say no if it interferes with Mighty Strong Girls. I don't know entirely what this looks like, and I'm not convinced that He won't tell me to drop it all together. But God has certainly used my photography to bring blessings to others and to our own family's mission work, so I'm not feeling like the rug should be ripped out here. 

As for Trades of Hope, I'm a little less certain. God clearly brought that to me. But I never felt like I was to sell it, so for now, I'm simply praying.

Clearly a lot is in flux, so more than anything, I would appreciate your prayers. I believe in Mighty Strong Girls more than ever, and I know that's where God would have me focus all the energy and time I can offer. But I can't do it without your help, your support and your prayers. Thanks for them...they are literally the fuel that keeps me going!