Saturday, March 31, 2012

Naked Face Day

Today is the day. The day we're supposed to celebrate "Naked Face Day," the last day of Girls on the Run founder Molly Barker's 60-day Naked Face challenge. Technically, I had the official celebration yesterday. Since today I'm not going anywhere. Staying around the house doing spring cleaning and helping with the master bath remodel would not require makeup in any circumstances. It didn't seem fair for me to go makeup-free today. 


Without makeup, I helped with Abby's class Easter party. I saw her teacher and lots of other moms in the morning, all without mascara or powder or eye shadow. I picked up my high school buddy, Katie, and we all went to a very crowded McDonald's for lunch and then to the park to celebrate the first day of spring break. Later, I went shopping at Wal-mart. In my life, I've never gone to Wal-mart without makeup. Ever. Kind of sad, right? 


I was a little surprised at the outcome. First, I really didn't feel uncomfortable. Probably because of my exercise in not shaving. But also nobody close to me seemed to notice or care. As my daughter examined my makeup-free face for 5 full minutes specifically on a mission to find something "different," she came up empty-handed. Even my husband said he didn't notice a difference. Hmmmmmm..... I never thought I was putting on makeup for them, but it was interesting that I was still "mom," still me, no more or less pretty without the painted face.

It was fun. It was interesting. I learned a lot. Not just about myself but about girls and women, society and cultural standards. But later today when I take a shower, I plan to shave 60 days worth of hair off. And then I'm putting on makeup for dinner. Because it just makes me feel good. What will be different is that I won't always feel the need to wear makeup, especially for a run to Wal-mart, or to shave if I'm throwing on shorts, because at the end of the day, it doesn't change who I am. So I guess you could say I've come a long way. My confidence has not been shattered. Quite the opposite in fact!


Thanks Molly Barker for paving the way on such a worthwhile experience!


And without further ado, here's my naked face yesterday. Photo by Abby Denney. I turned all these photos black and white, because as I examined them in color, I found that the color was distracting me from the faces. What do you think? 



And here's part two of the story, and perhaps the most interesting part. My friend Katie, the high school freshman, read my blog post from Monday inviting anyone to participate in Naked Face day today, a Saturday. And she was inspired to do it ALL WEEK LONG! How amazing is she??? I would never have been so gutsy, so strong at age 15. So give her a shout-out, if you would! 
Here we are with our naked faces: 


And here's Katie with her naked face. She's beautiful, mostly because she radiates her inner beauty!


Yes, it's still adorable even when she does this: 


And here's Abby with her naked face. Well, her face is always naked. But I love this photo of her where the freckles and specks of dirt are nearly indistinguishable. And not only does she not care about makeup, she could care less about the dirt. We can learn a lot from 9-year-olds! As a side note, for the first time in her life, she asked to take a bath when she got home. She was absolutely filthy -- dirt all over from rolling in the gravel and leaves and grass in her hair. Later she admitted the bath wasn't because she felt the need to be clean of the filth...she was simply hot and wanted to cool off in the water. :)   

Friday, March 30, 2012

Happiness Hangover

I have to preface this post by saying that while it's super easy for me to write about other people, blogging about myself is not inside my comfort zone. Asking for money is also definitely not in my comfort zone. So I was stepping outside what is normal and comfy and warm and fuzzy when I blogged two days ago about myself, my calling to go to Africa and my need for your support and prayers in order for my work to be met with success. 


God knows how uncomfortable I find myself, and so he further confirmed his will in my situation. 


At the end of the day yesterday, my minister friend said, "Isn't it great when God affirms your decision?" He said something like that. Not sure of the exact words because by the time I talked to him, I was delirious with joy. 


You. All of you overwhelmed me with your encouragement and prayers. Some opened their wallets. I woke up yesterday to a private Facebook message from a family in Athens I know but not all that well who read my blog and committed $200 toward the trip. They didn't just make a verbal commitment. Within a couple hours, in the midst of their very busy lives right now -- they're moving to a new house yesterday and today -- they dropped off a check. Unbelievable. I was so humbled by their generosity and their desire to be part of something that really transcends all of us. 


And then it continued. Emails, personal conversations, text messages. You committed your support. Your prayers. My coworkers, who threw a little "last day of work" celebration for me yesterday, gave me a card and  another financial contribution for my trip. By the time I talked to one of the ministers at my church, I was just dumbstruck. He called to say that my trip would be considered one of the church's mission trips since I'm going to support missionaries whose home church is my church, and I would be eligible for a grant from missions fundraising. In less than 24 hours, 20-30 percent of the costs of my effort were covered. 


I honestly don't recall what I said as I conversed with my preacher. I hope "thanks" was among those words. I was drunk on the outpouring of your love. It was an amazing, amazing day. In my self-consciousness about writing about myself and asking for financial support, I'm so glad God assured me that I'm on the right path, doing his will. I feel blessed beyond measure! 


Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. 


{Much love}
Amy


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

I'm going to Africa!

The truth is...I've ALWAYS wanted to go to Africa. My dad had a subscription to National Geographic when I was growing up. I loved looking at the images of the animals, terrain, not to mention the interesting people -- so different from myself!

After working in journalism for several years, I had a co-worker who got to go. He was a photographer and writer (so a logical choice), and the images he brought back were amazing. Can you say JEALOUS??? (This is about the time I decided I needed to learn photography...no joke!) There were two stories he was following -- one was the donation of two cheetahs to the Decatur Zoo. They were coming from a reserve in Africa that houses and mates cheetahs specifically to sell to zoos. A Decatur businessman was making this donation, and it was a pretty exciting development for this central Illinois town. (Eventually, I got to get in the enclosure with them when they arrived at the zoo. So exhilarating! Well, probably not as much as seeing them in Africa, though!) The other story was about a local church that was volunteering to build a well for safe, clean drinking water in a village. This was well before I had become a Christian, yet I wanted to do something like this. I really appreciated the humanitarian side of this project.

Fast forward a decade or so, and here I am. Weeks away from going to Africa. Last week, I honestly didn't know if I'd ever go.

God has a sense of humor. Really. Because a couple months ago, he called me to quit my job. I got the sense he wanted me to evangelize because of the scriptures I encountered as I was praying about what to do. I knew without a doubt, he wanted me to be a part of spreading his word. I knew he wanted me to put my priorities in order: God, family, finances. They were pretty askew! Anyway, the humor part is that my trip isn't glamorous and I thought he was calling me to be with my kids more, not to leave them for 10 days. Plus, no cash on hand to do this! But read on and tell me what you would do if you were in my shoes?

Initially, I didn't know what I would do with my time and my life. But I was prepared to be patient. I thought for sure he wanted me to reorganize my kitchen (it's a HUGE mess), do some spring cleaning and go through my kids' clothes and toys. All the while praying and listening for his voice about how I was to replace some of my income and truly have my priorities in order. I was super content with that. Seemed easy enough!

However, this idea of evangelizing kept coming up. Without changing anything about my habits (I was reading my usual daily devotion, keeping on pace with our church's Bible reading plan and attending all the same church functions as usual), this is what I encountered:

Matthew 9:37-38
The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore to send workers into his harvest field.

Isaiah 1:18-20
If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.” For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

My minister's sermon that week was the story of Abraham sacrificing his only son Isaac in obedience to God. The bullet points I wrote down:
* take what you value most and offer it to God
* immediate obedience
* faith...knowing God will provide

Several weeks later, during communion meditation at church, I turned to my husband and said, "I really have this strong feeling I'm supposed to do something with mission work."

I wish I was making this up, but when we got home from church, I had a private message on Facebook from a missionary friend, Paula Miller, who has asked me several times to come to Africa and take photos but who I hadn't exchanged a message with since she asked how Dan was doing on Dec. 17. Here's an excerpt:

Another note, I am hoping that we can get together for some pics of the family when we get back. We really need to get a brochure together to take on our travels through the states.... Lady, you really ought to consider coming here and taking some pics for us too! we would love to have you here! We will end up in the states in Sept, so we are here til then. What do you think????

You could call that crazy. Or you could say God was speaking to me on March 4. I'm not taking any chances. After exchanging a few messages with Paula, it became clear. Their mission work is in GROWTH MODE big time! They need help -- volunteers, financing, prayers, you name it. I have the tools and abilities to put together publicity material for them, not to mention in my favorite format: STORYTELLING! They need to share their stories! I can do that. It's my gift. I had to say yes. I have to go!

But wait. No money. No job anymore. Medical debt from Dan's illness.

I went back and read the scriptures I had written down from the week God called me away from my full-time job. Again, call me crazy. But it sounds like he's reassuring me to have faith. To trust. I have to be obedient. I have to go. There's no question.

Take a look:

Matthew 10: 9-10
Do not take along any gold or silver or copper in your belts; take no bag for the journey, or extra tunic or sandals or a staff; for the worker is worth his keep.

Matthew 28-31
Do no be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

God himself will provide. I don't know how. This trip and the materials (and my time to design them) will be costly. But worthwhile. Kingdom work. I feel almost ill equipped, but he called. I answered. It's time. I must step out in faith.

The exciting part you might have caught wind of on Facebook yesterday? As I scheduled my needed vaccines, I sent a quick note to the new editor of Springfield's Own magazine about my trip. Praying for a chance at a little extra publicity. Guess what? She wants me to write an 1,800-word story about the Millers, plus a 650-word sidebar about the orphanage. Photos, an accompanying video for their web site. And what else? Possibly the cover story. For September. The month the Millers will be in the States taking their message to churches all over, and here in Illinois. Wow. God is so, so good! And that just excited me to my bones yesterday, and I could hardly contain it. But I wanted to wait and make sure Rick and Paula knew first before they read it on my blog or on Facebook! 



