After being strung along for a week by potential buyers of our home, we discovered that the promises of a contract were empty ones. They changed their minds, even after their realtor texted details of their offer. Even after spending three days visiting our home for more than 90 minutes each time. Even after many questions, including some fairly odd requests.
The crumbling of this sale transpired the day after we broke the news to our children that a move was impending. One of them was delighted. The other was devastated. And we spent the evening recalling our favorite memories and reminding ourselves that a house didn't make us a family any more than a community defines us.
Honestly, I was angry and offended after the emotional roller coaster came to a halt this morning. It was rude, inconsiderate and immature.
As I stewed, several friends reminded me that it was more than likely the compassionate hand of God protecting us. There is already an even-better, perfect offer outstanding on our home from a family that knows they will love our home and treasure it as they make new memories here. It came on the third day our house was listed — just after we prayed as a family that the first showing would result in a full-price offer. All we have to do is wait. Wait for His perfect timing and pray that it works out according to His plan. He's already been so gracious to us, so it's easy to have faith — even if it comes with some topsy-turvy anxiousness at times!
I was also reminded that while a house is just a building, it's significance really can't be ignored. It has a place on our family timeline.
Four weeks ago when I tore down the kids' artwork and all the encouragement I've kept taped to my walls so that we could "stage" our house, I was reminded of how richly blessed I am. Each "thing" I tore down broke my heart that I had to remove it, but it also restored my faith.
Even though it was hanging there in plain sight day after day, I rarely took the chance to remember. Taking each piece down allowed me to pause and think about some things I should have been thinking about.
* The giant "You mean the WORLD to me!" poster that Abby made when I was having a down day. She was just 9 at the time and so insightful to recognize my hurt and sadness. Without saying a word, she quietly locked herself in her room and got to work on the infamous poster where the "O" in WORLD was made into the Earth and the "R" is a different shade of blue because she initially forgot to include it. Neither of us noticed. (We aren't great spellers around here!)
* My reminder to keep dreaming: "Spend at least 15 minutes a day in deliberate thought about something bigger than your to-do list."
* A card signed by my colleagues at the last place I worked. The place where I quit without a plan in place but just the desire to follow where God would lead me. Reading their comments about trusting God and chasing bigger plans reminds me that the adventure I was seeking has found me in Mighty Strong Girls and homeschooling. I never would have guessed! In my hardest days (and there are many!), I can be secure in the knowledge that I am doing exactly what I set out to do — pursuing a legacy and not a salary. (I wouldn't complain if God makes a way for the latter though!)
* A copy of the "Starfish Flinger."
The Starfish Story
Original Story by: Loren Eisley
One day a
man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something
up and gently throwing it into the ocean. Approaching the boy, he
asked, “What are you doing?” The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back
into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t
throw them back, they’ll die.” “Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize
there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t
make a difference!” After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked
up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at
the man, he said … “I made a difference for that one.”
* A card from my new dear friend Jan Koch (in her trademark red ink) that is simply awesome. She calls me one of the most amazing women she has met, a blessing and a treasure. None are things I think of myself. Everyone deserves a friend who believes in all her dreams and thinks more highly of her than she does!
* A collage Abby made for me with her favorite Mighty Strong Girls messages that have helped change her life: Love, Princess Warrior, Lovely ladies, Show your inner colors, Wonderful women, You are loved, beYOUtiful, Shine, God made you very special, Graceful girls, Jesus died for you, God is almighty.
* A note that came with the first $1,000 donation Mighty Strong Girls received. "Thank you for your positive messages to young girls and for helping them realize who they are in Christ....."
* A hand-drawn flower from Hannah, one of the first girls attracted to Mighty Strong Girls, with the passage 1 Peter 3:3-4: Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and find clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
Hannah's mom has since joined the Mighty Strong Girls team. A widow and single mom to four children (three living at home), she is a source of inspiration to me and I'm glad to call her one of my closest friends!
* An article from Christian Standard called "It's all about the mission," which points out all the things we think wrongly about what makes a good leader. "The best of them tended to be quiet listeners who let other people make most of the decisions. They weren't particularly charismatic. Or funny. They weren't the toughest guys in the pack... They were, on the whole, a little boring."
What a relief to read this article! I am an introvert, who is awkward at public speaking, slow to process and react, and not funny in the least! But still, there could be a place for me, I remember thinking as I read this. The article goes on to conclude: "It means process and philosophy beat personality. It means the not-super-funny and the not-most-attractive-in-the-room can be most effective. It means character matters more than charisma. It means your personality doesn't have to be larger than life — your vision and your commitment to it do."
Yes, it's just a house but it's been home to more than our memories. It's held our laughter, our tears, our hopes, our dreams and our inspiration. This house represents change — beautiful transformation that took place in our hearts as a family.
When we first moved in this house in 2008, we had just made some major life changes. I had recently quit my job at the local newspaper where I had launched a magazine. We were downsizing, incorporating our spending/saving habits into our legacy, and making family our priority. We were "baby Christians." Here, we were challenged, put to pressure and made more beautiful. We became debt-free (except the house), we grew in our faith, our children were both baptized, Dan got severely ill, I quit my job, we made family our priority, we decided to homeschool and my dreams of making a difference in the world were realized with Mighty Strong Girls.
If it weren't for the sale of our house, I wonder how long I would work to the backdrop of the "inspiration" hanging on my walls but forgotten in my heart. Change, my dear friends, is a GOOD thing. It stirs us. It moves us. It improves us. Sometimes physically moving is the only thing, the only way we can make the transformation the Lord desires for us.
For this move, I am praying we will once again become debt-free, grow in our faith, incorporate our finances into our legacy, make family our priority and continue to make a difference in the world... one starfish at a time!
Showing posts with label finances. Show all posts
Showing posts with label finances. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
An update on adoption, Denney Photography and Mighty Strong Girls
Have you ever gotten excited about something that God put in your heart?
My daughter had passed out magazines to the teen girls on the Jungle Book cast, and one of the moms wanted to talk to me. I knew this on Friday but didn't run into her. Saturday morning was when I went on a bike ride and I said my prayer before going to work at Jungle Book. It was then that I ran into her — the nameless woman I had never before met. It was SO WEIRD! She was asking questions and shaking her head in agreement before she spoke. She admitted she didn't read the magazine but only saw the cover. Then she began speaking to me with authority. It was almost like God was standing there talking to me through her! She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "If you are really serious about this, you have to give it everything you've got."
I have always felt like this is what God wants of me. To brush all else aside. To focus on Mighty Strong Girls alone. It seems impossible, as there is barely enough in faith pledges to cover the basic necessities, let alone a salary of any sort. Plus, it was my photography that literally saved our butts in the last couple weeks as Dan took three days off for his grandpa's death and funeral (he doesn't get paid time off).
Two years ago, I attended an orphans conference and heard beautiful stories of adoption. I knew then and there it was something
I could do, and I felt like God wanted my family to adopt. Since then, I've been excited (and anxious) about adding to our family.
A
little less than a year later, my husband was at a church leaders
conference when a speaker spoke for less than three minutes about
adopting one of his children. Then and there, he received God’s word
that we are to adopt. Seven months or so later, our children were able
to instantly “find” enough money to cover the fees for an application
for adoption. So we applied. We earnestly thought it was God's will. We were all comfortable with the challenges adoption brings and excited to see God's glory shine in and through the brokenness.
But then there was a communication snafu with the adoption agency we were working with, and it seemed we were already late with the $5,000 fee, on top of needing anywhere between $2,000-$6,000 for our home study that needed to begin right away. We thought we had 90 days to raise the money, and because our case worker dropped the ball in explaining anything to do with finances, they were gracious and gave us a 30-day extension.
We were super busy at the time with the kids and Dan being in Jungle Book and me writing and photographing on deadline for Mighty Strong Girls, so it was obvious that if it was God's will for us to adopt right now with this agency, it would be His miraculous act that would make it possible. We ended up with a $50 donation right away and then nothing. The 30 days came and they went.
Part of me wanted to (still wants to?) grieve. I have been saving the kids' clothes for hand-me-downs, dreaming of bedroom remodels. We've been praying for our children. We've been faithful. We've been hopeful.
And yet, reality was hitting us hard over the head. Both kids NEED new mattresses, and we have no way to buy even those. We have a couple medical bills in collections, and then we discovered that the credit card we use for Mighty Strong Girls, Trades of Hope, gas and occasional food had suddenly been "maxed out." There was only $2,000 of "wiggle room," and while we knew I was without the teaching job that paid $500 a month, we didn't guard this very carefully and it grew.
Why do I share such intimate details? Most people cringe at personal finance stories.
I KNOW that many of us go through such trials, and because we announced our adoption here, it seems only fitting to announce our un-adoption here with the reasons.
YES, I believe in a big God who can do all things, and I had a few in the adoption community call out my doubt. But as former leaders of Financial Peace University, we knew we were being less than good stewards by letting things slide. Does God want us to adopt AND pay off our debt? Yes! But we believe He stopped this process so that we could see that it's time to right the financial wrongs FIRST so we can then get back to the adoption He so clearly put on our hearts and continue living in the principles He has taught us. He's here to help us not to hurt us!
I was feeling shame and regret, condemnation and criticism because I thought we failed, that I failed. That I disappointed my family. None of these are feelings are of God!
Did we somehow screw up? You betcha! We are human, and we stumble. We know better. Oh my gosh, we know so much better. And if wasn't for the grace and glory of God, we would have far more debt right now than we do. Plus, we know what to do to get out of it.
Here's where it gets sticky. It seems obvious to "get out of it," I need to get a job, right?
But something about scanning classifieds and considering a $15 per hour graphic design job seemed "icky." I could invest (I guess on credit) in Denney Photography.
