Maximize momentum for lasting change

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Philippians 1:6 (NLT)

     Today I can't stop thinking about this word and really more than that about the FEELING of momentum. Have you ever experienced it? 

     Maybe in an athletic or competitive event? 

     Or even in a day in which you started with a grateful heart and continued to express gratitude? 

     Or perhaps in a challenge you made for yourself...to pray or go to Bible study or stick to an exercise program? 

     The thing with momentum is that its beginnings have nothing to do with luck or chance, or possibly even desire. They have more to do with discipline. 

     The dictionary defines momentum as the force or speed of movement; impetus, as of a physical object or course of events. 

     But something can't begin moving on its own. 

     Have you ever wanted something really badly but did nothing to make it happen. Except maybe pray. 

     I prayed for a really long time for my body to heal. A lot of tears were shed in desperation. 

     But until I made a decision to ACT, nothing happened. Momentum requires ACTion. Action requires a decision. 

     My decision was that I would finally get "all in" about the clean eating and living I was professing. 

     As I did, I noticed some changes. At first they were small, and then when I reached out to start a nutrition program, the changes got dramatic and very quickly. I required two things for this to be successful: a decision to do it well (discipline) and faith it could help me. 

     With discipline and faith, I took action. With action came momentum. 

     Momentum is exciting, because that change I so desperately wanted was finally unfolding. I could feel it, and I could even see the inner healing on the outside of my body. 

     My faith grew even more. 

     But I never could have gotten there without action. Momentum requires force or speed to be initiated. 

     Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University taught me discipline with money. You may be wondering what this has to do with momentum, but you see, I needed to experience that change is good and that discipline leads to transformation. Once I had discipline with my finances, I decided to read my Bible daily. Once I was reading my Bible daily, I decided to pray daily. My continued commitment to action built my faith as I saw momentum in each area of my life. It played out in my physical life as well. We began meal planning, which requires discipline, and I started running races. In each area, I continued because I saw the positive impacts these actions were having in my life. Those positive impacts were the momentum. Once I got started, nothing could stop me because the reward was tangible at that point. 

     In 2 Timothy 4:7, Paul writes, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 

     It wasn't easy for Paul, as he was thrown in prison and persecuted for his discipline. But his momentum was salvation, not only for himself but for others. He had GOOD NEWS to share and nothing was going to stand in the way of his calling to spread the gospel. 

     Likewise, our momentum doesn't come without some jarring bumps. We get to decide if the pebble in our path will derail us completely, or if we pick it up, toss it out and continue forward. A little perseverance can help build and grow momentum.  With continued faith and decisions to act daily on what we believe is good for us, we can be sure that the fight we fight for will be "good," the races will be finished even if they aren't won and our faith will be preserved even when shaken. 

     Today, I am determined to capitalize on momentum. To lean into it and to not let life's little bumps along the way stop the good thing that God has started. How about you? 

It's more than "just" a house: Beginning our Good-bye

After being strung along for a week by potential buyers of our home, we discovered that the promises of a contract were empty ones. They changed their minds, even after their realtor texted details of their offer. Even after spending three days visiting our home for more than 90 minutes each time. Even after many questions, including some fairly odd requests.

The crumbling of this sale transpired the day after we broke the news to our children that a move was impending. One of them was delighted. The other was devastated. And we spent the evening recalling our favorite memories and reminding ourselves that a house didn't make us a family any more than a community defines us.

Honestly, I was angry and offended after the emotional roller coaster came to a halt this morning. It was rude, inconsiderate and immature. 

As I stewed, several friends reminded me that it was more than likely the compassionate hand of God protecting us. There is already an even-better, perfect offer outstanding on our home from a family that knows they will love our home and treasure it as they make new memories here. It came on the third day our house was listed — just after we prayed as a family that the first showing would result in a full-price offer. All we have to do is wait. Wait for His perfect timing and pray that it works out according to His plan. He's already been so gracious to us, so it's easy to have faith — even if it comes with some topsy-turvy anxiousness at times!

I was also reminded that while a house is just a building, it's significance really can't be ignored. It has a place on our family timeline. 

Four weeks ago when I tore down the kids' artwork and all the encouragement I've kept taped to my walls so that we could "stage" our house, I was reminded of how richly blessed I am. Each "thing" I tore down broke my heart that I had to remove it, but it also restored my faith. 

Even though it was hanging there in plain sight day after day, I rarely took the chance to remember. Taking each piece down allowed me to pause and think about some things I should have been thinking about. 

* The giant "You mean the WORLD to me!" poster that Abby made when I was having a down day. She was just 9 at the time and so insightful to recognize my hurt and sadness. Without saying a word, she quietly locked herself in her room and got to work on the infamous poster where the "O" in WORLD was made into the Earth and the "R" is a different shade of blue because she initially forgot to include it. Neither of us noticed. (We aren't great spellers around here!) 

* My reminder to keep dreaming: "Spend at least 15 minutes a day in deliberate thought about something bigger than your to-do list." 

* A card signed by my colleagues at the last place I worked. The place where I quit without a plan in place but just the desire to follow where God would lead me. Reading their comments about trusting God and chasing bigger plans reminds me that the adventure I was seeking has found me in Mighty Strong Girls and homeschooling. I never would have guessed! In my hardest days (and there are many!), I can be secure in the knowledge that I am doing exactly what I set out to do — pursuing a legacy and not a salary. (I wouldn't complain if God makes a way for the latter though!)