Here's a photo of the Millers I took last time they were home in Athens. Their daughters are about the same age as Abby and Ryker. Aren't they adorable???

Want to help me out? Have a heart for orphans or the poor? Here's what you can do: 

PRAY. Pray for me, my trip, my ability to tell these stories effectively and reach people who can partner with the Millers to CHANGE LIVES in Sierra Leone. This is a poor, poor country. Not only has Rick started the perfect ministry (Bibletelling School) to reach the illiterate population here, but they are launching a Christian school to educate children and they are building an orphanage so that children with no home or family of their own can sleep off the dirt floor. 

DONATE. You can send donations specifically for my trip to me at 408 E. Oak Grove, Athens, IL 62613. Or, become a regular supporter for Bibletelling teachers in Sierra Leone via the Millers' web site at http://www.bibletellingschool.com/Bible_Telling_School/Home.html

SHARE. Share my blog and/or Facebook page so that others might be able to help, too. And keep reading as I share how it all comes together, not to mention updates about my trip. 


OK, that's it. No baby. No adoption (yet!). I'm not pregnant with triplets, Bob Doty! I am a little scared (I've never traveled alone this far!) and feeling inadequate and a touch worried about finances. But here's the thing, the way God has painted this picture just shows that through him ALL things are possible. His hand is on this. It's so clear to me, and I hope by sharing this story, you can see how he works. 


Oddly, I was angry that six months ago when I accepted the full-time job he didn't answer my prayers for clear direction. This time, I didn't beg him to give me a sign. I just took off to be in solitude for one night in my life and I prayed, "God, I'm sad and unsatisfied in my life. I want to hear you. Open me up to hear what you have to say to me." And then I shut up. I did what I was already doing. And to me, the answers were clear. Quite clear. 

{Much love}
Amy


P.S. If you come over to my house, I'm really sorry about my kitchen. It's just not in God's plans right now! :) 


P.S.S. As a point of clarification, since a couple people asked, Springfield's Own is NOT paying for my trip. I'm excited for the exposure, not the paycheck. When I was editor, this kind of project paid maybe $200. Not sure what I'll be paid, but this is a small magazine.  I'll definitely need some donor support...or find about 20 more magazines to pay the same for the story. :)


Monday, March 26, 2012

Join me with a NAKED FACE on Saturday!

If you've been following along on my blog, you know it's been almost 60 days since I touched a razor (except for that time two weeks in when I grabbed the razor in the shower -- Dan and I use the same one, so I had to intentionally bypass it daily -- and shaved my left armpit before I realized I was not supposed to be shaving. I'll leave the mental picture of my uneven armpit hair to you, but it ain't pretty!) 


On Sunday, I get to shave. And I'm SO EXCITED! In my last post, I mentioned that the project wouldn't end until I "got it." After I wrote that post, I put on capri pants and went to shoot a photo of seven high school senior pom girls. I didn't bat an eye. I didn't make awkward jokes about my legs. I didn't mention it. I didn't even care if they saw it and thought horrible, negative thoughts about me. I spent some time before we went meditating about my own negative self talk and decided I really needed to grow up and be the 38-year-old woman whose skin I'm in and be the self-assured mom I want for my daughters. My little pep talk worked...it actually worked, which is why we need to continue to assure the girls in our lives that they are beautiful just as they are! 


Am I happy with my body? No...I have a pulse, and so long as I do I will probably always feel something negative about my physical shell. But I have always and will always be more concerned about the inner me. Thank goodness I have always been confident with who I am on the inside, so I don't have to fake it. I'm proud of me. I bring a lot to the table, so to speak, and I've always walked with self confidence because of it. But having very long hair on my legs did two things to me: 


1. It made me understand what it means to be REALLY self conscience about my body. I realize that there are things about our physical beings that make us uncomfortable because society says it's not quite right. It could be our size, our shape, our height, our weight, the way our eyes look, our noses, lips....you name it! The industry that is selling us products to make us look "better" is so good at making us feel like the way we look isn't right. It's a huge issue for some girls and women. Others are good at not only recognizing the lies, but ignoring them. Those gals are so amazing, and we can learn so much from them! I discovered I'm more in the middle than I thought I was, and that I need to get closer to the side where I accept my body for what it is! Walking around with long hair on my legs was an exercise in how I can compose myself when there's something about me that I don't feel confident about it. I learned to embrace my whole self and be proud! It took a lot of work, but it was such a worthwhile exercise. 


And...


2. I discovered I really like smooth legs and armpits. Not shaving for 60 days made me feel "unclean." And I know it's not true and I realize that shaving is a cultural standard that someone is thrusting upon me. But I don't care. Smooth legs and hairless armpits makes me feel good about myself. I'm not drastically altering my appearance. I consider it not much different than grooming the hair on my head. I like it a certain way. (Dan was very good about this exercise, and he learned something, too -- women's legs look better without hair. It was just plain weird, especially because it was so dark, crazy and patchy! LOL!) 


