New Year, New YOU!

     Well, that's a deceiving title. I don't know if there will be a NEW YOU in 2015, but I do know there will be a NEW ME!
     I love fresh starts, do-overs, blank pages. I am a writer, after all, and there's nothing more inspiring than a new page to start a new story. I've been thinking a lot about my New Year's post, mostly because last year I was in Sierra Leone and coming off of one of the worst years in my life. I didn't write a New Year's post. I was in a not-so-good place. 2013 was a crappy year — one I KNEW I didn't want to repeat. 
     Yet, I was afraid to write down a thing. Because, you see, 2013 started on a very positive note. And it just got worse and worse until it ended in what seemed like an abyss of darkness. I could hardly bear the thought of writing out goals and starting out a positive note when so much "could" go wrong. 
     So I started out wrong. I cried at my annual doctor appointment in January, and I moped around in self pity for a few months. I became my own worst enemy. I didn't mean to; it just kind of happened gradually.
     Then I decided that if I wanted God to answer my prayers, I better use the brain He gave me to make better choices. 
     He made it clear before I began that it all hinged on one thing. Get over the pity party. God reminded me that He loved me in the miserable, pathetic place where I was living, and before I did anything, I better love the girl in the mirror. Because He did. And so did my husband. It was time for my most important choice of all. LOVE MYSELF JUST AS I AM, NO STRINGS ATTACHED, KNOWING SHE MIGHT NEVER CHANGE A BIT. 
     Just like that, I did. A few months into what appeared to be the crappy start to another crappy year, I set my goal. My one goal. 
     In April/May, I decided I was going to take the best care of myself that I humanly could and make the best choices I was financially and practically able to make to be the healthiest me. After all, I am charged with taking care of the body God gave me, the one He calls His temple. I was so used to taking care of everyone else first that it was a big adjustment, but I didn't want to miss another holiday. I had spent Halloween in bed in 2013 because it happened to be one of the 3-6 days a month that I was so sick I couldn't function.
     2014 was a mixed year. There were challenges, still, like there had been the year before. But I learned so much, mostly that while the bad years suck, they are the ones where I grow the most. The bad times are when I find myself learning more about myself and realizing just how faithful God is, as crazy as that sounds. He speaks more and more when I am hurting, sad and desperate. And that part is actually good, and my growth is also worth celebrating. 
     It also helps me remember that the accomplishments and memories during these times are that much better. 
     In 2014, I had insomnia, but I wrote a book. I had pain, but I found Isagenix. I was hurt by people I loved, but God proved He's all I'll ever need. I spent many days in bed sick, but the chains of illness were broke forever. I felt shadows of depression and then learned the way to true JOY through my Savior.
     I COULD focus on all the crappy things that happened. Or I can chose to see all the wonderful things God did in the midst of the muck and mire. That's just how good He is, that He does care very much about our hurting and suffering. Amazing character growth can come through it, and He certainly cares about that. But mostly He just wants us to cling to Him.
     Some people say we shouldn't relive the past, but I learned a lot last year, so I'd like to take those lessons forward!
     Things I did in 2014 that I want to repeat in 2015: 
     1. Fuel my body with health foods. Isagenix was by FAR the best thing in my year. I kept trying and trying and failing with better and organic foods. Nothing even came close. I'm so grateful for the healthy products I'm putting in my and my family members' bodies — and in my baby's body.
     2. More spas. I'm so thankful for my friend Jan and the spa she did for me. This has been a fabulous tool to show the LOVE of Jesus to girls and moms in a world that sees Jesus as punitive and monstrous.
     3. Write a book. I have the idea and concept for another one, and I'm praying God will show me how to publish the first one! Maybe it's just to my blog, or maybe just to the women and girls who go through the spa. I'd love for Him to show me the way.
     
     "New" goals for the new year:
     4. Spend more quality time with family. Homeschooling and working from home means we're constantly in each others' hair, but it doesn't mean we spend "quality" time together. I want to be more intentional with my family! This will be more important than ever with baby No. 3 on the way this summer.
     5. Build my Isagenix business. By the grace of God, our products are paid for, so that's HUGE and I'm grateful for it. But we do need a car because Dan can't fit four in his truck. I have specific financial goals, and I'm praying that Isagenix is the answer because not only does it help us, but the nutrition is freeing so many of my loved ones from food addictions and enabling them to eat healthier than ever before! My specific goals are to buy an inexpensive used car by May and have an income of $500 a month over and above for myself. By the end of the year, my goal is $5,000 a month. Sound crazy? I'm totally motivated to help my friends Rick and Paula Miller — missionaries who lost a lot of funding and need to get back home to Sierra Leone as soon as possible. I'm trusting God to make the impossible possible! Having more money to give is another one of the best things about Isagenix!! 
     6. Sell our house and downsize our mortgage. This goes along with No. 5. If we can shave $500 off our mortgage, it will allow us to afford baby no. 3 AND have more to give!

