It amazes me sometimes.
That it took me 40 years to realize a few nuggets that are the key to successful living. It's hard to admit it, but I find myself face palming over my lack of common sense. Probably it's more likely that I know, but I don't really want to live it out.
For years, I've been disappointed in my health, blaming all kinds of circumstances and people for my shortcomings and weaknesses (not eating right and not exercising enough, chiefly) that were exacerbating my medical and physical conditions. Something changed this summer. It was major. It was radical.
But it was also kind of simple. Crazy simple.
It started on the inside, and the results are beginning to show on the outside, too.
Here are three things I did that transformed my life, in this order. The ordering is kind of important!
1. I ACCEPTED ME.
I decided that I was enough for my husband and my children. That they loved me in spite of all my shortcomings. They loved me with the 30 or so extra pounds I was carrying. They loved me despite my headaches and the days I spent in bed because of them. They loved me even when I had major reactions to food and felt miserable. Not only that, but I decided if God could accept me, what was I waiting for? I accepted myself as a child of God -- loved just where I was, flaws, imperfections and all. Because He does!
It was simple. I looked in the mirror, and I made a choice. I WILL LOVE HER. I won't criticize or condemn. And really, why should I? Nobody else was. God wasn't. My husband has only been totally supportive and loving. He's never criticized me for how I look...ever! In fact, he's done nothing but the opposite. Praising me. Lifting me up. Loving me. Reminding me of how important I am, and loving every thing about how I look. I needed to adopt a perspective like my loving heavenly father and my husband on who I am. So I decided I needed to make it my choice, too.
2. I TRUSTED GOD.
I decided no matter what happened from that point on, I would trust it to God. He knows me. He knows best. I would hand over all the controls and the steering wheel, acknowledging that there is indeed very little I can control in the grand scheme of things.
I also figured that when it came to the changes I knew I needed to make, I wouldn't be able to make them on my own. I would need Him more than ever. He would have to be my source of strength.
Not long after, I saw Carolyn Twietmeyer post about her Isagenix journey -- again. I had already asked her about it in the past, but I was afraid. I didn't want the teen girls who are watching me to think I was looking for "lose weight fast" diet schemes. I didn't want a diet scheme myself. I didn't want a shortcut...been there done that, Weight Watchers and Slim Fast.
But I was constantly attracted to the message that Carolyn lifted herself up out of poor health to have the energy to raise a huge family using Isagenix products. The feel-good, energy boosting, cleansing, healing, holistic part of her testimony was screaming out to me.
I wanted REAL change. I wanted to feel good. I wanted to spend fewer days in bed every month. I wanted an end to pain. But I wanted it without taking missteps or shortcuts. Whatever I did, I wanted it to be nutritionally sound, organic and whole. I also didn't want to give up every good thing, because let's face it, God made food and it is GOOD!
After I had accepted myself and decided I would trust God, I was having a bad day with poor health when Carolyn posted about a 30-day Isagenix cleanse. I had some extra money from mileage reimbursement, and I was desperate. Desperate to be the wife and mother God created me to be. I prayed about it, and I knew in my heart that God was nudging me.
It's been about 70 days, and it's been an incredible journey! I completed the 30-day cleanse with no expectation for weight loss. I simply wanted to feel better. Isagenix exceeded my expectations in ways I am not sure I can ever fully express. I ended up losing 10 pounds the first month and 20.5 inches! I lost another 7 pounds since, and I cannot stop loving myself even more than I did before. I have muscle tone that I haven't seen since my early 20's!
I did my best with the cleanse, but I didn't do everything. And I didn't do it perfectly. That leads me to the last thing I committed to...
3. I APPLIED DISCIPLINE.
About four years ago, I began reading my Bible daily. Little did I know that one decision would transform every aspect of my life. Practicing self discipline in staying in His word has spilled over into every facet of my life. I was establishing a track record with myself for being accountable and reliable.
Do I have bad days? Yes, and I KNOW sometimes routine becomes routine with no real impact. I have recently added deliberate morning prayer to my daily routine, and that has helped my heart stay in all things. I will still have bad days, but I know that because I am trusting God (see No. 2), I can forgive myself and get back on track.
Perhaps the strangest thing about Isagenix is drinking meals. It was a hard adjustment for me to make. My jaws wanted to move. I craved the chewing motion, the crunching, the texture of food. But I trusted God and overcame.
The best part of Isagenix for me is that my gluten intolerance and general digestive problems can be avoided when I KNOW that my body will tolerate the shakes and other food products. And to top it off, I'm getting some of the very best nutrition at every meal, and I don't have to think about what I can eat and then go to great lengths to prepare an inconvenient meal in an already busy schedule.
I drink a shake at one or two meals daily. My family always eats dinner together -- a dinner without processed ingredients or sugar or gluten. It's not too far off from what we ate before, but a lot less cheese and casserole types of dishes. More filling fibers and proteins. It's usually chicken, fish or beef with steamed vegetables, rice or potatoes and fruit.
I decided that the cost of not doing this exceeds the price tag of buying Isagenix. Yes, it's expensive, but I am more than worth it! I HAVE to be in the best physical, emotional, mental and spiritual condition to do the things God has called me to do -- be a wife, a mom, a leader with Mighty Strong Girls and simply to be His child.
Isagenix is a nutritionally sound investment in my health. I never would have known if I hadn't had the courage to try it, to give it my all and trust God. If it weren't for Carolyn sharing, I would still be having more miserable days than good days. I'm so thankful to her, and now I'm preparing to help others enroll so that they can feel the JOY that I have from losing weight and fueling my body with the best food product I have found!
Showing posts with label body image. Show all posts
Showing posts with label body image. Show all posts
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Girls need heroes
About a year ago, I happened across the Instagram account of a girl on my daughter's softball team. Turns out, she was in her grade at school. If I'm doing my math right, that would have made her 9 or 10, maybe 11, at the time.
I was stunned.
First, her account was public. Anyone could view her profile and all her posts/photos/comments.
Second, everything she posted reeked of desperation to be loved.
Her professed relationship status (not a mandatory part of your Instagram profile, by the way) was "used to be taken" with lots of sad faces. She had photo after photo of handwritten notes about her unrequited love for a boy in her grade. She took every opportunity to let anyone who would give her attention know that she still yearned for her ex-boyfriend and would take him back in a heartbeat.
Third, what on earth is a child this young even doing on social media. Ugh! This kind of thing just annoys me! If you give your elementary or middle school age kid a phone and access to the internet (which I think is dangerous and unwise to begin with but if you decide they are responsible enough) police it, hover like a helicopter, comb through everything daily, watch over them like a hawk. They are children. It's your job! Help them discern what and how to post. Protect them from being vulnerable and victimized!
Anyway, I talked to my husband about this, as he was assistant coaching the team. He said this girl made him feel uncomfortable in her desperation for his attention, baiting him for remarks about her appearance and constantly needing to be validated that included being on her cell phone texting people if she couldn't get anyone in the dugout to talk to her. She had no sense of boundaries in relationships.
In that entire season, I never saw a dad. I never heard mention of a dad. Not that she didn't have one. I have no idea. But he was not present.
Her story is hardly unique or new. Girls whose dads (or stepdads or grandpas) aren't around or available are naturally desperate for masculine love. Shouldn't this be predictable?
Well, we can simply observe, shake our heads and be critical. OR, we can all decide to do something to come alongside these girls. It's not their fault!
Of course this girl craves love. We were ALL built to desire love.
Why do dads matter?
— 21 percent of 12-15-year-olds said their No. 1 concern was not having enough TIME with their parents, while only 8 percent of parents thought they didn't have enough time with their kids.
— Girls who live with their mothers only have significantly less ability to control impulses, delay gratification and have a weaker sense of conscience (right or wrong).
— When a father is involved in his kids' day-to-day activities, they are more likely to confide in him and seek his emotional support.
— Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention.
Again, these are all statistics gathered for Dr. Meg Meeker's amazing book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know.
How can you really live out the role of a strong father?
According to Meeker, you can become her hero. In fact, she's naturally chosen you, and she cannot survive without a humble hero who is her rescuer and defender.