If you've been following along, you know I did this to be a part of Girls on the Run Founder Molly Barker's Naked Face Project, an initiative she began when an 8-year-old girl asked her why she wears makeup and she didn't have an answer she was happy to give her. And now, she's invited you to join her! She's inviting all women to shed something comfortable for just one day. Can you pick just one of these things to do on Saturday? I think I can do No. 1 and No. 2, and I love so many others on this list I may need to commit to a few others, too! 


Here's what Molly has to say (you can read her entire blog entry at http://mollybarker.com/author/wanderingthroughnothingness/:


To show my support of all the spirited, courageous and brilliant 8 year old girls of theworld (including the spirited, courageous and brilliant one who lives in me), I am going to participate in the “Naked Face Project Celebration” for one entire day-- March 31st.  I do this as a symbolic gesture…to bring attention to a broader, bigger, fuller, more empowered view of girls/women than is frequently portrayed in the media, our culture and society .  I want the world to see just how beautiful, strong, confident and connectedgirls and women can be and really ARE…everyone of us, no matter our age, our ethnicity, where we live in the world or our upbringing.  We are all beautiful, strong and remarkable in our own unique way!
I am choosing to participate in the Naked Face Project Celebration as a way to honor the strength, confidence, authenticity, wonder and beauty of all the amazing 8 year old girls in the world (and the one who still lives in me) by doing one or more of the following on March 31st!

  • Post a profile pic of myself on Facebook, Twitter or some other social media website, Naked Faced.
  • Write about it on my blog.
  • Invite all my friends and colleagues to participate.
  • Write a letter (or post on their website) to a magazine or television network and let them know you’d like to see more positive messages about girls and women in their publications and on their airwaves.
  • Take an 8 year old out to dinner and tell her how beautiful and amazing she is.
  • Take an 80 year old out to dinner and tell her how beautiful and amazing she is.
  • Send a thank you card to my mother for all she means to me.
  • Send a thank you card to my daughter for all she means to me.
  • Watch shows that portray women and girls in a positive light.  (This means turning off most reality television.)
  • Put away all pop-culture magazines that make fun of or judge women (including celebrities, they are after all girls and women too!) based on their appearance, and find something else to read that shows how strong women and girls really are.
  • Write a letter to a woman in politics and thank her for her service.  (For full effect, write someone who runs for office on the party ticket…you are NOT a member of.)
  • Volunteer somewhere.
  • Go for a run.
  • Post an Operation Beautiful Sticky note. (www.operationbeautiful.com)
  • Take an hour to just be alone and be quiet.
  • Sweat.
  • Practice yoga.
  • Do some kind of sport you have never done, but always wanted to.
  • Lift some weights.
  • Wear a costume for no reason.
  • Admit, at last, that I’ve been wanting to run for political office and do something about it.
  • Cook a great meal and eat it with your family on the floor of your living room, picnic style.
  • Have a sleepover.
  • Research girls’ empowerment programs and reach out to set up time to volunteer.  (Girls on the Run, Girl Scouts, Girls, Inc, to name a few.)
  • Write a letter to my younger self and post it on my refrigerator.
  • Skip somewhere.
  • Do something outside my comfort zone.
  • Smile really big at everyone I pass today.
  • Dance and sing really loudly in the car. (Windows down for full effect.)
  • Make a card for someone and deliver it personally.





Sunday, March 25, 2012

The Cross: Counting the Cost

Is there suffering and sacrifice? 

Those are a few of the words I had highlighted in chapter 11 of "Not a Fan," the book our Sunday School class is studying. The author contends that if there are no exclusions, insults, rejections or persecutions, then you're probably not a follower of Jesus. You're just a fan. And in today's self-centered world of instant gratification, we are not apt to be followers when it occurs to us that it involves suffering and sacrifice. 
not a fan. book 

As a professional communicator with a background that includes not only writing but also marketing (ie. sales), I found the questions and discussions quite interesting. At one point during Sunday School, I thought the discussion was going to slam the concept of marketing and advertising as we probed the subject of whether Christians are guilty of trying to "sell" Jesus. I was on the verge of interjecting with comment, but it seemed my fellow "classmates" had the same opinions I have. 

Marketing isn't inherently evil any more than the idea of "selling" Jesus is. It's our job to "sell" Jesus, but just like advertisers, Christians who are "selling" Jesus come in all forms. There are those who only tell one side of the story. That following Jesus will make your life full of blessings. Well, that's true, but it's certainly not even close to the full picture! Then there are those who will sell you Jesus but with no customer service (ie. they're not interested in a relationship that will grow your faith. You bought the product; you figure it out on your own.). And then there are those rare advertisers -- the ones who tell inspiring stories. Stories that illustrate all the facets of faith. Stories that show how Jesus always works for good, even when times, people or events are bad. Stories that show how when we are obedient and sacrifice, it might very well come with suffering. Sometimes God reveals why. Sometimes, but not always, suffering may result in unexpected blessings (and maybe not our own!). 