     Things I did in 2014 I hope to never do again: 
     7. Obsess over homeschool. I'm attending the conference and finding a more managable online school for the next school year. All this planning, grading and curriculum design is NOT my thing!
     8. Keep my house meticulous. That means our house needs to sell and soon. I don't like living in a museum state, chasing dust bunnies and getting OCD about crumbs on the floor. I'd like to move on to things that matter!
    9. Overcommit. I am learning boundaries and more about this two-letter word NO. It might require loads of therapy, but I hear using this word can be done! 
    10. Spend a week in a beach house with extended family. Thanks for the memories! A repeat is not necessary. I actually just threw this in because it's funny. It really wasn't that bad. There was a beach after all. Did I mention the beach was LOADED with the stinkiest seaweed, interspersed with six-foot mounds of seaweed? It was like a metaphor for how we felt sharing that space. I'm kidding. We loved every minute of it. There are seaweed sculptures — and photos — to prove it.  

   

Tears over cherry cheesecake

     Today I began my day stressed. 
     Anxious over the magazine — impending deadlines, event planning, photos to be taken, editing, financing, printing. Even though I know it's going quite well, beautiful and orchestrated by God. Money is better than ever. The quality of the publication is breath-taking, and the prospects for partnership opportunities are about to make me burst with excitement. The last days of the kids at camp and me working at home are ticking away. A new chapter is about to begin. 
     And at a time when things couldn't be going better. I'm stressed. Tense. Muscles tight, jaw popping, head throbbing (could be the teeth cleaning at the dentist today???) kind of anxious. Super unusual for me in the last five years of my life. Maybe it's the doggie drama. Our dog has had three (with a fourth now scheduled) trips to the vet in the two weeks of the kids being at camp. He's whining, whimpering, groaning and limping in pain. It's making it hard for me to work in the same room. Talk about hampering concentration! 
     It could be nervous excitement as we are planning some things "in secret" for Mighty Strong Girls, and the unveiling is going to be as fun as working out all the details. It could be uneasiness about homeschooling preparation. As in, I'm ready to create calendars, paint a wall, decorate reading nooks for the kids and make the transition fun and exciting (but I have to get the magazine designed first). 
     It might also be that when I decided to blog again, I would seek God about what I write. In the last week, I feel He's given me two topics: forgiveness and patience. It's not the topics that are stress-inducing. But while I continued to pray, He put people on my heart for each. One requires digging into my past and tearing down walls I built over something ridiculous; the other requires holding my tongue and letting Him work at His pace and not mine when it comes to a situation involving two loved ones. So while I may be writing on these topics, I think God is seeking me to experience His work through them first. 
     I'm continuing to be in prayer, meditating on times when I had to forgive and be patient, remembering how faithful God was in those situations and leaning into Him as I prepare for these challenges ahead so that I can face them with a joyful attitude and not one filled with anxiety. 
     I took a big step tonight. I sat down with a slice of homemade cherry cheesecake, made by my teenage friend who's celebrating her sweet sixteenth birthday today. Can you believe it? A teenager made me cheesecake on HER BIRTHDAY! How lucky am I to know someone so wonderful. And this isn't the first time she made me cheesecake, but the first two times, the cake was eaten before it made it to my house. LOL! 
     Eating the cheesecake, I reflected on how far I've come and she's come in the last year. Both are worth celebrating! I think God is celebrating, too. 
     As I continued enjoying the decadence, I read a note from an old friend about her decision to homeschool her children. It was so beautifully written —almost like a dance where the rhythm picks up and then slows between her and God about being in tune with His will for her family. It made me smile, then laugh and cry and laugh again. I miss her; she was the first "real" friend I had! We met in junior high and went through so much together — good, bad and ugly — and both came out better for it, or should I say despite it, on the other side. I sure wish we lived closer to one another. 
     I notice as I ate and read and then licked my plate (transparency, remember?) that my stress had melted away. Contentment, the very thing I told my son he needs more of this morning, isn't something that comes easily to most of us. Maybe the fact that so many things are unsettled was causing discontent. I reminded Ryker that we must seek contentment. We must WANT it. We have to avoid distractions like jealousy, pride and anger that can steal our contentment. Happiness cannot be found in money, stuff or accomplishments. It has its roots in relationships — Jesus first, then your family and then other relationships. 
     Spending some time reflecting on my emotionally tumultuous day reminded me life is good, even if isn't always good, but that God is good ALL THE TIME. Like cherry cheesecake and old friends. 

Eeeek!! I'm really gonna homeschool!