"She needs a hero to navigate her through a treacherous popular culture. And you should know that being a twenty-first century hero is tough stuff. It means walking into embarrassing, uncomfortable or even life-threatening situations in order to rescue your daughter," says Meeker.
As much as it irritates me that the media and popular culture is responsible for objectifying and sexualizing girls, it angers me that it demasculinizes men and boys. They've made men appear weak, spineless and without purpose.
It's no wonder our men aren't sure how to be a hero anymore. Culture is robbing them of a key component of their God-ordained identities, just as we are deceiving girls about their value in God's eyes.
It's my prayer that events like this weekend's Father-Daughter Gala and others will begin to heal the past hurts that have come between relationships and seal a bond between dads and daughters that is filled with redemption and hope.
As Father's Day approaches, I celebrate the awesome dad my husband is for his daughter. He builds her up, joins her in the things that interest her and expresses love for her that encompasses all of who she is.
Let's pray for a courageous generation of dads to come to the rescue of ALL girls. We need for men to intervene when girls are young and begin speaking truths into their lives! They don't have to be dads; mentors and father figures like grandpas or uncles can be very effective, too. Godly men, it's time to be courageous; we support and celebrate you! We are fighting this battle together. Let's do it radically and with conviction!
I was stunned.
First, her account was public. Anyone could view her profile and all her posts/photos/comments.
Second, everything she posted reeked of desperation to be loved.
Her professed relationship status (not a mandatory part of your Instagram profile, by the way) was "used to be taken" with lots of sad faces. She had photo after photo of handwritten notes about her unrequited love for a boy in her grade. She took every opportunity to let anyone who would give her attention know that she still yearned for her ex-boyfriend and would take him back in a heartbeat.
Third, what on earth is a child this young even doing on social media. Ugh! This kind of thing just annoys me! If you give your elementary or middle school age kid a phone and access to the internet (which I think is dangerous and unwise to begin with but if you decide they are responsible enough) police it, hover like a helicopter, comb through everything daily, watch over them like a hawk. They are children. It's your job! Help them discern what and how to post. Protect them from being vulnerable and victimized!
Anyway, I talked to my husband about this, as he was assistant coaching the team. He said this girl made him feel uncomfortable in her desperation for his attention, baiting him for remarks about her appearance and constantly needing to be validated that included being on her cell phone texting people if she couldn't get anyone in the dugout to talk to her. She had no sense of boundaries in relationships.
In that entire season, I never saw a dad. I never heard mention of a dad. Not that she didn't have one. I have no idea. But he was not present.
Her story is hardly unique or new. Girls whose dads (or stepdads or grandpas) aren't around or available are naturally desperate for masculine love. Shouldn't this be predictable?
Well, we can simply observe, shake our heads and be critical. OR, we can all decide to do something to come alongside these girls. It's not their fault!
Of course this girl craves love. We were ALL built to desire love.
Why do dads matter?
— 21 percent of 12-15-year-olds said their No. 1 concern was not having enough TIME with their parents, while only 8 percent of parents thought they didn't have enough time with their kids.
— Girls who live with their mothers only have significantly less ability to control impulses, delay gratification and have a weaker sense of conscience (right or wrong).
— When a father is involved in his kids' day-to-day activities, they are more likely to confide in him and seek his emotional support.
— Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention.
Again, these are all statistics gathered for Dr. Meg Meeker's amazing book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know.
How can you really live out the role of a strong father?
According to Meeker, you can become her hero. In fact, she's naturally chosen you, and she cannot survive without a humble hero who is her rescuer and defender.
"She needs a hero to navigate her through a treacherous popular culture. And you should know that being a twenty-first century hero is tough stuff. It means walking into embarrassing, uncomfortable or even life-threatening situations in order to rescue your daughter," says Meeker.
As much as it irritates me that the media and popular culture is responsible for objectifying and sexualizing girls, it angers me that it demasculinizes men and boys. They've made men appear weak, spineless and without purpose.
It's no wonder our men aren't sure how to be a hero anymore. Culture is robbing them of a key component of their God-ordained identities, just as we are deceiving girls about their value in God's eyes.
It's my prayer that events like this weekend's Father-Daughter Gala and others will begin to heal the past hurts that have come between relationships and seal a bond between dads and daughters that is filled with redemption and hope.
As Father's Day approaches, I celebrate the awesome dad my husband is for his daughter. He builds her up, joins her in the things that interest her and expresses love for her that encompasses all of who she is.
Let's pray for a courageous generation of dads to come to the rescue of ALL girls. We need for men to intervene when girls are young and begin speaking truths into their lives! They don't have to be dads; mentors and father figures like grandpas or uncles can be very effective, too. Godly men, it's time to be courageous; we support and celebrate you! We are fighting this battle together. Let's do it radically and with conviction!
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Dads play a HUGE role in affirming a girl's true value!
Not long ago, I overheard a man compliment a teen girl he knew.
"You're getting so thin and tan and fit. You're really looking good," he told a girl, who looked a little shocked and embarrassed by the remark.
I don't think the man meant harm. I believe he wanted to let her know that she was evolving into a lovely young lady, and I hope his intentions weren't just about the physical transformation. Sometimes, especially with people we don't know well, we can't find the right words. It's those times when no words might be better!
Well, this girl happens to be thin, tan and fit mostly as a result of a sport she excels at, so perhaps focusing on that would be more appropriate. I felt just awful for her, awkwardly hanging on his every word. Fortunately, she's the kind of girl who knows she's more than the superficial.
More than anything, all people need to know they matter. But when the message girls repeatedly get is about their body shape, skin color, size/weight, makeup, hair, eyes, legs, butt, curves, then suddenly they realize that's what matters MOST. It's hard enough when the media focuses only on these, but when people do....well, just ick! These girls are more than the sum of their "parts." What about their intellect, talents, skills, interests, goals, academic pursuits, athletic abilities? It suddenly all comes down to how physically attractive — how "sexy" they are.
I'm watching my own 11-year-old daughter evolving into this young lady, a process that is just as much an emotional and intellectual maturity as a physical one. Some of her traits that have always been there are becoming more honed, more obvious — her compassion, her service, her creativity, her giftedness. She NEEDS to know she's loved for her character and her attributes that have nothing to do with her physical appearance.
ALL girls need and deserve to know, and they need to know from their dad or a father figure.
Here are a few reasons why:
— Parent connectedness is the No. 1 factor preventing girls from indulging in drugs and alcohol and premarital sex.
— Girls with doting fathers are more assertive.
— Daughters who perceive their fathers care about them, who feel connected to their dads, have significantly fewer suicide attempts, fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance use and unhealthy weight.
— A girl's self-esteem is BEST PREDICTED by her father's physical affection.
— Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention.
— Girls with involved fathers wait longer to initiate sex and have lower rates of teen pregnancy. Teen girls who live with both parents are three times less likely to lose their virginity before their 16th birthday.
All of these are statistics Dr. Meg Meeker compiled for her highly-recommended book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know.
If you haven't spent some quality time with your daughter lately — or you know a girl who could use a father-figure in her life — please take three hours this weekend to show her she matters! Life is busy. Time moves quickly. But you can be the answer to a big prayer in her life...show her she matters for all the right reasons! And it takes such a small investment: Three hours and $20. What you'll get in return is priceless!
Some awesome volunteers with Mighty Strong Girls are taking the awkward out of this by holding this special event where you can spend quality time together, create memories and give your daughter what she needs.
Buy your tickets now at http://www.eventbrite.com/e/father-daughter-gala-tickets-11674624115?aff=eorg
"You're getting so thin and tan and fit. You're really looking good," he told a girl, who looked a little shocked and embarrassed by the remark.
I don't think the man meant harm. I believe he wanted to let her know that she was evolving into a lovely young lady, and I hope his intentions weren't just about the physical transformation. Sometimes, especially with people we don't know well, we can't find the right words. It's those times when no words might be better!
Well, this girl happens to be thin, tan and fit mostly as a result of a sport she excels at, so perhaps focusing on that would be more appropriate. I felt just awful for her, awkwardly hanging on his every word. Fortunately, she's the kind of girl who knows she's more than the superficial.