So I went back to "basics," the basics that have led me thus far. I prayed. I asked God to intervene, to show me the path to take, AND I promised I would be obedient. Uh-hum, the sticky part.
My daughter had passed out magazines to the teen girls on the Jungle Book cast, and one of the moms wanted to talk to me. I knew this on Friday but didn't run into her. Saturday morning was when I went on a bike ride and I said my prayer before going to work at Jungle Book. It was then that I ran into her — the nameless woman I had never before met. It was SO WEIRD! She was asking questions and shaking her head in agreement before she spoke. She admitted she didn't read the magazine but only saw the cover. Then she began speaking to me with authority. It was almost like God was standing there talking to me through her! She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "If you are really serious about this, you have to give it everything you've got."
I have always felt like this is what God wants of me. To brush all else aside. To focus on Mighty Strong Girls alone. It seems impossible, as there is barely enough in faith pledges to cover the basic necessities, let alone a salary of any sort. Plus, it was my photography that literally saved our butts in the last couple weeks as Dan took three days off for his grandpa's death and funeral (he doesn't get paid time off).
I
absolutely believe
and KNOW that God can do all things, and that the timing isn’t for us to figure out. I can count at least a half dozen reasons the adoption isn't in His timing right now, the most important being that it's about the kids He has planned to join our family.
So, what does this mean for our family? A lot of scary things, I suppose. A restructuring of Mighty Strong Girls is coming that will allow it to be both a mission (Business as Mission) AND a ministry. It will open up doors for us to sell magazines, advertising, event tickets and other things that simply aren't acceptable under IRS rules with our Ripe for Harvest partnership. We still are accepting and NEED donors more than ever. Those are tax-deductible through account 381 with Ripe for Harvest, and they allow us to do printing of the magazine as well as one-on-one ministry with preteen and teen girls.
So, what does this mean for our family? A lot of scary things, I suppose. A restructuring of Mighty Strong Girls is coming that will allow it to be both a mission (Business as Mission) AND a ministry. It will open up doors for us to sell magazines, advertising, event tickets and other things that simply aren't acceptable under IRS rules with our Ripe for Harvest partnership. We still are accepting and NEED donors more than ever. Those are tax-deductible through account 381 with Ripe for Harvest, and they allow us to do printing of the magazine as well as one-on-one ministry with preteen and teen girls.
It also means I am closing the doors on Denney Photography. I won't renew the website, so if you have a gallery online, place your orders soon! At first, this saddened me, but in prayer, I don't think it's the end of my creative and portrait photography work. For one thing, I am doing this now for Mighty Strong Girls, which gives me great joy! We can set up a shopping link on the Mighty Strong Girls website and sell prints from the magazine to help offset our expenses. Also, I will continue to take photography work as God brings it to me without investing time and money in marketing it. I don't need fancy tools, flashy props or sophisticated websites to bring me the small amount of work it would take to help our family. And this way, I can feel free to say no if it interferes with Mighty Strong Girls. I don't know entirely what this looks like, and I'm not convinced that He won't tell me to drop it all together. But God has certainly used my photography to bring blessings to others and to our own family's mission work, so I'm not feeling like the rug should be ripped out here.
As for Trades of Hope, I'm a little less certain. God clearly brought that to me. But I never felt like I was to sell it, so for now, I'm simply praying.
Clearly a lot is in flux, so more than anything, I would appreciate your prayers. I believe in Mighty Strong Girls more than ever, and I know that's where God would have me focus all the energy and time I can offer. But I can't do it without your help, your support and your prayers. Thanks for them...they are literally the fuel that keeps me going!
Thursday, October 24, 2013
How blessed am I?
An attitude of gratitude.
I have a habit of repeating those four words. A lot.
They aren't my words. In fact, I don't know whose words those are. They sure do resemble some of God's words. "Give thanks in EVERYTHING," are words from His book. Paul writes about trials and sorrow being considered pure joy...because contentment is found in Christ alone.
I throw these words around like I own them: "Let's start every prayer, every day, every thought with an attitude of gratitude." I'm not saying them for teen girls or my friends or my family.
I. Am. Saying them. For. ME.
That's right. I'm selfish. I like stuff. I get caught up in worldly desires. I want, want, want. All the time. I justify. I cave in to my children's begging and their desires. I honestly believe things like, "If we just had more....," "We will give _________(fill in the blank) as soon as we make $__________(fill in the blank," "We would ___________(fill in the blank) if we could, but clearly we can't."
On top of all that, I whine about bad days, complain about my kids, have secret desires that my husband would make more, do more, make less, do less (circle one or two, depending on my mood that day).
You see, my heart is not pure. In fact, God says my heart is "deceitful above all things," from Jeremiah 17:9. Can you believe it?
So I must CONSTANTLY remind myself to be thankful. Always. Every moment of every day.
Because I have so, so much to be thankful for — great health, food three (or more) times every day, a roof over my head, a van to get me where I need to be, wonderful friends, the most amazing husband and two children who weren't supposed to be born. I have abundantly more than I deserve.
For two and a half years, I lived a VERY UNGRATEFUL life. I couldn't get pregnant, and then I was told the odds that I'd ever have a child were quite small. Maybe about 5 percent.
Back then, I was starting to think again maybe God was real. I had been raised in the Lutheran faith, churched my entire childhood and then convinced throughout my college years and early career that there was no God. High school friends had planted seeds of doubt, and liberal professors sowed them. I was cultivating the ideas when I met my husband. We were both highly doubtful, to say the least.
We were desperate, though, when we wanted to have a baby. And so we asked for prayers. Our names were added to prayer lists. Yet, we never prayed.
But you see, God loves us so much that He gives us exactly what we need when we need it. He answered the prayer we never prayed, and He gave us Abby. And then even more miraculously, He gave us Ryker. Undeserving, unbelieving sinners. He answered. He gave. Because He loved.
Those answered prayers led us to the town where we live now, to the church where we were born again, to the life God wanted for us, to a place where we would seek Him and walk in His will.
He is so very wise.
There are prayers He is answering on our behalf from others that we don't even know about. There are ways He is moving because of His love for us. He is almighty, omniscient and omnipresent.
For that, I must respond with an attitude of gratitude. For all I am and all I have, I owe to His great mercy and grace.
Daily it is my pleasure to thank Him. I do so by choice, a free will that He bestowed on me, and I'm not under any obligation. I thank Him because I love Him. I love Him because He loves me.
My attitude of gratitude is a song of praise to the heavenly King! Singing it brings me great joy.
“May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14).
Monday, August 5, 2013
Blessings
Maybe this is just me. Maybe God doesn't work this way for everyone. Maybe I'm slightly crazy. Maybe all of the above.
God seems to show up at the last minute, when I need Him most, when I have called out His name over and over, when I'm desperate.
It's not as if I'm NOT praying all along. It's like He waits until I am nearly ready to give up, throw in the towel, turn my back. Thank God He doesn't wait until I do; but it's as if I don't know what else to do.
Maybe it's because He wants my little prayers to become BIG prayers. Maybe He wants me to go from "popcorn prayers" to falling on my knees prayers. Maybe He wants me to stop thinking of my problems as "little things" because He wants to be involved in ALL of my life. Maybe He wants to see if I will really and truly go put my hands on my Jeep in broad daylight in front of all my neighbors without regard for what anyone thinks or says and pray that He will intercede.
Yes, I did that (luckily I had some crazy, prayer-loving friends who did it with me!).
I've heard it said that when you string this many coincidences together, perhaps it's time to stop thinking of them as mere "coincidences."
When I pray big. When I ask others to join me in praying big. God moves BIG.
Has this ever been the experience for you?
Four weeks ago, I was desperately frustrated. I was not without faith, nor was I doubtful, but I saw no obvious answer. My situation went from grim to "no way out." I really wasn't sure if I would be able to get gas in my vehicle. The credit card was, in fact, past its $10,000 limit but strangely enough (or not!), it was working.
I bought gas. I got groceries. I prayed. And then I prayed bigger. Friends joined in prayer. We laid hands on a giant pile of paid-off metal and asked God to find a buyer who would pay all of what we wanted for it.
Four days later, He answered the prayer. Exactly!
Now the credit card is nearly down to a $0 balance. And there seems to be money in my ministry account. Not quite enough. But more than I thought!
It seems as if God is patting my shoulder and saying, "Didn't I promise I would take care of you?" (I can imagine Him in His big, but gentle God voice adding, "Oh, you of little faith.")
I took my eyes off the problem and turned them to Him, and when I turned around, the problem was gone. But He's still there. Promising. Encouraging. Providing.
God seems to show up at the last minute, when I need Him most, when I have called out His name over and over, when I'm desperate.
It's not as if I'm NOT praying all along. It's like He waits until I am nearly ready to give up, throw in the towel, turn my back. Thank God He doesn't wait until I do; but it's as if I don't know what else to do.
Maybe it's because He wants my little prayers to become BIG prayers. Maybe He wants me to go from "popcorn prayers" to falling on my knees prayers. Maybe He wants me to stop thinking of my problems as "little things" because He wants to be involved in ALL of my life. Maybe He wants to see if I will really and truly go put my hands on my Jeep in broad daylight in front of all my neighbors without regard for what anyone thinks or says and pray that He will intercede.
Yes, I did that (luckily I had some crazy, prayer-loving friends who did it with me!).
I've heard it said that when you string this many coincidences together, perhaps it's time to stop thinking of them as mere "coincidences."
When I pray big. When I ask others to join me in praying big. God moves BIG.
Has this ever been the experience for you?
Four weeks ago, I was desperately frustrated. I was not without faith, nor was I doubtful, but I saw no obvious answer. My situation went from grim to "no way out." I really wasn't sure if I would be able to get gas in my vehicle. The credit card was, in fact, past its $10,000 limit but strangely enough (or not!), it was working.
