Overcoming my late-in-life pregnancy fears

     So, I'm probably about to have blog-rrhea. There was so much I wanted to write while pregnant, and the truth is...I was terrified to put my thoughts into writing during those months. 
     It was one of the most fearful seasons of my life.
     Fear...
     ...I would lose the baby. 
     ...something serious was wrong with the baby. 
     ...of our home sale falling apart. 
     ...that putting my kids back in public school was the wrong decision. 
     ...we wouldn't be able to afford another child. 
     ...of every single symptomatic issue I had in pregnancy. (Yes, I spent a lot of time on Google. Then I admitted I had a problem, promised to stay off the Internet and relapsed after about 24 hours. I realize I have issues!)
     ...that if I talked about any of this, something dreadful would happen. 
     ...I would gain too much weight, not be able to lose the weight after the pregnancy.
     ...I would succumb to food addictions.  
     ...of giving birth naturally, which I was trying to commit myself to doing but even my efforts left me doubting I could. 
     ...God would hate me or punish me for so many fears and doubts. 
      ...of my fears. (My anxiety disorder seemed so under control until this....all of this. It was overwhelming!)
     So I didn't write them. Or speak them. 
     But they haunted me. 
     ...at every doctor's appointment. 
     ...with every snide comment about my age in pregnancy. 
     ...in every headline about a stillbirth or studies about the dangers of pregnancy "late in life." 
     ...during the day and into the night. 
     ...as I listened to a horrendous podcast about depression in pregnancy (1 in 3 women suffer, almost always in silence) and wondered if it was me the author was describing. 
     ...with all the insomnia bouts that returned with a vengeance in my third trimester. 
     I was so glad God was speaking to me during this time and reassuring me. But me, in Amy-the-persistent-worrier fashion, continued to doubt and question. For every worry or fear, I grasped onto the one person who could bring me peace and reassurance. I had to keep going back to Him time and time again because I had such a restless spirit. I think He probably had me right where He wanted me. But I couldn't help shake my feelings of inadequate faith. It was touch and go. 
     I wish I could say that I had a great support network. I definitely had friends who were checking in on me and a husband who was there to listen to all my insecurities. 
     But for every friend who was supportive, there were three people who were negative. Some were silently protesting. Others whispered behind my back. I felt every sting. We received comments like, "How could you be so stupid (to get pregnant at your age)?" "Do you know how this happens?" and my all-time favorite said right to my face, "You're f----ed." 
     Many of these comments came from so-called friends. 
     It was so hard to share our news, not knowing what the reaction would be from a world where the attitudes about a fetus fall more along the lines of a "clump of cells," rather than my precious daughter, a life, a creation of God's. 
     An older woman having a baby seemed foolish. Heck, even I was skeptical in the beginning. It certainly wasn't our plan. 
     But it was our prayer. It was just a prayer from seven years prior...long forgotten. 
     At least we'd forgotten. 
     But someone hadn't. That one person — all holy and almighty — didn't forget the cries of my heart. And deep down, I trusted His timing. He said no to my prayer then. But He said yes to my prayer in this chapter. 
     So I trusted in Him, while so many others disappointed. 
     Faith. But a shaky, insecure, immature faith, to be sure. 
     Still, a glorious story unfolded in spite of my fears when my beautiful baby entered the world. 

Our sweet daughter, born in God's timing as His plan unfolds for our lives.

     She came naturally. But not without trouble. Her positioning was wrong. Labor, which I thought would be fast and not nearly as painful for all my preparation, didn't deliver on those promises. 
     But I was reminded that God doesn't promise life will be easy. He simply promises He will walk through it with us. 
     The birthing plan I had, the techniques I had practiced and prayed upon did not work out like I had hoped. But the scriptures I had written out on notecards gave me the hope and reassurance I need. Just as His word and my relationship with Him carried me through each day of the pregnancy. 
     Indeed, I was never alone. And I knew, no matter what happened to me or the baby, He would help me through it. After all, this was His plan, unfolding in His timing in answer to a deep prayer of my heart. 

The long awaited sonogram didn't provide the answers we were hoping for!