     When I simply began thinking about this blog post, I got a lump in my throat. When I mentioned the word "homeschool" to my mom a couple weeks ago, in the context that we'll be trying it, I've never heard the woman clam up so fast. 
     What is it about homeschooling that makes everyone so uncomfortable anyway? 
     The first time I contemplated it was the first time I looked in my daughter's eyes in the delivery room and thought to myself, "I can't let anyone else hold her....ever!" It only took a little colic for that feeling to go away. 
     Seriously, though, there has always been something about homeschooling that has appealed to the hippy in me. I gently reminded my mom of my own anger and frustration my freshman year in college to learn that I was paying $6,000 to relearn high school subjects, and it was REQUIRED for a degree. It was ridiculous in my mind, the subjects I had to learn at a remedial level (chemistry....really?) to get my degree in journalism. Was all the money and time necessary? Most of my learning in college came inside the four walls of the student newspaper anyway. 
     But when others tried to urge me years ago to do it, I had that feeling of discomfort. As in, "I need to change the subject fast. There's NO WAY I could homeschool. And these people are cah-RAY-zee!"
      Today, I can honestly say the time is right. I'm looking forward to the freedom to work side-by-side with my children at their pace, in their interests, pursuing their goals. I cannot imagine doing anything more important. 
     My daughter frequently reminds me that she "doesn't WANT to be like everybody else." While most of the world is busy trying to fit in, she's not just content but determined to stand out. She is somewhat of a standout at school, but there's so much more she wants to do. She wants to take assignments to deeper levels; she wants to explore, build and create with intensity. She doesn't want a lecture; she craves a hands-on exploration. Constantly. She wants room to try and not just fail but totally screw up, so she can try again. This, I believe, is the makeup of many of our nation's great minds over the course of history. They weren't typical, robotic learners. They thought outside the box; they were risk-takers; they were unafraid of failure; they were different, for sure. Those are the kinds of values I want my homeschooled children to embody. 
     The problem is I don't know, exactly, how to get there. I tried teaching college level students last year, and it was a flop. (And here I am taking on my own precious children!) I hated the grading scale, the structure, the process. It was all so....formulaic. It didn't determine success or failure; it didn't prepare them. 
     Today, I committed as formally as possible to homeschooling. I bought some teaching tools, dry erase charts, printed homeschool records and (gulp) bought a curriculum. A very loose one that will allow them to guide themselves through their learning. I'm pretty excited about it actually and the potential for them to explore their way through history using music, math, art, science, religion, cooking, reading, writing and more. 
     I'm also pretty scared. It's a big leap of faith. A major transition for our whole family. A big commitment. 
I'm also wondering why I didn't do it sooner. So many encouraging women have suggested it for years. I doubted myself. I doubted it mattered that much. I doubted it was better for my children. 
     Today I'm so glad I dumped the doubt, but I'm still working on the fear. Well, maybe I'll keep some of it. I'll probably need the adrenaline to keep this ship afloat! 
     In the interest of being more authentic and transparent, I'll be sharing our experiences. I'm blessed to have many friends who are so supportive and encouraging. While there are some who just avoid talking about it with me, I also appreciate those who want to learn more. About what we're doing. What works. What doesn't. And how my children fare. I don't mind that, and I'm glad I haven't experienced anything terribly negative. 
     The next step: Setting up our space, buying a few more supplies and writing the lesson plan for the first four-week unit on creation. 
     Keep us all in your prayers! :-) 

