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Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Dear friends and family: 

'Tis the season for madness. I'm not talking about long lines, busy schedules or unhealthy eating. It's that time of year when we make Ryker get in family photos with the rest of us. For most families, it gets easier to take family photos the older the kids get. That theory does not hold true in the Denney house, where a photographer's child just cannot get his act together for a photo shoot that could take 20 minutes. With Ryker, it lasts half the day. And if we're lucky, we get ONE good shot. 

This year, we nearly missed Abby's musical rehearsal and didn't get all the poses mom wanted and had to eat lunch in the car. But we decided to go with the flow and do something different and Abby-inspired .... because the memory isn't really in the "perfect" photo anyway. The memory is in the experience and all the outtakes that come with the perfect shot. 

Enjoy our 2012 digital (and "green" and might I note...on time!) Christmas cards by clicking on the gray link below, and if you have the time, read the letter posted below!  

2012 Christmas


     2012. 
     No ordinary year. 
     Reeling from a serious bout of pneumonia turned into potentially deadly sepsis, Dan was still off work and recouperating in January. As the high doses of steroids wore off, his back condition -- a herniated disc -- was suddenly at its worst! It had not quite been six months since he'd had three rounds of high-dose steroid injections in his spine. Still, he ended up getting three more. 
     As the demands of raising children and balancing a household became apparent, Amy stepped away from the first 9-5 full-time job she'd had in nine years and only managed to keep for seven months! Then she went on a short-term trip to Africa to get stories and photos and build a website and blog for missionary friends, Rick and Paula Miller. Check it out at lifegateinafrica.org. Dan and Amy are praying about a planned trip to Sierra Leone in December 2013. If you are interested in construction, journalism or orphans, start praying about joining us! 
     Dan took a short-term trip to Ukraine in August, and about the same time, Amy officially formed Mighty Strong Girls, a non-profit to battle the downward spiral of negative self image in girls. She is officially a missionary and working to raise up supporters for this new ministry. 
     Keeping us busiest of all are the kids! Baseball and softball in the spring. A fun two-week session of drama camp in the summer. Ryker emerged as a great leader on his football team this fall. They lost twice as many games as they won, but they were so fun to watch! They battled back to win an exciting bowl game, and as soon as football ended, basketball began. Abby auditioned for the 9-year-old lead in "White Christmas" at a local theater. She didn't get the part, but she landed on the children's choir. She's singing and dancing in three numbers, with opening night set for well, tonight! We'll be busy with that the next three weekends, and both kids are ready to audition for another musical. They keep us chasing our tails, but it also prevents us all from getting into any trouble! 
     The orphan we support in Sierra Leone apparently wasn't immune to the family drama. He got a nasty case of malaria that threatened his brain and landed in the hospital. Not the kind of hospital we might want our children to go to. He was in a small dirt-floor room with no window or door coverings for IV  medicines and other treatments for several days. But James, who is 9, pulled through and we got to see photos of him smiling in front of his orphanage after he recovered. Praise God for so many answered prayers! 
     Dan was elected elder at our church this fall and is looking forward to serving as a leader at Athens Christian Church once again. 
     We can't thank you, our precious family and friends, enough for your prayers in the last 12 months. They have been the most emotional and challenging months of our married life, draining us financially and emotionally. And yet, this time has left us feeling nothing but blessed. We were filled up with the Holy Spirit, thanks to you! I'm literally moved to tears thinking about how you prayed us through each and every encounter -- good or bad -- we experienced in this last calendar year and gave us your support through any means you have available. God has been so, so good to us, and we are far from spiritually drained. He has filled up our tanks, given us more hope and grace than we deserve, and inspired us with visions of how we can use our gifts to serve Him in 2013. We are ready for anything and looking forward to all of it! 
     May God bless you abundantly in the coming days, weeks and months! 
     Much love,
     Dan, Amy, Abby & Ryker Denney

P.S. The kids think it's pretty funny how easily I made this face! Watch the video for more funny faces! :-) 

Banishing the 'f' word

Why? 