      I wasn't prepared for this. 
     Well, maybe a little. 
     A week before I stood staring with my jaw drooping to the floor, positive pregnancy test in hand, we finally made a decision to move forward with adoption. In an all-new way. All four of us decided we were equipped to handle a baby. We could logistically do it. We were mentally and emotionally prepared. We would go through classes and become a foster family to a newborn. It was settled. 
     And then the unthinkable happened. Six weeks shy of my 41st birthday I discovered that the two missed periods weren't symptomatic of pre-menapause. Or some fluke.
     Immediately, my doctor sprung into action. Blood test in the next three hours. Immediate appointment. She even came in at 8 a.m. on the first morning of her week off to see me. 
     Because. Because of my age, I am HIGH RISK. 
     Frankly, it seemed like more hype than necessary. I just ran a 10-mile race — seven more miles than I'd ever ran consecutively before 2014. I was down 22 pounds and feeling better than I did when I was in my 20s! I felt WAY more healthy than I did in my early pregnancies with the other two. 
     Didn't matter. Statistically speaking, I have a higher rate of complications. So does the baby. 
     Speaking of the baby's risks, I had taken prednisone in early December for a freaky outbreak of poison oak or ivy that was all over my arm and face. It was not a super high dose, but it wasn't a low dose either. 
     My doctor looked at the dates and decided rather than send me to a neonatal specialist, she would check closely for birth defects at our sonogram at 20 weeks. Specifically she mentioned mid-line birth defects of the heart, spine and possible cleft lip/palate. 
     That day came on Monday, and I was certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was going to show up and the results would indicate what a perfect baby I was carrying. That He would give me peace and comfort that the medicine hadn't done damage. 
     I should have known better. 
     She was wiggly and uncooperative. She spun to put her back to the "camera" and there were no good images to be had of her heart, lower spine or face. Everything else they could see just fine, especially the fact that she is a SHE. Except the places where we wanted reassurance. 
     I was angry. Because a few weeks earlier I had read a study that sonogram technology has been linked to autism/ADHD/neurological issues. I decided on the spot that we wouldn't do another one. So God HAD to show up. Right? Ugh! So why had he abandoned me?
     We had a wonderful chat with our doctor, who was honest and admitted there are risks doing another sonogram. She didn't do all the recommended sonograms on her own pregnancy. She supported our decision after she had already told us that everything they could see on the images suggested that this baby is very, very healthy. So am I and so is the pregnancy. 
     Dan and I have peace in that if there is a defect, we live in a community with the very best doctors and medical resources. Our girl will be fine. We will be fine. Even if everything isn't perfect. 
     Life is really never perfect anyhow. It's a little broken. And a little messy. And a little unpredictable. And a lot challenging. 
     Which is why we (especially me!) NEED God. That's where I should have known better. Each time I make a step of faith, I find myself in an imperfect spot. In other words, just because I trusted God and He helped me through a situation doesn't mean He's done with me. 
     Instead, there's another step I must take. Sometimes a bigger one or a harder one than the last. It's simple really. If I didn't need Him, I might let go. But He isn't letting me. This sonogram result is really a gift, reminding me that no matter how smart technology is and no matter how much I think I can handle something on my own, I'm really hopeless and helpless without Him by my side. 
     As I worked through my anger with Him for not providing this reassurance, this answer to prayer, I realized sometimes He's answering even bigger prayers of ours. I would never want to be estranged from Him, especially in my hardest hours. Especially as I continue to be bombarded with information — like statistics about stillborn babies born to older moms — and people's insane opinions that we're too old (and consequently stupid) to "let" this happen. (For the record, we had two types of infertility but just went on a super foods diet and cleanse with an amazing company!) 
     I have a confession to make, and it's hard for me to make it. Because it shows how vulnerable and untrusting and hard-hearted I am. These comments and stories and statistics have made me detached. Fear of losing the baby has made me less engaged in this pregnancy. Less excited. Less hopeful. Sadly, I realized today that a detached mom is never a good mom. 
     A baby is ALWAYS a blessing. I realized if the baby doesn't live a day outside the womb, it's still my job (and my greatest privilege) to be the best mom I can be until the point that I'm no longer a mom to this girl or my other children. 
     So I made a decision that I will begin bonding with this sweet, active girl right now. Just like my amazing son, who has been reading stories and books to the baby since before she could read. Yes, I think I will have faith like his. Faith like a child. 

It's more than "just" a house: Beginning our Good-bye

After being strung along for a week by potential buyers of our home, we discovered that the promises of a contract were empty ones. They changed their minds, even after their realtor texted details of their offer. Even after spending three days visiting our home for more than 90 minutes each time. Even after many questions, including some fairly odd requests.

The crumbling of this sale transpired the day after we broke the news to our children that a move was impending. One of them was delighted. The other was devastated. And we spent the evening recalling our favorite memories and reminding ourselves that a house didn't make us a family any more than a community defines us.

Honestly, I was angry and offended after the emotional roller coaster came to a halt this morning. It was rude, inconsiderate and immature. 

As I stewed, several friends reminded me that it was more than likely the compassionate hand of God protecting us. There is already an even-better, perfect offer outstanding on our home from a family that knows they will love our home and treasure it as they make new memories here. It came on the third day our house was listed — just after we prayed as a family that the first showing would result in a full-price offer. All we have to do is wait. Wait for His perfect timing and pray that it works out according to His plan. He's already been so gracious to us, so it's easy to have faith — even if it comes with some topsy-turvy anxiousness at times!

I was also reminded that while a house is just a building, it's significance really can't be ignored. It has a place on our family timeline. 

Four weeks ago when I tore down the kids' artwork and all the encouragement I've kept taped to my walls so that we could "stage" our house, I was reminded of how richly blessed I am. Each "thing" I tore down broke my heart that I had to remove it, but it also restored my faith. 

Even though it was hanging there in plain sight day after day, I rarely took the chance to remember. Taking each piece down allowed me to pause and think about some things I should have been thinking about. 

* The giant "You mean the WORLD to me!" poster that Abby made when I was having a down day. She was just 9 at the time and so insightful to recognize my hurt and sadness. Without saying a word, she quietly locked herself in her room and got to work on the infamous poster where the "O" in WORLD was made into the Earth and the "R" is a different shade of blue because she initially forgot to include it. Neither of us noticed. (We aren't great spellers around here!) 

* My reminder to keep dreaming: "Spend at least 15 minutes a day in deliberate thought about something bigger than your to-do list." 

* A card signed by my colleagues at the last place I worked. The place where I quit without a plan in place but just the desire to follow where God would lead me. Reading their comments about trusting God and chasing bigger plans reminds me that the adventure I was seeking has found me in Mighty Strong Girls and homeschooling. I never would have guessed! In my hardest days (and there are many!), I can be secure in the knowledge that I am doing exactly what I set out to do — pursuing a legacy and not a salary. (I wouldn't complain if God makes a way for the latter though!)

* A copy of the "Starfish Flinger."
The Starfish Story
Original Story by: Loren Eisley
One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?” The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.” “Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!” After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said … “I made a difference for that one.”

* A card from my new dear friend Jan Koch (in her trademark red ink) that is simply awesome. She calls me one of the most amazing women she has met, a blessing and a treasure. None are things I think of myself. Everyone deserves a friend who believes in all her dreams and thinks more highly of her than she does!

* A collage Abby made for me with her favorite Mighty Strong Girls messages that have helped change her life: Love, Princess Warrior, Lovely ladies, Show your inner colors, Wonderful women, You are loved, beYOUtiful, Shine, God made you very special, Graceful girls, Jesus died for you, God is almighty.