More than anything, all people need to know they matter. But when the message girls repeatedly get is about their body shape, skin color, size/weight, makeup, hair, eyes, legs, butt, curves, then suddenly they realize that's what matters MOST. It's hard enough when the media focuses only on these, but when people do....well, just ick! These girls are more than the sum of their "parts." What about their intellect, talents, skills, interests, goals, academic pursuits, athletic abilities? It suddenly all comes down to how physically attractive — how "sexy" they are.
I'm watching my own 11-year-old daughter evolving into this young lady, a process that is just as much an emotional and intellectual maturity as a physical one. Some of her traits that have always been there are becoming more honed, more obvious — her compassion, her service, her creativity, her giftedness. She NEEDS to know she's loved for her character and her attributes that have nothing to do with her physical appearance.
ALL girls need and deserve to know, and they need to know from their dad or a father figure.
Here are a few reasons why:
— Parent connectedness is the No. 1 factor preventing girls from indulging in drugs and alcohol and premarital sex.
— Girls with doting fathers are more assertive.
— Daughters who perceive their fathers care about them, who feel connected to their dads, have significantly fewer suicide attempts, fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance use and unhealthy weight.
— A girl's self-esteem is BEST PREDICTED by her father's physical affection.
— Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention.
— Girls with involved fathers wait longer to initiate sex and have lower rates of teen pregnancy. Teen girls who live with both parents are three times less likely to lose their virginity before their 16th birthday.
All of these are statistics Dr. Meg Meeker compiled for her highly-recommended book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know.
If you haven't spent some quality time with your daughter lately — or you know a girl who could use a father-figure in her life — please take three hours this weekend to show her she matters! Life is busy. Time moves quickly. But you can be the answer to a big prayer in her life...show her she matters for all the right reasons! And it takes such a small investment: Three hours and $20. What you'll get in return is priceless!
Some awesome volunteers with Mighty Strong Girls are taking the awkward out of this by holding this special event where you can spend quality time together, create memories and give your daughter what she needs.
Buy your tickets now at http://www.eventbrite.com/e/father-daughter-gala-tickets-11674624115?aff=eorg
Sunday, June 1, 2014
This year's swimsuit shopping shocked me!
Something new happened when I went shopping for a bathing suit this year. It was unexpected and shocking.
First,
I found several on the rack that I sincerely liked — and not because of the label language that goes something like this: "flattering on all figures" or "pattern that disguises tummies" or "perfect for post maternity (and moms who had babies 10 years ago and still can't get the weight off)."
So I stepped in the dressing room with an armful of suits and something new: optimism. Oh, two something news. I also brought an accomplice.
I pulled on a bathing suit top first. It tied around the neck and the
midriff, with a mostly open back. There were four layers of ruffles down
the front. It was black and white and bright pink with lots of polka
dots. It was very happy and fun. So much so that I had taken two tops of
similar styles with me into the dressing room.
“Oooo,
mom, I love it. It looks so good on you!” said my enthusiastic
11-year-old daughter after she secured the ties in the back.
Normally
a suit like this would have specific “triggers” for self loathing: the
low cut that might show off a mole I don’t like, the general wide
exposure of the back that could reveal the folds of skin on my “fat
back.”
Those
were the reject-worthy features I was specifically looking for, but
here’s what was unexpected. I didn’t see them, the negative things. The mole. The rolls. Maybe they were there,
maybe not. All I saw was a pretty phenomenal looking middle-age woman in a bathing
suit that flattered her figure.
“Wow,” I replied. “I love it, too! Well, I guess I’ll try on the others to see if I like any of them.”
Normally,
that would be a bad idea. If you’ve ever shopped for a swimming
suit, I’m pretty sure this is a golden rule. If you find one that you
like — even the slightest bit — you stop trying on suits immediately and buy it.
The odds of further swimming suit shopping success are stunted at
best. To keep trying them on is an invitation for disappointment.
It
had been two years since I graced the dressing room with a bathing
suit. I typically shop at a large department store with a huge selection
and a range of reasonable prices. I would not mind paying more for a suit that
made me look more fit than I am. In the past, I might have even
considered taking out a loan for one that could erase 20 years.
I
would drag a dozen suits illegally (six item limit and all….as if you
really want to make the walk of shame to the discard rack that many
times!) to the dressing room. What kind of lighting is this, I would
wonder, as I pulled off my
clothing and contemplated the frumpy, stretched and pocked thighs and
belly appearing before me.
Well,
it must be a combination of the lighting and this cheap mirror, I would
think, because there’s no way I really look like that. Do I????
So
after the first 12 discards and the walk of shame, I would creep back
into a different dressing room — the one in the back where the
flickering fluorescent light is, a gamble that a shadow or six might improve things — my shoulders sagging a bit more than
the time before.
As
I would suck in my stomach and fight with myself about the fact that I
am now one size away from the plus sizes — how did that happen? — I
would pray that this one would be THE ONE.
A match made in heaven.
A
God-ordained suit that would
make me look like I didn’t just down a pantry of Doritos and glazed
donuts washed down with a monster-size fountain soda. (I don't really eat those things...I just have a figure that indicates that I do.)
Please,
God, please!
Make this torture end.
I manage to get by most days with a
decent self-respecting confidence, and this feeling is uncomfortable. I
KNOW I am more valuable than the way I look in a bathing suit, but is
it too much to ask for you to ordain a bathing suit for me that will
make me feel good about myself while swimming, too?
So here I am, two years later, loving one suit and trying on two more.
The
second one is tricky. It’s adorable — bright pink and polka dots —
but it’s hard to tug on. It’s a size too small. It fits, but the fight
of putting it on isn’t
worth it. I set it aside. If they have it a size up, I know I’ll buy
this one, too.
And my daughter, she loves it! She’s gushing about not just the suits but how great they look on me. I could do this all day. This happiness and pleasure in a dressing room is unheard of...I think I heard the clerks discussing whether to have security on backup in case I was delusional, on the verge of breakdown and putting the whole store at risk.
It’s
about this point I realize that I had not showered yet today. We worked
at a garage sale all morning, and I had no makeup on. Can you believe
it? I was shopping for a bathing suit with no makeup on, with hairy
armpits. Unheard of! The giddy factor just raised two notches, and I could definitely hear murmurs of disbelief on the other side of the door.
I’m
grabbing the third suit at this point. It’s floral print with a style
that is reminiscent of the 1950s. I absolutely love this suit, so I’m
praying God will make this a match, too! Why not? Things are going so well.
I
pull up the straps of the one-piece, and my daughter is in love with
it. I spin and look. Wow! I look like Marilyn Monroe. Curvy and carefree
and cute as a button.
I step out of the dressing room, my shoulders back, my neck stretched high, my chin up. I meet up with my husband and son.
“You’re
never going to believe this,” I say, still reeling from the shock
myself. “but I love every suit I tried on. This never happens. So which
one do you like?”
I
hold them up and he picks the pink polka dot. I go to the rack and grab
the next size up. Unfortunately, it was mislabeled and I had to return
it. I ended up getting the Marilyn Monroe number. I love how it makes me
feel.
I spend the next several days reflecting on this experience. What changed in two years?
Initially,
I attribute it to the fact that I had my daughter there, cheering me
on, telling me how fabulous I looked in every single suit. I must admit,
that was nice. I think I will bring her next time. She saw
me the way I should have seen myself, and it was a good check and
balance. I believe she helped me see past the self criticism, as I always choose my adjectives wisely around her when it comes to the way I see myself.
Here’s
the kicker, though. I was shopping at Wal-mart. I would normally never
consider buying a bathing suit at Wal-mart. The dressing room was a
mess. The lighting and mirror had to be way less flattering than anything I had
ever been exposed to in a suit.
Aside
from her comments, I was giddy about how nice I looked in the suits. I
think mostly what happened was a shift in my perspective — a
transformation that began on the inside two years ago that made me look
at my physical self in a whole new way.
I cannot be absolutely sure, but I am fairly certain I am bigger and weigh more than I did two years ago.
I’m
learning to love myself — even without makeup. Even the stretch marks.
