What I want as a mom

Have you ever taken a moment since you've become a mom to think about -- I mean REALLY think about -- what you want to accomplish in the 18 years you have yours? 


I had not. Sadly. Except to say that I hoped for them all the things I didn't have or do. In retrospect, that was honestly A LOT! And now that I've grown up a little in my 9 1/2 years of parenting, I realize that kids today have and do too much. What they really need is to slow down, ease up and learn to live with less. Which is a lesson this grownup is realizing she needs more every day!


On of the many "points well taken" I wrote down from the Hearts at Home conference in the spring was to decide "what matters most to me as a mom." 


Recently, it occurred to me that if after 18 years my children can learn to:
1. Love God
2. Serve God
3. Listen to God 
4. Obey God
then I'm calling the mommyhood thing a success! 


Because when I honestly evaluated everything else I REALLY, REALLY wanted for my kids, I realized those desires all came from list of four. 


I want my kids to be happy, give freely, love deeply, learn from their mistakes and life's mishaps, extend grace, rely on faith, forgive and be patient. Life is an adventure. It's a process, and if we rush to what we think is the "prize" (a career, a house, money, a car, a vacation, retirement?) too quickly, we'll have discovered that what the world tells us is the "prize" might turn out hollow and disappointing. We are filled with a God-shaped void for a reason!


Life is about building relationships -- with God and with others. That's not something that just happens, and so I hope I teach my children to slow down, do their best and enjoy every step of the way. They have already taught me so much, it's the least I could do! 

Make music, have fun!

This really takes me back. I remember popping bubble wrap at my Nana's house. I don't think we had enough money growing up to ever order anything that was shipped to our house, and I don't know what Nana ordered but it seems like we popped bubbles a lot at her house! 


So when we got a package this week, it was a major bonus that its contents were rolled in two large pieces of unspoiled, fat bubble wrap that seemed more precious than the cargo. The kids came up with a fun way to pop them. (Turn your volume down!) 

Our chalkboard wall

This has been one of those "wish we'd done it sooner" projects. For a couple years, we used a small dry erase board to list our activities for that week. On our fridge was our meal plan. And we kept complaining that we were losing our "honey-do" list and couldn't remember what we needed to do around the house (that's our excuse...we'll come up with another one soon!). So transformed a wall in our kitchen, and we all LOVE it. Everyone who visits comments on it, too, so I figured I would post it here in case you're in need of a new organization system!

We use it for our weekly schedule, easy access to phone numbers for the kids and babysitters, our menu, our honey-do list, our summer bucket list, our daily summer schedule, occasional doodles by Abby and something inspiring from what we're studying in the Bible. 

Can you think of other uses? Maybe we'll paint another wall! 

Before summer kicks the bucket...

This is a tradition we started last year: a bucket list. Not for when we kick the bucket, but things we want to do before summer "dies." Last year we picked 10 things and completed nine. Can you believe "make homemade ice cream" was the only one we didn't do last year? So it made it on this year's list. :-)  

Here's where we need your help! We came up with nine, and we're asking for nominations for No. 10 on our list (or No. 10, 11 and 12. Who knows...maybe we'll expand the list!). We try to keep them affordable, since we're on a tight budget, and naturally it must be fun! We like the outdoors, adventure, sports. 

So...what would you put in for ??? Leave your nomination below! 

Taking a break from sports???

Ryker had a rough end of season in football last year, as in one hard (from behind) tackle when a play was over. The other boy was bigger and ruthless and the illegal act went unnoticed. He was disheartened. But he played great all year, and we saw that he has great potential. Still, he doesn't want to play football this year, and I'm not pushing the issue because I'm honestly not a big fan of tackle football at this age especially since our local program doesn't have a concussion-prevention component to it. 


Here's the thing about Ryker, though. He's actually got great potential with just about any sport he tries. He's naturally gifted in sports, very coordinated and competitively motivated, while also being a great teammate to his buddies. When it comes to sports, he makes us very proud. 