* A copy of the "Starfish Flinger."
The Starfish Story
Original Story by: Loren Eisley
One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?” The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.” “Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!” After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said … “I made a difference for that one.”

* A card from my new dear friend Jan Koch (in her trademark red ink) that is simply awesome. She calls me one of the most amazing women she has met, a blessing and a treasure. None are things I think of myself. Everyone deserves a friend who believes in all her dreams and thinks more highly of her than she does!

* A collage Abby made for me with her favorite Mighty Strong Girls messages that have helped change her life: Love, Princess Warrior, Lovely ladies, Show your inner colors, Wonderful women, You are loved, beYOUtiful, Shine, God made you very special, Graceful girls, Jesus died for you, God is almighty.

* A note that came with the first $1,000 donation Mighty Strong Girls received. "Thank you for your positive messages to young girls and for helping them realize who they are in Christ....."

* A hand-drawn flower from Hannah, one of the first girls attracted to Mighty Strong Girls, with the passage 1 Peter 3:3-4: Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and find clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

Hannah's mom has since joined the Mighty Strong Girls team. A widow and single mom to four children (three living at home), she is a source of inspiration to me and I'm glad to call her one of my closest friends!

* An article from Christian Standard called "It's all about the mission," which points out all the things we think wrongly about what makes a good leader. "The best of them tended to be quiet listeners who let other people make most of the decisions. They weren't particularly charismatic. Or funny. They weren't the toughest guys in the pack... They were, on the whole, a little boring." 

What a relief to read this article! I am an introvert, who is awkward at public speaking, slow to process and react, and not funny in the least! But still, there could be a place for me, I remember thinking as I read this. The article goes on to conclude: "It means process and philosophy beat personality. It means the not-super-funny and the not-most-attractive-in-the-room can be most effective. It means character matters more than charisma. It means your personality doesn't have to be larger than life — your vision and your commitment to it do."

Yes, it's just a house but it's been home to more than our memories. It's held our laughter, our tears, our hopes, our dreams and our inspiration. This house represents change — beautiful transformation that took place in our hearts as a family.

When we first moved in this house in 2008, we had just made some major life changes. I had recently quit my job at the local newspaper where I had launched a magazine. We were downsizing, incorporating our spending/saving habits into our legacy, and making family our priority. We were "baby Christians." Here, we were challenged, put to pressure and made more beautiful. We became debt-free (except the house), we grew in our faith, our children were both baptized, Dan got severely ill, I quit my job, we made family our priority, we decided to homeschool and my dreams of making a difference in the world were realized with Mighty Strong Girls.

If it weren't for the sale of our house, I wonder how long I would work to the backdrop of the "inspiration" hanging on my walls but forgotten in my heart. Change, my dear friends, is a GOOD thing. It stirs us. It moves us. It improves us. Sometimes physically moving is the only thing, the only way we can make the transformation the Lord desires for us.

For this move, I am praying we will once again become debt-free, grow in our faith, incorporate our finances into our legacy, make family our priority and continue to make a difference in the world... one starfish at a time! 

An update on adoption, Denney Photography and Mighty Strong Girls

Have you ever gotten excited about something that God put in your heart? 

Two years ago, I attended an orphans conference and heard beautiful stories of adoption. I knew then and there it was something I could do, and I felt like God wanted my family to adopt. Since then, I've been excited (and anxious) about adding to our family.

A little less than a year later, my husband was at a church leaders conference when a speaker spoke for less than three minutes about adopting one of his children. Then and there, he received God’s word that we are to adopt. Seven months or so later, our children were able to instantly “find” enough money to cover the fees for an application for adoption. So we applied. We earnestly thought it was God's will. We were all comfortable with the challenges adoption brings and excited to see God's glory shine in and through the brokenness.

 

But then there was a communication snafu with the adoption agency we were working with, and it seemed we were already late with the $5,000 fee, on top of needing anywhere between $2,000-$6,000 for our home study that needed to begin right away. We thought we had 90 days to raise the money, and because our case worker dropped the ball in explaining anything to do with finances, they were gracious and gave us a 30-day extension. 

We were super busy at the time with the kids and Dan being in Jungle Book and me writing and photographing on deadline for Mighty Strong Girls, so it was obvious that if it was God's will for us to adopt right now with this agency, it would be His miraculous act that would make it possible. We ended up with a $50 donation right away and then nothing.  The 30 days came and they went.

Part of me wanted to (still wants to?) grieve. I have been saving the kids' clothes for hand-me-downs, dreaming of bedroom remodels. We've been praying for our children. We've been faithful. We've been hopeful. 

And yet, reality was hitting us hard over the head. Both kids NEED new mattresses, and we have no way to buy even those. We have a couple medical bills in collections, and then we discovered that the credit card we use for Mighty Strong Girls, Trades of Hope, gas and occasional food had suddenly been "maxed out." There was only $2,000 of "wiggle room," and while we knew I was without the teaching job that paid $500 a month, we didn't guard this very carefully and it grew. 

 

Why do I share such intimate details? Most people cringe at personal finance stories.

 

I KNOW that many of us go through such trials, and because we announced our adoption here, it seems only fitting to announce our un-adoption here with the reasons. 

 

YES, I believe in a big God who can do all things, and I had a few in the adoption community call out my doubt. But as former leaders of Financial Peace University, we knew we were being less than good stewards by letting things slide. Does God want us to adopt AND pay off our debt? Yes! But we believe He stopped this process so that we could see that it's time to right the financial wrongs FIRST so we can then get back to the adoption He so clearly put on our hearts and continue living in the principles He has taught us. He's here to help us not to hurt us!