The ones my husband has loved since they day they became part of me —
somewhere in the sixth or seventh month of my second pregnancy. Badges
of honor, he called them. Rewards for being able to be the mother of my son, the miracle conception. Well worth it to wear them the rest of this life.
Easy for him to say.
Turns
out it was easy for me to say, too, but simply harder to believe. My
baby will turn 10 this summer, and I can FINALLY just now in this moment at age 40 agree that I love them
when I look at them. It’s true…I LOVE my stretch marks.
It’s
funny when I mentioned them the other day, my husband insisted I didn’t
have any. He applauded them 10 years ago and forgot them in the time
that’s lapsed since. He doesn’t see them anymore. Or at least he doesn’t
label them. They are simply a part of me like any other part.
Why
do we loathe a process of change that is God-ordained. My physical
beauty is SUPPOSED to fade — or droop, depending on your perspective. Stretch marks, spider veins, wrinkles, grey
hair…they
are all part of life and aging. If God created us, and this is natural
aging, then it is GOOD! Why on earth would we ever presume to criticize the work of a holy, loving God?
What is even better than how I look in this moment is the transformation of realizing the truth in this. What I love most about my swimming suit experience isn't that I loved what I saw, it's that I loved what I FELT. The emotional part was exhilarating!
2
Corinthians 4:16 says “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self
is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”
Praise be to God for the transformation that is the renewal of my inner self who sees what God sees: True beauty!
Monday, August 26, 2013
Dear Miley,
Bravo, girl! You DID it; you really did it! You lowered the price for selling yourself and to an even bigger audience. What a success story!
Thanks for letting my daughter's generation know that price for being on their T-shirts in grade school was too high by lowering yourself to an all-time low of cheap.
Clearly you have liberated yourself by owning your body. Thanks for paving the way on that. Thanks for bringing sex down to a child's level with teddy bears and bubble gum, because clearly we aren't showing our children enough sex. Better make it more appealing, kind of like creating drugs that look like candy. That's classy.
So is gyrating, jamming things between your legs and showing most of your body to a national audience on an awards program that is watched mostly by teenagers. You are obviously showing the world true girl-power. And you've taken trashy art to a whole new level. You must be proud.
Plus, you clearly outsmarted everyone and elevated yourself to a brand-new category of "thing."
Thanks for creating headlines so that those of us who have long since tuned you out could see what you're up to, and pray.
Sincerely,
A mom who still sees you as a beautiful creation, no matter what
All sarcasm aside, the real question I have is why is this today's "ohmygosh" news feed item?
Did this really shock you?
Perhaps we should know by now that this is what happens when a child is "sold" into the entertainment business at a young age. She learned early on that she was a product to be consumed. It came with money, lots of it, and fame and boys and stuff.
Don't we know by now that sex sells. In fact, it's BIG, BIG business. Here in America, there is plenty to be sold but even more to be bought. Our lovely land of liberty is filled with eager buyers.
Maybe we shouldn't be so mad at Miley. Maybe we should look inwardly. Maybe we should be concerned because human sex trafficking is THE fastest-growing business of organized crime and the 3rd largest criminal enterprise in the world.
Maybe we should look around in our culture at how we have demasculinized men and glamorized fatherless families. We are raising a generation of boys who have learned that they can buy whatever they want — even physical pleasure. Is it a mystery why so many girls growing up today are seeking to fill a void in the attention/affection/love department? Check out the instant gratification, the unsupervised preteen population online, growing numbers of broken families, the growing pornography business, the way we continually self-medicate...and ask yourself again, was Miley's show really so shocking?
According to the FBI, "the majority of sex trafficking is international with victims taken from places such as south and southeast Asia, the former Soviet Union, Central and South American and other less developed areas and moved to more developed ones, including Asia, the middle East, Western Europe and North America."
Yes, we are really good at building up a culture of object-loving men who stand ready to buy sex and look at women as things, trash, junk, products. And we're not so bad at raising generations of girls with self esteem problems who are willing to go to great lengths to look like the packaged women on the covers of magazines at our supermarket checkouts, many of whom are desperate for love and affection anywhere they can find it. These aren't statistics. They are your neighbors, friends, people in the pews in your community church.
Instead of lashing out at Miley, maybe we could better expend our energy on something that matters. Change.
It's time for change. It's time for girls to see themselves as valuable. It's time for boys to respect girls and treat them like the treasures they are. It's time to sort through the lies, the sexualization, the objectification, the trafficking and begin to align it with the TRUTH.
Not even Miley is that far from it. Once upon a time, she stood in an audition and proclaimed her faith. She knows of a heavenly Father who loves her dearly. But like many of us, she was fed lies, a lot of lies — big, beautiful, colorful lies repeated many times over — so much she began to believe this was what was true.
Instead of shaming her, and girls like her, maybe we could, I don't know, pray for her. Pray for her and for Robin Thicke. Pray for her generation, for our children. Pray we don't become so desensitized to casual sex that we can't find our way out of the mess it creates. Because I fear that we are sitting in the middle of a pretty big mess already. God created ALL things, sex included, and like all things, we abuse the design of sex when our sin touches it.
Pray for the one thing that can deliver us, no matter how far we've gone into darkness. We have a Redeemer, one who can make us new. One who can give us hope. One who gives us eternal life. One who has declared victory for us.
Pray that we seek truth and find it in the name of Jesus.
P.S. If you are a dad of girls or can forward this to a dad of girls, a friend sent it to me yesterday. It's a powerful way you can build up the confidence in our girls and attempt to avoid her falling for our culture's lies. Despite the prevalence of media in our children's lives, parents are STILL and will always be the No. 1 influence on their children. This is a short read of five very easy tips for dads that you won't regret reading: http://www.covenantrelationships.org/2013/02/5-things-every-daughter-needs-to-hear.html
Thanks for letting my daughter's generation know that price for being on their T-shirts in grade school was too high by lowering yourself to an all-time low of cheap.
Clearly you have liberated yourself by owning your body. Thanks for paving the way on that. Thanks for bringing sex down to a child's level with teddy bears and bubble gum, because clearly we aren't showing our children enough sex. Better make it more appealing, kind of like creating drugs that look like candy. That's classy.
So is gyrating, jamming things between your legs and showing most of your body to a national audience on an awards program that is watched mostly by teenagers. You are obviously showing the world true girl-power. And you've taken trashy art to a whole new level. You must be proud.
Plus, you clearly outsmarted everyone and elevated yourself to a brand-new category of "thing."
Thanks for creating headlines so that those of us who have long since tuned you out could see what you're up to, and pray.
Sincerely,
A mom who still sees you as a beautiful creation, no matter what
All sarcasm aside, the real question I have is why is this today's "ohmygosh" news feed item?
Did this really shock you?
Perhaps we should know by now that this is what happens when a child is "sold" into the entertainment business at a young age. She learned early on that she was a product to be consumed. It came with money, lots of it, and fame and boys and stuff.
Don't we know by now that sex sells. In fact, it's BIG, BIG business. Here in America, there is plenty to be sold but even more to be bought. Our lovely land of liberty is filled with eager buyers.
Maybe we shouldn't be so mad at Miley. Maybe we should look inwardly. Maybe we should be concerned because human sex trafficking is THE fastest-growing business of organized crime and the 3rd largest criminal enterprise in the world.
Maybe we should look around in our culture at how we have demasculinized men and glamorized fatherless families. We are raising a generation of boys who have learned that they can buy whatever they want — even physical pleasure. Is it a mystery why so many girls growing up today are seeking to fill a void in the attention/affection/love department? Check out the instant gratification, the unsupervised preteen population online, growing numbers of broken families, the growing pornography business, the way we continually self-medicate...and ask yourself again, was Miley's show really so shocking?
According to the FBI, "the majority of sex trafficking is international with victims taken from places such as south and southeast Asia, the former Soviet Union, Central and South American and other less developed areas and moved to more developed ones, including Asia, the middle East, Western Europe and North America."
