Girls need heroes

     About a year ago, I happened across the Instagram account of a girl on my daughter's softball team. Turns out, she was in her grade at school. If I'm doing my math right, that would have made her 9 or 10, maybe 11, at the time. 
     I was stunned. 
     First, her account was public. Anyone could view her profile and all her posts/photos/comments. 
     Second, everything she posted reeked of desperation to be loved.
     Her professed relationship status (not a mandatory part of your Instagram profile, by the way) was "used to be taken" with lots of sad faces. She had photo after photo of handwritten notes about her unrequited love for a boy in her grade. She took every opportunity to let anyone who would give her attention know that she still yearned for her ex-boyfriend and would take him back in a heartbeat.
     Third, what on earth is a child this young even doing on social media. Ugh! This kind of thing just annoys me! If you give your elementary or middle school age kid a phone and access to the internet (which I think is dangerous and unwise to begin with but if you decide they are responsible enough) police it, hover like a helicopter, comb through everything daily, watch over them like a hawk. They are children. It's your job! Help them discern what and how to post. Protect them from being vulnerable and victimized! 
     Anyway, I talked to my husband about this, as he was assistant coaching the team. He said this girl made him feel uncomfortable in her desperation for his attention, baiting him for remarks about her appearance and constantly needing to be validated that included being on her cell phone texting people if she couldn't get anyone in the dugout to talk to her. She had no sense of boundaries in relationships.
     In that entire season, I never saw a dad. I never heard mention of a dad. Not that she didn't have one. I have no idea. But he was not present. 
     Her story is hardly unique or new. Girls whose dads (or stepdads or grandpas) aren't around or available are naturally desperate for masculine love. Shouldn't this be predictable? 
     Well, we can simply observe, shake our heads and be critical. OR, we can all decide to do something to come alongside these girls. It's not their fault! 
     Of course this girl craves love. We were ALL built to desire love. 
     Why do dads matter? 
     — 21 percent of 12-15-year-olds said their No. 1 concern was not having enough TIME with their parents, while only 8 percent of parents thought they didn't have enough time with their kids. 
     — Girls who live with their mothers only have significantly less ability to control impulses, delay gratification and have a weaker sense of conscience (right or wrong). 
     — When a father is involved in his kids' day-to-day activities, they are more likely to confide in him and seek his emotional support. 
     — Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention. 
     Again, these are all statistics gathered for Dr. Meg Meeker's amazing book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know. 
     How can you really live out the role of a strong father? 
     According to Meeker, you can become her hero. In fact, she's naturally chosen you, and she cannot survive without a humble hero who is her rescuer and defender. 
     "She needs a hero to navigate her through a treacherous popular culture. And you should know that being a twenty-first century hero is tough stuff. It means walking into embarrassing, uncomfortable or even life-threatening situations in order to rescue your daughter,"  says Meeker.
     As much as it irritates me that the media and popular culture is responsible for objectifying and sexualizing girls, it angers me that it demasculinizes men and boys. They've made men appear weak, spineless and without purpose.
     It's no wonder our men aren't sure how to be a hero anymore. Culture is robbing them of a key component of their God-ordained identities, just as we are deceiving girls about their value in God's eyes. 
     It's my prayer that events like this weekend's Father-Daughter Gala and others will begin to heal the past hurts that have come between relationships and seal a bond between dads and daughters that is filled with redemption and hope. 
     As Father's Day approaches, I celebrate the awesome dad my husband is for his daughter. He builds her up, joins her in the things that interest her and expresses love for her that encompasses all of who she is. 
     Let's pray for a courageous generation of dads to come to the rescue of ALL girls. We need for men to intervene when girls are young and begin speaking truths into their lives! They don't have to be dads; mentors and father figures like grandpas or uncles can be very effective, too. Godly men, it's time to be courageous; we support and celebrate you! We are fighting this battle together. Let's do it radically and with conviction! 

Dads play a HUGE role in affirming a girl's true value!

     Not long ago, I overheard a man compliment a teen girl he knew. 
     "You're getting so thin and tan and fit. You're really looking good," he told a girl, who looked a little shocked and embarrassed by the remark. 
     I don't think the man meant harm. I believe he wanted to let her know that she was evolving into a lovely young lady, and I hope his intentions weren't just about the physical transformation. Sometimes, especially with people we don't know well, we can't find the right words. It's those times when no words might be better!
     Well, this girl happens to be thin, tan and fit mostly as a result of a sport she excels at, so perhaps focusing on that would be more appropriate. I felt just awful for her, awkwardly hanging on his every word. Fortunately, she's the kind of girl who knows she's more than the superficial.
     More than anything, all people need to know they matter. But when the message girls repeatedly get is about their body shape, skin color, size/weight, makeup, hair, eyes, legs, butt, curves, then suddenly they realize that's what matters MOST. It's hard enough when the media focuses only on these, but when people do....well, just ick! These girls are more than the sum of their "parts." What about their intellect, talents, skills, interests, goals, academic pursuits, athletic abilities? It suddenly all comes down to how physically attractive — how "sexy" they are. 
     I'm watching my own 11-year-old daughter evolving into this young lady, a process that is just as much an emotional and intellectual maturity as a physical one. Some of her traits that have always been there are becoming more honed, more obvious — her compassion, her service, her creativity, her giftedness. She NEEDS to know she's loved for her character and her attributes that have nothing to do with her physical appearance.
     ALL girls need and deserve to know, and they need to know from their dad or a father figure.
     Here are a few reasons why: 
     — Parent connectedness is the No. 1 factor preventing girls from indulging in drugs and alcohol and premarital sex. 
     — Girls with doting fathers are more assertive. 
     — Daughters who perceive their fathers care about them, who feel connected to their dads, have significantly fewer suicide attempts, fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance use and unhealthy weight. 
     — A girl's self-esteem is BEST PREDICTED by her father's physical affection. 
     — Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention. 
     — Girls with involved fathers wait longer to initiate sex and have lower rates of teen pregnancy. Teen girls who live with both parents are three times less likely to lose their virginity before their 16th birthday.
     All of these are statistics Dr. Meg Meeker compiled for her highly-recommended book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know. 
     If you haven't spent some quality time with your daughter lately — or you know a girl who could use a father-figure in her life — please take three hours this weekend to show her she matters! Life is busy. Time moves quickly. But you can be the answer to a big prayer in her life...show her she matters for all the right reasons! And it takes such a small investment: Three hours and $20. What you'll get in return is priceless!
     Some awesome volunteers with Mighty Strong Girls are taking the awkward out of this by holding this special event where you can spend quality time together, create memories and give your daughter what she needs. 
     Buy your tickets now at http://www.eventbrite.com/e/father-daughter-gala-tickets-11674624115?aff=eorg