I bought gas. I got groceries. I prayed. And then I prayed bigger. Friends joined in prayer. We laid hands on a giant pile of paid-off metal and asked God to find a buyer who would pay all of what we wanted for it.
Four days later, He answered the prayer. Exactly!
Now the credit card is nearly down to a $0 balance. And there seems to be money in my ministry account. Not quite enough. But more than I thought!
It seems as if God is patting my shoulder and saying, "Didn't I promise I would take care of you?" (I can imagine Him in His big, but gentle God voice adding, "Oh, you of little faith.")
I took my eyes off the problem and turned them to Him, and when I turned around, the problem was gone. But He's still there. Promising. Encouraging. Providing.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Tears over cherry cheesecake
Today I began my day stressed.
Anxious over the magazine — impending deadlines, event planning, photos to be taken, editing, financing, printing. Even though I know it's going quite well, beautiful and orchestrated by God. Money is better than ever. The quality of the publication is breath-taking, and the prospects for partnership opportunities are about to make me burst with excitement. The last days of the kids at camp and me working at home are ticking away. A new chapter is about to begin.
And at a time when things couldn't be going better. I'm stressed. Tense. Muscles tight, jaw popping, head throbbing (could be the teeth cleaning at the dentist today???) kind of anxious. Super unusual for me in the last five years of my life. Maybe it's the doggie drama. Our dog has had three (with a fourth now scheduled) trips to the vet in the two weeks of the kids being at camp. He's whining, whimpering, groaning and limping in pain. It's making it hard for me to work in the same room. Talk about hampering concentration!
It could be nervous excitement as we are planning some things "in secret" for Mighty Strong Girls, and the unveiling is going to be as fun as working out all the details. It could be uneasiness about homeschooling preparation. As in, I'm ready to create calendars, paint a wall, decorate reading nooks for the kids and make the transition fun and exciting (but I have to get the magazine designed first).
It might also be that when I decided to blog again, I would seek God about what I write. In the last week, I feel He's given me two topics: forgiveness and patience. It's not the topics that are stress-inducing. But while I continued to pray, He put people on my heart for each. One requires digging into my past and tearing down walls I built over something ridiculous; the other requires holding my tongue and letting Him work at His pace and not mine when it comes to a situation involving two loved ones. So while I may be writing on these topics, I think God is seeking me to experience His work through them first.
I'm continuing to be in prayer, meditating on times when I had to forgive and be patient, remembering how faithful God was in those situations and leaning into Him as I prepare for these challenges ahead so that I can face them with a joyful attitude and not one filled with anxiety.
I took a big step tonight. I sat down with a slice of homemade cherry cheesecake, made by my teenage friend who's celebrating her sweet sixteenth birthday today. Can you believe it? A teenager made me cheesecake on HER BIRTHDAY! How lucky am I to know someone so wonderful. And this isn't the first time she made me cheesecake, but the first two times, the cake was eaten before it made it to my house. LOL!
Eating the cheesecake, I reflected on how far I've come and she's come in the last year. Both are worth celebrating! I think God is celebrating, too.
As I continued enjoying the decadence, I read a note from an old friend about her decision to homeschool her children. It was so beautifully written —almost like a dance where the rhythm picks up and then slows between her and God about being in tune with His will for her family. It made me smile, then laugh and cry and laugh again. I miss her; she was the first "real" friend I had! We met in junior high and went through so much together — good, bad and ugly — and both came out better for it, or should I say despite it, on the other side. I sure wish we lived closer to one another.
I notice as I ate and read and then licked my plate (transparency, remember?) that my stress had melted away. Contentment, the very thing I told my son he needs more of this morning, isn't something that comes easily to most of us. Maybe the fact that so many things are unsettled was causing discontent. I reminded Ryker that we must seek contentment. We must WANT it. We have to avoid distractions like jealousy, pride and anger that can steal our contentment. Happiness cannot be found in money, stuff or accomplishments. It has its roots in relationships — Jesus first, then your family and then other relationships.
Spending some time reflecting on my emotionally tumultuous day reminded me life is good, even if isn't always good, but that God is good ALL THE TIME. Like cherry cheesecake and old friends.
Anxious over the magazine — impending deadlines, event planning, photos to be taken, editing, financing, printing. Even though I know it's going quite well, beautiful and orchestrated by God. Money is better than ever. The quality of the publication is breath-taking, and the prospects for partnership opportunities are about to make me burst with excitement. The last days of the kids at camp and me working at home are ticking away. A new chapter is about to begin.
And at a time when things couldn't be going better. I'm stressed. Tense. Muscles tight, jaw popping, head throbbing (could be the teeth cleaning at the dentist today???) kind of anxious. Super unusual for me in the last five years of my life. Maybe it's the doggie drama. Our dog has had three (with a fourth now scheduled) trips to the vet in the two weeks of the kids being at camp. He's whining, whimpering, groaning and limping in pain. It's making it hard for me to work in the same room. Talk about hampering concentration!
It could be nervous excitement as we are planning some things "in secret" for Mighty Strong Girls, and the unveiling is going to be as fun as working out all the details. It could be uneasiness about homeschooling preparation. As in, I'm ready to create calendars, paint a wall, decorate reading nooks for the kids and make the transition fun and exciting (but I have to get the magazine designed first).
It might also be that when I decided to blog again, I would seek God about what I write. In the last week, I feel He's given me two topics: forgiveness and patience. It's not the topics that are stress-inducing. But while I continued to pray, He put people on my heart for each. One requires digging into my past and tearing down walls I built over something ridiculous; the other requires holding my tongue and letting Him work at His pace and not mine when it comes to a situation involving two loved ones. So while I may be writing on these topics, I think God is seeking me to experience His work through them first.
I'm continuing to be in prayer, meditating on times when I had to forgive and be patient, remembering how faithful God was in those situations and leaning into Him as I prepare for these challenges ahead so that I can face them with a joyful attitude and not one filled with anxiety.
I took a big step tonight. I sat down with a slice of homemade cherry cheesecake, made by my teenage friend who's celebrating her sweet sixteenth birthday today. Can you believe it? A teenager made me cheesecake on HER BIRTHDAY! How lucky am I to know someone so wonderful. And this isn't the first time she made me cheesecake, but the first two times, the cake was eaten before it made it to my house. LOL! Eating the cheesecake, I reflected on how far I've come and she's come in the last year. Both are worth celebrating! I think God is celebrating, too.
As I continued enjoying the decadence, I read a note from an old friend about her decision to homeschool her children. It was so beautifully written —almost like a dance where the rhythm picks up and then slows between her and God about being in tune with His will for her family. It made me smile, then laugh and cry and laugh again. I miss her; she was the first "real" friend I had! We met in junior high and went through so much together — good, bad and ugly — and both came out better for it, or should I say despite it, on the other side. I sure wish we lived closer to one another.
I notice as I ate and read and then licked my plate (transparency, remember?) that my stress had melted away. Contentment, the very thing I told my son he needs more of this morning, isn't something that comes easily to most of us. Maybe the fact that so many things are unsettled was causing discontent. I reminded Ryker that we must seek contentment. We must WANT it. We have to avoid distractions like jealousy, pride and anger that can steal our contentment. Happiness cannot be found in money, stuff or accomplishments. It has its roots in relationships — Jesus first, then your family and then other relationships.
Spending some time reflecting on my emotionally tumultuous day reminded me life is good, even if isn't always good, but that God is good ALL THE TIME. Like cherry cheesecake and old friends.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
My keeping-it-real confession: I've been lying
In a conversation with a good friend yesterday, I tried making sense of it all.
"I think I'm a liar," I said, laughing....sort of. "But I can't figure out who I'm not being honest with — myself, God or the people following Mighty Strong Girls."
Based on a few other comments, she deduced that I'm not being honest with myself. If you ask me, lying to yourself has implications when it comes to God and everyone else, too. So I'm a liar. Great.
It's an uneasy feeling, not being honest with yourself. A trick. A slight of the hand. Nobody else knows, but you are harboring a dirty little secret...or several. I tell myself repeatedly that Mighty Strong Girls is what I'm supposed to be doing. It's what God put on my heart. I'm being obedient. I'm loving every minute of it. I'm not afraid. We're doing 'just fine' financially.
They seem like legitimate lies, because I don't want anyone — least of all myself — to doubt "my" ministry. Deep down, I KNOW it's what I'm SUPPOSED to do. So I stuff all my emotions, fears and problems way down deep and begin to fill my head with "positive self talk" to convince myself everything is peachy keen. So that people will want to be part of it, because who wants to buy in to something that fills the founder up with doubt?
But when you go from living three years debt-free in the name of God and in 12 short months have a credit card that is maxed out, and you have no cash to fill up your gas tank or get groceries, it's absolutely terrifying. When you are doing the work of a team of a dozen without getting paid, you begin to question your sanity. When you push aside your family for a ministry, even if only for a week, it feels icky.
Is this really what God wants? Or did I go too fast? Out of order? Do too much too soon? Am I ungrateful? Is my family angry? What if my husband doesn't forgive me for this?
Second guessing begins. It shows up everywhere.
God didn't give me a little "first step" in the vision of Mighty Strong Girls; He gave me the whole thing. I jumped on board, perhaps a little too eagerly and went ahead of His plan for me. I know that now.
I repented. We've been blessed. Financially my family is back "on track," but the ministry is still in a bit of a mess. Debt with more on the horizon to accomplish what we minimally need to do. I am so grateful for God's provision; what He's done in two short months can only be described as miraculous. And that's just the money part. The lives He's touched, the fun we've had, the friendships made, the faith He's deepened in girls and women, the lies we've exposed, the work we've accomplished, the walls we've knocked down. All of that we've done because of His divine and glorious work through the hands, hearts, minds and feet of so many. It's astonishing; really it is! To begin dissecting the list of His accomplishments in one year of Mighty Strong Girls is exhausting!