I love those advertisers. I love stories. I especially love true stories told with the actual people (not actors or stock photos) and marketers willing to do the extra work required to tell a true story. 

And I love how in light of all the different people and churches who are trying to "sell" Jesus we can remember the words of this author, Kyle Idleman, "I want you to know...that Jesus came to free you from religion." 

I've blogged about this phrase already, and I'm certainly not insulting my church, which I love dearly. But sometimes it's religion and religious denomination disagreements that are wearing someone out. Sometimes the sacrifice and suffering occurs before one walks outside the church doors, and it doesn't involve the betterment of the world. It's exhausting and before we know it, the very effort of trying to "sell" Jesus just pushed someone further away from the truth. 

That's why I love that Idleman goes on to quote Matthew 11:28-30. Yes, there WILL be sacrifice and suffering when you become a follower of Jesus. You might lose a friend, a job, a vacation in lieu of a mission trip. You might be made fun of in our society, persecuted and physically beaten down in other countries. But followers also get this: grace and mercy. There's also the yoke of Jesus, who will walk alongside you and help carry the burden. He will show us the way. He will teach us obedience. All we have to do is commit to daily taking up a cross and dying to ourselves. 

What does it look like to die every day? Idleman offers these suggestions, among others: 
* Spending your lunch hour serving food to the homeless. 
* Changing your vacation plans from Disney to the Dominican Republic feeding centers where children come for their only meal of the day. 
* Adopting so we can save one more orphan child from sleeping on a dirt floor or being forced into a sex trade. 
* Bringing Jesus into conversations with your neighbors. 

"Dying to yourself doesn't make sense for the fan, but the follower understands that dying is the secret to really living. That's why we sing about the wonderful cross," Idleman writes.

What does the cross represent to you? Torture? Death? 

Or...

Victory? 

Abundant grace? 

Life? 

Healing? 

Hope? 

Friday, March 23, 2012

I want to be a Girls on the Run Girl!

It's no secret I'm a fanatic about Girls on the Run. I learned about the organization when my niece Gracie participated in Springfield. Then I got involved as a volunteer and took photos at the fall 2011 5k. (This event is so, so, so COOL! See a couple of photos below.) 


I was able to easily convince Cantrall to be a host school, because it's an AMAZING program! Diving into this curriculum is making me realize how critical it is that all girls know these things. It's made me realize....I want to be this girl....this Girls on the Run girl!
We're only six sessions in, and this is what I've learned so far: 


* I'm unique and different and should not only appreciate myself for that, but I should also value those qualities in others. 
* I can control my attitude and be positive if I want to!
* I can get rid of negative self talk (I'm too slow to run a 5k. I'm not good enough to play soccer. I'm not smart enough to be her friend.) and replace it with positive self talk, as in "I can do anything I set my mind to!" 
* I should encourage my sister friends!
* When I chose to eat right, get enough sleep and exercise often, I will be physically healthy. 
* I can learn to take a deep breath when I'm overcome with strong emotions and handle the situation appropriately instead of overreacting. I can learn to express a range of emotions without letting them get out of control. 


Next up, the girls will learn about peer pressure, bullying, community service and so much more before they get to finish their first 5k like these girls below did. Stay tuned. 







OK, I realize this program is for girls ages 8-12, but all the messages have been great reminders for me, too. I might be 38, but I hope it's not too late...too late to be a Girls on the Run girl! (I also want an excuse to wear a really cute, fun, colorful hat!) 


P.S. Right after I posted this, I got an email update from GOTR Founder Molly Barker's blog. You absolutely MUST read this (with a tissue!): http://mollybarker.com/author/wanderingthroughnothingness/


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

How I Got Here: Part 2




Dan had become quickly ill and overnight began coughing up blood. I took him to the emergency room at 6 a.m. on Tuesday, Dec. 13. His blood pressure was a bit low. But after starting fluids, pain medication and an antibiotic for suspected pneumonia, it got even lower.

The individual moments blurred – me on my phone doing Google searches about the danger of his condition, his dad texting his mom that he was fine, the nurse saying he would be fine, none of us all too sure he was fine, Dan sitting up and ripping off the oxygen often because he was gagging on his own fluids then being told to lay back down, me texting people to pray for his blood pressure to come up so they could finish diagnostic testing to see what was causing him to be sick. 

They removed him from everything but fluids because the nurse initially thought he was having a reaction to medication.