 

I was feeling shame and regret, condemnation and criticism because I thought we failed, that I failed. That I disappointed my family. None of these are feelings are of God! 

 

Did we somehow screw up? You betcha! We are human, and we stumble. We know better. Oh my gosh, we know so much better. And if wasn't for the grace and glory of God, we would have far more debt right now than we do. Plus, we know what to do to get out of it. 

 

Here's where it gets sticky. It seems obvious to "get out of it," I need to get a job, right?

 

But something about scanning classifieds and considering a $15 per hour graphic design job seemed "icky." I could invest (I guess on credit) in Denney Photography. 

 

So I went back to "basics," the basics that have led me thus far. I prayed. I asked God to intervene, to show me the path to take, AND I promised I would be obedient. Uh-hum, the sticky part. 

My daughter had passed out magazines to the teen girls on the Jungle Book cast, and one of the moms wanted to talk to me. I knew this on Friday but didn't run into her. Saturday morning was when I went on a bike ride and I said my prayer before going to work at Jungle Book. It was then that I ran into her — the nameless woman I had never before met. It was SO WEIRD! She was asking questions and shaking her head in agreement before she spoke. She admitted she didn't read the magazine but only saw the cover. Then she began speaking to me with authority. It was almost like God was standing there talking to me through her! She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "If you are really serious about this, you have to give it everything you've got." 

I have always felt like this is what God wants of me. To brush all else aside. To focus on Mighty Strong Girls alone. It seems impossible, as there is barely enough in faith pledges to cover the basic necessities, let alone a salary of any sort. Plus, it was my photography that literally saved our butts in the last couple weeks as Dan took three days off for his grandpa's death and funeral (he doesn't get paid time off).

I absolutely believe and KNOW that God can do all things, and that the timing isn’t for us to figure out. I can count at least a half dozen reasons the adoption isn't in His timing right now, the most important being that it's about the kids He has planned to join our family.

So, what does this mean for our family? A lot of scary things, I suppose. A restructuring of Mighty Strong Girls is coming that will allow it to be both a mission (Business as Mission) AND a ministry. It will open up doors for us to sell magazines, advertising, event tickets and other things that simply aren't acceptable under IRS rules with our Ripe for Harvest partnership. We still are accepting and NEED donors more than ever. Those are tax-deductible through account 381 with Ripe for Harvest, and they allow us to do printing of the magazine as well as one-on-one ministry with preteen and teen girls.

It also means I am closing the doors on Denney Photography. I won't renew the website, so if you have a gallery online, place your orders soon! At first, this saddened me, but in prayer, I don't think it's the end of my creative and portrait photography work. For one thing, I am doing this now for Mighty Strong Girls, which gives me great joy! We can set up a shopping link on the Mighty Strong Girls website and sell prints from the magazine to help offset our expenses. Also, I will continue to take photography work as God brings it to me without investing time and money in marketing it. I don't need fancy tools, flashy props or sophisticated websites to bring me the small amount of work it would take to help our family. And this way, I can feel free to say no if it interferes with Mighty Strong Girls. I don't know entirely what this looks like, and I'm not convinced that He won't tell me to drop it all together. But God has certainly used my photography to bring blessings to others and to our own family's mission work, so I'm not feeling like the rug should be ripped out here. 

As for Trades of Hope, I'm a little less certain. God clearly brought that to me. But I never felt like I was to sell it, so for now, I'm simply praying.

Clearly a lot is in flux, so more than anything, I would appreciate your prayers. I believe in Mighty Strong Girls more than ever, and I know that's where God would have me focus all the energy and time I can offer. But I can't do it without your help, your support and your prayers. Thanks for them...they are literally the fuel that keeps me going!

Blessings

     Maybe this is just me. Maybe God doesn't work this way for everyone. Maybe I'm slightly crazy. Maybe all of the above. 
     God seems to show up at the last minute, when I need Him most, when I have called out His name over and over, when I'm desperate. 
     It's not as if I'm NOT praying all along. It's like He waits until I am nearly ready to give up, throw in the towel, turn my back. Thank God He doesn't wait until I do; but it's as if I don't know what else to do. 
     Maybe it's because He wants my little prayers to become BIG prayers. Maybe He wants me to go from "popcorn prayers" to falling on my knees prayers. Maybe He wants me to stop thinking of my problems as "little things" because He wants to be involved in ALL of my life. Maybe He wants to see if I will really and truly go put my hands on my Jeep in broad daylight in front of all my neighbors without regard for what anyone thinks or says and pray that He will intercede. 
     Yes, I did that (luckily I had some crazy, prayer-loving friends who did it with me!). 
      I've heard it said that when you string this many coincidences together, perhaps it's time to stop thinking of them as mere "coincidences." 
     When I pray big. When I ask others to join me in praying big. God moves BIG. 
     Has this ever been the experience for you?
     Four weeks ago, I was desperately frustrated. I was not without faith, nor was I doubtful, but I saw no obvious answer. My situation went from grim to "no way out." I really wasn't sure if I would be able to get gas in my vehicle. The credit card was, in fact, past its $10,000 limit but strangely enough (or not!), it was working. 
     I bought gas. I got groceries. I prayed. And then I prayed bigger. Friends joined in prayer. We laid hands on a giant pile of paid-off metal and asked God to find a buyer who would pay all of what we wanted for it. 
     Four days later, He answered the prayer. Exactly! 
     Now the credit card is nearly down to a $0 balance. And there seems to be money in my ministry account. Not quite enough. But more than I thought! 
     It seems as if God is patting my shoulder and saying, "Didn't I promise I would take care of you?" (I can imagine Him in His big, but gentle God voice adding, "Oh, you of little faith.")
     I took my eyes off the problem and turned them to Him, and when I turned around, the problem was gone. But He's still there. Promising. Encouraging. Providing. 