But I'd be lying if I didn't add that I want more. I want a ministry that doesn't operate in the "red." I want a family who doesn't wear shoes that squeeze our toes and give us blisters because we can't afford new ones. I want a financial plan I know will work — as in the money is already there before we know we need it. The American way.
Admitting that feels incredibly selfish sometimes, and that's why I lie. Because when you minister, you put your faith in God. Right? What I described in the previous paragraph would mean I don't have to rely on Him. Right? I mean, that's what so many have said. God's people wandered 40 years in the dessert, relying on his providence. Not always knowing where it would come. Not knowing. That's Biblical. Right?
The problem is after taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, I can't make it agree. I'm way outside my comfort zone with a lot of what's happening with Mighty Strong Girls. The speed of things are faster than even I wanted. Income is not keeping up with expenses. Which means our modest middle class family budget is now not only stretched to cover my nearly complete lack of income (save for a half dozen photography clients a year) but also thousands in expenses for a ministry. I'm secretly fearful about losing our home. That wasn't my plan. I'm not sure whether it's God's plan. There. That's it. There's the honesty.
There are days I simply want to throw in the towel and do what makes sense: Get a good paying job that will pull my family out of the mess, the uncertainty. I have a master's degree, for crying out loud, and I know it wouldn't take long to find work. It's a formula that I already know provides the solution. My brain screams for this in my lowest moments of discouragement.
Except I've been there. It's not so neat, certain and happy. On that side, I yearned for something authentic. A job that used the best of what I could offer to make a difference and help others make a difference. Here God gives it to me, and I'm complaining. You can see why I'm lying to myself. In my weakest, most human moments, I want what the world wants — security, certainty, comfort. These things beckon me from my lowest lows of doubtfulness.
It's like a tug-of-war in my mind, heart and soul. This thing, this little "thing" God called me to do is absolutely amazing, and watching the body of Christ formed to do His work makes me feel so small but so incredibly filled up spiritually. It's awesome and amazing and fearful. I hate admitting that I want to turn my back on it. (The truth is I don't think I EVER could!) I know God has me where I need to be, where He wants me to be.
I want to create a place where girls and women can be honest and real. To really explore this seemingly unchartered territory of "reality," I have to stop lying to myself. I'm praying this honesty will help unlock the bonds of the writer's block and give me confidence to move forward boldly with Mighty Strong Girls. Because as secure as I am that my own daughter can be raised in an environment that affirms her inner-awesomeness, it's not enough. I want that for all girls, and I want her to grow up with girls who believe it, too. I can't do that without holding onto "the truth."
I have no other choice but to lean entirely and completely into Him. The truth is I have nowhere else to turn if I'm being honest about what I want in the previous paragraph. The truth is He doesn't want us to live lives of despair or sadness. The truth is that I need ministered to as much as anyone else. The truth is that when God fills us up, we feel complete. The truth is that Philippians 4:13 isn't about getting what we want or accomplishing what we want. It's not about our selfish desires at all. It's about being satisfied when all we have is Him. It's about drawing strength from Him when we feel weak, when we feel we need what the world offers, when we feel we should have what everyone else has.
If I want to stop lying to myself, I need to get to the bottom of one simple question: Is He really enough?
Can I stop obsessing about what I don't have, what I want, what I think He should provide? Can I make my God enough to fill me up?
As I explored this with my friend yesterday, I did what I sadly too often do. I hung up the phone and shifted gears to something else entirely.
But she didn't forget. Five minutes later and for 10 minutes, my phone was "on fire" with text messages from girls and moms. She asked some of those close to Mighty Strong Girls to send me some encouragement. Each of them spoke from their heart about what it's meant to them.
Here is a sample:
"Mighty Strong Girls helps me feel like I matter more than I did before, and I realize it's OK to be different."
"Mighty Strong Girls has been a great way for me to stay connected with God and other Christian Girls. Thank you!"
"It's amazing what Mighty Strong Girls has become. It's weird to look back at the day you told me about it. I thought it was so out of reach! And now it's this huge thing that has become so much! I'm so thankful for you. I love you."
"Mighty Strong Girls is going to be something amazing. Thank you!"
The icing on the cake was a phone call right about the time I got the texts from my husband, who had to run some medication to one of our children at camp in Springfield. He was heading back to work when he saw a woman out for a walk wearing the "Be-YOU-tiful" T-shirt she got at the Mighty Strong Girls event this summer. Best of all, he called it "Polly's shirt." Polly is the girl at my church who designed the T-shirt. That's an impressive detail for most men to remember, but he was so excited — for Polly, for me and for Mighty Strong Girls.
I have to tell you to have such support is a tremendous blessing. It occurred to me that their words were God's way of affirming this ministry and encouraging me. I sat crying tears of joy. It
The very thing I want for girls — to be told they matter, to walk obediently in the will of God, to know it's OK to be the girl God created them to be, to be affirmed and encouraged — is something I need, too. It's something we all need. It's something we all deserve as the children of God.
Be a Mighty Strong Girl today and encourage one another. To do so is to be the hands, feet and mouth of Christ!
"I think I'm a liar," I said, laughing....sort of. "But I can't figure out who I'm not being honest with — myself, God or the people following Mighty Strong Girls."
Based on a few other comments, she deduced that I'm not being honest with myself. If you ask me, lying to yourself has implications when it comes to God and everyone else, too. So I'm a liar. Great.
It's an uneasy feeling, not being honest with yourself. A trick. A slight of the hand. Nobody else knows, but you are harboring a dirty little secret...or several. I tell myself repeatedly that Mighty Strong Girls is what I'm supposed to be doing. It's what God put on my heart. I'm being obedient. I'm loving every minute of it. I'm not afraid. We're doing 'just fine' financially.
They seem like legitimate lies, because I don't want anyone — least of all myself — to doubt "my" ministry. Deep down, I KNOW it's what I'm SUPPOSED to do. So I stuff all my emotions, fears and problems way down deep and begin to fill my head with "positive self talk" to convince myself everything is peachy keen. So that people will want to be part of it, because who wants to buy in to something that fills the founder up with doubt?
But when you go from living three years debt-free in the name of God and in 12 short months have a credit card that is maxed out, and you have no cash to fill up your gas tank or get groceries, it's absolutely terrifying. When you are doing the work of a team of a dozen without getting paid, you begin to question your sanity. When you push aside your family for a ministry, even if only for a week, it feels icky.
Is this really what God wants? Or did I go too fast? Out of order? Do too much too soon? Am I ungrateful? Is my family angry? What if my husband doesn't forgive me for this?
Second guessing begins. It shows up everywhere.
God didn't give me a little "first step" in the vision of Mighty Strong Girls; He gave me the whole thing. I jumped on board, perhaps a little too eagerly and went ahead of His plan for me. I know that now.
I repented. We've been blessed. Financially my family is back "on track," but the ministry is still in a bit of a mess. Debt with more on the horizon to accomplish what we minimally need to do. I am so grateful for God's provision; what He's done in two short months can only be described as miraculous. And that's just the money part. The lives He's touched, the fun we've had, the friendships made, the faith He's deepened in girls and women, the lies we've exposed, the work we've accomplished, the walls we've knocked down. All of that we've done because of His divine and glorious work through the hands, hearts, minds and feet of so many. It's astonishing; really it is! To begin dissecting the list of His accomplishments in one year of Mighty Strong Girls is exhausting!
But I'd be lying if I didn't add that I want more. I want a ministry that doesn't operate in the "red." I want a family who doesn't wear shoes that squeeze our toes and give us blisters because we can't afford new ones. I want a financial plan I know will work — as in the money is already there before we know we need it. The American way.
Admitting that feels incredibly selfish sometimes, and that's why I lie. Because when you minister, you put your faith in God. Right? What I described in the previous paragraph would mean I don't have to rely on Him. Right? I mean, that's what so many have said. God's people wandered 40 years in the dessert, relying on his providence. Not always knowing where it would come. Not knowing. That's Biblical. Right?
The problem is after taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, I can't make it agree. I'm way outside my comfort zone with a lot of what's happening with Mighty Strong Girls. The speed of things are faster than even I wanted. Income is not keeping up with expenses. Which means our modest middle class family budget is now not only stretched to cover my nearly complete lack of income (save for a half dozen photography clients a year) but also thousands in expenses for a ministry. I'm secretly fearful about losing our home. That wasn't my plan. I'm not sure whether it's God's plan. There. That's it. There's the honesty.
There are days I simply want to throw in the towel and do what makes sense: Get a good paying job that will pull my family out of the mess, the uncertainty. I have a master's degree, for crying out loud, and I know it wouldn't take long to find work. It's a formula that I already know provides the solution. My brain screams for this in my lowest moments of discouragement.
Except I've been there. It's not so neat, certain and happy. On that side, I yearned for something authentic. A job that used the best of what I could offer to make a difference and help others make a difference. Here God gives it to me, and I'm complaining. You can see why I'm lying to myself. In my weakest, most human moments, I want what the world wants — security, certainty, comfort. These things beckon me from my lowest lows of doubtfulness.
It's like a tug-of-war in my mind, heart and soul. This thing, this little "thing" God called me to do is absolutely amazing, and watching the body of Christ formed to do His work makes me feel so small but so incredibly filled up spiritually. It's awesome and amazing and fearful. I hate admitting that I want to turn my back on it. (The truth is I don't think I EVER could!) I know God has me where I need to be, where He wants me to be.
I want to create a place where girls and women can be honest and real. To really explore this seemingly unchartered territory of "reality," I have to stop lying to myself. I'm praying this honesty will help unlock the bonds of the writer's block and give me confidence to move forward boldly with Mighty Strong Girls. Because as secure as I am that my own daughter can be raised in an environment that affirms her inner-awesomeness, it's not enough. I want that for all girls, and I want her to grow up with girls who believe it, too. I can't do that without holding onto "the truth."