That's the question that is haunting me lately. I can't shake it. Because deep down I think I'm scared I already know the answer. 

The issue prompting my why is the self-loathing. This place where the female persuasion finds herself going when she's bloated, has a pimple, gained a few pounds, noticed a gray hair, found her first wrinkle or sadly, as the case is for so many of our teen girls, without any understandable provocation whatsoever. 

My daughter couldn't even walk yet when my husband told me there would be no more "f-words" in our house. The "f-word" he was referring too was "fat." I couldn't believe he would insult me that way. I NEVER say that. 

Then I realized I didn't have to say it. It might as well have been written across my face when I looked in the mirror some mornings, put on a certain pair of pants or ate something I regretted. The constant self-critical voice was so deeply ingrained, I didn't even hear myself on those occasions when I did in fact actually mutter, "Ugh. I look so fat." 

Two years later, my toddler daughter would do the same -- the first time. 

And I wonder...how many times will she have to look at herself in the mirror before she loves the reflection entirely, without judgement and even in spite of the differences in her image and the ridiculously unrealistic and often sexualized images of women and girls that surround us? Will she ever? 

Because the truth is...I don't always feel that way about myself. And so why should she? Or any girl? The truth is self loathing in itself isn't a mental disorder. But if we're honest, we realize it is a reality...a shocking 93 percent of girls and young women report feeling anxiety or stress about some aspect of their looks when getting ready in the morning. 

Should it really be that way? Something about that seems....sad and wrong. 

But the world we live in has evolved. It's much, much more visual, considering a couple hundred years ago society was mirror-less and purity (not half-naked women dancing on television commercials) equated beauty.  By her 12th birthday, today's girl will have seen more than 75,000 television commercials. That's on top of billboards, magazines and Internet images that project a more-or-less flawless, thin and "sexy" version of who she is "supposed to be."

Our world tells her over and over and over that she's not good enough. She needs this product or that to look better. She needs to shed pounds -- a lot and often an unattainable amount -- to be pretty enough. She can't have pimples, a flat chest, glasses, thin lips, thick eyebrows, cellulite, wrinkles or a big ole booty. None of those are desirable. Throw in the pressure to act a certain way, wear specific brands of clothing, be seen with "cool" people and use the latest and greatest gadgets. You can be rest assured that when she finally achieves one of these, there will be another and another she must overcome if she ever wants to reach society's narrow definition of beauty. 

We, my fine female friend, fall for this trap. So may I introduce you to the contrived, self-absorbed, unhappy but beautiful like a Barbie doll woman our world would have us all be. I hope you like living a lie. 

According to "Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter,  more than three-quarters of girls and young women admit to partaking in unhealthy activities when they feel badly about their bodies and 58 percent describe themselves as disgusting and ugly. Almost 40 percent engage in unhealthy eating behaviors, such as anorexia or bulimia. I am further concerned that most of these girls may be suffering in silence.

Despite the evolving roles and prominence of successful women in our culture, we are no less likely to be objectified. In fact, we are more likely to be viewed as sex objects than ever before. Is it perhaps because we've convinced ourselves that we can "have it all?" And in the midst of following our own dreams we have blindly let marketers tell us what "all" is? You know, this "all" is never enough. It will never be enough. And that's the trap. 

There's no hiding from these facts, and as much as I would like to, I can't rear my daughter in a bubble.  I can't stop negative advertising in its entirety, but there IS a lot I CAN do. 

Will you help me? 

* Stop buying it. Stop buying into the lie and stop shopping with retailers who objectify girls and women. (After watching a disgusting advertising by Hardee's during a football game this weekend, I will NEVER patronize this restaurant again. Ever.)

* Stop living in shame. Talk about it. Get a dialogue going. Be honest. Someone wants to hug you, let you know it will be OK and help you through the pain. 

* Be supportive. Encourage and lift one another up. Girls can be their own worst enemy, and many of us carry this over into adulthood. We can end a lot of the negative carryover simply by telling each other the truth: You're beautiful. You're gorgeous. You are worthy. You make the world a better place. 