Yes, we are really good at building up a culture of object-loving men who stand ready to buy sex and look at women as things, trash, junk, products. And we're not so bad at raising generations of girls with self esteem problems who are willing to go to great lengths to look like the packaged women on the covers of magazines at our supermarket checkouts, many of whom are desperate for love and affection anywhere they can find it. These aren't statistics. They are your neighbors, friends, people in the pews in your community church.
Instead of lashing out at Miley, maybe we could better expend our energy on something that matters. Change.
It's time for change. It's time for girls to see themselves as valuable. It's time for boys to respect girls and treat them like the treasures they are. It's time to sort through the lies, the sexualization, the objectification, the trafficking and begin to align it with the TRUTH.
Not even Miley is that far from it. Once upon a time, she stood in an audition and proclaimed her faith. She knows of a heavenly Father who loves her dearly. But like many of us, she was fed lies, a lot of lies — big, beautiful, colorful lies repeated many times over — so much she began to believe this was what was true.
Instead of shaming her, and girls like her, maybe we could, I don't know, pray for her. Pray for her and for Robin Thicke. Pray for her generation, for our children. Pray we don't become so desensitized to casual sex that we can't find our way out of the mess it creates. Because I fear that we are sitting in the middle of a pretty big mess already. God created ALL things, sex included, and like all things, we abuse the design of sex when our sin touches it.
Pray for the one thing that can deliver us, no matter how far we've gone into darkness. We have a Redeemer, one who can make us new. One who can give us hope. One who gives us eternal life. One who has declared victory for us.
Pray that we seek truth and find it in the name of Jesus.
P.S. If you are a dad of girls or can forward this to a dad of girls, a friend sent it to me yesterday. It's a powerful way you can build up the confidence in our girls and attempt to avoid her falling for our culture's lies. Despite the prevalence of media in our children's lives, parents are STILL and will always be the No. 1 influence on their children. This is a short read of five very easy tips for dads that you won't regret reading: http://www.covenantrelationships.org/2013/02/5-things-every-daughter-needs-to-hear.html
Monday, August 19, 2013
Whose story will you be responsible for telling?
It's amazing what you can find on Google.
I watched a girl's "story" unfold on Saturday night at the Edward Jones Dome, the $280 million stadium where the St. Louis Rams play football.
The display of sexuality left me speechless, which isn't easy.
First, it was literally IMPOSSIBLE not to notice the video. All four 8- and 9-year-old boys sitting between my husband and I could hardly take their eyes off the screen all night. They are boys. They LOVE screens. It was the first thing one of them noticed when we sat down.
Using Google, I learned that Edward Jones Dome's JumboTron is a Sony (there are two), standing 20 feet high and 26 feet wide. The system is big, colorful and LOUD. And the videos are extremely professionally executed to grab and keep your attention.
It was there that I watched one of the 28 Rams' cheerleaders tell her "story." The series of videos on the cheerleaders is called "Meet _______ (fill in girl's name)."
This is what I learned in the video: Her name and where she goes to school. Plus, how she felt about the location and suit she wore in the calendar photo shoot.
What I saw was this: A TON of skin, cleavage and more of a girl than ought to be seen at a "family-friendly" football game. In fact, her suit was skin-colored on the top with a bit of red fringe. So it actually looked from a distance like she was topless. From poses to clothing (there was some footage of the cheerleaders helping rebuild homes in Oklahoma, wearing next to nothing there, too), it appeared she was "offering" herself to the viewer. It was INCREDIBLY sexual. I hesitate to describe more, because it's not appropriate even to write about, let alone see! This short clip was nothing short of soft-core porn.
It made me sad for my children — both my son and daughter — because it's such a mangled mess of messages they have to sift through in their generation to avoid being contaminated by the lies we are fed by the media. Pornography addiction will grow, relationships will be damaged, girls and boys will be broken.
I also felt sad for the girl in the video, because I am sure her story is more interesting than her body. But the 33,000+ fans there on Saturday will never know it, nor will the others who see her video online. She is simply portrayed to be enjoyed. A thing. An object.
I went online and viewed a couple others to see if this was the exception. In one case, the viewer doesn't even hear the girl's voice in the first 20 seconds of her two-minute video. It's just images. Then I clicked on the 22-minute video featuring one of the football players. His story, his voice comes on immediately. And he's not talking about how he feels about his uniform or a photo shoot.
I wasn't sure if I was more angry or sad. Both probably. Sickened for sure. Perfectly convicted that we would never take our son to another pro football game (I sure hope there won't ever be cheerleaders at baseball games!!).
The thought struck me...I wonder if this girl, or so many other girls know they are being reduced to men's "playthings" and fantasies right in the presence of women and children. (Please don't be haters of girls who participate in this behavior...many are so broken and confused by the world we live in!) So many girls fall for the lie that all that really matters is her exterior shell. So many have been taught to believe that their story is their physical appearance. So many are crushed by expectations that can never be. The reality is that most girls' bodies were never designed to look or move or pose in these impossible ways because it was never the intent of the Creator who lovingly made them to be more than the sum of their outside parts. (Psalm 139)
It made me sad that in our world, in less than three minutes, more than 30,000 people heard THIS story. And not the stories of Morgan, Amanda, Gabby, Rachel, Breanna, Deanna and Madeline — a few of the girls whose stories are featured in the next issue of Mighty Strong Girls magazine. They aren't soundbites. They aren't objects. They are real girls with real aspirations and dreams. They are girls who already accomplished great things and are courageously inspiring other girls to do the same by graciously allowing me and the writers of Mighty Strong Girls to share their stories with anyone who is willing to hear!
In my humble opinion, there isn't a JumboTron big enough to feature their awesomeness. The reality is we struggle to get a few hundred copies of the magazine printed to celebrate this kind of story. Meanwhile, I cannot fathom the amount of money that goes into the wardrobe, photo shoots and video production for these 28 cheerleaders. To sell sex.
I was reassured yet again that God is on my side this morning. We know the growth of Mighty Strong Girls will be slow. We know it will be challenging. But we know it's God's will. (Among the verses I received this morning was Zecharaih 4:10, which says "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.")
I also have hope because amid the terrible mangled mess of brokenness are hearts that seek something more, something meaningful. I am so hopeful for my children's generation, that they will be the ones to become seekers — looking for the truths that only God can provide and spreading that hope like wildfire!
Right now, Mighty Strong Girls is still $554 away from being able to publish a small number of magazines for our Sept. 5 event where we will unveil the cover of our back-to-school issue of Mighty Strong Girls. We have a week of prayer to let God work on providing this amount!
My board has lovingly decided that if the money isn't in the account, the magazine isn't printed. They won't let me and my family incur more debt. And while we have enough monthly supporters to print the magazine, we also have other expenses like mileage, computer cartridges, postage, software, website upkeep. So we still need funds. $554 will allow us to print 150 copies; $774 will allow us to print 200 copies.
Can you help us? Even if you cannot give, you can help! Pray that God will provide this week so we can share wholesome, empowering girl stories to help rise up a confident generation of seekers. Pray for the work of Mighty Strong Girls. And pray for girls who don't know their value, that they would be convicted about the TRUTH of their beauty and worth.
If you can take a few minutes, meditate on the scriptures and prayer sent in the devotion that came from our prayer intercessor Linda O'Toole this morning:
Isaiah 41:10Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxious, look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand..
I watched a girl's "story" unfold on Saturday night at the Edward Jones Dome, the $280 million stadium where the St. Louis Rams play football.
The display of sexuality left me speechless, which isn't easy.
First, it was literally IMPOSSIBLE not to notice the video. All four 8- and 9-year-old boys sitting between my husband and I could hardly take their eyes off the screen all night. They are boys. They LOVE screens. It was the first thing one of them noticed when we sat down.
Using Google, I learned that Edward Jones Dome's JumboTron is a Sony (there are two), standing 20 feet high and 26 feet wide. The system is big, colorful and LOUD. And the videos are extremely professionally executed to grab and keep your attention.
It was there that I watched one of the 28 Rams' cheerleaders tell her "story." The series of videos on the cheerleaders is called "Meet _______ (fill in girl's name)."
This is what I learned in the video: Her name and where she goes to school. Plus, how she felt about the location and suit she wore in the calendar photo shoot.