I have no other choice but to lean entirely and completely into Him. The truth is I have nowhere else to turn if I'm being honest about what I want in the previous paragraph. The truth is He doesn't want us to live lives of despair or sadness. The truth is that I need ministered to as much as anyone else. The truth is that when God fills us up, we feel complete. The truth is that Philippians 4:13 isn't about getting what we want or accomplishing what we want. It's not about our selfish desires at all. It's about being satisfied when all we have is Him. It's about drawing strength from Him when we feel weak, when we feel we need what the world offers, when we feel we should have what everyone else has.
If I want to stop lying to myself, I need to get to the bottom of one simple question: Is He really enough?
Can I stop obsessing about what I don't have, what I want, what I think He should provide? Can I make my God enough to fill me up?
As I explored this with my friend yesterday, I did what I sadly too often do. I hung up the phone and shifted gears to something else entirely.
But she didn't forget. Five minutes later and for 10 minutes, my phone was "on fire" with text messages from girls and moms. She asked some of those close to Mighty Strong Girls to send me some encouragement. Each of them spoke from their heart about what it's meant to them.
Here is a sample:
"Mighty Strong Girls helps me feel like I matter more than I did before, and I realize it's OK to be different."
"Mighty Strong Girls has been a great way for me to stay connected with God and other Christian Girls. Thank you!"
"It's amazing what Mighty Strong Girls has become. It's weird to look back at the day you told me about it. I thought it was so out of reach! And now it's this huge thing that has become so much! I'm so thankful for you. I love you."
"Mighty Strong Girls is going to be something amazing. Thank you!"
The icing on the cake was a phone call right about the time I got the texts from my husband, who had to run some medication to one of our children at camp in Springfield. He was heading back to work when he saw a woman out for a walk wearing the "Be-YOU-tiful" T-shirt she got at the Mighty Strong Girls event this summer. Best of all, he called it "Polly's shirt." Polly is the girl at my church who designed the T-shirt. That's an impressive detail for most men to remember, but he was so excited — for Polly, for me and for Mighty Strong Girls.
I have to tell you to have such support is a tremendous blessing. It occurred to me that their words were God's way of affirming this ministry and encouraging me. I sat crying tears of joy. It
The very thing I want for girls — to be told they matter, to walk obediently in the will of God, to know it's OK to be the girl God created them to be, to be affirmed and encouraged — is something I need, too. It's something we all need. It's something we all deserve as the children of God.
Be a Mighty Strong Girl today and encourage one another. To do so is to be the hands, feet and mouth of Christ!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Not-so-great days
Today is one for me. One of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days, from the book of the same name. Maybe you remember it. It's not a tragic day, just one where nothing goes right for poor Alexander!
So I've been not feeling great for a few months. Not awful, just not great. It started late in the year when I began to have facial pains. My jaw, my ears, my forehead, my cheekbones. After weeks of enduring it, I had to take a sick kid to Prompt Care, so I mentioned to the doctor that I might have a sinus infection. He gives me antibiotics. It works. The pain is gone.
For a while. Then it returns, and the dentist I see the day after Christmas tells me I'm clenching my teeth at night, which is causing the pain. Then she quits her job to stay home with her kids, so I've not followed up on that.
A couple weeks ago, the pain returned. I can't decide what it is....clenching teeth or sinus infection?? Dan — who knows someone whose wife died from a sinus infection and doesn't take this lightly — finally convinces me to call the doctor, so I do.
I call; get put on hold; then get hung up on. I call back. The scheduling assistant says (in kinda a snarky tone), "I just booked the last appointment with your doctor."
I'm thinking....yep, the one that would have been mine if I hadn't been hung up on. Whatever.
"Do you have anything open for Friday?"
She sighs like it's a terribly inconvenient question, puts me on hold and then comes back, "Nope, but you can try back for same-day scheduling on Friday."
So then I say, "Well, I did get hung up on the first time I called and probably would have got an appointment. Is there anyone I can see this week?"
Then she says, "There's nothing I can do about that," in a tone that suggests I've offended her. "What's your problem anyway?"
Ugh. I'd love to talk to my doctor, but I guess I'll head to Prompt Care later today.
So then a couple hours into the morning I find out that Mighty Strong Girls did not win the $14,000 grant I had applied for. Honestly, I'm not surprised. But I'm feeling regretful that I subconsciously put fundraising on hold as we waited for this decision. How stupid! Now I feel like I'm three months behind and have lots of catching up to do.
Plus, I'm sad. Because it means we probably aren't going to be able to print the summer issue. Maybe we won't be able to print any issues this year. I'm still raising funds to pay off debt from the launch of the ministry. I feel kind of like an idiot for staking so much on this grant!
This is not tragic. But it's a realization that things really aren't going my way. (And it kind of makes me want to stomp my feet and scream like a toddler having a temper tantrum!)
I start to feel a little pity party coming on, and then I realize I had a couple unread emails this morning. So I distract myself with those and come upon my daily devotion, which opens with this scripture:
Many plans are in a man’s heart, but the counsel of the LORD will stand. PROVERBS 19:21
Ahhh! Thanks for the reminder, God!
Developing something slowly and correctly almost always wins over fast and viral. Things take time, and good things are always worth waiting for!
All of my marketing and fundraising blogs I follow have been VERY hard-hitting on this point lately. Doing things right means investing in serving the people you want to serve, developing relationships and building trust.
So I've been not feeling great for a few months. Not awful, just not great. It started late in the year when I began to have facial pains. My jaw, my ears, my forehead, my cheekbones. After weeks of enduring it, I had to take a sick kid to Prompt Care, so I mentioned to the doctor that I might have a sinus infection. He gives me antibiotics. It works. The pain is gone.
For a while. Then it returns, and the dentist I see the day after Christmas tells me I'm clenching my teeth at night, which is causing the pain. Then she quits her job to stay home with her kids, so I've not followed up on that.
A couple weeks ago, the pain returned. I can't decide what it is....clenching teeth or sinus infection?? Dan — who knows someone whose wife died from a sinus infection and doesn't take this lightly — finally convinces me to call the doctor, so I do.
I call; get put on hold; then get hung up on. I call back. The scheduling assistant says (in kinda a snarky tone), "I just booked the last appointment with your doctor."
I'm thinking....yep, the one that would have been mine if I hadn't been hung up on. Whatever.
"Do you have anything open for Friday?"
She sighs like it's a terribly inconvenient question, puts me on hold and then comes back, "Nope, but you can try back for same-day scheduling on Friday."
So then I say, "Well, I did get hung up on the first time I called and probably would have got an appointment. Is there anyone I can see this week?"
Then she says, "There's nothing I can do about that," in a tone that suggests I've offended her. "What's your problem anyway?"
Ugh. I'd love to talk to my doctor, but I guess I'll head to Prompt Care later today.
So then a couple hours into the morning I find out that Mighty Strong Girls did not win the $14,000 grant I had applied for. Honestly, I'm not surprised. But I'm feeling regretful that I subconsciously put fundraising on hold as we waited for this decision. How stupid! Now I feel like I'm three months behind and have lots of catching up to do.
Plus, I'm sad. Because it means we probably aren't going to be able to print the summer issue. Maybe we won't be able to print any issues this year. I'm still raising funds to pay off debt from the launch of the ministry. I feel kind of like an idiot for staking so much on this grant!
This is not tragic. But it's a realization that things really aren't going my way. (And it kind of makes me want to stomp my feet and scream like a toddler having a temper tantrum!)
I start to feel a little pity party coming on, and then I realize I had a couple unread emails this morning. So I distract myself with those and come upon my daily devotion, which opens with this scripture:
Many plans are in a man’s heart, but the counsel of the LORD will stand. PROVERBS 19:21
Ahhh! Thanks for the reminder, God!
Developing something slowly and correctly almost always wins over fast and viral. Things take time, and good things are always worth waiting for!
All of my marketing and fundraising blogs I follow have been VERY hard-hitting on this point lately. Doing things right means investing in serving the people you want to serve, developing relationships and building trust.
So while I sit here trying to "figure things out," it occurs to me that I need MORE of two things — gratitude and forgiveness.
I can — and should — regularly count my blessings.
* We are nearly in the black with our budget!
* We have a wonderful team of women and girls guiding this ship. Thank you God for not calling me to do this on my own, but for surrounding me with a most AMAZING team!
* We are investing in a small, core group of girls whose lives are changing and who are already in turn investing in the lives of other girls! Praise God!
* More than 1,000 girls/women are reading the magazine online!
* Our new advisory board is giving us WONDERFUL feedback that we can use to serve them better!
* Families are investing! We have seven families who are regular givers with automatic bank withdrawals and others who are giving when they can. We are more than halfway to the level of sustaining our ministry in its current format!
* There are more partners out there. God will put the right partners in our path and meet our needs!
* We have the partnership of many, many other ministries. And the prayers of so many people!
But here's the other thing that occurred to me. I need to forgive myself for not doing more. I promised when I began down this path that I would do what God called, but I would keep my priorities in order: God, family, ministry. To do more would honestly throw them out of whack, and I know that's not what God would want. My money problems that I like to blame on Mighty Strong Girls are mine. I need to own them and do something about it, because I cannot serve my family if we cannot buy groceries. Yes, God will provide, but I must also do my part!
This morning, I got real short with my kids after my conversation with the not-so-friendly scheduling assistant that put us behind schedule on our way out the door. It upset Abby, who doesn't like it when I yell. And I was yelling at Ryker, not her, but it didn't matter.
I HAD to apologize. And then I explained why I was grumpy and asked if they had ideas about what I should do. Abby's response was, "Punch her lights out!"
Isn't that "our" response when we have a bad day? How many of us go right to anger and hatred when someone mistreats us? This is how our world teaches us to deal with negative people — retaliation. Is it any wonder bullying is so out of control? Just look at Facebook and Twitter. It's like a sounding board for adult negativity!