* Love each other right where you are. Extend grace. A lot. We don't do this enough!

* Quit gossiping and quit listening to the gossip -- most of which revolves around the way someone looks or a jealousy we have for someone we "think" looks better than we do. (Girls, this only makes us look ugly from the inside out!) 

* Support projects that lift up and encourage girls and women. Like Mighty Strong Girls. Sorry, there HAD to be a shameless "plug." 

God has a destiny planned for all of us -- an unraveling story that is so great and amazing. It will let us use our special gifts and talents and impact the world for Christ. It will inspire us and motivate us and make us so happy we could just dance!

That's the revolution I've had. I'm in my happy place where I'm getting clarity, and He's filling me up. It's a work in progress, but I'm so happy to finally be here. And I want to help other girls and women find this place, too. It takes a team effort, for I didn't come to this on my own but through the work of God and some amazing, beautiful women. 

Now I have a question for you. Will you be part of the team helping girls and women be revolutionized? I want you on my team!!

My little rant about girls and boys

What’s So Bad About a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?

This headline in the New York Times today caught my attention. Eight pages of terminology like "gender continuum," "gender fluid" and  "gender expression." My take in the end: it was exhaustingly rife with stereotypes and did nothing to promote individualism or debunk ridiculous cultural standards on gender. 

Nearly everyone is either female or male. It's a fact, kinda like I am a United States citizen. Being American sets me up for all kinds of stereotypes when I cross onto another country's soil. Just like being a boy -- or a girl -- sets us up for cultural expectations. And this, I believe, is really the problem.

Society evolves. When I was a wee one, there were hardly tiaras, frilly Disney princess dresses for make-believe, or a trove of hour-glass figure dolls to play with. I had legos, blocks and toys with primary colors that were more-or-less gender-less. Go back even farther, and pink was a boy color. Even farther, men wore wigs of long hair and dresses. Some men in other societies still wear dresses. So while I may or may not have purchased a few (dozen) Disney items, it seems to me our societal accumulation of "stuff," bloated toy aisles exploding with pink and general societal infatuation with materialism seems to have injected us with discrimination based on paranoia and fear. It's not enough to keep up with the Joneses, but we must also be accepted by them.

What happens when you leave children to just be themselves -- wearing, playing with and enjoying the things they want? No wonder so many struggle with identity crises in our country; our cultural norms and expectations are so perverted, pervasive and rigidly enforced that few people really get to be who they are destined to be. 

Right now, I embrace my children with their independent and carefree disregard for what's considered by the masses to be acceptable. 

My daughter has gone in and out of the "pink" phase. Today, she might wear a little pink, though she previously rejected it entirely. But she despises princesses. However, she also spends a great deal of time picking out the right ensemble -- for bed even! She wears mostly skirts, likes her toenails painted and wears an occasion girly hairdo. Then she goes outside, climbs trees, makes mud pies, picks up any and all moving creatures, and attempts daring stunts on her scooter. She also likes theater, singing and dancing. She enjoys scary movies and books, climbs to the top of the rock wall at the state fair every year and rode the water ride where the floor drops out from under your feet three times this summer. But like her mom, her athletic abilities are less certain, though she does, on occasion, play sports (and spit sunflower seeds that she sets on the infield dirt).

On the flip side, her brother is very athletic. He excels at team and individual sports. But he doesn't dig in the dirt or climb trees. When he discovered an empty turtle shell at his grandparents' house, he fetched his sister to pick it up. He's scared -- of everything and anything. He tears up at the thought of a scary movie. He walked up to ride the scary water ride twice and chickened out, even though he's a great swimmer. His favorite color is pink. He wore pink socks to every baseball game, wore a pink shirt for his birthday celebration and picked a pink ruler and pencil sharpener when we shopped for school supplies. He won't touch most animals, and we have to BEG him to play outside. He has, in fact, tried on my high heels and clip-clopped through the house with them on. He likes having his toenails painted, and he's currently growing out his hair. He's been mistaken for a girl many, many times. He also screams louder and more high pitched than any girl he knows. 