But the alarms continued to sound, and the nurse suddenly had a new look on her face as if she'd had a revelation. She stood over my husband frantically scanning the emergency room for the attending physician. Dan was in septic shock. I can recall the exact moment and expression in her eyes when this occurred to her. I also remember the sight of my husband, feet in the air, tubes everywhere. The sounds of him choking on the fluids that pooled in his lung and backed up into his trachea. And the smell. Oh. My. God. (That's a prayer!) The smell. Even Dan noticed it. He thought because he hadn’t showered that he was stinking up the room. But it wasn’t body odor, or at least a type of body odor I've ever encountered. This smell lingered only for awhile, and the only way I can explain it is that it smelled like death. It was the smell that scared me more than anything.

The doctor gave him a medication that was supposed to bring up his blood pressure, but it didn’t work even after an hour. We believe in prayer, and while I couldn't in this moment find the words I was searching for, I sent up groans and one-word requests and I asked others to pray because I could not. And Dan’s blood pressure finally rose. 

He had his CT and was getting rolled back into the room when my friend Lorna walked in and prayed at his bedside with us. I don’t remember her words, just the comfort that it brought me. I remember thinking for no particular reason that he would be OK. I didn’t even realize the danger he had been in, nor did I for several more days. Most people (60-70 percent) who go into septic shock do not live. They may pass away quickly or linger on for days in Intensive Care Units.

Dan spent a couple days in ICU. I didn’t have enough paid time off built up to stay with him and then take off all the time I wanted to for Christmas and my sister's trip back to the States, so I did what I could to work as much as I could, take care of the kids and dogs, and see him as often as I could. He was in the hospital for a full week. 

I managed well – terrific, in fact – during those days. I was almost proud of how well I held it all together. Later I even bragged to my physician that in those highly stressful days, I didn't have a single migraine. So, you see, I don't get stressed out. It's just not who I am. He chuckled at that and informed me that adrenaline keeps us going in times of stress and it's the letdown afterward that causes the "symptoms" of stress. 

So the stress was building up....


Sunday, March 18, 2012

How I got here: Part one

Finally, I'm writing the story that inspiring my new blog. I'm starting at the beginning and telling the story the way I lived it. I hope writing it out will help me understand and grow in faith, and I pray you'll gain something from reading it, too!


It was a typical Wednesday morning. Nothing strange had happened. I was not under the mysterious power of PMS or being treated for depression.

And yet I was in a “fog” that was somewhat unfamiliar and yet familiar at the same time. I was sad but couldn’t put my finger on why. Then it hit. Tears – the big, chunky kind – combined with snot and shoulder heaving. I didn’t know what happened. It was an ordinary day. I wasn’t a sad person. But I was having an emotional breakdown right in midst of the other morning commuters on Interstate 55.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

My 'gorilla legs' exposed me!

I have gorilla legs. That's what I'm calling them now. They're kind of like a circus act; people are curious and want to see what five weeks worth of hair on a woman's legs looks like. It's not pretty -- irregular growth patterns, untamed DARK hairs going in every direction.


This week, I haven't been hiding them. Springfield, Illinois broke record temperatures three days this week. A girl's got to be comfortable, right? Well, that's easier to convince yourself of when you're inside picking out clothes. Once I got outside, I found I was second-guessing my decisions as rash and impulsive.


On Wednesday morning, I went out for my first bike ride of the season -- wearing capri-length workout pants. I wasn't out of my subdivision when I could feel the hairs on my legs flapping against my skin like little flags. Lots and lots of little flags. Surreal. It was impossible to ignore the sensation.


I quickly realized my back tire was nearly flat, so I headed to the local Casey's to put some air in it. The reality that people might see my hairy legs temporarily froze me. But darn it, my tire was very low so I didn't have much choice in the matter. I breathed a sigh of relief when I pulled in and there wasn't a single car there -- not one. Praise God!

This inspiration for your weekend

Semi-regularly I'll be posting about what is inspiring me. Got something for me to consider? Send me a note!


Click on the hyperlinks in purple to go straight to that person's blog or web site and get lost in their stories! 


This is what's inspiring me now: 


This blog:  The Simple Wife
Suggested by my friend Kim who went to high school with Joanne, this blog is jam packed with inspiration. Early entries feature lots of wisdom and practical advice for growing closer to God. I also found the entries from the last year compelling as Joanne and her husband chronicled her stroke and how it's affected their lives. I love the authenticity of her writing. I also bought one of her pre-stroke books, Living Simply: Choosing Less in a World of More, and I can't wait to finish up the six books I'm mid-way through and get my claws on this one! 

This woman: Jill Savage
Founder of Hearts at Home and mom to five, this amazing woman is an author and speaker who evangelizes to women -- specifically, moms. I was awed when on stage in front of more than 6,000 women yesterday at the national Hearts and Home conference she confessed that her husband abandoned her and her children eight weeks ago. In the midst of the most difficult season of her entire life, she practiced what she preaches -- and she shared her story. Next time I'm not sure whether to be authentic in what I write, I'll remember Jill and hopefully have the courage to keep it "real." Please pray for Jill, as her husband has "made a U-turn" and is trying to make things right with his family. 