My keeping-it-real confession: I've been lying

    In a conversation with a good friend yesterday, I tried making sense of it all. 
     "I think I'm a liar," I said, laughing....sort of. "But I can't figure out who I'm not being honest with — myself, God or the people following Mighty Strong Girls."
     Based on a few other comments, she deduced that I'm not being honest with myself. If you ask me, lying to yourself has implications when it comes to God and everyone else, too. So I'm a liar. Great. 
     It's an uneasy feeling, not being honest with yourself. A trick. A slight of the hand. Nobody else knows, but you are harboring a dirty little secret...or several. I tell myself repeatedly that Mighty Strong Girls is what I'm supposed to be doing. It's what God put on my heart. I'm being obedient. I'm loving every minute of it. I'm not afraid. We're doing 'just fine' financially. 
     They seem like legitimate lies, because I don't want anyone — least of all myself — to doubt "my" ministry. Deep down, I KNOW it's what I'm SUPPOSED to do. So I stuff all my emotions, fears and problems way down deep and begin to fill my head with "positive self talk" to convince myself everything is peachy keen. So that people will want to be part of it, because who wants to buy in to something that fills the founder up with doubt?
     But when you go from living three years debt-free in the name of God and in 12 short months have a credit card that is maxed out, and you have no cash to fill up your gas tank or get groceries, it's absolutely terrifying. When you are doing the work of a team of a dozen without getting paid, you begin to question your sanity. When you push aside your family for a ministry, even if only for a week, it feels icky. 
     Is this really what God wants? Or did I go too fast? Out of order? Do too much too soon? Am I ungrateful? Is my family angry? What if my husband doesn't forgive me for this? 
     Second guessing begins. It shows up everywhere. 
     God didn't give me a little "first step" in the vision of Mighty Strong Girls; He gave me the whole thing. I jumped on board, perhaps a little too eagerly and went ahead of His plan for me. I know that now. 
     I repented. We've been blessed. Financially my family is back "on track," but the ministry is still in a bit of a mess. Debt with more on the horizon to accomplish what we minimally need to do. I am so grateful for God's provision; what He's done in two short months can only be described as miraculous. And that's just the money part. The lives He's touched, the fun we've had, the friendships made, the faith He's deepened in girls and women, the lies we've exposed, the work we've accomplished, the walls we've knocked down. All of that we've done because of His divine and glorious work through the hands, hearts, minds and feet of so many. It's astonishing; really it is! To begin dissecting the list of His accomplishments in one year of Mighty Strong Girls is exhausting! 
     But I'd be lying if I didn't add that I want more. I want a ministry that doesn't operate in the "red." I want a family who doesn't wear shoes that squeeze our toes and give us blisters because we can't afford new ones. I want a financial plan I know will work — as in the money is already there before we know we need it. The American way. 
     Admitting that feels incredibly selfish sometimes, and that's why I lie. Because when you minister, you put your faith in God. Right? What I described in the previous paragraph would mean I don't have to rely on Him. Right? I mean, that's what so many have said. God's people wandered 40 years in the dessert, relying on his providence. Not always knowing where it would come. Not knowing. That's Biblical. Right? 
     The problem is after taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, I can't make it agree. I'm way outside my comfort zone with a lot of what's happening with Mighty Strong Girls. The speed of things are faster than even I wanted. Income is not keeping up with expenses. Which means our modest middle class family budget is now not only stretched to cover my nearly complete lack of income (save for a half dozen photography clients a year) but also thousands in expenses for a ministry. I'm secretly fearful about losing our home. That wasn't my plan. I'm not sure whether it's God's plan. There. That's it. There's the honesty. 
     There are days I simply want to throw in the towel and do what makes sense: Get a good paying job that will pull my family out of the mess, the uncertainty. I have a master's degree, for crying out loud, and I know it wouldn't take long to find work. It's a formula that I already know provides the solution. My brain screams for this in my lowest moments of discouragement. 
     Except I've been there. It's not so neat, certain and happy. On that side, I yearned for something authentic. A job that used the best of what I could offer to make a difference and help others make a difference. Here God gives it to me, and I'm complaining. You can see why I'm lying to myself. In my weakest, most human moments, I want what the world wants — security, certainty, comfort. These things beckon me from my lowest lows of doubtfulness.
     It's like a tug-of-war in my mind, heart and soul. This thing, this little "thing" God called me to do is absolutely amazing, and watching the body of Christ formed to do His work makes me feel so small but so incredibly filled up spiritually. It's awesome and amazing and fearful. I hate admitting that I want to turn my back on it. (The truth is I don't think I EVER could!) I know God has me where I need to be, where He wants me to be. 
     I want to create a place where girls and women can be honest and real. To really explore this seemingly unchartered territory of "reality," I have to stop lying to myself. I'm praying this honesty will help unlock the bonds of the writer's block and give me confidence to move forward boldly with Mighty Strong Girls. Because as secure as I am that my own daughter can be raised in an environment that affirms her inner-awesomeness, it's not enough. I want that for all girls, and I want her to grow up with girls who believe it, too. I can't do that without holding onto "the truth."
     I have no other choice but to lean entirely and completely into Him. The truth is I have nowhere else to turn if I'm being honest about what I want in the previous paragraph. The truth is He doesn't want us to live lives of despair or sadness.  The truth is that I need ministered to as much as anyone else. The truth is that when God fills us up, we feel complete. The truth is that Philippians 4:13 isn't about getting what we want or accomplishing what we want. It's not about our selfish desires at all. It's about being satisfied when all we have is Him. It's about drawing strength from Him when we feel weak, when we feel we need what the world offers, when we feel we should have what everyone else has. 
     If I want to stop lying to myself, I need to get to the bottom of one simple question: Is He really enough? 
     Can I stop obsessing about what I don't have, what I want, what I think He should provide? Can I make my God enough to fill me up? 
     As I explored this with my friend yesterday, I did what I sadly too often do. I hung up the phone and shifted gears to something else entirely. 
     But she didn't forget. Five minutes later and for 10 minutes, my phone was "on fire" with text messages from girls and moms. She asked some of those close to Mighty Strong Girls to send me some encouragement. Each of them spoke from their heart about what it's meant to them. 
     Here is a sample: 
     "Mighty Strong Girls helps me feel like I matter more than I did before, and I realize it's OK to be different." 
     "Mighty Strong Girls has been a great way for me to stay connected with God and other Christian Girls. Thank you!"
     "It's amazing what Mighty Strong Girls has become. It's weird to look back at the day you told me about it. I thought it was so out of reach! And now it's this huge thing that has become so much! I'm so thankful for you. I love you." 
     "Mighty Strong Girls is going to be something amazing. Thank you!"
     The icing on the cake was a phone call right about the time I got the texts from my husband, who had to run some medication to one of our children at camp in Springfield. He was heading back to work when he saw a woman out for a walk wearing the "Be-YOU-tiful" T-shirt she got at the Mighty Strong Girls event this summer. Best of all, he called it "Polly's shirt." Polly is the girl at my church who designed the T-shirt. That's an impressive detail for most men to remember, but he was so excited — for Polly, for me and for Mighty Strong Girls.
     I have to tell you to have such support is a tremendous blessing. It occurred to me that their words were God's way of affirming this ministry and encouraging me. I sat crying tears of joy. It 
     The very thing I want for girls — to be told they matter, to walk obediently in the will of God, to know it's OK to be the girl God created them to be, to be affirmed and encouraged — is something I need, too. It's something we all need. It's something we all deserve as the children of God. 
     Be a Mighty Strong Girl today and encourage one another. To do so is to be the hands, feet and mouth of Christ! 