* A note that came with the first $1,000 donation Mighty Strong Girls received. "Thank you for your positive messages to young girls and for helping them realize who they are in Christ....."

* A hand-drawn flower from Hannah, one of the first girls attracted to Mighty Strong Girls, with the passage 1 Peter 3:3-4: Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and find clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

Hannah's mom has since joined the Mighty Strong Girls team. A widow and single mom to four children (three living at home), she is a source of inspiration to me and I'm glad to call her one of my closest friends!

* An article from Christian Standard called "It's all about the mission," which points out all the things we think wrongly about what makes a good leader. "The best of them tended to be quiet listeners who let other people make most of the decisions. They weren't particularly charismatic. Or funny. They weren't the toughest guys in the pack... They were, on the whole, a little boring." 

What a relief to read this article! I am an introvert, who is awkward at public speaking, slow to process and react, and not funny in the least! But still, there could be a place for me, I remember thinking as I read this. The article goes on to conclude: "It means process and philosophy beat personality. It means the not-super-funny and the not-most-attractive-in-the-room can be most effective. It means character matters more than charisma. It means your personality doesn't have to be larger than life — your vision and your commitment to it do."

Yes, it's just a house but it's been home to more than our memories. It's held our laughter, our tears, our hopes, our dreams and our inspiration. This house represents change — beautiful transformation that took place in our hearts as a family.

When we first moved in this house in 2008, we had just made some major life changes. I had recently quit my job at the local newspaper where I had launched a magazine. We were downsizing, incorporating our spending/saving habits into our legacy, and making family our priority. We were "baby Christians." Here, we were challenged, put to pressure and made more beautiful. We became debt-free (except the house), we grew in our faith, our children were both baptized, Dan got severely ill, I quit my job, we made family our priority, we decided to homeschool and my dreams of making a difference in the world were realized with Mighty Strong Girls.

If it weren't for the sale of our house, I wonder how long I would work to the backdrop of the "inspiration" hanging on my walls but forgotten in my heart. Change, my dear friends, is a GOOD thing. It stirs us. It moves us. It improves us. Sometimes physically moving is the only thing, the only way we can make the transformation the Lord desires for us.

For this move, I am praying we will once again become debt-free, grow in our faith, incorporate our finances into our legacy, make family our priority and continue to make a difference in the world... one starfish at a time! 

We are overcomers!

A few days ago, my super brave, super awesome cousin Anne posted something raw and authentic on Facebook that made me think about how I see myself and how women see and treat their bodies.

She agreed to let me share what she had to say: 

     Why am I so nervous to post this…
     I have a laziness problem and I know it.
     Let me start by stating what I want.
     My objective is…to be healthier in every way. I want to get into shape by becoming more active, eating less and more healthy, and to stop pretending that I can change tomorrow when I need to change immediately. I have plenty of family history to prove that I’ll end up with diabetes (or something worse) much sooner than I realize and I have to stop kidding myself that I can do it alone. How would I really like to tackle this? I’d be able to afford a fat farm and disappear for 3-6 months only to emerge as I should be and no one would have to tell me I look great or ask me how I’m doing along the way. I know that’s not how it works, but I have this weird problem with being complemented when I don’t think I should be. I put myself in this situation, and I don’t want anyone asking me if I’ve lost weight. I want to get healthy in my own little bubble and just go about business without having any focus placed on me. That being said…
     This is a way for me to admit to myself that I have to stop pretending I can motivate myself on my own and that things are not going to change by ignoring the situation. I’m not stupid. I know what and how I’m supposed to get in shape, but I have a serious motivation problem and I need help. I’ve started all kinds of diets and workouts, and I’ve tried relying on people to provide accountability before but something always happens and I (and those trying to motivate me) give up. Please spare me the lecture about how this decision has to come solely from me (or don’t), but I when I was active I was being coached and yelled at all along the way and rarely did anything just because I wanted to do it. Cross-country, track, basketball, volleyball, cheerleading…about the only thing I actually tried to work on outside of actual practice was choir and that didn’t require me to put down the cheeseburger.
     So, I figured I would crowd-source my accountability. Maybe if I opened up about my problems to Facebook, then I could find a number of people that would be willing to remind me not to be lazy on a daily basis. I need a coach, and I can’t afford a live-in trainer. I even considered posting BEFORE pictures and listing my statistics in this post, but I’m WAY too scared to do it because it’s bad. I mean, REAL BAD. I’m glad I missed my 15 year high school reunion and I’m scared to go to my husband’s 20 year reunion in 2 weeks because all I can think about is his classmates going, “Why is he with HER?” Anyways, I’ll end with this. This is not an attempt to fat-shame myself into losing weight. If you’re happy with yourself, then more power to you. I am not happy and therefore, need to change. Who wants to help?
     Eek! I'm so nervous to hit the post button.

     I so resonate with Anne's words! I don't talk about it, because
     1. I hate the weight but worse, I hate how the extra weight makes me feel. I FEEL unhealthy. I don't have the energy to do the things I need to do. Migraines keep me in bed three days a month. That's ridiculous! Life is to dang short! Body aches and pains, sinus issues, etc., etc.
     2. My husband says I'm hot like every day. I think he really means it. And I'm jealous that he is able to love me when I think I'm unlovable. I KNOW to do anything successfully I need to love myself first. Without that, it's not going to work. And yet, telling an overweight woman to be happy when she's clearly not is like picking up Legos while my kids are in the middle of building a replica of Hogwarts. 
     3. We live in a world that values perfection. It's hard enough to live with a problem that shows itself every time you put on a bathing suit, or a pair of jeans, or heck, even a parka, but then when you stumble, it's harder to pick yourself up and get back in the game. 

