It's more than "just" a house: Beginning our Good-bye

After being strung along for a week by potential buyers of our home, we discovered that the promises of a contract were empty ones. They changed their minds, even after their realtor texted details of their offer. Even after spending three days visiting our home for more than 90 minutes each time. Even after many questions, including some fairly odd requests.

The crumbling of this sale transpired the day after we broke the news to our children that a move was impending. One of them was delighted. The other was devastated. And we spent the evening recalling our favorite memories and reminding ourselves that a house didn't make us a family any more than a community defines us.

Honestly, I was angry and offended after the emotional roller coaster came to a halt this morning. It was rude, inconsiderate and immature. 

As I stewed, several friends reminded me that it was more than likely the compassionate hand of God protecting us. There is already an even-better, perfect offer outstanding on our home from a family that knows they will love our home and treasure it as they make new memories here. It came on the third day our house was listed — just after we prayed as a family that the first showing would result in a full-price offer. All we have to do is wait. Wait for His perfect timing and pray that it works out according to His plan. He's already been so gracious to us, so it's easy to have faith — even if it comes with some topsy-turvy anxiousness at times!

I was also reminded that while a house is just a building, it's significance really can't be ignored. It has a place on our family timeline. 

Four weeks ago when I tore down the kids' artwork and all the encouragement I've kept taped to my walls so that we could "stage" our house, I was reminded of how richly blessed I am. Each "thing" I tore down broke my heart that I had to remove it, but it also restored my faith. 

Even though it was hanging there in plain sight day after day, I rarely took the chance to remember. Taking each piece down allowed me to pause and think about some things I should have been thinking about. 

* The giant "You mean the WORLD to me!" poster that Abby made when I was having a down day. She was just 9 at the time and so insightful to recognize my hurt and sadness. Without saying a word, she quietly locked herself in her room and got to work on the infamous poster where the "O" in WORLD was made into the Earth and the "R" is a different shade of blue because she initially forgot to include it. Neither of us noticed. (We aren't great spellers around here!) 

* My reminder to keep dreaming: "Spend at least 15 minutes a day in deliberate thought about something bigger than your to-do list." 

* A card signed by my colleagues at the last place I worked. The place where I quit without a plan in place but just the desire to follow where God would lead me. Reading their comments about trusting God and chasing bigger plans reminds me that the adventure I was seeking has found me in Mighty Strong Girls and homeschooling. I never would have guessed! In my hardest days (and there are many!), I can be secure in the knowledge that I am doing exactly what I set out to do — pursuing a legacy and not a salary. (I wouldn't complain if God makes a way for the latter though!)

* A copy of the "Starfish Flinger."
The Starfish Story
Original Story by: Loren Eisley
One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?” The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.” “Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!” After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said … “I made a difference for that one.”

* A card from my new dear friend Jan Koch (in her trademark red ink) that is simply awesome. She calls me one of the most amazing women she has met, a blessing and a treasure. None are things I think of myself. Everyone deserves a friend who believes in all her dreams and thinks more highly of her than she does!

* A collage Abby made for me with her favorite Mighty Strong Girls messages that have helped change her life: Love, Princess Warrior, Lovely ladies, Show your inner colors, Wonderful women, You are loved, beYOUtiful, Shine, God made you very special, Graceful girls, Jesus died for you, God is almighty.

* A note that came with the first $1,000 donation Mighty Strong Girls received. "Thank you for your positive messages to young girls and for helping them realize who they are in Christ....."

* A hand-drawn flower from Hannah, one of the first girls attracted to Mighty Strong Girls, with the passage 1 Peter 3:3-4: Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and find clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

Hannah's mom has since joined the Mighty Strong Girls team. A widow and single mom to four children (three living at home), she is a source of inspiration to me and I'm glad to call her one of my closest friends!

* An article from Christian Standard called "It's all about the mission," which points out all the things we think wrongly about what makes a good leader. "The best of them tended to be quiet listeners who let other people make most of the decisions. They weren't particularly charismatic. Or funny. They weren't the toughest guys in the pack... They were, on the whole, a little boring." 

What a relief to read this article! I am an introvert, who is awkward at public speaking, slow to process and react, and not funny in the least! But still, there could be a place for me, I remember thinking as I read this. The article goes on to conclude: "It means process and philosophy beat personality. It means the not-super-funny and the not-most-attractive-in-the-room can be most effective. It means character matters more than charisma. It means your personality doesn't have to be larger than life — your vision and your commitment to it do."