My point is, my children could not be more individual, unique, one-of-a-kind. And the fact that we debate these PERSONALITY traits in the context of "normal" and with a psychological "ruler" means only one thing: WE LIVE IN AN INTOLERANT WORLD. We judge and then beyond that we categorize, bully and label anyone who doesn't fit within our societal definition of "normal." It's time for all parents to let our children be who they are and express themselves in the context of a safe, loving, disciplined home where morals rule -- not tutus and superhero capes.

Want to read the whole NYTimes article? Click below:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/magazine/whats-so-bad-about-a-boy-who-wants-to-wear-a-dress.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1&hp

Introducing Mighty Strong Girls

Not long after I returned to the workforce after having my daughter, I couldn't bear the separation. And a part-time, work-from-home some of the time opportunity became available at the newspaper in Decatur where I was working. I had to cross to the "dark" side and work in advertising.

It didn't work out long, as many part-time opportunities don't, because it was a demanding full-time job crammed into a part-time position. But one of the most fun things I did was a large, beautiful, glossy magazine. I LOVED the magazine!

It was all I could think about, and I deeply desired to start one in Springfield because at the time, they didn't have one. But I would need start-up money, and I was pregnant with my second. We were trying to move closer to Springfield. The timing was bad.

I began freelancing for the State Journal-Register, which led to a job there in their special publications division in advertising. In no time at all, I brought my idea of a magazine to my supervisor. And we launched Springfield's Own magazine -- and I'm still doing some freelance writing for it today.

So having previously conceived and launched a magazine, I had the idea of starting a local magazine for girls ages 13-19. A place that is: 

* authentic and honest

* gives girls a voice

* portrays girls and women in a non-sexual way

* gives businesses and other ministries a place to reach these girls without compromising their values

* builds a community centered on faith and encouragement

* connects girls in central Illinois with not only each other but also with girls and girl struggles across the globe (ie. child labor, sex trade, etc.)

* promotes mission work

* and above all, helps girls discover their own calling in Christ -- free from the distractions of our sexualised and materialistic culture.

Instead of jumping right in, I prayed. And day after day for a week (God knows I need LOTS of assurance!), my devotions, church sermon and even world events (a national petition to get magazines to stop Photoshopping images!) were confirming my vision. 

I want to share a couple of ways he affirmed this calling, because I never believed that God worked this way (until I had faith), so I didn't know how it worked.

That week, the regular devotion I get via email opened to this sentence: "I think one of the greatest needs in the Christian community is for individual laymen and laywomen to dream some dreams about how they can use their talents to impact people's lives for Christ."

The next day, another devotion ends like this: "And I urge you to demand righteousness of yourself, because societal change always begins with one person, one home, one man or woman, one boy or girl, willing to make a difference.

"DISCUSS. Be specific: What could you, your church or your neighborhood do to reclaim this nation for righteousness?"

And then, this national campaign to magazines to "Keep It Real" and stop Photoshopping images to create realistic standards of beauty.  Part of the message: "Yet instead of taking up the media-constructed 'challenge' of fitting into a bikini, we’re empowering you to put the pressure back on the magazines that perpetuate such unrealistic standards of beauty for women everywhere. We want print magazines to pledge to use at least one non-photoshopped image of beauty per issue."

My thoughts were something like, "That's it? One non-Photoshopped image? That's all? It's not enough. It won't go far enough. They need total transformation, not just on images but articles. Our world, these girls, they need better alternatives in magazines."

 

GULP. 

It became clear that God wants me to use my talents to reach girls in order to help give them a healthy perspective of body image and to learn that Christ calls each of us to use our unique skills for kingdom work! Our beauty lies within!

And so, for me to not do exactly what he's calling me to do  would be kind of hypocritical.  