Does God want you to write something down today?

Today I flipped over the sermon notes page from church and began answering questions. I don't always do this, but if a sermon is particularly compelling, I find I WANT to dive deeper. 

I get to question 4 and look up Romans 15:4, which says, 

"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." 

My pastor's questions were: What does the verse say about finding encouragement? What simple, overlooked practice is required here? Will you take the action step and do it in order to enjoy endurance and encouragement.

I absolutely love how God works in my life. Earlier this week, I circle verse 3 in Proverbs 16, which says, 

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." 

As I read it, I was reflecting on two specific times in my life that I COMPLETELY surrendered to the Lord. 

1. When I quit my job at the State Journal-Register, which was barely allowing us to make ends meet in our new, huge, custom-built house. We took Financial Peace University at the same time, began tithing for the first time in our lives and just became like rag dolls in our faith. We relaxed and let God own it. Because we were out of options anyway. 

In six months, we paid down some debt, increased our expenses by tithing, created NO new debt and sold our house in the month when we thought we might actually have to put a mortgage payment on a credit card. 

I have to be very clear here. The math did NOT add up. We didn't even write a budget, because it was a bad, bad situation before I quit my job! The fact that we did what we did was only by the grace of God, a miracle that blessed our family immensely. 

2. When I accepted the Lord's call to go to Sierra Leone. I had just quit another job; we had a stack of medical debt after being debt free for a couple years; I would have to figure out how to pay for this trip and then travel alone.

I didn't ask why or resist, because the fact that this was God's will for me was made perfectly clear! 

It should be no surprise that He provided. By the time I wrote letters asking about 20 people to donate toward my trip, I had raised more than half before I asked anyone to give! By the time I went before my church's mission committee to seek a contribution toward the expenses, the trip was covered. By the time I returned, I had more donations to cover the cost of three vinyl banners and 1,000 brochures for my missionary friends. 

So, what does this have to do with the scripture in Romans and in Proverbs?

Write it down. When God provides for you, write it down so you will remember. As you go through tests, twists and turns in life later, your own written testimony — in addition to God's word, like Proverbs 16:3 — will encourage you. 

Friends, I'm going through another trial. And for the first time since high school, my stress level is through the roof. Yet, I know better. 

God has given me the gift of encouragement, and I KNOW through past experience that He will indeed provide! I'm delighted that this week He made it clear that I need to remember those instances to draw on His encouragement!

Later in Proverbs 16, verse 9, it says

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." 

In this season of my life, starting Mighty Strong Girls, I KNOW what He would have me to do. The destination is clearly marked so I know what I'm shooting for. God has given me a clear vision.

In my human tendencies, there are days I just want to arrive. I'm frustrated by what feels like spinning wheels, financial woes and shackled plans. But there is no end point for God's work. When we arrive at one destination, He creates another. My steps are truly each determined by Him and in sync with His will. And He is wiser than I am! 