     But I'm going to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Anne and anyone else who wants to join us. I'm going to be real, like really real. So it could get ugly. It will probably be scary. It might be sad. It most definitely could get hilarious. I hope. Won't you please join us, recruit more and come be part of a new thing -- women helping women, women helping their daughters or their mothers to be overcomers!
     I don't just want to tackle the weighty issue of size but really the whole issue of who I am that encompasses how I feel, think, operate, move and more. Here it is again...it's the whole health thing, the holistic journey. I'm ready! Let's go!

Answering the call to pray

     God has really been speaking to me lately about prayer. 
    If you are skeptical that God actually speaks to people, be reassured that when we take the time to draw close to Him, He absolutely does! But it requires a committed relationship, and as you grow closer, His faithfulness is absolutely breathtaking. Not long ago, I believed that ordinary people did not hear from God, but prayer was the breakthrough that increased my faith. 
     I have always cherished prayer. It's not just a "thing" I do now and then but an open pattern of communication between me and the Lord. Lately, He's been bringing a new message about prayer to me. 
     Get on your knees. 
     Stay in prayer until you have peace. 
     Rest in me. 
     The sermons at church, my daily Bible reading and just about everything I come across is used by God to deliver the message to me that He wants me to REST in the power of prayer. 
     As if that wasn't enough, one my prayer partners/intercessors sends these quotes to me with no knowledge of the things God is speaking to me: 
     "I have so much to do that I spend several hours in prayer before I am able to do it." ~ John Wesley

     "Prayer is the greatest power that God has put into the hands for service -- at least I find it so. But, the dynamic lies that way to advance the kingdom." ~ Mary Slessor

     So I decide that in addition to my daily Bible and devotion readings in the morning, I need to increase my prayer. My goal is 30 minutes every morning, and I don't exactly set a watch. I simply pray over every person who is on my heart and mind. And to make sure I'm not overlooking anything, I began writing down the people/issues I am praying over and at least some of my prayer in a journal. 
     It may sound like a lot of work, but it's not! I've done this on and off before, but for the first time, I have a dedicated prayer journal. 
     And get this. I'm on day three, and He is answering prayers! It's absolutely amazing to see Him at work so mightily. 
     Here's one example: On day one, I prayed for someone to help me with Mighty Strong Girls work, specifically managing the blog, and on day two, a woman emailed me about this very subject! I asked her, and she (in prayer) accepted!
     I know not every prayer is going to be answered yes, and some are much more complicated than that. In fact, the prayers I have for Mighty Strong Girls aren't always yes/no prayers. Our whole board and a team of prayer warriors is praying daily for discernment, timing, favor, justice and wisdom over this ministry. Yes, we believe God answers our prayers. Of course the blog would keep on going without a manager, but God has a purpose and a plan that involves how He's called me and Sarah, and because we both sought Him, His purposes can be fulfilled and the blog will be that much better. Simply because we said yes to prayer. We'd love it if you would join the Mighty Strong Girls team in prayers...we covet prayer!
    I can also -- in just three days -- see signs of God's fingerprints in relationships, signs that He wants to heal not just physical ailments but also our brokenness. In fact, I'm praying specifically for my children to become more respectful. My daughter was put to the test yesterday, and more prayers were answered!
     If you enjoy prayer, I invite you to meet me here and pray with me on the blog. If you have a prayer request, leave it in the comments, and I'll add it to my list. A 30-minute investment in prayer can produce so much fruit in our lives! 
     Here is an excerpt from my written prayer this morning:
     Lord, your answer to prayer is fueling my faith and lighting it on fire! What a blessing...I praise you, the author and perfecter of life and love. Help strengthen me for your mission to bring depression and other tough issues to light -- boldly with truth and for the sake of the gospel. Give me a heart that meditates on gladness, goodness, and gratitude. Thank you for your faithfulness and all the good things you give us to meditate on for your glory! Keep my eyes ahead -- not to the left or right -- but firmly fixed on Jesus and what you're calling me to do. Amen. 

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. 
Colossians 4:2

Confessing my survival mode

     I have a confession. I am apparently a tad bit fearful of change. Anxious. It makes me nervous. My palms are sweating as I begin to think about it.  
     The worst part is admitting this. Confession of this sort is kind of a big deal, and I'd rather hold onto this little shameful secret. I live most of my life pretending I'm carefree, and well, that's a lie. 
     So I'm admitting to you today that I am uptight. And I don't like change. Strange, huh? From a woman who puts together a one-woman mission trip to Africa in four weeks? I do LIKE adventures and though I do struggle sometimes, I am pretty decent at being obedient. Unfortunately, neither of those facts changes the truth that I have some real struggle with change. 
     It's important for me to work through these feelings right now because we are getting ready to list our home for sale. It's a process that started over a year ago when the I sensed God was urging me to, "Get ready for a move." 
     After joining a new church earlier this year, I thought for sure God's message was just about moving to a new church. That process was painful, difficult and challenging. God and I wrestled through emotions and my disobedience as I wanted so much to hold on to something God wanted me to let go of. Finally, after hearing clearly where God wanted me and my family to worship, I started getting content. I could ease into this. I was just getting comfortable. 
     Until our family was hit with a financial reality check. The little pie chart that Dave Ramsey uses for financial budgets was off-balance. We were spending too much of our income (er, uh, my husband's income) on housing. Two years of me with virtually no income had caught up with our family.
     It was time to reassess God's message. 
     Fortunately it was an easy decision to make. We NEED to move. We aren't living practically. We aren't living obediently. And we aren't able to do all the other things God is calling us to do with so much of our monthly income wrapped up in a mortgage payment. 
     The hard part is the preparation. Getting the house ready when one room is still in the process of renovation is a frustrating proposition. And our schedules are nightmares. But little by little, we are making strides, and hopefully in two or three weeks, there will be a for-sale sign up in our front yard. 
     As we walk through these steps, it occurs to me that I may be giving up more than just a home. I went from no worries to amped up anxiety like a car revving an engine. We don't need to live in our small community because I am homeschooling. That will help us find the best house for our budget. 
     This means more changes than just our dwelling. It may mean a new community. It may mean giving up the church I just joined that I love so much. It will mean new neighbors and friends, and possibly living an hour away from the best friends I've ever had in my entire life. 
     And, well, (GULP) that kind of change feels uncomfortable. It makes me think I should worry just a little. Even though I know I shouldn't. Even though I know that I should and I do trust God entirely. Even though I know it will all work out for our good and His glory. It doesn't stop my flesh from feeling fleshly things....like the stress of change. 
     Yes, I know that I know about the spiritual stuff. I know this is where I get to CHOOSE to have peace. But I thought you should know that even though I know, and even though it's the freedom I am privileged to experience because of the cross, I still must take it up with God daily. 
     Every day, I have to start with a prayer. I call it my survival mode. It's how I will make it from here to there. It's how I get from despair to joy and from chaos to peace. And sometimes, truth be told, I am in survival mode all day long, calling on God and drawing near because the human part of me still wants to freak out about the possibilities of the impending changes. 
     I needed to out myself, because it seems my family is virtually ready to do it anyway. They know I worry, as my mother is a worrier and her mother before her. Oddly enough, the sermons at my church have been focused on the sin of anxiety. So I'm dealing with it. I'm keenly aware, and I've got my eyes fixed upon Jesus, who heals and restores. He is my ultimate survival mode. 