My keeping-it-real confession: I've been lying

    In a conversation with a good friend yesterday, I tried making sense of it all. 
     "I think I'm a liar," I said, laughing....sort of. "But I can't figure out who I'm not being honest with — myself, God or the people following Mighty Strong Girls."
     Based on a few other comments, she deduced that I'm not being honest with myself. If you ask me, lying to yourself has implications when it comes to God and everyone else, too. So I'm a liar. Great. 
     It's an uneasy feeling, not being honest with yourself. A trick. A slight of the hand. Nobody else knows, but you are harboring a dirty little secret...or several. I tell myself repeatedly that Mighty Strong Girls is what I'm supposed to be doing. It's what God put on my heart. I'm being obedient. I'm loving every minute of it. I'm not afraid. We're doing 'just fine' financially. 
     They seem like legitimate lies, because I don't want anyone — least of all myself — to doubt "my" ministry. Deep down, I KNOW it's what I'm SUPPOSED to do. So I stuff all my emotions, fears and problems way down deep and begin to fill my head with "positive self talk" to convince myself everything is peachy keen. So that people will want to be part of it, because who wants to buy in to something that fills the founder up with doubt?
     But when you go from living three years debt-free in the name of God and in 12 short months have a credit card that is maxed out, and you have no cash to fill up your gas tank or get groceries, it's absolutely terrifying. When you are doing the work of a team of a dozen without getting paid, you begin to question your sanity. When you push aside your family for a ministry, even if only for a week, it feels icky. 
     Is this really what God wants? Or did I go too fast? Out of order? Do too much too soon? Am I ungrateful? Is my family angry? What if my husband doesn't forgive me for this? 
     Second guessing begins. It shows up everywhere. 
     God didn't give me a little "first step" in the vision of Mighty Strong Girls; He gave me the whole thing. I jumped on board, perhaps a little too eagerly and went ahead of His plan for me. I know that now. 
     I repented. We've been blessed. Financially my family is back "on track," but the ministry is still in a bit of a mess. Debt with more on the horizon to accomplish what we minimally need to do. I am so grateful for God's provision; what He's done in two short months can only be described as miraculous. And that's just the money part. The lives He's touched, the fun we've had, the friendships made, the faith He's deepened in girls and women, the lies we've exposed, the work we've accomplished, the walls we've knocked down. All of that we've done because of His divine and glorious work through the hands, hearts, minds and feet of so many. It's astonishing; really it is! To begin dissecting the list of His accomplishments in one year of Mighty Strong Girls is exhausting! 
     But I'd be lying if I didn't add that I want more. I want a ministry that doesn't operate in the "red." I want a family who doesn't wear shoes that squeeze our toes and give us blisters because we can't afford new ones. I want a financial plan I know will work — as in the money is already there before we know we need it. The American way. 
     Admitting that feels incredibly selfish sometimes, and that's why I lie. Because when you minister, you put your faith in God. Right? What I described in the previous paragraph would mean I don't have to rely on Him. Right? I mean, that's what so many have said. God's people wandered 40 years in the dessert, relying on his providence. Not always knowing where it would come. Not knowing. That's Biblical. Right? 
     The problem is after taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, I can't make it agree. I'm way outside my comfort zone with a lot of what's happening with Mighty Strong Girls. The speed of things are faster than even I wanted. Income is not keeping up with expenses. Which means our modest middle class family budget is now not only stretched to cover my nearly complete lack of income (save for a half dozen photography clients a year) but also thousands in expenses for a ministry. I'm secretly fearful about losing our home. That wasn't my plan. I'm not sure whether it's God's plan. There. That's it. There's the honesty. 
     There are days I simply want to throw in the towel and do what makes sense: Get a good paying job that will pull my family out of the mess, the uncertainty. I have a master's degree, for crying out loud, and I know it wouldn't take long to find work. It's a formula that I already know provides the solution. My brain screams for this in my lowest moments of discouragement. 
     Except I've been there. It's not so neat, certain and happy. On that side, I yearned for something authentic. A job that used the best of what I could offer to make a difference and help others make a difference. Here God gives it to me, and I'm complaining. You can see why I'm lying to myself. In my weakest, most human moments, I want what the world wants — security, certainty, comfort. These things beckon me from my lowest lows of doubtfulness.
     It's like a tug-of-war in my mind, heart and soul. This thing, this little "thing" God called me to do is absolutely amazing, and watching the body of Christ formed to do His work makes me feel so small but so incredibly filled up spiritually. It's awesome and amazing and fearful. I hate admitting that I want to turn my back on it. (The truth is I don't think I EVER could!) I know God has me where I need to be, where He wants me to be. 
     I want to create a place where girls and women can be honest and real. To really explore this seemingly unchartered territory of "reality," I have to stop lying to myself. I'm praying this honesty will help unlock the bonds of the writer's block and give me confidence to move forward boldly with Mighty Strong Girls. Because as secure as I am that my own daughter can be raised in an environment that affirms her inner-awesomeness, it's not enough. I want that for all girls, and I want her to grow up with girls who believe it, too. I can't do that without holding onto "the truth."
     I have no other choice but to lean entirely and completely into Him. The truth is I have nowhere else to turn if I'm being honest about what I want in the previous paragraph. The truth is He doesn't want us to live lives of despair or sadness.  The truth is that I need ministered to as much as anyone else. The truth is that when God fills us up, we feel complete. The truth is that Philippians 4:13 isn't about getting what we want or accomplishing what we want. It's not about our selfish desires at all. It's about being satisfied when all we have is Him. It's about drawing strength from Him when we feel weak, when we feel we need what the world offers, when we feel we should have what everyone else has. 
     If I want to stop lying to myself, I need to get to the bottom of one simple question: Is He really enough? 
     Can I stop obsessing about what I don't have, what I want, what I think He should provide? Can I make my God enough to fill me up? 
     As I explored this with my friend yesterday, I did what I sadly too often do. I hung up the phone and shifted gears to something else entirely. 
     But she didn't forget. Five minutes later and for 10 minutes, my phone was "on fire" with text messages from girls and moms. She asked some of those close to Mighty Strong Girls to send me some encouragement. Each of them spoke from their heart about what it's meant to them. 
     Here is a sample: 
     "Mighty Strong Girls helps me feel like I matter more than I did before, and I realize it's OK to be different." 
     "Mighty Strong Girls has been a great way for me to stay connected with God and other Christian Girls. Thank you!"
     "It's amazing what Mighty Strong Girls has become. It's weird to look back at the day you told me about it. I thought it was so out of reach! And now it's this huge thing that has become so much! I'm so thankful for you. I love you." 
     "Mighty Strong Girls is going to be something amazing. Thank you!"
     The icing on the cake was a phone call right about the time I got the texts from my husband, who had to run some medication to one of our children at camp in Springfield. He was heading back to work when he saw a woman out for a walk wearing the "Be-YOU-tiful" T-shirt she got at the Mighty Strong Girls event this summer. Best of all, he called it "Polly's shirt." Polly is the girl at my church who designed the T-shirt. That's an impressive detail for most men to remember, but he was so excited — for Polly, for me and for Mighty Strong Girls.
     I have to tell you to have such support is a tremendous blessing. It occurred to me that their words were God's way of affirming this ministry and encouraging me. I sat crying tears of joy. It 
     The very thing I want for girls — to be told they matter, to walk obediently in the will of God, to know it's OK to be the girl God created them to be, to be affirmed and encouraged — is something I need, too. It's something we all need. It's something we all deserve as the children of God. 
     Be a Mighty Strong Girl today and encourage one another. To do so is to be the hands, feet and mouth of Christ! 