So, we had a conversation. About forgiveness. And why it's important. I explained to Abby that it didn't matter that she treated me poorly, and for all we know, maybe she even had a good reason. Perhaps she heard some devastating news about a family member. I don't know what her motivation is. But I do know this.
I can pray. I can pray that if her heart is hurting, God would heal it. I can truly forgive her for being rude and mean, and then drop my emotional baggage about the conversation at the foot of the cross. Forgiveness, you know, isn't about right and wrong. It's about letting God sort it out while I focus on my priorities. And frankly, being mad at a woman I don't know has no fit in my life's puzzle!
Might it be that these feelings and emotions, the wishing and envisioning of MY WAY about the grant and the way I think Mighty Strong Girls should go are at the root of my own physical pain? Or in the very least, an aggravating factor to the pain?
I've been meditating on the verse Philippians 4:13 a lot lately, for no apparent reason other than it's where my mind is wandering. And I've been thinking about how popular this verse is, how quoted it is and how I learned about a year ago that the verse is taken out of the context that Paul wrote it in.
You see, in the midst of the promise that we can "do all things through Christ," Paul wanted us to know that the reason we can is because we've learned to be content. How many of us really think of the verse this way? How many of us have learned contentment? How many of us even WANT to be content on bad days, on awful days?
No, this verse isn't one we should use for empowerment in the sense that it's our God-ordained destiny to conquer and do whatever we want. Sorry to burst your bubble if this is why you like the verse! What Paul really wanted us to know is that God wants us to learn to be content, no matter what life throws our way. And that might be a bad day or a tragic day — days, situations and circumstances that we will overcome because we can "do all things through Christ," even those things we'd never imagine doing or worse, would ever even want to do.
I've been meditating on the verse Philippians 4:13 a lot lately, for no apparent reason other than it's where my mind is wandering. And I've been thinking about how popular this verse is, how quoted it is and how I learned about a year ago that the verse is taken out of the context that Paul wrote it in.
You see, in the midst of the promise that we can "do all things through Christ," Paul wanted us to know that the reason we can is because we've learned to be content. How many of us really think of the verse this way? How many of us have learned contentment? How many of us even WANT to be content on bad days, on awful days?
No, this verse isn't one we should use for empowerment in the sense that it's our God-ordained destiny to conquer and do whatever we want. Sorry to burst your bubble if this is why you like the verse! What Paul really wanted us to know is that God wants us to learn to be content, no matter what life throws our way. And that might be a bad day or a tragic day — days, situations and circumstances that we will overcome because we can "do all things through Christ," even those things we'd never imagine doing or worse, would ever even want to do.
So today, I'm dumping all kinds of baggage at the foot of Calvary. I'm praying for contentment. I'm praying for reliance on God and His will. I'm praying God's earnest plans to prevail in it all. After all, Mighty Strong Girls is HIS, not mine. He will find a way, and my ONLY job is to stand ready to recognize it, act when told to act, and allow His plans to prevail!
Sometimes, dear friends, bad days are really good days in disguise. God brought me where He wanted me so He could teach me something far more valuable than a $14,000 grant.
Isn't His wisdom just mind-blowingly amazing?
{Wishing you a good day in disguise!}
Amy
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Does God want you to write something down today?
Today I flipped over the sermon notes page from church and began answering questions. I don't always do this, but if a sermon is particularly compelling, I find I WANT to dive deeper.
I get to question 4 and look up Romans 15:4, which says,
"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."
My pastor's questions were: What does the verse say about finding encouragement? What simple, overlooked practice is required here? Will you take the action step and do it in order to enjoy endurance and encouragement.
I absolutely love how God works in my life. Earlier this week, I circle verse 3 in Proverbs 16, which says,
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
As I read it, I was reflecting on two specific times in my life that I COMPLETELY surrendered to the Lord.
1. When I quit my job at the State Journal-Register, which was barely allowing us to make ends meet in our new, huge, custom-built house. We took Financial Peace University at the same time, began tithing for the first time in our lives and just became like rag dolls in our faith. We relaxed and let God own it. Because we were out of options anyway.
In six months, we paid down some debt, increased our expenses by tithing, created NO new debt and sold our house in the month when we thought we might actually have to put a mortgage payment on a credit card.
I have to be very clear here. The math did NOT add up. We didn't even write a budget, because it was a bad, bad situation before I quit my job! The fact that we did what we did was only by the grace of God, a miracle that blessed our family immensely.
2. When I accepted the Lord's call to go to Sierra Leone. I had just quit another job; we had a stack of medical debt after being debt free for a couple years; I would have to figure out how to pay for this trip and then travel alone.
I didn't ask why or resist, because the fact that this was God's will for me was made perfectly clear!
It should be no surprise that He provided. By the time I wrote letters asking about 20 people to donate toward my trip, I had raised more than half before I asked anyone to give! By the time I went before my church's mission committee to seek a contribution toward the expenses, the trip was covered. By the time I returned, I had more donations to cover the cost of three vinyl banners and 1,000 brochures for my missionary friends.
So, what does this have to do with the scripture in Romans and in Proverbs?
Write it down. When God provides for you, write it down so you will remember. As you go through tests, twists and turns in life later, your own written testimony — in addition to God's word, like Proverbs 16:3 — will encourage you.
Friends, I'm going through another trial. And for the first time since high school, my stress level is through the roof. Yet, I know better.
God has given me the gift of encouragement, and I KNOW through past experience that He will indeed provide! I'm delighted that this week He made it clear that I need to remember those instances to draw on His encouragement!
Later in Proverbs 16, verse 9, it says
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
In this season of my life, starting Mighty Strong Girls, I KNOW what He would have me to do. The destination is clearly marked so I know what I'm shooting for. God has given me a clear vision.
In my human tendencies, there are days I just want to arrive. I'm frustrated by what feels like spinning wheels, financial woes and shackled plans. But there is no end point for God's work. When we arrive at one destination, He creates another. My steps are truly each determined by Him and in sync with His will. And He is wiser than I am!
I have to be ready to take each next step, focusing only on it and through Him and His provision, to reach the ultimate goal. In this manner, He keeps me close through prayer, and reliant on Him! It feels good to know He loves me so much that He wants to keep in constant contact with me! Have you ever noticed, where there's love, there's obedience — even when there's not a full understanding — so that we can keep our faithfulness?
What's your story? Write it down, even if it's only for you, to encourage you when you're in life's trenches that His provision will come in His time! Or, pray about whether God wants you to share your story as a testimony of encouragement for others! It makes such a huge difference when you can be fueled by encouragement instead of slowed down by discouragement!
I get to question 4 and look up Romans 15:4, which says,
"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."
My pastor's questions were: What does the verse say about finding encouragement? What simple, overlooked practice is required here? Will you take the action step and do it in order to enjoy endurance and encouragement.
I absolutely love how God works in my life. Earlier this week, I circle verse 3 in Proverbs 16, which says,
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
As I read it, I was reflecting on two specific times in my life that I COMPLETELY surrendered to the Lord.
1. When I quit my job at the State Journal-Register, which was barely allowing us to make ends meet in our new, huge, custom-built house. We took Financial Peace University at the same time, began tithing for the first time in our lives and just became like rag dolls in our faith. We relaxed and let God own it. Because we were out of options anyway.
In six months, we paid down some debt, increased our expenses by tithing, created NO new debt and sold our house in the month when we thought we might actually have to put a mortgage payment on a credit card.
I have to be very clear here. The math did NOT add up. We didn't even write a budget, because it was a bad, bad situation before I quit my job! The fact that we did what we did was only by the grace of God, a miracle that blessed our family immensely.
2. When I accepted the Lord's call to go to Sierra Leone. I had just quit another job; we had a stack of medical debt after being debt free for a couple years; I would have to figure out how to pay for this trip and then travel alone.
I didn't ask why or resist, because the fact that this was God's will for me was made perfectly clear!
It should be no surprise that He provided. By the time I wrote letters asking about 20 people to donate toward my trip, I had raised more than half before I asked anyone to give! By the time I went before my church's mission committee to seek a contribution toward the expenses, the trip was covered. By the time I returned, I had more donations to cover the cost of three vinyl banners and 1,000 brochures for my missionary friends.
So, what does this have to do with the scripture in Romans and in Proverbs?
Write it down. When God provides for you, write it down so you will remember. As you go through tests, twists and turns in life later, your own written testimony — in addition to God's word, like Proverbs 16:3 — will encourage you.
Friends, I'm going through another trial. And for the first time since high school, my stress level is through the roof. Yet, I know better.
God has given me the gift of encouragement, and I KNOW through past experience that He will indeed provide! I'm delighted that this week He made it clear that I need to remember those instances to draw on His encouragement!
Later in Proverbs 16, verse 9, it says
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
In this season of my life, starting Mighty Strong Girls, I KNOW what He would have me to do. The destination is clearly marked so I know what I'm shooting for. God has given me a clear vision.
In my human tendencies, there are days I just want to arrive. I'm frustrated by what feels like spinning wheels, financial woes and shackled plans. But there is no end point for God's work. When we arrive at one destination, He creates another. My steps are truly each determined by Him and in sync with His will. And He is wiser than I am!
I have to be ready to take each next step, focusing only on it and through Him and His provision, to reach the ultimate goal. In this manner, He keeps me close through prayer, and reliant on Him! It feels good to know He loves me so much that He wants to keep in constant contact with me! Have you ever noticed, where there's love, there's obedience — even when there's not a full understanding — so that we can keep our faithfulness?
What's your story? Write it down, even if it's only for you, to encourage you when you're in life's trenches that His provision will come in His time! Or, pray about whether God wants you to share your story as a testimony of encouragement for others! It makes such a huge difference when you can be fueled by encouragement instead of slowed down by discouragement!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
How God changed my perspective in 2012
By all accounts, the year 2012 stunk.