I have to be ready to take each next step, focusing only on it and through Him and His provision, to reach the ultimate goal. In this manner, He keeps me close through prayer, and reliant on Him! It feels good to know He loves me so much that He wants to keep in constant contact with me! Have you ever noticed, where there's love, there's obedience — even when there's not a full understanding — so that we can keep our faithfulness?

What's your story? Write it down, even if it's only for you, to encourage you when you're in life's trenches that His provision will come in His time! Or, pray about whether God wants you to share your story as a testimony of encouragement for others! It makes such a huge difference when you can be fueled by encouragement instead of slowed down by discouragement! 

How God changed my perspective in 2012

By all accounts, the year 2012 stunk. 

* My husband started the first three weeks of the year jobless due to a severe illness. 
* I lost my $55,000-a-year job.
* I apparently lost most of my photography clients and had maybe a half dozen paying photo jobs. 
* I got called to go to Africa with no feasible way to pay for it.
* My new job pays $375 a month, before taxes. 
* We are back in debt. 
* Dan's back went out ... again. 
* We plunked more than $4,000 into the Jeep and got a car payment. 
* The washer and dryer broke. 
* My new ministry put us $3,000 further into debt. 

That's kind of depressing looking, isn't it? 

Some days, I must admit I let it get to me. Making me bitter and sullen. And that's not OK. It's a sin, in fact, as James 1:2 says I must consider it JOY when faced with trials of many kinds. Why? Because when I do, I get the promise that my faith will develop perseverance — which will make me whole. I often quote this scripture to others, and yet there were certainly days I didn't trust in God through the trials, so as I reflect on the last year, I will do so with JOY! 

Let's look at that list again: 
* Dan survived an illness that could have killed him. Praise God!
* The whole experience put me in a reflective, mortality state of mind. Which made me review my life priorities and seek God's will for my life instead. I would step onto the path to wisdom and happiness. Praise God!
* My trip to Africa was FULLY covered with enough left over to pay for brochures and 6-foot vinyl signs for my missionary friends. Praise God!
* I had just enough clients to pay the bills every month — each one arriving in God's perfect timing. Praise God!
* I got a teaching job at Benedictine that put me in contact with amazing students. Two are doing work for Mighty Strong Girls. Praise God!
* We live in a country where we can secure a loan if need be. Praise God!
* Friends interceded in prayer on behalf of Dan's back, and he was able to connect emotional/mental stress to physical stress. Once he addressed unforgiveness, his back was healed without medical intervention. Praise God!
* We were able to get a safe and comfortable vehicle for our family. Praise God!
* We got a beautiful new washer and dryer, and I got to teach my daughter how to hang clothes out to dry on a line in the winter, which she found terribly exciting and was thankfully limited to three loads of laundry. Praise God! 
* I started Mighty Strong Girls. I suspect my life will be forever blessed because of it. I am so excited to see how God uses this ministry to bring teen girls closer to Him. Better yet, I learned how to listen to God and obey His call on my life. It's totally scary and humbling and amazing to be a part of His story! Praise God! 

I pray that 2013 is as equally fulfilling as 2012! And I pray you, too, will prosper and live for Him in the coming year! 

{Hugs} 
Amy

Angry and sad and confusing....oh my!

Warning: This post is harsh, but it gets better. So please in the name of all that's decent and right in this world, stick with it, love me in my unlovable state and read it all the way through!


Lately I've been sad a lot. God's really breaking my heart for the things that break his. And it's, well, really truly heart-breaking in ways I never knew I could be be heartbroken. 


For instance, I couldn't listen to an NPR story on chronic acute malnutrition in a Yemen village this morning without bawling. 


Maybe because I've seen it...face-to-face. And "it" has a name. Lots of names. Sadly I didn't even get this woman's name, because I had to walk away. I could not muster a single word, and I was "working" lest I cry right then and there! She has given birth to eight children. Three of them are currently walking the earth. She has named and then said good-bye to five of her own, burying them in the ground before they had a chance to grow up. And here's the thing: It's not a fluke. This is one of many, many sobering realities for the poorest on our planet. Did she do something to deserve this life? Just try to look one of them in the eyes and ever say or think it. The reality is THIS COULD BE YOU. The only difference between this woman and me is the place we were born. 

I've also been angry lately. Oh, so angry. At God somewhat for the state of our world, for not giving me more resources to help the heartbroken. But mostly at other people. With their new cars, vacations, ridiculous "toys," weekly mani/pedis, rituals that involve their hair. You get the point. I'm angry at how it seems people take things for granted. I am angry at the reality that a mom in Africa is forced to wait a week to take her dying child to see a doctor because she doesn't have $1 -- the amount it takes to get a cab and get there.


Did you know that Americans spend $31 billion on their pets every year, $13 billion on plastic surgery, $65 billion on jewelry and an astounding $705 billion on entertainment and recreation? 


Did you know if every American church-goer tithed, there would be an extra $168 billion? To eliminate the most extreme poverty on the planet for more than a billion people, it would require 40 percent of that -- $65 billion. 


These numbers -- presented in "The Hole in Our Gospel" -- kind of make me more sad. 



I am angry, too, because the place where I come from -- my upbringing, my world -- put such a high value on "things," more stuff and achievement that is tied to a dollar figure. I watch as people I love look down their noses at their own family members who can't "afford" a car or boat or RV (loan) and snub their own blood, blaming them for not being successful enough to pay their own way. 