This man: Dave Ramsey
His program Financial Peace University changed our lives. We don't always do everything Dave Ramsey says, but his practical advice on a variety of financial and legal topics have helped us gain control and in turn -- PEACE. No money fights in our home anymore; our marriage has never been better than in the years since we took FPU. This class is for everyone -- learn to win with money every time! Dan and I are getting ready to lead the class for teenagers and college students. This is the best investment of time a teen can make....I promise! The link above goes to a recent newsletter from DR with great tips on how to get out of debt. 

This video:   Nick and Nino's
Josh Hester creates amazing videos and this latest one is no exception. I love the way the music enhances the imagery, and I LOVE, LOVE the last shot. :)  
It's only 30 seconds but perfectly produced...check it out at this link: http://vimeo.com/38262538. Learn more about Josh by clicking on Nick and Nino's above.

This photo:


So I was going through old photo files and came across this. Sure, I'm the biased mom, but I adore so many elements of this photo. The seamstress had just finished making the dress -- a replica of my sister's wedding dress for Abby to be the miniature bride. Abby was gross -- stinky and dirty from playing outside, but she wanted to try it on so badly. And to be honest, I wanted her to try it on so badly! I made her wash her hands first, and then hold the dress up so she didn't get grass stains on it. 

I love how the dress made her feel special and even though she'd just been digging for worms, you wouldn't know it!  The look on her face says it all -- I can tell how much she feels loved to get to wear this dress and be a part of Jamie's special day. I love the blue sky, our tree in the background, the way the setting sun lit up her skin making it golden. And I loved the chipped green nail polish on her thumbs. Most of all, I am head over heels about the subject!

This story: New Addition!
My friend Tina's sister has an amazing story to tell this week. She brought a baby boy home from the hospital. Twice before she said good-bye to babies who never made it home from the hospital. Read about what made this time different, and be sure to read older posts so the context of this moment has full meaning. Grab a tissue...you'll need it. Congratulations to Kara and Reid! 


Praying for you to have an inspired weekend full of love!
{Amy}

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

How to make the world a better place

When you become a mom or a dad suddenly you perceive all things/people/places differently. The way you view the world is, in fact, altered. You want it to be a place where your child will find peace, compassion, fairness and love. And you don't want it to destroy their innocence. 


The reality is that THE WORLD lets us down over and over again. 


So it's at this time in our lives when our own personal/familial responsibilities are at their peak when we decide it's time to take on the world. We set out to create the answers, if not for ourselves for our children, to the question: "How can we make the world a better place?" As if we weren't busy enough, we find it suddenly realistic to juggle a job, family, the PTA, a church Bible study or two, and youth sports coaching -- at least once a season. 


There, we think. Finally the world is righting itself. But does signing up for every committee, cause or organization really address the root cause that our world is lacking peace, compassion, fairness and love. Does coaching our kids' sports teams help protect their innocence?

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Let's go! Listening to God requires action

Lately I've been craving a real stillness in my life. Maybe because as a full-time professional and mother of two very active elementary school children I don't have much of it. Plus, I KNOW God wants me to be still to be able to hear his voice. And I want to be obedient. 

A couple days ago I told my husband that what I want -- all I want -- is to go somewhere (a quiet lakeside, nature preserve or a tropical island -- please?) where I can truly unplug. I've got all these ideas for how to serve God and my family and replace my income. But I want God's blessing. For that, I told Dan, I need to get away -- far away. 

As we talked, I mentioned there was one thing I really want to do -- a fire in my belly -- but it seems the most unlikely of all. People would really (as if they aren't already) think I've lost my mind. He suggested that the fire in my belly might be God's doing. It was a revelation of sorts. 

We continued talking and I began to feel silly. I realized that if I can't learn to be still right where I am, I won't be able to hear his voice on my everyday walk. Yes, Jesus went off for 40 days for the biggest transition in his earthly life. It took him 40 days in the word, in prayer with God and no distractions to prepare for just a few years in ministry. The most three important years for the lives of all Christians. 

So, I guess it makes sense that for me to prepare for what's next, I need to be ready. Because really, do we give God this kind of time when we approach these big decisions in life? Do we allow him to fill us up with scripture and guidance? I admit, it probably won't require a tropical island, but I must learn to commit myself to him in meditation, prayer and solitude not just now but always. 

The truth, however, is that I don't even know what's next. I admit, I was kind of hoping that some time alone with him will include the neon flashing billboard-size sign with instructions on what to do with my grown-up mom-size life. 

It occurred to me that I'm putting a lot of burden on God. Not that he can't handle it, but he also expects me to meet him halfway. 