Thankfully he's talented at other things, too, particularly reading. I love my little nerdy athlete! Ryker also very much enjoys Boy Scouts and camping, and those activities have been great for our whole family. The problem is that our around-the-calendar sports schedule allows for little time to camp and fully enjoying the Scouting activities. 


So when Ryker suggested not playing football this year, and then waffled between football and soccer for several weeks, I had an idea. How about no sports for the end of summer/start of the school year? Both sports play games on Saturdays or Sundays, and having a few months with weekends and most week nights free would be a REAL blessing. 


I thought he might agree. But his response, "You guys can go camping while I play soccer."


He does NOT want to sit out a season. He's 7. I think it could be a great time for family bonding, togetherness and a breather from the hectic-ness that has become our collective life of sports. Plus, he's never played outdoor soccer, so I'm thinking why start something new?


Here's my dilemma, I feel strongly about my position, and I know it would be good for us and good for him. However, part of me acknowledges that when school starts and the other boys are wearing their football jerseys and talking about upcoming games, he will be upset that he's not a part of a team. 


I should point out that if this were Abby, the decision would be easy. It wouldn't break her heart, and she would be over it. But she's a leader, and Ryker is very much a follower. Part of his identity is tied to fitting in with the boys. 


So, I must know....what would you do???

Breastfeeding in military uniform: Really? Who cares?

I recently blogged about the Time magazine cover on breastfeeding, and then linked to the story about these military moms nursing on Facebook. 


But I just can't get the story out of my head. Because there's more I want to say. Because darn it, my opinion and our attention shouldn't be on breastfeeding. It shouldn't be focused on a "controversial" military policy. My innermost desire is that we would hone in on basic human rights. That we would be aware. That we would drop petty opinions in lieu of "bigger issues" on our globe that should DEMAND our attention. And yet time after time, we turn a blind eye on what really matters and get fired up over some of the most ridiculous so-called problems in the world.  


Yes, breastfeeding is wonderful. I think it's the best way to feed babies. For some moms, it's the only way. Breasts have been over-sexualized, in my opinion, in America, to the point of ridiculousness. But like I said, it's not about breastfeeding. 


Yes, the military has a policy. And yes, these gals have disregarded it. Does it mean they disrespect their country? For God's sake, of course not! That's a huge leap! If they did, would they be serving in the military? Personally, I would not violate a dress code. Because to me, a job is a job, and if they can't provide me basic privileges to nurse or pump as a human being, it's simply not worth working for that employer. I'm a quitter, not a policy fighter. Never have been. But for the sake of argument, maybe these moms found the dress policy to be reasonable when they signed up for the military and then discovered how impractical and inconvenient it was once they were nursing. God knows my perspective on a lot of things changed once I became a mom. Should we assume they have no respect for the Air Force or their country because they nurse their babies in uniform? Because they seem to be fighting a policy that -- whether proven true or not -- they believe inherently discriminates against women? Should we encourage or participate in berating them? Really? Seek first the plank in your own eye before going after the speck in your sister's! I certainly couldn't throw the first stone, lest someone pick up a stone and examine my sinful life!


This also seems like another "excuse" to question whether women should even be in the military, not that I would ever want to fight side-by-side with men in combat. But today a woman can choose to, and the truth is the gender of a pilot dropping bombs on another country is hardly consequential, is it? The fact is they are there because they want to be there, and that policy was more than likely written before breastfeeding moms were allowed to serve in the military. Sometimes policies need to be changed and updated based on new circumstances. Period. 


But I also said it's not about military policy. 


Because the truth is eating is a basic human right. And to deny a baby the opportunity to eat because of a dress code is deplorable, especially as mothers in developing countries give birth and then cannot even produce breast milk because of malnutrition. Honestly, they and their babies are dying. Right now. One reason among many that are completely preventable: Starvation. So pardon me if I suggest that we divert our attention from this so-called controversy and look toward one worthy of our attention.