What I saw was this: A TON of skin, cleavage and more of a girl than ought to be seen at a "family-friendly" football game. In fact, her suit was skin-colored on the top with a bit of red fringe. So it actually looked from a distance like she was topless. From poses to clothing (there was some footage of the cheerleaders helping rebuild homes in Oklahoma, wearing next to nothing there, too), it appeared she was "offering" herself to the viewer. It was INCREDIBLY sexual. I hesitate to describe more, because it's not appropriate even to write about, let alone see! This short clip was nothing short of soft-core porn.
It made me sad for my children — both my son and daughter — because it's such a mangled mess of messages they have to sift through in their generation to avoid being contaminated by the lies we are fed by the media. Pornography addiction will grow, relationships will be damaged, girls and boys will be broken.
I also felt sad for the girl in the video, because I am sure her story is more interesting than her body. But the 33,000+ fans there on Saturday will never know it, nor will the others who see her video online. She is simply portrayed to be enjoyed. A thing. An object.
I went online and viewed a couple others to see if this was the exception. In one case, the viewer doesn't even hear the girl's voice in the first 20 seconds of her two-minute video. It's just images. Then I clicked on the 22-minute video featuring one of the football players. His story, his voice comes on immediately. And he's not talking about how he feels about his uniform or a photo shoot.
I wasn't sure if I was more angry or sad. Both probably. Sickened for sure. Perfectly convicted that we would never take our son to another pro football game (I sure hope there won't ever be cheerleaders at baseball games!!).
The thought struck me...I wonder if this girl, or so many other girls know they are being reduced to men's "playthings" and fantasies right in the presence of women and children. (Please don't be haters of girls who participate in this behavior...many are so broken and confused by the world we live in!) So many girls fall for the lie that all that really matters is her exterior shell. So many have been taught to believe that their story is their physical appearance. So many are crushed by expectations that can never be. The reality is that most girls' bodies were never designed to look or move or pose in these impossible ways because it was never the intent of the Creator who lovingly made them to be more than the sum of their outside parts. (Psalm 139)
It made me sad that in our world, in less than three minutes, more than 30,000 people heard THIS story. And not the stories of Morgan, Amanda, Gabby, Rachel, Breanna, Deanna and Madeline — a few of the girls whose stories are featured in the next issue of Mighty Strong Girls magazine. They aren't soundbites. They aren't objects. They are real girls with real aspirations and dreams. They are girls who already accomplished great things and are courageously inspiring other girls to do the same by graciously allowing me and the writers of Mighty Strong Girls to share their stories with anyone who is willing to hear!
In my humble opinion, there isn't a JumboTron big enough to feature their awesomeness. The reality is we struggle to get a few hundred copies of the magazine printed to celebrate this kind of story. Meanwhile, I cannot fathom the amount of money that goes into the wardrobe, photo shoots and video production for these 28 cheerleaders. To sell sex.
I was reassured yet again that God is on my side this morning. We know the growth of Mighty Strong Girls will be slow. We know it will be challenging. But we know it's God's will. (Among the verses I received this morning was Zecharaih 4:10, which says "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.")
I also have hope because amid the terrible mangled mess of brokenness are hearts that seek something more, something meaningful. I am so hopeful for my children's generation, that they will be the ones to become seekers — looking for the truths that only God can provide and spreading that hope like wildfire!
Right now, Mighty Strong Girls is still $554 away from being able to publish a small number of magazines for our Sept. 5 event where we will unveil the cover of our back-to-school issue of Mighty Strong Girls. We have a week of prayer to let God work on providing this amount!
My board has lovingly decided that if the money isn't in the account, the magazine isn't printed. They won't let me and my family incur more debt. And while we have enough monthly supporters to print the magazine, we also have other expenses like mileage, computer cartridges, postage, software, website upkeep. So we still need funds. $554 will allow us to print 150 copies; $774 will allow us to print 200 copies.
Can you help us? Even if you cannot give, you can help! Pray that God will provide this week so we can share wholesome, empowering girl stories to help rise up a confident generation of seekers. Pray for the work of Mighty Strong Girls. And pray for girls who don't know their value, that they would be convicted about the TRUTH of their beauty and worth.
If you can take a few minutes, meditate on the scriptures and prayer sent in the devotion that came from our prayer intercessor Linda O'Toole this morning:
Isaiah 41:10Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxious, look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand..
Isaiah 41:13For I am the LORD your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you.'
Isaiah 54:4Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; Neither feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
Deuteronomy 31:6Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.
A mighty roar is being released!
Let this company of strong women with integrity and love be released Lord, in Jesus name.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
My keeping-it-real confession: I've been lying
In a conversation with a good friend yesterday, I tried making sense of it all.
"I think I'm a liar," I said, laughing....sort of. "But I can't figure out who I'm not being honest with — myself, God or the people following Mighty Strong Girls."
Based on a few other comments, she deduced that I'm not being honest with myself. If you ask me, lying to yourself has implications when it comes to God and everyone else, too. So I'm a liar. Great.
It's an uneasy feeling, not being honest with yourself. A trick. A slight of the hand. Nobody else knows, but you are harboring a dirty little secret...or several. I tell myself repeatedly that Mighty Strong Girls is what I'm supposed to be doing. It's what God put on my heart. I'm being obedient. I'm loving every minute of it. I'm not afraid. We're doing 'just fine' financially.
They seem like legitimate lies, because I don't want anyone — least of all myself — to doubt "my" ministry. Deep down, I KNOW it's what I'm SUPPOSED to do. So I stuff all my emotions, fears and problems way down deep and begin to fill my head with "positive self talk" to convince myself everything is peachy keen. So that people will want to be part of it, because who wants to buy in to something that fills the founder up with doubt?
But when you go from living three years debt-free in the name of God and in 12 short months have a credit card that is maxed out, and you have no cash to fill up your gas tank or get groceries, it's absolutely terrifying. When you are doing the work of a team of a dozen without getting paid, you begin to question your sanity. When you push aside your family for a ministry, even if only for a week, it feels icky.
Is this really what God wants? Or did I go too fast? Out of order? Do too much too soon? Am I ungrateful? Is my family angry? What if my husband doesn't forgive me for this?
Second guessing begins. It shows up everywhere.
God didn't give me a little "first step" in the vision of Mighty Strong Girls; He gave me the whole thing. I jumped on board, perhaps a little too eagerly and went ahead of His plan for me. I know that now.
I repented. We've been blessed. Financially my family is back "on track," but the ministry is still in a bit of a mess. Debt with more on the horizon to accomplish what we minimally need to do. I am so grateful for God's provision; what He's done in two short months can only be described as miraculous. And that's just the money part. The lives He's touched, the fun we've had, the friendships made, the faith He's deepened in girls and women, the lies we've exposed, the work we've accomplished, the walls we've knocked down. All of that we've done because of His divine and glorious work through the hands, hearts, minds and feet of so many. It's astonishing; really it is! To begin dissecting the list of His accomplishments in one year of Mighty Strong Girls is exhausting!
But I'd be lying if I didn't add that I want more. I want a ministry that doesn't operate in the "red." I want a family who doesn't wear shoes that squeeze our toes and give us blisters because we can't afford new ones. I want a financial plan I know will work — as in the money is already there before we know we need it. The American way.
Admitting that feels incredibly selfish sometimes, and that's why I lie. Because when you minister, you put your faith in God. Right? What I described in the previous paragraph would mean I don't have to rely on Him. Right? I mean, that's what so many have said. God's people wandered 40 years in the dessert, relying on his providence. Not always knowing where it would come. Not knowing. That's Biblical. Right?
The problem is after taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, I can't make it agree. I'm way outside my comfort zone with a lot of what's happening with Mighty Strong Girls. The speed of things are faster than even I wanted. Income is not keeping up with expenses. Which means our modest middle class family budget is now not only stretched to cover my nearly complete lack of income (save for a half dozen photography clients a year) but also thousands in expenses for a ministry. I'm secretly fearful about losing our home. That wasn't my plan. I'm not sure whether it's God's plan. There. That's it. There's the honesty.