Jesus knew when he met with God in the desert what was coming next. But he didn't just commit himself during this period; it was the beginning of a deeper, richer relationship that guided him in all the challenges and trials that his ministry would include. They met daily and often for long periods. 

Psalm 143:8
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. 

I read this verse. And read it again. And again. Read carefully, it's clear it requires ACTION. I can't stand idly by and expect God to do all the work. I must make a deliberate choice to put my trust in him. Not one time -- all the time. See how the scripture begins -- he requires my trust daily, just as I need signs of his enduring love every day. And they are there, when we are open to see them. 

What else does it say? More action. He is showing me the way -- but I need to GO. No more excuses. No more expectations that he do all the work. No more prayers for flashing, neon signs. I must take the path he sets out for me. 

I MUST GO.

And then meet him daily, for choosing to follow him is a commitment that must be renewed often. 

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

My homesickness: A far cry from life in an orphanage


I was pathetically, desperately homesick. Yes, me, the mom who left her preschoolers for 10 days two summers in a row to go on mission trips in Mexico. No phone calls, no internet, no nothin’!

Yet just 18 hours after I had departed on a two-day trip, I was in a fog – unable to operate in this silence. Yes, my kids were bickering and engaging in physical warfare the morning I left – a truly rare “bad” morning among a long string of fantastic ones. But yes, I was absolutely craving this time away. A photography conference, a visit with girlfriends and a large chunk of time to read, meditate and write. I left like God gave me this unplanned trip to Chicago – a gift so that I might be able to listen, be still and figure out how he wants me to move in my soon-to-be vacant jobless days.

My plan wasn’t going as planned. I already just wanted to be home for reasons even I couldn’t comprehend or express in words.

Then I got the news. Nasko wasn’t coming tonight.

My mood sunk lower. I should have been sad for Chance and Ginger, who decided a year ago to make this young Bulgarian boy their own. They hoped he’d be home by October, then Christmas and here it is March. He was finally on his way. But they missed his connecting flight and his arrival would be delayed, once again. My trip would be extended. Because he is the real reason I had come to Chicago.

Chance and Ginger needed someone there to document this moment, their reunion so they could simply live in it. I wanted to do this for them. At least I did want to. Now, well to follow through with my commitment, I would have to stay another night, miss a day at work, rearrange schedules, shuffle lives. Plus, I already just wanted to be at home. To aggravate matters, my left eye had reacted to my contact lens and was as fuzzy as my horrendous perspective on the situation I found myself in. Sadly, I was sad for me. And I couldn’t shake it.

I made the wisest decision just then. I decided not to decide anything. I shared the news with Dan, who was aware of my homesickness, with little commentary and then headed to meet a girlfriend for lunch and shopping.

We had a wonderful time and discussed the joys as well as the hardships of raising our children. As we remarked on the challenges and particularly the struggles of ADHD, I could not help but think of Nasko. He has spent the first five years of his life in an orphanage. His daily living is a series of someone else’s choices. There has been no stable force of love expressed to him day after day.

Then a terrifying thought occurred to me. Could it be that this unexpected and quite severe emotional slump I was in was God opening my eyes? Letting me experience an emotional slice of life of a child who’s lived out every single one of his days in an orphanage? Because for the life of me, I could not explain or defend the mood I was in. Other than to feel guilt and shame for my selfishness.

After some retail therapy and an offer from my friend to crash with her family, I called Dan. There was no hesitation in his voice. I had to stay and take the photos, he said. He didn’t seem to care about the inconvenience that caused for him. In fact, he explained the situation to the project manager where he was working. He’d be late arriving another day because he would have to drop the kids off at school. The response he got: come late, leave early, and by the way, we’re paying you for the whole day. How cool that God’s hand was guiding this end of things for Dan! (Plus, I have to add that I had a mysterious extra pair of underwear in my bag. This, too, had to be a message from God, right?)

My doldrums shifted my entire perspective on this assignment; it wasn’t just a photo shoot or even a favor for a friend. I needed to capture the moment in a way that showed how remarkable this day was for Nasko. Now I just needed this 5-year-old’s cooperation.

Would he truly understand what ‘home’ means or what a ‘mom’ and a ‘dad’ are? These are abstract concepts for him. But he met Chance and Ginger, and he knew he was on his way to live with them. And that they would love him every day like they did those days spent together in Bulgaria.

I trusted that God filled him with an understanding of that.

I met Chance and Ginger. Followed them to the airport. Complained about the horrible, low lighting. The wait – agonizing. The logistics – all wrong.

Chance and Ginger stood patiently for an hour for Nasko – eager to run into their arms – who ultimately came through a different gate. One without Chance and Ginger.

They got a call. Headed in Nasko’s direction. Would this little boy show the world what it looks like when an orphan comes home to live with his forever family?

Why don’t you watch…and tell me. What emotions do you feel when you see them reunited as a family?