Girls need heroes

     About a year ago, I happened across the Instagram account of a girl on my daughter's softball team. Turns out, she was in her grade at school. If I'm doing my math right, that would have made her 9 or 10, maybe 11, at the time. 
     I was stunned. 
     First, her account was public. Anyone could view her profile and all her posts/photos/comments. 
     Second, everything she posted reeked of desperation to be loved.
     Her professed relationship status (not a mandatory part of your Instagram profile, by the way) was "used to be taken" with lots of sad faces. She had photo after photo of handwritten notes about her unrequited love for a boy in her grade. She took every opportunity to let anyone who would give her attention know that she still yearned for her ex-boyfriend and would take him back in a heartbeat.
     Third, what on earth is a child this young even doing on social media. Ugh! This kind of thing just annoys me! If you give your elementary or middle school age kid a phone and access to the internet (which I think is dangerous and unwise to begin with but if you decide they are responsible enough) police it, hover like a helicopter, comb through everything daily, watch over them like a hawk. They are children. It's your job! Help them discern what and how to post. Protect them from being vulnerable and victimized! 
     Anyway, I talked to my husband about this, as he was assistant coaching the team. He said this girl made him feel uncomfortable in her desperation for his attention, baiting him for remarks about her appearance and constantly needing to be validated that included being on her cell phone texting people if she couldn't get anyone in the dugout to talk to her. She had no sense of boundaries in relationships.
     In that entire season, I never saw a dad. I never heard mention of a dad. Not that she didn't have one. I have no idea. But he was not present. 
     Her story is hardly unique or new. Girls whose dads (or stepdads or grandpas) aren't around or available are naturally desperate for masculine love. Shouldn't this be predictable? 
     Well, we can simply observe, shake our heads and be critical. OR, we can all decide to do something to come alongside these girls. It's not their fault! 
     Of course this girl craves love. We were ALL built to desire love. 
     Why do dads matter? 
     — 21 percent of 12-15-year-olds said their No. 1 concern was not having enough TIME with their parents, while only 8 percent of parents thought they didn't have enough time with their kids. 
     — Girls who live with their mothers only have significantly less ability to control impulses, delay gratification and have a weaker sense of conscience (right or wrong). 
     — When a father is involved in his kids' day-to-day activities, they are more likely to confide in him and seek his emotional support. 
     — Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention. 
     Again, these are all statistics gathered for Dr. Meg Meeker's amazing book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know. 
     How can you really live out the role of a strong father? 
     According to Meeker, you can become her hero. In fact, she's naturally chosen you, and she cannot survive without a humble hero who is her rescuer and defender. 
     "She needs a hero to navigate her through a treacherous popular culture. And you should know that being a twenty-first century hero is tough stuff. It means walking into embarrassing, uncomfortable or even life-threatening situations in order to rescue your daughter,"  says Meeker.
     As much as it irritates me that the media and popular culture is responsible for objectifying and sexualizing girls, it angers me that it demasculinizes men and boys. They've made men appear weak, spineless and without purpose.
     It's no wonder our men aren't sure how to be a hero anymore. Culture is robbing them of a key component of their God-ordained identities, just as we are deceiving girls about their value in God's eyes. 
     It's my prayer that events like this weekend's Father-Daughter Gala and others will begin to heal the past hurts that have come between relationships and seal a bond between dads and daughters that is filled with redemption and hope. 
     As Father's Day approaches, I celebrate the awesome dad my husband is for his daughter. He builds her up, joins her in the things that interest her and expresses love for her that encompasses all of who she is. 
     Let's pray for a courageous generation of dads to come to the rescue of ALL girls. We need for men to intervene when girls are young and begin speaking truths into their lives! They don't have to be dads; mentors and father figures like grandpas or uncles can be very effective, too. Godly men, it's time to be courageous; we support and celebrate you! We are fighting this battle together. Let's do it radically and with conviction! 

My take on Coca-Cola

Sometimes I like to stick my neck out there and offer an opinion when there's a controversy. Other times, I open my mouth when I should have kept it shut. And still others, I keep quiet when I should say something. 

I am trying harder to lean on God when it comes to these matters, but I cannot help but notice and speak up about the Coca-Cola advertising controversy. 

To me, the reaction to this ad represents the hate culture of America that leads to the acceptance of bullying and the increasingly pervasive social class system emerging here where anyone diverse must be forcefully pushed back to the bottom.