* My husband started the first three weeks of the year jobless due to a severe illness.
* I lost my $55,000-a-year job.
* I apparently lost most of my photography clients and had maybe a half dozen paying photo jobs.
* I got called to go to Africa with no feasible way to pay for it.
* My new job pays $375 a month, before taxes.
* We are back in debt.
* Dan's back went out ... again.
* We plunked more than $4,000 into the Jeep and got a car payment.
* The washer and dryer broke.
* My new ministry put us $3,000 further into debt.
That's kind of depressing looking, isn't it?
Some days, I must admit I let it get to me. Making me bitter and sullen. And that's not OK. It's a sin, in fact, as James 1:2 says I must consider it JOY when faced with trials of many kinds. Why? Because when I do, I get the promise that my faith will develop perseverance — which will make me whole. I often quote this scripture to others, and yet there were certainly days I didn't trust in God through the trials, so as I reflect on the last year, I will do so with JOY!
Let's look at that list again:
* Dan survived an illness that could have killed him. Praise God!
* The whole experience put me in a reflective, mortality state of mind. Which made me review my life priorities and seek God's will for my life instead. I would step onto the path to wisdom and happiness. Praise God!
* My trip to Africa was FULLY covered with enough left over to pay for brochures and 6-foot vinyl signs for my missionary friends. Praise God!
* I had just enough clients to pay the bills every month — each one arriving in God's perfect timing. Praise God!
* I got a teaching job at Benedictine that put me in contact with amazing students. Two are doing work for Mighty Strong Girls. Praise God!
* We live in a country where we can secure a loan if need be. Praise God!
* Friends interceded in prayer on behalf of Dan's back, and he was able to connect emotional/mental stress to physical stress. Once he addressed unforgiveness, his back was healed without medical intervention. Praise God!
* We were able to get a safe and comfortable vehicle for our family. Praise God!
* We got a beautiful new washer and dryer, and I got to teach my daughter how to hang clothes out to dry on a line in the winter, which she found terribly exciting and was thankfully limited to three loads of laundry. Praise God!
* I started Mighty Strong Girls. I suspect my life will be forever blessed because of it. I am so excited to see how God uses this ministry to bring teen girls closer to Him. Better yet, I learned how to listen to God and obey His call on my life. It's totally scary and humbling and amazing to be a part of His story! Praise God!
I pray that 2013 is as equally fulfilling as 2012! And I pray you, too, will prosper and live for Him in the coming year!
{Hugs}
Amy
* My husband started the first three weeks of the year jobless due to a severe illness.
* I lost my $55,000-a-year job.
* I apparently lost most of my photography clients and had maybe a half dozen paying photo jobs.
* I got called to go to Africa with no feasible way to pay for it.
* My new job pays $375 a month, before taxes.
* We are back in debt.
* Dan's back went out ... again.
* We plunked more than $4,000 into the Jeep and got a car payment.
* The washer and dryer broke.
* My new ministry put us $3,000 further into debt.
That's kind of depressing looking, isn't it?
Some days, I must admit I let it get to me. Making me bitter and sullen. And that's not OK. It's a sin, in fact, as James 1:2 says I must consider it JOY when faced with trials of many kinds. Why? Because when I do, I get the promise that my faith will develop perseverance — which will make me whole. I often quote this scripture to others, and yet there were certainly days I didn't trust in God through the trials, so as I reflect on the last year, I will do so with JOY!
Let's look at that list again:
* Dan survived an illness that could have killed him. Praise God!
* The whole experience put me in a reflective, mortality state of mind. Which made me review my life priorities and seek God's will for my life instead. I would step onto the path to wisdom and happiness. Praise God!
* My trip to Africa was FULLY covered with enough left over to pay for brochures and 6-foot vinyl signs for my missionary friends. Praise God!
* I had just enough clients to pay the bills every month — each one arriving in God's perfect timing. Praise God!
* I got a teaching job at Benedictine that put me in contact with amazing students. Two are doing work for Mighty Strong Girls. Praise God!
* We live in a country where we can secure a loan if need be. Praise God!
* Friends interceded in prayer on behalf of Dan's back, and he was able to connect emotional/mental stress to physical stress. Once he addressed unforgiveness, his back was healed without medical intervention. Praise God!
* We were able to get a safe and comfortable vehicle for our family. Praise God!
* We got a beautiful new washer and dryer, and I got to teach my daughter how to hang clothes out to dry on a line in the winter, which she found terribly exciting and was thankfully limited to three loads of laundry. Praise God!
* I started Mighty Strong Girls. I suspect my life will be forever blessed because of it. I am so excited to see how God uses this ministry to bring teen girls closer to Him. Better yet, I learned how to listen to God and obey His call on my life. It's totally scary and humbling and amazing to be a part of His story! Praise God!
I pray that 2013 is as equally fulfilling as 2012! And I pray you, too, will prosper and live for Him in the coming year!
{Hugs}
Amy
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
My little rant about girls and boys
What’s So Bad About a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?
Nearly everyone is either female or male. It's a fact, kinda like I am a United States citizen. Being American sets me up for all kinds of stereotypes when I cross onto another country's soil. Just like being a boy -- or a girl -- sets us up for cultural expectations. And this, I believe, is really the problem.
Society evolves. When I was a wee one, there were hardly tiaras, frilly Disney princess dresses for make-believe, or a trove of hour-glass figure dolls to play with. I had legos, blocks and toys with primary colors that were more-or-less gender-less. Go back even farther, and pink was a boy color. Even farther, men wore wigs of long hair and dresses. Some men in other societies still wear dresses. So while I may or may not have purchased a few (dozen) Disney items, it seems to me our societal accumulation of "stuff," bloated toy aisles exploding with pink and general societal infatuation with materialism seems to have injected us with discrimination based on paranoia and fear. It's not enough to keep up with the Joneses, but we must also be accepted by them.
What happens when you leave children to just be themselves -- wearing, playing with and enjoying the things they want? No wonder so many struggle with identity crises in our country; our cultural norms and expectations are so perverted, pervasive and rigidly enforced that few people really get to be who they are destined to be.
Right now, I embrace my children with their independent and carefree disregard for what's considered by the masses to be acceptable.
My daughter has gone in and out of the "pink" phase. Today, she might wear a little pink, though she previously rejected it entirely. But she despises princesses. However, she also spends a great deal of time picking out the right ensemble -- for bed even! She wears mostly skirts, likes her toenails painted and wears an occasion girly hairdo. Then she goes outside, climbs trees, makes mud pies, picks up any and all moving creatures, and attempts daring stunts on her scooter. She also likes theater, singing and dancing. She enjoys scary movies and books, climbs to the top of the rock wall at the state fair every year and rode the water ride where the floor drops out from under your feet three times this summer. But like her mom, her athletic abilities are less certain, though she does, on occasion, play sports (and spit sunflower seeds that she sets on the infield dirt).
On the flip side, her brother is very athletic. He excels at team and individual sports. But he doesn't dig in the dirt or climb trees. When he discovered an empty turtle shell at his grandparents' house, he fetched his sister to pick it up. He's scared -- of everything and anything. He tears up at the thought of a scary movie. He walked up to ride the scary water ride twice and chickened out, even though he's a great swimmer. His favorite color is pink. He wore pink socks to every baseball game, wore a pink shirt for his birthday celebration and picked a pink ruler and pencil sharpener when we shopped for school supplies. He won't touch most animals, and we have to BEG him to play outside. He has, in fact, tried on my high heels and clip-clopped through the house with them on. He likes having his toenails painted, and he's currently growing out his hair. He's been mistaken for a girl many, many times. He also screams louder and more high pitched than any girl he knows.
My point is, my children could not be more individual, unique, one-of-a-kind. And the fact that we debate these PERSONALITY traits in the context of "normal" and with a psychological "ruler" means only one thing: WE LIVE IN AN INTOLERANT WORLD. We judge and then beyond that we categorize, bully and label anyone who doesn't fit within our societal definition of "normal." It's time for all parents to let our children be who they are and express themselves in the context of a safe, loving, disciplined home where morals rule -- not tutus and superhero capes.
Want to read the whole NYTimes article? Click below:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/magazine/whats-so-bad-about-a-boy-who-wants-to-wear-a-dress.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1&hp
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Jehovah-jireh
This is like one of Dan's favorite things to say. It means "the Lord will provide." He picked it up after our first mission trip to Mexico, after noticing how all situations -- no matter how seemingly hopeless -- seemed to be worked out in God's favor and for his glory.
And so it seems fitting and appropriate that days after I asked for prayers for Dan's passport and for our personal finances as both relate to his upcoming mission trip to the Ukraine, God heard our prayers. By several "venues," we realized we will have EXACTLY what we will need to replace Dan's income for the 15-day trip. We learned that and then discovered two days later that his passport is in the mail on the way to us. Praise God! Jehovah-jireh! (As a side note, we finally got the payment plan we were seeking with a healthcare provider, too, which helped further put us at ease!)
I cannot thank you enough for blanketing these issues in prayer! I was so elated at how God blessed us and showed us so quickly that he was working things out -- not for our benefit, but for his. We serve a mighty God! A God who is revealing and unraveling his calling on my life right now -- plans I will share later this week! Please be sure to check back and see the awesome plans he has in store for me next. And no, I'm not going back to Africa....yet anyway!
And so it seems fitting and appropriate that days after I asked for prayers for Dan's passport and for our personal finances as both relate to his upcoming mission trip to the Ukraine, God heard our prayers. By several "venues," we realized we will have EXACTLY what we will need to replace Dan's income for the 15-day trip. We learned that and then discovered two days later that his passport is in the mail on the way to us. Praise God! Jehovah-jireh! (As a side note, we finally got the payment plan we were seeking with a healthcare provider, too, which helped further put us at ease!)