Then I wonder where my parents would have been without the occasional handout from my grandparents or where we would be without my parents helping out. Certainly we wouldn't have paid off all our debt without the occasional shoes, back-to-school clothes and food that my own and my husband's parents have aided us with over the years. And without their help, how could we possibly leave a legacy for our own children. How can we teach them what money means if we aren't showing them? 


1 Timothy 6:17-19 says "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they make take hold of life that is truly life."


I love the way Richard Stearns also describes the parable Jesus tells in Matthew 25:14. The master gives to each "according to his ability," but what he expects is that we multiply our gifts for his kingdom. I want my kids to know: It all comes from God; we are not entitled to it but entrusted with it and we are to use it to further his kingdom. 


God talks to us more about money than most any other subject. He WANTS us to have wisdom in this matter. This I know well, but I'm reading along thinking of all the people I know who could do so much to further God's kingdom, to end pain and suffering, to feed the poor, to help a woman in Africa watch her children grow past age 5 or get a cab to see a doctor. I was literally getting mad at what the people in my life are NOT doing. Can you imagine my indignation and self-righteousness? 


Then I read on in Stearns' book last night to discover that 87 percent of non-churchgoers view Christians as judgmental, 85 percent view Christians as hypocritical, 70 percent view us as insensitive to others and 72 percent believe we are out of touch with reality. 


Yikes. Was he writing that for me? 


And so I MUST turn the table if I am to call myself a Christian. I must get that darned plank out of my eye. Because to be Christian is to be Christ-like. And besides loving ALL people, Christ was forgiving, revolutionary, truthful, radical and genuine. 


There it is. MUCH WORK is to be done in me. Who am I to be sad or angry and then judgmental when I'm sitting here among the 1 percent of the world's wealthiest people? And then, to make matters worse, look at that scripture in Timothy again. He is calling out the "rich," and while I may not feel rich in my society, the reality is I AM rich, and there's no dollar amount on the call to action here: Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. The time for action is NOW. 


The church doesn't exist within the four walls where I worship every Sunday. And I love this quote in Stearns' book, too, by Billy Sunday: "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."


Will you take this challenge with me, Christian sisters and brothers? Will you take the church to the people? Will you help be the hands, feet and mouth of Jesus? Will you be radical and revolutionary with me? 


Look at the woman above again. She's beautiful, isn't she? She's happy (probably more so than most Americans) and she has faith in a great God who can perform miracles. Brother and sister, WE are her miracle! She is praying for us, for us to be the hands and feet. 


God gave us all the tools and resources to change the world. We have all we need to end poverty. But until we join forces in faith, we can never create the church that God envisioned!

My lovely boy

It's time for me to brag about Ryker, who so often lives in the shadow of his older sister. He is a fantastic young man who has a big heart for God. 


This past spring, when Dan and I coordinated Dave Ramsey's Generation Change, there was an exercise where the kids had to write down 10 "things" they really love. Even though Ryker was not a part of the class, he wanted to participate in the teenagers' activity. After giving them five or so minutes to think about it, then we tell them that they are forced to give away three things and to cross out three. And then three are stolen.....and then three are destroyed in a fire. 


The idea is that the only thing on the list should be JESUS. 


We picked up Ryker's paper -- all folded up after class. I loved the insight into my precious son!


1. Books
2. Jesus (with a backwards 'J')
3. Bible
4. family
5. friends
6. math
7. reading
8. homework (huh?)
9. school
10. the Cardinals


All were crossed off but No. 2. I was just proud to see that Jesus even made the list. Not sure that would have been the case when I was 7.

A little crap helps a garden grow

We all have them -- bad days. Sometimes bad weeks or a string of bad days. Or even just a slump we can't explain, even though we've been in a better mood on a previous "really bad" day. 

I've been kind of slumpy this week -- without much of an explanation. At least not a good one! Abby's on-again, off-again emotional/behavioral highs and lows were affecting me more than her it seemed. She cut a chunk out of her hair; used scissors to carve a divot in her brother's wall (and feeling shame and guilt afterward, "evened" things out by doing the same on her wall!); painted the bottom of spices with blue food color as some kind of torture to me when I took them of the cabinets and got blue all over my hands and couldn't figure out where it had come from; lost a good shoe that we spent 15 minutes looking for and ended up late for camp; wore the same shirt -- dirty -- for three straight days and nights; and other such ADHD-type of impulsiveness that would make this blog too long to read. 

I've been good. No yelling. Lecturing and lots of crying, but no yelling. Grace. Grace. Grace. I'm calling on my "God power" big time; I'm really trying my best to extend grace all over the place! I felt like I was doing good, but the people around me can tell it's bothering me and that I'm not doing the best I can do. I thank God for their accountability and honesty, because they opened me up to hear what God wanted me to experience this morning, and it's too amusing not to share!

Dan is always texting me little "love notes," and while I reply, I rarely initiate. Before you bring out the hate, I have a strict limit on texting on my phone plan. An average of six a day is what I get, and he's a big texter. 

I do love getting his notes, and I started my day on a real "high" after a couple of bad days and wanted to send a quick note to let him know I care. 

"I <3 U!" 

I sent it from the bank parking lot at Bud's corner. And then sixty seconds later, I got stuck behind several big trucks painting the lines on the side of the road. It took me 30 minutes to get to Athens. So much for my productive day I had planned!

Still, I kept a smile on my face. 'Cause that makes everything better, right? 

I needed gas, so I stopped at Casey's. While there, I figured I would fill up the low tire that must have a screw or slow leak that we can't locate because it's been getting low every few days for a couple weeks now. No time or money to deal with it, and air is keeping it at bay. 