There are days I simply want to throw in the towel and do what makes sense: Get a good paying job that will pull my family out of the mess, the uncertainty. I have a master's degree, for crying out loud, and I know it wouldn't take long to find work. It's a formula that I already know provides the solution. My brain screams for this in my lowest moments of discouragement.
Except I've been there. It's not so neat, certain and happy. On that side, I yearned for something authentic. A job that used the best of what I could offer to make a difference and help others make a difference. Here God gives it to me, and I'm complaining. You can see why I'm lying to myself. In my weakest, most human moments, I want what the world wants — security, certainty, comfort. These things beckon me from my lowest lows of doubtfulness.
It's like a tug-of-war in my mind, heart and soul. This thing, this little "thing" God called me to do is absolutely amazing, and watching the body of Christ formed to do His work makes me feel so small but so incredibly filled up spiritually. It's awesome and amazing and fearful. I hate admitting that I want to turn my back on it. (The truth is I don't think I EVER could!) I know God has me where I need to be, where He wants me to be.
I want to create a place where girls and women can be honest and real. To really explore this seemingly unchartered territory of "reality," I have to stop lying to myself. I'm praying this honesty will help unlock the bonds of the writer's block and give me confidence to move forward boldly with Mighty Strong Girls. Because as secure as I am that my own daughter can be raised in an environment that affirms her inner-awesomeness, it's not enough. I want that for all girls, and I want her to grow up with girls who believe it, too. I can't do that without holding onto "the truth."
I have no other choice but to lean entirely and completely into Him. The truth is I have nowhere else to turn if I'm being honest about what I want in the previous paragraph. The truth is He doesn't want us to live lives of despair or sadness. The truth is that I need ministered to as much as anyone else. The truth is that when God fills us up, we feel complete. The truth is that Philippians 4:13 isn't about getting what we want or accomplishing what we want. It's not about our selfish desires at all. It's about being satisfied when all we have is Him. It's about drawing strength from Him when we feel weak, when we feel we need what the world offers, when we feel we should have what everyone else has.
If I want to stop lying to myself, I need to get to the bottom of one simple question: Is He really enough?
Can I stop obsessing about what I don't have, what I want, what I think He should provide? Can I make my God enough to fill me up?
As I explored this with my friend yesterday, I did what I sadly too often do. I hung up the phone and shifted gears to something else entirely.
But she didn't forget. Five minutes later and for 10 minutes, my phone was "on fire" with text messages from girls and moms. She asked some of those close to Mighty Strong Girls to send me some encouragement. Each of them spoke from their heart about what it's meant to them.
Here is a sample:
"Mighty Strong Girls helps me feel like I matter more than I did before, and I realize it's OK to be different."
"Mighty Strong Girls has been a great way for me to stay connected with God and other Christian Girls. Thank you!"
"It's amazing what Mighty Strong Girls has become. It's weird to look back at the day you told me about it. I thought it was so out of reach! And now it's this huge thing that has become so much! I'm so thankful for you. I love you."
"Mighty Strong Girls is going to be something amazing. Thank you!"
The icing on the cake was a phone call right about the time I got the texts from my husband, who had to run some medication to one of our children at camp in Springfield. He was heading back to work when he saw a woman out for a walk wearing the "Be-YOU-tiful" T-shirt she got at the Mighty Strong Girls event this summer. Best of all, he called it "Polly's shirt." Polly is the girl at my church who designed the T-shirt. That's an impressive detail for most men to remember, but he was so excited — for Polly, for me and for Mighty Strong Girls.
I have to tell you to have such support is a tremendous blessing. It occurred to me that their words were God's way of affirming this ministry and encouraging me. I sat crying tears of joy. It
The very thing I want for girls — to be told they matter, to walk obediently in the will of God, to know it's OK to be the girl God created them to be, to be affirmed and encouraged — is something I need, too. It's something we all need. It's something we all deserve as the children of God.
Be a Mighty Strong Girl today and encourage one another. To do so is to be the hands, feet and mouth of Christ!
"I think I'm a liar," I said, laughing....sort of. "But I can't figure out who I'm not being honest with — myself, God or the people following Mighty Strong Girls."
Based on a few other comments, she deduced that I'm not being honest with myself. If you ask me, lying to yourself has implications when it comes to God and everyone else, too. So I'm a liar. Great.
It's an uneasy feeling, not being honest with yourself. A trick. A slight of the hand. Nobody else knows, but you are harboring a dirty little secret...or several. I tell myself repeatedly that Mighty Strong Girls is what I'm supposed to be doing. It's what God put on my heart. I'm being obedient. I'm loving every minute of it. I'm not afraid. We're doing 'just fine' financially.
They seem like legitimate lies, because I don't want anyone — least of all myself — to doubt "my" ministry. Deep down, I KNOW it's what I'm SUPPOSED to do. So I stuff all my emotions, fears and problems way down deep and begin to fill my head with "positive self talk" to convince myself everything is peachy keen. So that people will want to be part of it, because who wants to buy in to something that fills the founder up with doubt?
But when you go from living three years debt-free in the name of God and in 12 short months have a credit card that is maxed out, and you have no cash to fill up your gas tank or get groceries, it's absolutely terrifying. When you are doing the work of a team of a dozen without getting paid, you begin to question your sanity. When you push aside your family for a ministry, even if only for a week, it feels icky.
Is this really what God wants? Or did I go too fast? Out of order? Do too much too soon? Am I ungrateful? Is my family angry? What if my husband doesn't forgive me for this?
Second guessing begins. It shows up everywhere.
God didn't give me a little "first step" in the vision of Mighty Strong Girls; He gave me the whole thing. I jumped on board, perhaps a little too eagerly and went ahead of His plan for me. I know that now.
I repented. We've been blessed. Financially my family is back "on track," but the ministry is still in a bit of a mess. Debt with more on the horizon to accomplish what we minimally need to do. I am so grateful for God's provision; what He's done in two short months can only be described as miraculous. And that's just the money part. The lives He's touched, the fun we've had, the friendships made, the faith He's deepened in girls and women, the lies we've exposed, the work we've accomplished, the walls we've knocked down. All of that we've done because of His divine and glorious work through the hands, hearts, minds and feet of so many. It's astonishing; really it is! To begin dissecting the list of His accomplishments in one year of Mighty Strong Girls is exhausting!
But I'd be lying if I didn't add that I want more. I want a ministry that doesn't operate in the "red." I want a family who doesn't wear shoes that squeeze our toes and give us blisters because we can't afford new ones. I want a financial plan I know will work — as in the money is already there before we know we need it. The American way.
Admitting that feels incredibly selfish sometimes, and that's why I lie. Because when you minister, you put your faith in God. Right? What I described in the previous paragraph would mean I don't have to rely on Him. Right? I mean, that's what so many have said. God's people wandered 40 years in the dessert, relying on his providence. Not always knowing where it would come. Not knowing. That's Biblical. Right?
The problem is after taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, I can't make it agree. I'm way outside my comfort zone with a lot of what's happening with Mighty Strong Girls. The speed of things are faster than even I wanted. Income is not keeping up with expenses. Which means our modest middle class family budget is now not only stretched to cover my nearly complete lack of income (save for a half dozen photography clients a year) but also thousands in expenses for a ministry. I'm secretly fearful about losing our home. That wasn't my plan. I'm not sure whether it's God's plan. There. That's it. There's the honesty.
There are days I simply want to throw in the towel and do what makes sense: Get a good paying job that will pull my family out of the mess, the uncertainty. I have a master's degree, for crying out loud, and I know it wouldn't take long to find work. It's a formula that I already know provides the solution. My brain screams for this in my lowest moments of discouragement.
Except I've been there. It's not so neat, certain and happy. On that side, I yearned for something authentic. A job that used the best of what I could offer to make a difference and help others make a difference. Here God gives it to me, and I'm complaining. You can see why I'm lying to myself. In my weakest, most human moments, I want what the world wants — security, certainty, comfort. These things beckon me from my lowest lows of doubtfulness.