I cannot thank you enough for blanketing these issues in prayer! I was so elated at how God blessed us and showed us so quickly that he was working things out -- not for our benefit, but for his. We serve a mighty God! A God who is revealing and unraveling his calling on my life right now -- plans I will share later this week! Please be sure to check back and see the awesome plans he has in store for me next. And no, I'm not going back to Africa....yet anyway!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Angry and sad and confusing....oh my!
Warning: This post is harsh, but it gets better. So please in the name of all that's decent and right in this world, stick with it, love me in my unlovable state and read it all the way through!
Lately I've been sad a lot. God's really breaking my heart for the things that break his. And it's, well, really truly heart-breaking in ways I never knew I could be be heartbroken.
For instance, I couldn't listen to an NPR story on chronic acute malnutrition in a Yemen village this morning without bawling.
Maybe because I've seen it...face-to-face. And "it" has a name. Lots of names. Sadly I didn't even get this woman's name, because I had to walk away. I could not muster a single word, and I was "working" lest I cry right then and there! She has given birth to eight children. Three of them are currently walking the earth. She has named and then said good-bye to five of her own, burying them in the ground before they had a chance to grow up. And here's the thing: It's not a fluke. This is one of many, many sobering realities for the poorest on our planet. Did she do something to deserve this life? Just try to look one of them in the eyes and ever say or think it. The reality is THIS COULD BE YOU. The only difference between this woman and me is the place we were born.
I've also been angry lately. Oh, so angry. At God somewhat for the state of our world, for not giving me more resources to help the heartbroken. But mostly at other people. With their new cars, vacations, ridiculous "toys," weekly mani/pedis, rituals that involve their hair. You get the point. I'm angry at how it seems people take things for granted. I am angry at the reality that a mom in Africa is forced to wait a week to take her dying child to see a doctor because she doesn't have $1 -- the amount it takes to get a cab and get there.
Did you know that Americans spend $31 billion on their pets every year, $13 billion on plastic surgery, $65 billion on jewelry and an astounding $705 billion on entertainment and recreation?
Did you know if every American church-goer tithed, there would be an extra $168 billion? To eliminate the most extreme poverty on the planet for more than a billion people, it would require 40 percent of that -- $65 billion.
These numbers -- presented in "The Hole in Our Gospel" -- kind of make me more sad.
I am angry, too, because the place where I come from -- my upbringing, my world -- put such a high value on "things," more stuff and achievement that is tied to a dollar figure. I watch as people I love look down their noses at their own family members who can't "afford" a car or boat or RV (loan) and snub their own blood, blaming them for not being successful enough to pay their own way.
Then I wonder where my parents would have been without the occasional handout from my grandparents or where we would be without my parents helping out. Certainly we wouldn't have paid off all our debt without the occasional shoes, back-to-school clothes and food that my own and my husband's parents have aided us with over the years. And without their help, how could we possibly leave a legacy for our own children. How can we teach them what money means if we aren't showing them?
1 Timothy 6:17-19 says "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they make take hold of life that is truly life."
I love the way Richard Stearns also describes the parable Jesus tells in Matthew 25:14. The master gives to each "according to his ability," but what he expects is that we multiply our gifts for his kingdom. I want my kids to know: It all comes from God; we are not entitled to it but entrusted with it and we are to use it to further his kingdom.
God talks to us more about money than most any other subject. He WANTS us to have wisdom in this matter. This I know well, but I'm reading along thinking of all the people I know who could do so much to further God's kingdom, to end pain and suffering, to feed the poor, to help a woman in Africa watch her children grow past age 5 or get a cab to see a doctor. I was literally getting mad at what the people in my life are NOT doing. Can you imagine my indignation and self-righteousness?
Then I read on in Stearns' book last night to discover that 87 percent of non-churchgoers view Christians as judgmental, 85 percent view Christians as hypocritical, 70 percent view us as insensitive to others and 72 percent believe we are out of touch with reality.
Yikes. Was he writing that for me?
And so I MUST turn the table if I am to call myself a Christian. I must get that darned plank out of my eye. Because to be Christian is to be Christ-like. And besides loving ALL people, Christ was forgiving, revolutionary, truthful, radical and genuine.
There it is. MUCH WORK is to be done in me. Who am I to be sad or angry and then judgmental when I'm sitting here among the 1 percent of the world's wealthiest people? And then, to make matters worse, look at that scripture in Timothy again. He is calling out the "rich," and while I may not feel rich in my society, the reality is I AM rich, and there's no dollar amount on the call to action here: Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. The time for action is NOW.
The church doesn't exist within the four walls where I worship every Sunday. And I love this quote in Stearns' book, too, by Billy Sunday: "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."
Will you take this challenge with me, Christian sisters and brothers? Will you take the church to the people? Will you help be the hands, feet and mouth of Jesus? Will you be radical and revolutionary with me?
Look at the woman above again. She's beautiful, isn't she? She's happy (probably more so than most Americans) and she has faith in a great God who can perform miracles. Brother and sister, WE are her miracle! She is praying for us, for us to be the hands and feet.
God gave us all the tools and resources to change the world. We have all we need to end poverty. But until we join forces in faith, we can never create the church that God envisioned!
Lately I've been sad a lot. God's really breaking my heart for the things that break his. And it's, well, really truly heart-breaking in ways I never knew I could be be heartbroken.
For instance, I couldn't listen to an NPR story on chronic acute malnutrition in a Yemen village this morning without bawling.
Maybe because I've seen it...face-to-face. And "it" has a name. Lots of names. Sadly I didn't even get this woman's name, because I had to walk away. I could not muster a single word, and I was "working" lest I cry right then and there! She has given birth to eight children. Three of them are currently walking the earth. She has named and then said good-bye to five of her own, burying them in the ground before they had a chance to grow up. And here's the thing: It's not a fluke. This is one of many, many sobering realities for the poorest on our planet. Did she do something to deserve this life? Just try to look one of them in the eyes and ever say or think it. The reality is THIS COULD BE YOU. The only difference between this woman and me is the place we were born.
I've also been angry lately. Oh, so angry. At God somewhat for the state of our world, for not giving me more resources to help the heartbroken. But mostly at other people. With their new cars, vacations, ridiculous "toys," weekly mani/pedis, rituals that involve their hair. You get the point. I'm angry at how it seems people take things for granted. I am angry at the reality that a mom in Africa is forced to wait a week to take her dying child to see a doctor because she doesn't have $1 -- the amount it takes to get a cab and get there.
Did you know that Americans spend $31 billion on their pets every year, $13 billion on plastic surgery, $65 billion on jewelry and an astounding $705 billion on entertainment and recreation?
Did you know if every American church-goer tithed, there would be an extra $168 billion? To eliminate the most extreme poverty on the planet for more than a billion people, it would require 40 percent of that -- $65 billion.
These numbers -- presented in "The Hole in Our Gospel" -- kind of make me more sad.
I am angry, too, because the place where I come from -- my upbringing, my world -- put such a high value on "things," more stuff and achievement that is tied to a dollar figure. I watch as people I love look down their noses at their own family members who can't "afford" a car or boat or RV (loan) and snub their own blood, blaming them for not being successful enough to pay their own way.
Then I wonder where my parents would have been without the occasional handout from my grandparents or where we would be without my parents helping out. Certainly we wouldn't have paid off all our debt without the occasional shoes, back-to-school clothes and food that my own and my husband's parents have aided us with over the years. And without their help, how could we possibly leave a legacy for our own children. How can we teach them what money means if we aren't showing them?
1 Timothy 6:17-19 says "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they make take hold of life that is truly life."
I love the way Richard Stearns also describes the parable Jesus tells in Matthew 25:14. The master gives to each "according to his ability," but what he expects is that we multiply our gifts for his kingdom. I want my kids to know: It all comes from God; we are not entitled to it but entrusted with it and we are to use it to further his kingdom.
God talks to us more about money than most any other subject. He WANTS us to have wisdom in this matter. This I know well, but I'm reading along thinking of all the people I know who could do so much to further God's kingdom, to end pain and suffering, to feed the poor, to help a woman in Africa watch her children grow past age 5 or get a cab to see a doctor. I was literally getting mad at what the people in my life are NOT doing. Can you imagine my indignation and self-righteousness?
Then I read on in Stearns' book last night to discover that 87 percent of non-churchgoers view Christians as judgmental, 85 percent view Christians as hypocritical, 70 percent view us as insensitive to others and 72 percent believe we are out of touch with reality.
Yikes. Was he writing that for me?
And so I MUST turn the table if I am to call myself a Christian. I must get that darned plank out of my eye. Because to be Christian is to be Christ-like. And besides loving ALL people, Christ was forgiving, revolutionary, truthful, radical and genuine.
There it is. MUCH WORK is to be done in me. Who am I to be sad or angry and then judgmental when I'm sitting here among the 1 percent of the world's wealthiest people? And then, to make matters worse, look at that scripture in Timothy again. He is calling out the "rich," and while I may not feel rich in my society, the reality is I AM rich, and there's no dollar amount on the call to action here: Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. The time for action is NOW.
The church doesn't exist within the four walls where I worship every Sunday. And I love this quote in Stearns' book, too, by Billy Sunday: "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."
Will you take this challenge with me, Christian sisters and brothers? Will you take the church to the people? Will you help be the hands, feet and mouth of Jesus? Will you be radical and revolutionary with me?
Look at the woman above again. She's beautiful, isn't she? She's happy (probably more so than most Americans) and she has faith in a great God who can perform miracles. Brother and sister, WE are her miracle! She is praying for us, for us to be the hands and feet.
God gave us all the tools and resources to change the world. We have all we need to end poverty. But until we join forces in faith, we can never create the church that God envisioned!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)