At first I thought I couldn't afford to do this, and then I discovered an awesome online publishing company with a beautiful system for creating e-publications. Then I remembered I could apply to become a ministry with this great organization called Ripe for Harvest. So I did, and the idea was approved. And apparently that makes me a missionary, which means I have to raise support from churches, people, businesses and other ministries. That's the scary, pushing me outside my comfort zone part. But that's OK. Because I believe in this, I have seen the need exists and I truly believe others will, too!

Because I envision Mighty Strong Girls as more than just a magazine, it's part of a MOVEMENT. My ultimate vision is that sponsorships would also allow for an annual conference in Springfield further creating a safe community for girls to get even more encouragement and education about how to listen to God,  a revolving business loan program for girls coming out of the Bible Telling School and/or Children's Redemption Orphanage Home in Sierra Leone, a mission trip for girls to see for themselves the challenges girls in other countries face, and scholarships for girls attending the local Lincoln Christian University.

I am so excited about this ministry, because while there are a small number of national projects, there's nothing that brings these girls together day after day so that they don't feel isolated, so that they get daily encouragement and so they can connect with other girls locally to keep them motivated. The magazine content will be written by experienced writers (likely college age and above), but it will be driven by an editorial board comprised of local girls ages 13-19 from various churches and schools in Central Illinois. 

Topics will include fashion, art, relationships, faith, finances,  upcoming Christian events, devotions, Biblical challenges aimed at growth in faith, entertainment, profiles of local girls and women and profiles of other women in the world (using missionaries to help gather content). Further, we will have seven bloggers from this age group to write on various topics, with a new post every day that will be promoted online. And there will be a section for parents, to give them the tools and encouragement to be supportive of their teen girls. 

So, if you stuck with me so far, THANK YOU! Thanks to the many, many women and teen girls who have already thrown their support behind Mighty Strong Girls. If you are passionate about this cause, please join us. There is a place for anyone who desires to be part of this movement! We have many needs, and you can see a few below or go online and read about what your role may be (writer and photographer volunteers, teens for the board and bloggers are needed!) at www.mightystronggirls.com. If you know a girl who may need this kind of encouragement, please share with her. That's huge and appreciated. 

So...what's next anyway?

A couple of years ago, I began working with high school girls at my church. I am not entirely sure why, as teenage girls make me uncomfortable. OK, that's a lie. Teenage girls TERRIFY me!


They always have. Even when I was one. I might have even scared myself -- the things teenage girls do, say and think....wow. There are no words. 


But I have a girl. A fired-up, strong-willed and emotional one. Who will someday (too soon) be a teenager. I suppose deep down that's what motivated me to serve -- to get to know the teenage girl. 


I discovered in the last few years that -- thankfully -- teenage girls are NOT entirely scary. But the story doesn't end there. In fact, it's just the beginning. They are a bit of a mystery, and when you start to unravel it, that's where the little bit of scary comes in. But it's not her fault. Spend just a little bit of time analyzing the messages society, media and peer groups are sending her. Not to mention the messages we are personally or partially responsible for. Is it a wonder if today's teenage girl could be emotionally stable? 


The pressures to fit the mold of the "ideal girl" are sucking the life out of our girls, creating robots with personality disorders and completely robbing them of knowing God's greater plan for them. It makes me angry and sad. 

I have gotten to know several girls quite well, and through one Bible study, learned their testimonies. Whatever they have overcome, almost always its roots were in a comment, visual imagery or pressures to "be a certain girl." You know the girl. She's the one in every teenage advertisement, clothing billboard, Disney show. Essentially, she's not every girl. She's the unattainable girl. Add to that the expectations of parents, teachers, peer groups -- it's emotionally exhausting and confusing.


One girl from my group. Her battles with body image were real (eating disorders and self harming) and intense. But she was finally making significant progress. And the hope she saw was that her voice could make a difference to other girls who were in that same "stuck" spot she was in.  But what to do with it? She asked me. I said, "Write it out, your whole story with all the details." 


I don't know why I said that. Except that I'm a writer, and I find it therapeutic. But she wanted more. She wanted to help other girls. So we both prayed about what to do. I started observing and listening. 