Here's a glimpse of what I mean by "bigger issues:"


Each year in Africa, 30 million women become pregnant, and 18 million give birth at home without skilled care.

Each day in Africa:
• 700 women die of pregnancy-related causes.
• 3,100 newborns die, and another 2,400 are stillborn.
• 9,600 children, after their first month of life and before their fifth birthday, die.


This is according to Opportunities for African Newborns, a publication developed by a partnership of UN agencies, donors, NGOs, professional organisations and individuals to be useful for all those who are committed to accelerating progress to save the lives of African mothers, newborns, and children.

"At least two thirds of newborns and a similar proportion of mothers and children could be saved with cost-effective interventions that already exist in the policies of most countries, but do not reach the poor," said Dr. Gertrude I. Mongella, President, Pan African Parliament, African Union. "Strengthening newborn health is a win-win-win for mothers, babies, and children. The price is affordable at an extra US$1.39 per person. Imagine if all the funds used for destruction and conflict in Africa were redirected to the health and survival of newborns."


Do we have enough people in our very country with $1.39 they could spare to save a life? That's a bigger issue.


Let's focus our energy on partnerships for a better world for babies who didn't choose the circumstances they were born into, not silly bickering over controversial breastfeeding images and whether or not someone's violation of a dress code makes them somehow less than human! 

A malnourished boy eagerly eating a meal of rice in Africa.

Where there's money, is there trust?

The best thing I've read all week is two short sentences toward the bottom of a top 10 list of best advice from a missionary couple leaving the field. It's too bad I can't take credit as the writer 'cause this is GOOD stuff: 


"Money doesn’t make character. It proves character."

How many people do you know who have little money but use is so well, constantly finding creative ways to give it back to God? And how many wealthy people do you know who squander it all away for themselves, giving nothing to the poor and have very little to show at the end of the year?

Just because people get money, doesn't mean they "get" money, does it? If more people "got" money, there would be less debt and more giving, and that to me, is just such a joyful thought!

When Dan and I first committed to be better stewards of our money, it was because we signed up for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.

We were unable to pay all of our bills, which included a ridiculous amount of debt in the form of more loans than I could count on one hand. Each month became more and more of a challenge....and then I left my job. Before we sold our house. Before we paid off our debt. Before we began tithing.

For six months, we lived paycheck to paycheck before our home sold. We were barely doing so before that period... you know, on two incomes. But then something truly miraculous happened: we began to pay off debt, didn't acquire any new debt and started tithing instead of simply giving an offering. Logistically, we shouldn't have lasted a month, but we went six months in this fashion with Christmas right in the middle.

We learned something then that (sadly) Dave Ramsey's class doesn't teach. TRUST.

Yes, we were learning more practical ways to handle our money. We saw many things -- debt, life insurance, car payments and giving -- in a whole new light that changed our lives in unfathomable ways.

But God saw that we needed to learn more than Dave could teach us. God wanted us to stop the worrying. To give it to him so that we could live our lives more peacefully and focus on what really mattered.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him,and he will make your paths straight.

And Matthew 6:25-34 (Jesus' words) says:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdomand his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It's been two months since I left my full-time job. We have spent the same amount of money on life's necessities, even paid off some medical bills. So it's a reminder to me, after years of coordinating the FPU classes while we so carefully followed all of Dave's advice, we'd forgotten to factor in God's wisdom. I treasure very much all we have learned in FPU and I believe EVERYONE should take this course. But sometimes God wants us to lean on his ways instead of the ways of the world. His ways don't always seem logical, but when we meet him there, he grows us, shapes us, makes us stronger and wiser.

In the years since we leaned so heavily on him, I've been craving those miraculous ways in my life. Oddly, I've done nothing radical for him so he couldn't show me. So here I am, on the edge of a proverbial cliff ready to step out and do the one thing that is so humanly hard: TRUST.