Writer's block

For the longest time, I blogged. Now I'm not. Wish I had something profound to say about my writer's block. I don't. I'm afraid, really afraid, that this is as good as it gets. Because my writing is not going so well. Understatement of the year. 

It's weird, really. Because it's never happened to me. I overwrite. I can write one story 10 ways and love them all equally. I can write crap and show it to my husband who thinks it's awesome. Believe me, I've tried. But I can't. I can't journal, write stories or get a cohesive, intelligent thought from brain to blank sheet — either typing or writing. 

When I quit my job in early 2012, I felt like God wanted me to write about my experience. To share it. To record it. So I did. Even though it was the most uncomfortable thing I have ever written about. 

So much more has happened. God has moved in even bigger ways. My faith has grown. He has shown up when I was barely holding on. When I was about to give up. Time and time again. 

And when I try to record it, get it on paper...my words don't come. I really, really want to write again. Anything. I will even joyfully blog about the crazy world I live in, where my family can't figure out how to get groceries one day and the next, a friend gives us food. A world where I screw up, go before God and feel so dumb. But I repent, and He forgives, pouring grace and mercy on me like never before. A world where my family is honest, authentic and seeking (and offering) forgiveness. A world where I'm sure nobody understands, and I must be secretly considered the "crazy lady" by most of my friends and all of my family. 

But the words. They don't come. So many times, I've sat down here with my blog open, my journal blank and prayed for the right words. There are none. Or what I am thinking isn't what I'm writing. It's awful. Like this place here, where I am sure this very blog entry is cursed. Horrible. Nonsensical. 

Why. I'm not sure if it's God, perhaps wanting me to experience Him in new and different ways. To put down my pen and come to worship and know Him in new ways. (I have. I have loved it, even as I've longed to write.) Or if it's me, scared to be as raw as somedays I want to be. Fearful that when my opinion hits the paper, "crazy" will be the kindest thing people think of when they hear my name. 

I'm terrified I might write a lot more like this. Even more, I am scared of continuing in this place where I am not writing. At all. I don't like it here. 

The journal thing is really not working out. So I'm coming back here. To blog. Mostly for me, a return to myself, but for anyone who cares to tune in. 

Because there is so much I want to write. If only I can find the words. 

How God changed my perspective in 2012

By all accounts, the year 2012 stunk. 

* My husband started the first three weeks of the year jobless due to a severe illness. 
* I lost my $55,000-a-year job.
* I apparently lost most of my photography clients and had maybe a half dozen paying photo jobs. 
* I got called to go to Africa with no feasible way to pay for it.
* My new job pays $375 a month, before taxes. 
* We are back in debt. 
* Dan's back went out ... again. 
* We plunked more than $4,000 into the Jeep and got a car payment. 
* The washer and dryer broke. 
* My new ministry put us $3,000 further into debt. 

That's kind of depressing looking, isn't it? 

Some days, I must admit I let it get to me. Making me bitter and sullen. And that's not OK. It's a sin, in fact, as James 1:2 says I must consider it JOY when faced with trials of many kinds. Why? Because when I do, I get the promise that my faith will develop perseverance — which will make me whole. I often quote this scripture to others, and yet there were certainly days I didn't trust in God through the trials, so as I reflect on the last year, I will do so with JOY! 