At first it was frightening to take stock of the television shows, slick advertising, magazine fashion layouts and even the nightly news. Girls portrayed in such a cookie cutter way -- thin, caked in makeup, a perfect smile. Even sexualized -- long hair, accentuated breasts, long legs, pouty lips, sexy poses way too grown up for girls. Then the mean, vicious reactions to any girl who wasn't ideal. But I KNEW this much. Taking senior photos for five years has shown me this is really what girls want -- they want to model, or they want this "look." What I think they really want: to be known, seen and recognized. And the world they live in predominantly shows them only one path: their physical appearance. 


Consider that 80 percent of 10-year-old American girls say they have been on a diet. The number one magic wish for young girls age 11-17 is to be thinner. 


And what makes me most sad about it is that they are being spoon-fed SUCH A LIE about what gives life significance! 

"Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments," says author Lisa Bloom, who wrote Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World.

Beyond that, God warns us that the world will look at these things (the physical appearance) but he doesn't (he sees what's on the inside). Pretty amazing, isn't it, that the Bible is this relevant today! And THIS is the message girls NEED to get. 


So I did find some positive movements and programs aimed at boosting girls' self esteem, but nothing with the muscle I was looking for -- FAITH.

As far as I could find, nothing available has the lasting power to impact girls because it leaves out the God-breathed truth of the matter: that he created us all unique, with a purpose and plan. When that plan unfolds, the beauty from within shines so great. And even when we stumble, He loves us and will never leave us even if we fall short of someone else's definition of "desirable."

It's no wonder my young friend doesn't know what to do with her testimony. We could not find the right outlet for her story. The world, it seems, wants to stifle such voices. In the midst of that, I felt God pushing me to make a way to lift up her voice for others to hear. Not just her voice, but where are the authentic teenage girl voices anyway? Where are the resources to help girls discover who they are in Christ? Where can the teenage girl be herself and yet also feel part of a tribe?

I was out of options. I prayed that God would show me another way. Any way. I begged, because honestly if I were designing a ministry for myself, it would be aimed at grown-up and much-less-scary women. But he didn't show another way or have something else in mind. The answer came in the form of daily devotions, sermons and Bible readings -- I should use my gifts and talents and create the way. God gave me: time; a fiery passion for my daughter and all girls to gain self-confidence and know how God views them; all the skills necessary; many of the contacts to launch such a ministry; a venue to form a non-profit; and the resume of having already done this sort of thing that was part of my vision. 


Dang! God: 6, Me: 0. 


And so a new ministry for teen girls was born. Read more about what it is and how you can be a part of this movement for our girls on my blog tomorrow!!

Jehovah-jireh

This is like one of Dan's favorite things to say. It means "the Lord will provide." He picked it up after our first mission trip to Mexico, after noticing how all situations -- no matter how seemingly hopeless -- seemed to be worked out in God's favor and for his glory. 


And so it seems fitting and appropriate that days after I asked for prayers for Dan's passport and for our personal finances as both relate to his upcoming mission trip to the Ukraine, God heard our prayers. By several "venues," we realized we will have EXACTLY what we will need to replace Dan's income for the 15-day trip. We learned that and then discovered two days later that his passport is in the mail on the way to us. Praise God! Jehovah-jireh! (As a side note, we finally got the payment plan we were seeking with a healthcare provider, too, which helped further put us at ease!)


I cannot thank you enough for blanketing these issues in prayer! I was so elated at how God blessed us and showed us so quickly that he was working things out -- not for our benefit, but for his. We serve a mighty God! A God who is revealing and unraveling his calling on my life right now -- plans I will share later this week! Please be sure to check back and see the awesome plans he has in store for me next. And no, I'm not going back to Africa....yet anyway! 

Praise God for my husband and his heart for missions!

One of the "things" that was holding me back when God called me to Africa this spring was that Dan had JUST decided to go to the Ukraine on a summer mission trip with Athens Christian Church.


He went to the informational meeting. And what my heart (selfishly) desired was that he would come back and announce that we were both going to the Ukraine. We were eager to get back into short-term missions! 