It happens on playgrounds. It happens in board rooms. It happens in politics. And it happens in churches. 

This isn't a junior high mentality, folks. We should be concerned because it's becoming an "American" mentality.

The $8 million ad spurred this comment among others: "If we cannot be proud enough as a country to sing 'America the Beautiful' in English in a commercial during the Super Bowl, by a company as American as they come — doggone we are on the road to perdition," wrote former Rep. Allen West from Florida on his website.

He further called this ad "truly disturbing." 

What's more sad is that my knee-jerk reaction to it was much the same. I thought, "Why is a song about America being sung in different languages?" So ingrained are the messages of our society that a certain language, a certain "look," a certain attitude, a certain skin color, a certain religion are superior. 

It's times like this I'm glad I'm an introvert. I paused, reflected on my own opinion, realized how egregious it was and said a quick prayer seeking forgiveness. 

God created ALL people, and He loves them all. The pride of our culture should be that we look upon others with eyes like God does — loving and accepting everyone no matter how they look, what color their skin, their language or their religion. Even if they worship another god or gods.

Yep, I just said that. God loves them, despite their sin. Just like He loves me and you. Despite our sin. We are all sinners separated from God.

We should be proud to be a nation founded by the principals of freedoms that attracted a diverse people who can live in peace side-by-side. It is our heritage! How far we have come when diversity is no longer a beautiful America! 

Brush politics aside and see that we are talking about what it means to love people. The most important commandment! 

The lyrics to this song proclaim that "God shed His grace" on us, so how hypocritical are we to not overflow grace on the very soil where we live?

Ours is a loving God, and He leads us by example. Jesus showed us what a picture of loving God and loving others looked like, and it didn't put nationality or politics above human respect and dignity. Ever. 

Shame on me. And shame on us and our future as a country.

I do have one criticism of this advertisement. But it's not solely for Coca-Cola. Shame on us for spending $8 million on one advertisement.  I think that is just the cost of the time, not including the production costs that were invested for this 60-second story to unfold.

My husband was following several comedians and well-known Christian music artists on Twitter during the game. At one point, he read a tweet aloud that we could feed all the hungry in the world twice over with the money spent on this one sporting event. I tried to find the information this morning but couldn't. My guess is that isn't a one-time feeding but a lifetime of solving hunger. Food for thought. 

Sexy Superbowl Sunday

All men are big, fierce, unafraid, cocky, athletic and think about sexy, half-naked women whose bodies are the only thing they are interested in. 

This is the predominant message your children might receive if they tune in with the other 108 million people watching the Superbowl on Sunday. 

It's the biggest sporting event of the year and close to the most televised event of the year. 

THE MESSAGES ARE CLEAR, LOUD AND STRONG. 

I have to be honest, I haven't thought much about football this year.  I'm not entirely sure I can tell you who is playing this weekend — a fact that would truly embarrass my son, so please don't tell him I admitted in my blog!

I do, however, LOVE watching my own son playing the game and cheering on his team. I really, really do. I also sincerely like the game. The exception being how it seems to perpetuate these ridiculous societal expectations about gender identity that I often find myself "undoing" later with my children.

The truth is I'm usually too tired or busy to watch more than a couple high school and professional games in any given year. Usually, I'm listening to professional games while I'm doing something else — like designing the Mighty Strong Girls magazine or working on a craft with my daughter. It's not that I don't enjoy football; it's more like it just falls to the bottom of my priorities. 

This Sunday, I WILL be tuning in to watch the Superbowl — along with tens of millions of other people. And I know for a fact, we will see perhaps countless examples of masculine stereotypes threatening to teach my son what it means to be a man. The ads will make this "tough guy" persona look like a valuable trait. (Insert mom groan here.)  There will be almost as many feminine stereotypes paraded in front of the camera by cheerleaders and fans and even advertisers.  Our daughters and beloved sisters will be "on sale" this weekend, showing us all what it looks like when a woman's value is the outside package and teaching our sons that a girl's sexuality makes her a "good catch."

Maybe I'm crazy....some are nodding in agreement right now, but it seems like these stereotypes are more pervasive than ever these days in the media. Perhaps that's because we live in an era that more than ever has an "anything goes" media mentality.

My favorite player loves all sports, the color pink, praying,
watching and participating in theater, reading and shopping.
Sometimes he paints his nails, and he loves babies and
younger kids.

We stumbled upon some free Rams exhibition game tickets in late summer while visiting St. Louis Magic House for my son's birthday. So we started the football season excitedly celebrating his ninth birthday watching a ridiculous show of machismo unraveling before our bewildered eyes, much of it scripted on videos of the players and others spontaneous from the field and the fans. On the flip side, the cheerleader video was like a PSA glamorizing eating disorders and objectification. My husband and I tried our best to avoid undue attention to this highly sexual spectacle unfolding on jumbotrons in front of the four boys with us, but couldn't help but turn to each other with jaws dropped afterward. We promised later we wouldn't return to a pro football event with our son. 

THE MESSAGES WERE CLEAR, LOUD AND STRONG. 

But here's the truth: There are other messages. More than ever, there are more messages about Jesus. More messages about how we should love ALL people, even and especially people who are different than we are. These messages aren't always as loud or strong, but they are there.  Praise the Lord for that!

Here's some more good news. They start in the home. Parents are still the biggest influence on their children. If you aren't talking to your children about gender stereotypes and their inherent danger, please start! Children NEED to know from you that there isn't a darn thing wrong with the way God made them. He is the master Creator and His plan will prevail. Of course, the coolest part is that when we enter into a relationship with Him through Jesus, we can begin to see why He made us the way He did, and how we can use our unique gifts to serve Him and find true happiness. It's a beautiful thing when we can drop the assumptions about how a girl should be and how a boy should be and just BE. Just be the person who God created, and then encourage others to do the same! 