Let's look at that list again: 
* Dan survived an illness that could have killed him. Praise God!
* The whole experience put me in a reflective, mortality state of mind. Which made me review my life priorities and seek God's will for my life instead. I would step onto the path to wisdom and happiness. Praise God!
* My trip to Africa was FULLY covered with enough left over to pay for brochures and 6-foot vinyl signs for my missionary friends. Praise God!
* I had just enough clients to pay the bills every month — each one arriving in God's perfect timing. Praise God!
* I got a teaching job at Benedictine that put me in contact with amazing students. Two are doing work for Mighty Strong Girls. Praise God!
* We live in a country where we can secure a loan if need be. Praise God!
* Friends interceded in prayer on behalf of Dan's back, and he was able to connect emotional/mental stress to physical stress. Once he addressed unforgiveness, his back was healed without medical intervention. Praise God!
* We were able to get a safe and comfortable vehicle for our family. Praise God!
* We got a beautiful new washer and dryer, and I got to teach my daughter how to hang clothes out to dry on a line in the winter, which she found terribly exciting and was thankfully limited to three loads of laundry. Praise God! 
* I started Mighty Strong Girls. I suspect my life will be forever blessed because of it. I am so excited to see how God uses this ministry to bring teen girls closer to Him. Better yet, I learned how to listen to God and obey His call on my life. It's totally scary and humbling and amazing to be a part of His story! Praise God! 

I pray that 2013 is as equally fulfilling as 2012! And I pray you, too, will prosper and live for Him in the coming year! 

{Hugs} 
Amy

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Dear friends and family: 

'Tis the season for madness. I'm not talking about long lines, busy schedules or unhealthy eating. It's that time of year when we make Ryker get in family photos with the rest of us. For most families, it gets easier to take family photos the older the kids get. That theory does not hold true in the Denney house, where a photographer's child just cannot get his act together for a photo shoot that could take 20 minutes. With Ryker, it lasts half the day. And if we're lucky, we get ONE good shot. 

This year, we nearly missed Abby's musical rehearsal and didn't get all the poses mom wanted and had to eat lunch in the car. But we decided to go with the flow and do something different and Abby-inspired .... because the memory isn't really in the "perfect" photo anyway. The memory is in the experience and all the outtakes that come with the perfect shot. 

Enjoy our 2012 digital (and "green" and might I note...on time!) Christmas cards by clicking on the gray link below, and if you have the time, read the letter posted below!  

2012 Christmas


     2012. 
     No ordinary year. 
     Reeling from a serious bout of pneumonia turned into potentially deadly sepsis, Dan was still off work and recouperating in January. As the high doses of steroids wore off, his back condition -- a herniated disc -- was suddenly at its worst! It had not quite been six months since he'd had three rounds of high-dose steroid injections in his spine. Still, he ended up getting three more. 
     As the demands of raising children and balancing a household became apparent, Amy stepped away from the first 9-5 full-time job she'd had in nine years and only managed to keep for seven months! Then she went on a short-term trip to Africa to get stories and photos and build a website and blog for missionary friends, Rick and Paula Miller. Check it out at lifegateinafrica.org. Dan and Amy are praying about a planned trip to Sierra Leone in December 2013. If you are interested in construction, journalism or orphans, start praying about joining us! 
     Dan took a short-term trip to Ukraine in August, and about the same time, Amy officially formed Mighty Strong Girls, a non-profit to battle the downward spiral of negative self image in girls. She is officially a missionary and working to raise up supporters for this new ministry. 
     Keeping us busiest of all are the kids! Baseball and softball in the spring. A fun two-week session of drama camp in the summer. Ryker emerged as a great leader on his football team this fall. They lost twice as many games as they won, but they were so fun to watch! They battled back to win an exciting bowl game, and as soon as football ended, basketball began. Abby auditioned for the 9-year-old lead in "White Christmas" at a local theater. She didn't get the part, but she landed on the children's choir. She's singing and dancing in three numbers, with opening night set for well, tonight! We'll be busy with that the next three weekends, and both kids are ready to audition for another musical. They keep us chasing our tails, but it also prevents us all from getting into any trouble! 
     The orphan we support in Sierra Leone apparently wasn't immune to the family drama. He got a nasty case of malaria that threatened his brain and landed in the hospital. Not the kind of hospital we might want our children to go to. He was in a small dirt-floor room with no window or door coverings for IV  medicines and other treatments for several days. But James, who is 9, pulled through and we got to see photos of him smiling in front of his orphanage after he recovered. Praise God for so many answered prayers! 
     Dan was elected elder at our church this fall and is looking forward to serving as a leader at Athens Christian Church once again. 
     We can't thank you, our precious family and friends, enough for your prayers in the last 12 months. They have been the most emotional and challenging months of our married life, draining us financially and emotionally. And yet, this time has left us feeling nothing but blessed. We were filled up with the Holy Spirit, thanks to you! I'm literally moved to tears thinking about how you prayed us through each and every encounter -- good or bad -- we experienced in this last calendar year and gave us your support through any means you have available. God has been so, so good to us, and we are far from spiritually drained. He has filled up our tanks, given us more hope and grace than we deserve, and inspired us with visions of how we can use our gifts to serve Him in 2013. We are ready for anything and looking forward to all of it! 
     May God bless you abundantly in the coming days, weeks and months! 
     Much love,
     Dan, Amy, Abby & Ryker Denney

P.S. The kids think it's pretty funny how easily I made this face! Watch the video for more funny faces! :-) 

My little rant about girls and boys

What’s So Bad About a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?