Yes, it's just a house but it's been home to more than our memories. It's held our laughter, our tears, our hopes, our dreams and our inspiration. This house represents change — beautiful transformation that took place in our hearts as a family.

When we first moved in this house in 2008, we had just made some major life changes. I had recently quit my job at the local newspaper where I had launched a magazine. We were downsizing, incorporating our spending/saving habits into our legacy, and making family our priority. We were "baby Christians." Here, we were challenged, put to pressure and made more beautiful. We became debt-free (except the house), we grew in our faith, our children were both baptized, Dan got severely ill, I quit my job, we made family our priority, we decided to homeschool and my dreams of making a difference in the world were realized with Mighty Strong Girls.

If it weren't for the sale of our house, I wonder how long I would work to the backdrop of the "inspiration" hanging on my walls but forgotten in my heart. Change, my dear friends, is a GOOD thing. It stirs us. It moves us. It improves us. Sometimes physically moving is the only thing, the only way we can make the transformation the Lord desires for us.

For this move, I am praying we will once again become debt-free, grow in our faith, incorporate our finances into our legacy, make family our priority and continue to make a difference in the world... one starfish at a time! 

Eeeek!! I'm really gonna homeschool!

     When I simply began thinking about this blog post, I got a lump in my throat. When I mentioned the word "homeschool" to my mom a couple weeks ago, in the context that we'll be trying it, I've never heard the woman clam up so fast. 
     What is it about homeschooling that makes everyone so uncomfortable anyway? 
     The first time I contemplated it was the first time I looked in my daughter's eyes in the delivery room and thought to myself, "I can't let anyone else hold her....ever!" It only took a little colic for that feeling to go away. 
     Seriously, though, there has always been something about homeschooling that has appealed to the hippy in me. I gently reminded my mom of my own anger and frustration my freshman year in college to learn that I was paying $6,000 to relearn high school subjects, and it was REQUIRED for a degree. It was ridiculous in my mind, the subjects I had to learn at a remedial level (chemistry....really?) to get my degree in journalism. Was all the money and time necessary? Most of my learning in college came inside the four walls of the student newspaper anyway. 
     But when others tried to urge me years ago to do it, I had that feeling of discomfort. As in, "I need to change the subject fast. There's NO WAY I could homeschool. And these people are cah-RAY-zee!"
      Today, I can honestly say the time is right. I'm looking forward to the freedom to work side-by-side with my children at their pace, in their interests, pursuing their goals. I cannot imagine doing anything more important. 
     My daughter frequently reminds me that she "doesn't WANT to be like everybody else." While most of the world is busy trying to fit in, she's not just content but determined to stand out. She is somewhat of a standout at school, but there's so much more she wants to do. She wants to take assignments to deeper levels; she wants to explore, build and create with intensity. She doesn't want a lecture; she craves a hands-on exploration. Constantly. She wants room to try and not just fail but totally screw up, so she can try again. This, I believe, is the makeup of many of our nation's great minds over the course of history. They weren't typical, robotic learners. They thought outside the box; they were risk-takers; they were unafraid of failure; they were different, for sure. Those are the kinds of values I want my homeschooled children to embody. 
     The problem is I don't know, exactly, how to get there. I tried teaching college level students last year, and it was a flop. (And here I am taking on my own precious children!) I hated the grading scale, the structure, the process. It was all so....formulaic. It didn't determine success or failure; it didn't prepare them. 
     Today, I committed as formally as possible to homeschooling. I bought some teaching tools, dry erase charts, printed homeschool records and (gulp) bought a curriculum. A very loose one that will allow them to guide themselves through their learning. I'm pretty excited about it actually and the potential for them to explore their way through history using music, math, art, science, religion, cooking, reading, writing and more. 
     I'm also pretty scared. It's a big leap of faith. A major transition for our whole family. A big commitment. 
I'm also wondering why I didn't do it sooner. So many encouraging women have suggested it for years. I doubted myself. I doubted it mattered that much. I doubted it was better for my children. 
     Today I'm so glad I dumped the doubt, but I'm still working on the fear. Well, maybe I'll keep some of it. I'll probably need the adrenaline to keep this ship afloat! 
     In the interest of being more authentic and transparent, I'll be sharing our experiences. I'm blessed to have many friends who are so supportive and encouraging. While there are some who just avoid talking about it with me, I also appreciate those who want to learn more. About what we're doing. What works. What doesn't. And how my children fare. I don't mind that, and I'm glad I haven't experienced anything terribly negative. 
     The next step: Setting up our space, buying a few more supplies and writing the lesson plan for the first four-week unit on creation. 
     Keep us all in your prayers! :-)