It's like a tug-of-war in my mind, heart and soul. This thing, this little "thing" God called me to do is absolutely amazing, and watching the body of Christ formed to do His work makes me feel so small but so incredibly filled up spiritually. It's awesome and amazing and fearful. I hate admitting that I want to turn my back on it. (The truth is I don't think I EVER could!) I know God has me where I need to be, where He wants me to be.
I want to create a place where girls and women can be honest and real. To really explore this seemingly unchartered territory of "reality," I have to stop lying to myself. I'm praying this honesty will help unlock the bonds of the writer's block and give me confidence to move forward boldly with Mighty Strong Girls. Because as secure as I am that my own daughter can be raised in an environment that affirms her inner-awesomeness, it's not enough. I want that for all girls, and I want her to grow up with girls who believe it, too. I can't do that without holding onto "the truth."
I have no other choice but to lean entirely and completely into Him. The truth is I have nowhere else to turn if I'm being honest about what I want in the previous paragraph. The truth is He doesn't want us to live lives of despair or sadness. The truth is that I need ministered to as much as anyone else. The truth is that when God fills us up, we feel complete. The truth is that Philippians 4:13 isn't about getting what we want or accomplishing what we want. It's not about our selfish desires at all. It's about being satisfied when all we have is Him. It's about drawing strength from Him when we feel weak, when we feel we need what the world offers, when we feel we should have what everyone else has.
If I want to stop lying to myself, I need to get to the bottom of one simple question: Is He really enough?
Can I stop obsessing about what I don't have, what I want, what I think He should provide? Can I make my God enough to fill me up?
As I explored this with my friend yesterday, I did what I sadly too often do. I hung up the phone and shifted gears to something else entirely.
But she didn't forget. Five minutes later and for 10 minutes, my phone was "on fire" with text messages from girls and moms. She asked some of those close to Mighty Strong Girls to send me some encouragement. Each of them spoke from their heart about what it's meant to them.
Here is a sample:
"Mighty Strong Girls helps me feel like I matter more than I did before, and I realize it's OK to be different."
"Mighty Strong Girls has been a great way for me to stay connected with God and other Christian Girls. Thank you!"
"It's amazing what Mighty Strong Girls has become. It's weird to look back at the day you told me about it. I thought it was so out of reach! And now it's this huge thing that has become so much! I'm so thankful for you. I love you."
"Mighty Strong Girls is going to be something amazing. Thank you!"
The icing on the cake was a phone call right about the time I got the texts from my husband, who had to run some medication to one of our children at camp in Springfield. He was heading back to work when he saw a woman out for a walk wearing the "Be-YOU-tiful" T-shirt she got at the Mighty Strong Girls event this summer. Best of all, he called it "Polly's shirt." Polly is the girl at my church who designed the T-shirt. That's an impressive detail for most men to remember, but he was so excited — for Polly, for me and for Mighty Strong Girls.
I have to tell you to have such support is a tremendous blessing. It occurred to me that their words were God's way of affirming this ministry and encouraging me. I sat crying tears of joy. It
The very thing I want for girls — to be told they matter, to walk obediently in the will of God, to know it's OK to be the girl God created them to be, to be affirmed and encouraged — is something I need, too. It's something we all need. It's something we all deserve as the children of God.
Be a Mighty Strong Girl today and encourage one another. To do so is to be the hands, feet and mouth of Christ!
Monday, September 17, 2012
Banishing the 'f' word
Why?
That's the question that is haunting me lately. I can't shake it. Because deep down I think I'm scared I already know the answer.
The issue prompting my why is the self-loathing. This place where the female persuasion finds herself going when she's bloated, has a pimple, gained a few pounds, noticed a gray hair, found her first wrinkle or sadly, as the case is for so many of our teen girls, without any understandable provocation whatsoever.
My daughter couldn't even walk yet when my husband told me there would be no more "f-words" in our house. The "f-word" he was referring too was "fat." I couldn't believe he would insult me that way. I NEVER say that.
Then I realized I didn't have to say it. It might as well have been written across my face when I looked in the mirror some mornings, put on a certain pair of pants or ate something I regretted. The constant self-critical voice was so deeply ingrained, I didn't even hear myself on those occasions when I did in fact actually mutter, "Ugh. I look so fat."
Two years later, my toddler daughter would do the same -- the first time.
And I wonder...how many times will she have to look at herself in the mirror before she loves the reflection entirely, without judgement and even in spite of the differences in her image and the ridiculously unrealistic and often sexualized images of women and girls that surround us? Will she ever?
Because the truth is...I don't always feel that way about myself. And so why should she? Or any girl? The truth is self loathing in itself isn't a mental disorder. But if we're honest, we realize it is a reality...a shocking 93 percent of girls and young women report feeling anxiety or stress about some aspect of their looks when getting ready in the morning.
Should it really be that way? Something about that seems....sad and wrong.
But the world we live in has evolved. It's much, much more visual, considering a couple hundred years ago society was mirror-less and purity (not half-naked women dancing on television commercials) equated beauty. By her 12th birthday, today's girl will have seen more than 75,000 television commercials. That's on top of billboards, magazines and Internet images that project a more-or-less flawless, thin and "sexy" version of who she is "supposed to be."
Our world tells her over and over and over that she's not good enough. She needs this product or that to look better. She needs to shed pounds -- a lot and often an unattainable amount -- to be pretty enough. She can't have pimples, a flat chest, glasses, thin lips, thick eyebrows, cellulite, wrinkles or a big ole booty. None of those are desirable. Throw in the pressure to act a certain way, wear specific brands of clothing, be seen with "cool" people and use the latest and greatest gadgets. You can be rest assured that when she finally achieves one of these, there will be another and another she must overcome if she ever wants to reach society's narrow definition of beauty.
We, my fine female friend, fall for this trap. So may I introduce you to the contrived, self-absorbed, unhappy but beautiful like a Barbie doll woman our world would have us all be. I hope you like living a lie.
According to "Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, more than three-quarters of girls and young women admit to partaking in unhealthy activities when they feel badly about their bodies and 58 percent describe themselves as disgusting and ugly. Almost 40 percent engage in unhealthy eating behaviors, such as anorexia or bulimia. I am further concerned that most of these girls may be suffering in silence.
Despite the evolving roles and prominence of successful women in our culture, we are no less likely to be objectified. In fact, we are more likely to be viewed as sex objects than ever before. Is it perhaps because we've convinced ourselves that we can "have it all?" And in the midst of following our own dreams we have blindly let marketers tell us what "all" is? You know, this "all" is never enough. It will never be enough. And that's the trap.
There's no hiding from these facts, and as much as I would like to, I can't rear my daughter in a bubble. I can't stop negative advertising in its entirety, but there IS a lot I CAN do.
Will you help me?
* Stop buying it. Stop buying into the lie and stop shopping with retailers who objectify girls and women. (After watching a disgusting advertising by Hardee's during a football game this weekend, I will NEVER patronize this restaurant again. Ever.)
* Stop living in shame. Talk about it. Get a dialogue going. Be honest. Someone wants to hug you, let you know it will be OK and help you through the pain.
* Be supportive. Encourage and lift one another up. Girls can be their own worst enemy, and many of us carry this over into adulthood. We can end a lot of the negative carryover simply by telling each other the truth: You're beautiful. You're gorgeous. You are worthy. You make the world a better place.
* Love each other right where you are. Extend grace. A lot. We don't do this enough!
* Quit gossiping and quit listening to the gossip -- most of which revolves around the way someone looks or a jealousy we have for someone we "think" looks better than we do. (Girls, this only makes us look ugly from the inside out!)
* Support projects that lift up and encourage girls and women. Like Mighty Strong Girls. Sorry, there HAD to be a shameless "plug."
God has a destiny planned for all of us -- an unraveling story that is so great and amazing. It will let us use our special gifts and talents and impact the world for Christ. It will inspire us and motivate us and make us so happy we could just dance!
That's the revolution I've had. I'm in my happy place where I'm getting clarity, and He's filling me up. It's a work in progress, but I'm so happy to finally be here. And I want to help other girls and women find this place, too. It takes a team effort, for I didn't come to this on my own but through the work of God and some amazing, beautiful women.
Now I have a question for you. Will you be part of the team helping girls and women be revolutionized? I want you on my team!!
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