This headline in the New York Times today caught my attention. Eight pages of terminology like "gender continuum," "gender fluid" and  "gender expression." My take in the end: it was exhaustingly rife with stereotypes and did nothing to promote individualism or debunk ridiculous cultural standards on gender. 

Nearly everyone is either female or male. It's a fact, kinda like I am a United States citizen. Being American sets me up for all kinds of stereotypes when I cross onto another country's soil. Just like being a boy -- or a girl -- sets us up for cultural expectations. And this, I believe, is really the problem.

Society evolves. When I was a wee one, there were hardly tiaras, frilly Disney princess dresses for make-believe, or a trove of hour-glass figure dolls to play with. I had legos, blocks and toys with primary colors that were more-or-less gender-less. Go back even farther, and pink was a boy color. Even farther, men wore wigs of long hair and dresses. Some men in other societies still wear dresses. So while I may or may not have purchased a few (dozen) Disney items, it seems to me our societal accumulation of "stuff," bloated toy aisles exploding with pink and general societal infatuation with materialism seems to have injected us with discrimination based on paranoia and fear. It's not enough to keep up with the Joneses, but we must also be accepted by them.

What happens when you leave children to just be themselves -- wearing, playing with and enjoying the things they want? No wonder so many struggle with identity crises in our country; our cultural norms and expectations are so perverted, pervasive and rigidly enforced that few people really get to be who they are destined to be. 

Right now, I embrace my children with their independent and carefree disregard for what's considered by the masses to be acceptable. 

My daughter has gone in and out of the "pink" phase. Today, she might wear a little pink, though she previously rejected it entirely. But she despises princesses. However, she also spends a great deal of time picking out the right ensemble -- for bed even! She wears mostly skirts, likes her toenails painted and wears an occasion girly hairdo. Then she goes outside, climbs trees, makes mud pies, picks up any and all moving creatures, and attempts daring stunts on her scooter. She also likes theater, singing and dancing. She enjoys scary movies and books, climbs to the top of the rock wall at the state fair every year and rode the water ride where the floor drops out from under your feet three times this summer. But like her mom, her athletic abilities are less certain, though she does, on occasion, play sports (and spit sunflower seeds that she sets on the infield dirt).

On the flip side, her brother is very athletic. He excels at team and individual sports. But he doesn't dig in the dirt or climb trees. When he discovered an empty turtle shell at his grandparents' house, he fetched his sister to pick it up. He's scared -- of everything and anything. He tears up at the thought of a scary movie. He walked up to ride the scary water ride twice and chickened out, even though he's a great swimmer. His favorite color is pink. He wore pink socks to every baseball game, wore a pink shirt for his birthday celebration and picked a pink ruler and pencil sharpener when we shopped for school supplies. He won't touch most animals, and we have to BEG him to play outside. He has, in fact, tried on my high heels and clip-clopped through the house with them on. He likes having his toenails painted, and he's currently growing out his hair. He's been mistaken for a girl many, many times. He also screams louder and more high pitched than any girl he knows. 

My point is, my children could not be more individual, unique, one-of-a-kind. And the fact that we debate these PERSONALITY traits in the context of "normal" and with a psychological "ruler" means only one thing: WE LIVE IN AN INTOLERANT WORLD. We judge and then beyond that we categorize, bully and label anyone who doesn't fit within our societal definition of "normal." It's time for all parents to let our children be who they are and express themselves in the context of a safe, loving, disciplined home where morals rule -- not tutus and superhero capes.

Want to read the whole NYTimes article? Click below:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/magazine/whats-so-bad-about-a-boy-who-wants-to-wear-a-dress.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1&hp

Thankful for my man of courage!

It seemed fitting that on Sunday morning of Father's Day, as I stood brushing my hair and teeth in our (shared) family bathroom, I could hear my husband patiently readying our two children for church. 


For so many dads who wear these three letters -- D-A-D -- more as a title of burden than blessing, Father's Day is a RIGHT...for them to do as they please, to escape from their children or be pampered by them. Not my husband. There were no such expectations in our home. 


My normal morning routine with the kids is very rush-rush as I follow behind them begrudgingly picking up their messes. But Sunday mornings always offer reprieve -- a chance for me to slow down while Dan picks up the slack. 


Unlike me, he offers patient words of encouragement when they resist brushing their teeth and seeks out teachable -- or laughable -- moments in everything. 


That's because, you see, he has expectations. Expectations of who is to be as a dad and expectations for his own children so they will grow up strong in Christ. 


And so when we arrived at church to Katie Ibbotson's powerful message on a father's expectations as part of the sermon, it was a reminder to me. A reminder that our heavenly Father has expectations for ALL of us. Among those expectations are strong, influential, godly dads for our children. 