Here's some more good news. You can use the Superbowl to start a conversation or dissect the messages in the advertisements, which helps break down stereotypes and gets to the heart of what drives them: Money. 

I admit I watched the Budweiser commercial that's already viral with the puppy and the horses. It's touching, and it will clearly tug at the heartstrings of both girls and boys. It's refreshing to see this type of story unfold. 

But don't forget, no matter how awesome the story, that is still a paid message by a company that is SELLING YOU SOMETHING.

No matter what you are watching or viewing in any media (television, movies, online ads, magazines, etc.), ask yourself some questions: 

1. Who paid for this message? 
2. What are they saying? 
3. What are they selling? 
4. Does this information tell me anything about their product? 
5. Can I make a decision based on this information? 
6. What other information do I need? 
7. Where can I get more information? Are they willing to share more information about the actual product they are selling?
8. Does this company care more about making the best possible product or making me buy their product at all costs? 

Enjoy your food. Enjoy your football. Enjoy your family. 

xoxoxo,
Amy

P.S. I know the Rams aren't in the Superbowl this year. Right???

Teenage rebellion

     In case you didn't know, my husband is pretty amazing. Like most of us, he's done some things in his past that he regrets. Well, maybe. Those things we do, they make us who we are. They make us realize what we need; they can often turn us toward Jesus. Some never go through this phase; others breeze right through it and a few spend their lives  feeding sins and addictions. Not one of us isn't a broken, sinful mess. I'm so thankful my husband owns his mistakes and his past, and even more, I'm thankful he's living an authentic and pure life turned toward God.
     Recently we applied to adopt. I can see already it will be a journey that takes us back a few chapters in life. 
     On the application was a question: Have either of you ever been arrested? 
     It's possible if we answered no, nobody would ever know it was a lie. Because there isn't much of a record. Not much of a trail to follow. But we prayed about it, and decided honesty was best. It's what we preach to our kids, and we need to live it, too.
     A week after we submitted the application, the agency asked for more information about the arrest. A document, if one exists, from the arresting agency and an explanation from Dan. 
     What he wrote was so beautiful, I wanted to share it. Because so many of us have been where he was. So many of us have been rescued. And even more will want and need saving. I hope his words encourage you!

     Shortly after high school I found myself in a situation that many young people find themselves in. I had no idea what to do with my life, and not much ambition to find out. I had tried my hand in community college, but found out that not being a self-starter was not going to equal success at the college level. I soon found myself gravitating towards other kids in my community who were in the same frame of mind. I eventually took to drinking with them. On the evening on October 13, 1995, my friends and I decided to start our weekend off with some beers, before heading to another friends for a party. In our infinite teenaged wisdom, we decided to drink a few beers in my car while driving from one end of town to the other. We had no regard for others around us and made no attempt to hide our ridiculous illegal behavior. It was at this point that a concerned citizen who was witness to our actions called the police and then followed us until a squad car could pull us over. I was ticketed for multiple violations that evening. I wasn’t wearing my seat belt, I couldn’t find my insurance card, I was illegally consuming and transporting alcohol, and since I wasn’t 21, I was arrested for a Zero Tolerance violation. After the dust settled and I received help from a lawyer my mother worked for, I had every charge dismissed with the exception of the illegal transportation of alcohol. I was ticketed and fined $150, and given 6 months court supervision. I successfully completed the court supervision, and subsequently all record of my wrongdoing was expunged from my record.

Through this I feel I have learned a great many things. I have learned the importance of having a solid direction in life. I hope to pass on to my children a desire to do things well and completely, by trying to impart this trait into my kids I would hope to keep them from falling into the same habits I did out of high school.

I also have to admit that I spent a long time feeling anger at the concerned citizen who called the police on me that night. In the coming years I began to understand that the concerned citizen was actually a guardian angel. There is no telling what I may have done with my life had I not been caught in the act when I was. I could have hurt any number of people with my brazen disregard for the law. Now that I am a husband and a father, I can honestly say that I would do exactly the same thing if I were to witness this same senseless act. So through the years, I feel I learned to not only take responsibility for my actions but to forgive that person in my heart for calling the police.

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

     As you have approached this your 11^th birthday, I’ve watched the transition beginning. A girl adopting the traits of a young woman. It seems opportune for me to share with you some of my words. Words of reflection. Words of love. Words of encouragement. Maybe even words of inspiration.

     You already know that I never wanted to be the mom of a daughter. I wanted boys — two boys to be exact. They seemed somehow easier, less complicated. Being the mom of boys, I figured, would give me more confidence in my own parenting abilities. It would make me “look good.” I'm glad you and I can laugh about this now!

     God clearly had other plans.

     You were His plan. I was His plan. For us, He had an amazing vision. That you would challenge me to see the world differently. That you would allow me a glimpse into the world of ADHD. That you would inspire me to see others as the beautiful, unique creations they are. That you would allow me to love without judging. That you would give me grace as we stumbled along this mother-daughter thing without worrying about whether we were doing it “right” but that we would do it as a team — constantly extending grace to one another as we messed up.

     Even in my wildest dreams, I never saw you, Abby. I never imagined I would have a daughter like you. As I write this, I try to think of adjectives for your awesomeness but they seem somewhat constricting — bold, strong, feminine, creative, unique, infectious, compassionate. These won’t do. They box you in. You are you. And you are amazing. There aren’t adequate adjectives for you, my dear.

     God has such great plans. He is the Mighty One.

Because of you, I loved Katie when I didn’t even know her. Because of you and Katie, I was open to hearing God when He gave me a glimpse of His vision for girls — Mighty Strong Girls — and invited me (incapable, imperfect, despicable me) to be part of His amazing plans.

     Abby, it’s because of you. But it’s because you allow God to flow through you. God is at work in you, and if you allow Him, He will always be at work in you.

