They always have. Even when I was one. I might have even scared myself -- the things teenage girls do, say and think....wow. There are no words.
But I have a girl. A fired-up, strong-willed and emotional one. Who will someday (too soon) be a teenager. I suppose deep down that's what motivated me to serve -- to get to know the teenage girl.
I discovered in the last few years that -- thankfully -- teenage girls are NOT entirely scary. But the story doesn't end there. In fact, it's just the beginning. They are a bit of a mystery, and when you start to unravel it, that's where the little bit of scary comes in. But it's not her fault. Spend just a little bit of time analyzing the messages society, media and peer groups are sending her. Not to mention the messages we are personally or partially responsible for. Is it a wonder if today's teenage girl could be emotionally stable?
The pressures to fit the mold of the "ideal girl" are sucking the life out of our girls, creating robots with personality disorders and completely robbing them of knowing God's greater plan for them. It makes me angry and sad.
I have gotten to know several girls quite well, and through one Bible study, learned their testimonies. Whatever they have overcome, almost always its roots were in a comment, visual imagery or pressures to "be a certain girl." You know the girl. She's the one in every teenage advertisement, clothing billboard, Disney show. Essentially, she's not every girl. She's the unattainable girl. Add to that the expectations of parents, teachers, peer groups -- it's emotionally exhausting and confusing.
One girl from my group. Her battles with body image were real (eating disorders and self harming) and intense. But she was finally making significant progress. And the hope she saw was that her voice could make a difference to other girls who were in that same "stuck" spot she was in. But what to do with it? She asked me. I said, "Write it out, your whole story with all the details."
I don't know why I said that. Except that I'm a writer, and I find it therapeutic. But she wanted more. She wanted to help other girls. So we both prayed about what to do. I started observing and listening.
At first it was frightening to take stock of the television shows, slick advertising, magazine fashion layouts and even the nightly news. Girls portrayed in such a cookie cutter way -- thin, caked in makeup, a perfect smile. Even sexualized -- long hair, accentuated breasts, long legs, pouty lips, sexy poses way too grown up for girls. Then the mean, vicious reactions to any girl who wasn't ideal. But I KNEW this much. Taking senior photos for five years has shown me this is really what girls want -- they want to model, or they want this "look." What I think they really want: to be known, seen and recognized. And the world they live in predominantly shows them only one path: their physical appearance.
Consider that 80 percent of 10-year-old American girls say they have been on a diet. The number one magic wish for young girls age 11-17 is to be thinner.
And what makes me most sad about it is that they are being spoon-fed SUCH A LIE about what gives life significance!
"Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments," says author Lisa Bloom, who wrote Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World.
Beyond that, God warns us that the world will look at these things (the physical appearance) but he doesn't (he sees what's on the inside). Pretty amazing, isn't it, that the Bible is this relevant today! And THIS is the message girls NEED to get.
So I did find some positive movements and programs aimed at boosting girls' self esteem, but nothing with the muscle I was looking for -- FAITH.
As far as I could find, nothing available has the lasting power to impact girls because it leaves out the God-breathed truth of the matter: that he created us all unique, with a purpose and plan. When that plan unfolds, the beauty from within shines so great. And even when we stumble, He loves us and will never leave us even if we fall short of someone else's definition of "desirable."
It's no wonder my young friend doesn't know what to do with her testimony. We could not find the right outlet for her story. The world, it seems, wants to stifle such voices. In the midst of that, I felt God pushing me to make a way to lift up her voice for others to hear. Not just her voice, but where are the authentic teenage girl voices anyway? Where are the resources to help girls discover who they are in Christ? Where can the teenage girl be herself and yet also feel part of a tribe?
I was out of options. I prayed that God would show me another way. Any way. I begged, because honestly if I were designing a ministry for myself, it would be aimed at grown-up and much-less-scary women. But he didn't show another way or have something else in mind. The answer came in the form of daily devotions, sermons and Bible readings -- I should use my gifts and talents and create the way. God gave me: time; a fiery passion for my daughter and all girls to gain self-confidence and know how God views them; all the skills necessary; many of the contacts to launch such a ministry; a venue to form a non-profit; and the resume of having already done this sort of thing that was part of my vision.
Dang! God: 6, Me: 0.
And so a new ministry for teen girls was born. Read more about what it is and how you can be a part of this movement for our girls on my blog tomorrow!!
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