Make no mistake: This is NOT just a job for men. Women must also ensure our husbands can be the leaders in our homes -- as God designed them to be. 


Turn on your television and you'll see what society expects in a home (if a father is even present!) -- a father figure who is mocked by his family, the butt of all jokes, stripped of his masculinity and nagged like a "dripping faucet" (doesn't that sound like a Proverb!). 


And because Katie said it so eloquently, she was willing to share her words from Sunday. Here's an excerpt:


"What can a father do for his child?? Have EXPECTATIONS! A father who expects from his child, who sets forth these expectations in the lives of his children impacts not only his children but those who are watching. 


"What expectations?! Which expectations?! The written word of our FATHER in Heaven Himself sets forth the expectations of our fathers. In Romans 12:2, we read: 'Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will.'


"Oh... men of courage... Don’t let Hollywood set forth the expectations for your loved ones. Seek his pleasing and perfect will and find the way to show your children what expectations our Father in Heaven has for a home...your home.... Read HIS word, show them what OUR Father in Heaven expects!"


Two of my favorite "daddy" photos of my man of courage. :) 

Make music, have fun!

This really takes me back. I remember popping bubble wrap at my Nana's house. I don't think we had enough money growing up to ever order anything that was shipped to our house, and I don't know what Nana ordered but it seems like we popped bubbles a lot at her house! 


So when we got a package this week, it was a major bonus that its contents were rolled in two large pieces of unspoiled, fat bubble wrap that seemed more precious than the cargo. The kids came up with a fun way to pop them. (Turn your volume down!) 

Our chalkboard wall

This has been one of those "wish we'd done it sooner" projects. For a couple years, we used a small dry erase board to list our activities for that week. On our fridge was our meal plan. And we kept complaining that we were losing our "honey-do" list and couldn't remember what we needed to do around the house (that's our excuse...we'll come up with another one soon!). So transformed a wall in our kitchen, and we all LOVE it. Everyone who visits comments on it, too, so I figured I would post it here in case you're in need of a new organization system!

We use it for our weekly schedule, easy access to phone numbers for the kids and babysitters, our menu, our honey-do list, our summer bucket list, our daily summer schedule, occasional doodles by Abby and something inspiring from what we're studying in the Bible. 

Can you think of other uses? Maybe we'll paint another wall! 

Before summer kicks the bucket...

This is a tradition we started last year: a bucket list. Not for when we kick the bucket, but things we want to do before summer "dies." Last year we picked 10 things and completed nine. Can you believe "make homemade ice cream" was the only one we didn't do last year? So it made it on this year's list. :-)  

Here's where we need your help! We came up with nine, and we're asking for nominations for No. 10 on our list (or No. 10, 11 and 12. Who knows...maybe we'll expand the list!). We try to keep them affordable, since we're on a tight budget, and naturally it must be fun! We like the outdoors, adventure, sports. 

So...what would you put in for ??? Leave your nomination below! 

Taking a break from sports???

Ryker had a rough end of season in football last year, as in one hard (from behind) tackle when a play was over. The other boy was bigger and ruthless and the illegal act went unnoticed. He was disheartened. But he played great all year, and we saw that he has great potential. Still, he doesn't want to play football this year, and I'm not pushing the issue because I'm honestly not a big fan of tackle football at this age especially since our local program doesn't have a concussion-prevention component to it. 


Here's the thing about Ryker, though. He's actually got great potential with just about any sport he tries. He's naturally gifted in sports, very coordinated and competitively motivated, while also being a great teammate to his buddies. When it comes to sports, he makes us very proud. 


Thankfully he's talented at other things, too, particularly reading. I love my little nerdy athlete! Ryker also very much enjoys Boy Scouts and camping, and those activities have been great for our whole family. The problem is that our around-the-calendar sports schedule allows for little time to camp and fully enjoying the Scouting activities. 


So when Ryker suggested not playing football this year, and then waffled between football and soccer for several weeks, I had an idea. How about no sports for the end of summer/start of the school year? Both sports play games on Saturdays or Sundays, and having a few months with weekends and most week nights free would be a REAL blessing. 


I thought he might agree. But his response, "You guys can go camping while I play soccer."


He does NOT want to sit out a season. He's 7. I think it could be a great time for family bonding, togetherness and a breather from the hectic-ness that has become our collective life of sports. Plus, he's never played outdoor soccer, so I'm thinking why start something new?


Here's my dilemma, I feel strongly about my position, and I know it would be good for us and good for him. However, part of me acknowledges that when school starts and the other boys are wearing their football jerseys and talking about upcoming games, he will be upset that he's not a part of a team. 


I should point out that if this were Abby, the decision would be easy. It wouldn't break her heart, and she would be over it. But she's a leader, and Ryker is very much a follower. Part of his identity is tied to fitting in with the boys. 


So, I must know....what would you do???