     To you, Mighty Strong Girls is awesome because it’s a publication, because it reminds girls that they are wonderfully and uniquely made, because it’s a place where creativity and uniqueness reign.

     What you probably don’t know about Mighty Strong Girls is that it has a list of values. Values, as you know, are the characteristics, traits and behaviors that guide our lives. As I wrote the values for Mighty Strong Girls, I was thinking of you.

     And so for your 11^th birthday, I want to begin a tradition of wishing these for you.

     I wish for you to: 

·      Always value a positive, healthy and Biblical portrayal of girls and women.
    

I hope you will understand always why it’s not healthy to objectify another human being. That means, I hope you never think of or treat a person like a “thing.” Sometimes we do this in subtle ways, like using Photoshop to make a girl have plastic-looking skin or shave a few inches from her waist or remove her beautiful freckles.
Nobody likes to talk about it, but the truth is sometimes girls sexualize other girls, too. That means we believe another girl’s worth comes from her sex appeal, or how desirable (ie., pretty, gorgeous, hot, sexy) she is to boys. People aren’t meant to be consumed, and when we use words like this, it reduces them to “eye candy.” Candy is a thing, not a person. How we portray and view each other must always be centered on the human element of who they are and who God designed them to be!

·       Value purity.
This is a big concept that we will talk about a lot as you get older. But for now, it means dressing in a way that accentuates your inner self and doesn’t draw excessive or inappropriate attention to your physical being. More importantly, it means guarding your innocence. God loves His children, especially the young children. Because they aren’t overly critical, judgmental or poisoned by the toxic effects of the world. Your innocence is a gift. Cherish it and embrace your childhood for as long as you want! Don’t watch shows or movies designed for adults; don’t listen to music that de-values life; don’t surround yourself with people who want you to do more grown-up things to be acceptable to them. Being pure not only honors God, but it also will allow you to rise to be the best version of you that God designed. You will love yourself and live with fewer regrets when you choose purity!

• value authenticity and honesty. 
  I know this is an area you struggle with, and I understand why! Sometimes I make you feel shameful for things like taking food into your room at night, breaking the rules, etc. I hate what that does to you! No matter how shameful someone makes you feel about being honest, never shy away from telling the truth. Sometimes shame helps us see the bad behaviors we have that God wants us to change, and even though it feels uncomfortable, it’s a good thing for us. Sometimes shame just makes us want to keep covering up lies with more lies. Even if your behavior is a sin, God doesn’t want you to hide it from others. He cannot help you overcome bad behavior if it’s hidden in the dark. I want you to never feel so ashamed about something that you need to lie. Be honest, and God will meet you where you’re at. He will bring people in your life to help you conquer whatever stronghold is causing you to stumble. He loves you immensely, even when you fail. Don’t be afraid of failing occasionally. Never forget that you are never a failure to God or to me just because you sometimes fail! I just read a story about Mother Theresa saying that when our failures bring us closer to God, it's like being "kissed by Jesus." What a beautiful picture of the grace of being real.
  
  
• value prayer. 
  Part of being an honest and authentic person is living in the light. That means sharing your life with God and people you trust. Always keep an open dialogue with God. You can talk to Him throughout the day. You can talk to Him during devoted times of the day — morning, evening and at meals. You can even talk to Him in a prayer journal. Journals are awesome, because you can go back and see how He has answered prayers. It’s a great tool to grow your faith!
  
  
• value a world view.
  Don’t be afraid to educate yourself about the past and the present. It’s important to know the issues that others face. Girls just like you living in poverty, exploitation (remember those children working in toy factories in China!) and hunger. It’s important that you know girls like you are living on the other side of the globe with diseases like HIV/AIDS, pnueumonia and cholera which are not their fault and they are easily treatable if they have access to medicine.
  It’s important to know your past, too. You should know the struggles that women faced to give you the rights you have today. It’s important to embrace all of this with an attitude of gratitude, rather than bitterness and anger.  Never forget God has a plan for you and for oppressed girls across the globe. If you thank Him for what He has already done and what He’s doing, He will reveal to you how He is at work in these situations. He never leaves any of us! When you have that clear vision, you will be able to hear Him when He calls you to do His work — whether it’s right here or in another country or culture. Not only can you be part of the solution, I believe you ARE! God wants to use His people to change the world. That’s you, my dear Abby!
  
• value creation of local and global communities of like-minded believers.
  Use the Internet, your blog, the resources of Mighty Strong Girls and your creativity not only to connect with other girls like you but to communicate with them. When someone does or shares something with you that has an impact on you and your faith, let her know! That affirmation girls can (but often don’t) graciously give one another builds you all up and creates an army that will be unstoppable! Be a girl who lifts up and doesn’t tear down other girls. 
  
• value discipleship. 
  Never ever be afraid to share the Gospel. Sometimes that’s telling someone about Jesus. Other times it’s sharing your own testimony about how God has worked in your life. And every day you can be His disciple when you allow Him to use you to be the hands, feet and mouth of Jesus!
  
• value a commitment of service. 
  Jesus was the ultimate servant! Never stop thinking about how you can serve others. I feel I don’t need to say much about this, because you already know. You are so giving and compassionate, and that’s what makes you an equal member of the body of Christ. Serving will encourage and inspire not only others but also you! Nothing is more awesome than seeing the Body of Christ come alive when the members share resources with one another. When you serve, you become a living example of Jesus. Serving is contagious when you do it with joy in your heart!
  
• value daily Bible reading. 
  I know this is also a struggle for you, but stay in the word of God. This is one way He speaks to you! If you can’t stay focused on it, use the audio Bible, read devotions, read stories and graphic novels based on the word. There are many creative ways you can continue to be in His word. It’s so exciting to get encouragement from Him, but it’s also through this commitment that you can be sure He is giving you directions for your life. Trust God with prayer and Bible reading, and watch Him do huge things in your life and in the world. 

I love you, dear Abby.

From your blessed momma