I get out and OH MY GOSH!!! I had somehow driven through the white line they painted, and it was splashed up all over and quite high on the passenger side of the Jeep. 

All I could think was that Dan would kill me. Which is humorous, because if you know us then you know I do stupid things all the time like hit the side of the garage with the rear view mirror, run into light poles, hit parked cars, drive through fresh tar that isn't rocked yet. Yet here I am, still alive!

Yes, I've done it all. And every time, I hesitantly pick up the phone to call my husband, hands shaking, tears filling up the corners of my eyes. He knows something is wrong after I've gotten a few words out, and then he yells at me -- for making him think something serious had happened. And replies the same words every single time without fail or hesitation: 

"It's just a car."

My husband. He's so good at GRACE! I need to be more like him to deal with the weeks ahead of Abby off her medication. It WILL be hard. It WILL be frustrating and taxing and emotional and loooooong. But if I can have grace every time without fail, I've done my job. Because she's already filled with regret, shame and self-hatred when she stumbles. She doesn't need a mom who bends down and shoves her face in it. 

Will you pray for me to find it? I could certainly use all the help I can get!

I had to chuckle as I desperately brainstormed how to get the paint problem fixed because I remembered the text. Holy cow! He would probably think I was buttering him up in preparation for the story of my ignorance! (I might have  started some of my post-accident phone calls with "How much do you love me?")

Thank goodness I didn't need to suck up! Next time you see me in my Jeep, there may be some remnants of white paint on the tires. But the paint job itself looks the same as before -- dull, rusted in spots and dinged up from two kids who play basketball and ride bikes around it. 

Thank God for the high-pressure sprayer (with soap) at the car wash this morning. But before I could clean it off, I would step in manure that had apparently been cleaned off the last vehicle in that bay. In fact, the odor was suffocating, and it was wedged in every crevice of my tires, too. And so here's the crappy part. 

I then laughed out loud. Literally. It's good to laugh on a bad day. Smiling makes everything better....right?

I laughed because I was absolutely where God wanted me -- dripping wet, sweating over my stupidity and covered in poop. How can I grow big and strong without that fertilizer? I so needed God's reminder that no matter how much crap I get myself into he'll always be there for me -- extending grace or putting me in the path of loved ones who give me grace and giving me the power of poop. 


I needed to be filled with that grace, love and faith today! I am constantly awed at how he can take lemons and make lemonade and teach me to do the same! 

Before summer kicks the bucket...

This is a tradition we started last year: a bucket list. Not for when we kick the bucket, but things we want to do before summer "dies." Last year we picked 10 things and completed nine. Can you believe "make homemade ice cream" was the only one we didn't do last year? So it made it on this year's list. :-)  

Here's where we need your help! We came up with nine, and we're asking for nominations for No. 10 on our list (or No. 10, 11 and 12. Who knows...maybe we'll expand the list!). We try to keep them affordable, since we're on a tight budget, and naturally it must be fun! We like the outdoors, adventure, sports. 

So...what would you put in for ??? Leave your nomination below! 

Where there's money, is there trust?

The best thing I've read all week is two short sentences toward the bottom of a top 10 list of best advice from a missionary couple leaving the field. It's too bad I can't take credit as the writer 'cause this is GOOD stuff: 


"Money doesn’t make character. It proves character."

How many people do you know who have little money but use is so well, constantly finding creative ways to give it back to God? And how many wealthy people do you know who squander it all away for themselves, giving nothing to the poor and have very little to show at the end of the year?

Just because people get money, doesn't mean they "get" money, does it? If more people "got" money, there would be less debt and more giving, and that to me, is just such a joyful thought!

When Dan and I first committed to be better stewards of our money, it was because we signed up for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.

We were unable to pay all of our bills, which included a ridiculous amount of debt in the form of more loans than I could count on one hand. Each month became more and more of a challenge....and then I left my job. Before we sold our house. Before we paid off our debt. Before we began tithing.

For six months, we lived paycheck to paycheck before our home sold. We were barely doing so before that period... you know, on two incomes. But then something truly miraculous happened: we began to pay off debt, didn't acquire any new debt and started tithing instead of simply giving an offering. Logistically, we shouldn't have lasted a month, but we went six months in this fashion with Christmas right in the middle.

We learned something then that (sadly) Dave Ramsey's class doesn't teach. TRUST.

Yes, we were learning more practical ways to handle our money. We saw many things -- debt, life insurance, car payments and giving -- in a whole new light that changed our lives in unfathomable ways.

But God saw that we needed to learn more than Dave could teach us. God wanted us to stop the worrying. To give it to him so that we could live our lives more peacefully and focus on what really mattered.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him,and he will make your paths straight.

And Matthew 6:25-34 (Jesus' words) says:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdomand his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It's been two months since I left my full-time job. We have spent the same amount of money on life's necessities, even paid off some medical bills. So it's a reminder to me, after years of coordinating the FPU classes while we so carefully followed all of Dave's advice, we'd forgotten to factor in God's wisdom. I treasure very much all we have learned in FPU and I believe EVERYONE should take this course. But sometimes God wants us to lean on his ways instead of the ways of the world. His ways don't always seem logical, but when we meet him there, he grows us, shapes us, makes us stronger and wiser.

In the years since we leaned so heavily on him, I've been craving those miraculous ways in my life. Oddly, I've done nothing radical for him so he couldn't show me. So here I am, on the edge of a proverbial cliff ready to step out and do the one thing that is so humanly hard: TRUST.