However, the trip would be very task-oriented. Very manual labor task-oriented. I am a weak assistant for my project-loving husband when it comes to moving simple furniture. This was NOT the trip for me! They would be digging a cellar, moving or building (I'm fuzzy on the boring construction-related details!) a wall and putting in a ceramic tile floor. All very appropriate and fitting tasks for Dan. It was like the trip description was written with him in mind. No orphans to photograph. No stories to collect. Not even a VBS to plan. 


And so when I was called to Africa and then finally admitted to myself that the trip was a good fit for me and would definitely fulfill a need for Rick and Paula, I still hesitated. Because of finances. Because Dan already committed to this trip; he was emotionally tied in and eager to go! I didn't want to destroy that, and two big, expensive trips for each of us in one year seemed unlikely. Especially since I'd just left my job and we were -- for the first time ever -- a one-income family. 


But God indeed provided the first time around, and I have complete and total faith that he will again. Despite Dan not getting "paid time off" with his job. Despite the frustratingly slow trickle of work I'm getting. Despite the fact that we're still waiting on his passport (a long story I PRAY I won't have to blog about!)


Just today, a family member handed us a check for $175 to "feed the kids" while he's gone. How awesome is that?!? 


Dan will go to the Ukraine with a pastor from ACC and two other construction worker types. They have a long list to accomplish, not a lot of resources where they're going and a small crew. 


Will you pray that God will provide in mighty ways for them? That he would allow them to complete projects in a way and pace they hadn't imagined? And that they would all grow in a brotherhood of faith with a spiritual renewal that fills them up? 


These short-term commitments are scary for us -- not because we're afraid of the work or the place we're going or the things we're doing. Financially they have ALWAYS been hard to plan for because we don't get "paid days off." So even if we raise enough money to cover the cost of the trip itself, the bills still come even though the paycheck doesn't! Will you also pray that Dan's trip doesn't financially set us back? Pray his employer would see the good in it and pay for his time off, or even better that he would reach someone back home for Christ through his actions! 


In the past, we've always planned ahead for trips like this. Lately, we're living on faith and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do! 


But it's a choice we made when we agreed to be obedient to God's will for our lives. After we noticed this one disturbing trend: In the six months I was working full time, making more money than ever, we weren't doing ANYTHING at all mission related. We weren't even financially contributing to any causes, despite all that extra income. Then Dan got sick. And I became miserable in my job. God made us aware that we'd turned our back on something that used to be our passion. 


If we want to take a vacation (we've taken three week-long vacations in our 12 years of marriage), we have to work more or save more. Or, we can work more or save more for a LIFE-CHANGING experience. 


Dan has never complained. Never grumbled that he doesn't get to relax on the beach or jet set somewhere exotic. If it comes down to a choice, he WANTS the mission trip. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally (maybe not physically!), he comes back more refreshed and renewed. So it's a no-brainer for him. And, while I'm more likely than he is to want an exotic vacation, I must admit if I had to choose one or the other for the remainder of my life, I would go on mission trips. They really are that great!


Today I want to praise God for Dan. For the awesome servant I married who is such a courageous husband and dad. For a man, who despite major physical pain and challenges in the last two years, isn't afraid to push forward, to travel halfway around the world to a remote village in the Ukraine and be the hands and feet and mouth of God! 





I almost forgot...praise God (I think!) for a husband who isn't too proud to buck cultural norms and put on a skirt when the mountains are colder than he expected on our first mission trip to Mexico. Yes, he really did this, and the Mexicans asked that he never return. No, I'm kidding. We have no idea what they said. We don't speak Spanish. But I'm thinking one of those beautiful African patterns would look lovely on him. I wonder what the Africans would say! 

How can you live a life that matters?

God undoubtedly called me to a trip to Africa. It was eerie, because it was so clear and distinct. And it caused me to fear God, as we all should in a healthy sort of way. Not obeying suddenly was more scary to me than obeying -- despite the fact that I would operate outside my comfort zone to further his will for me. 


The comment I heard most often was "You're faith is so strong." Or, "I don't think I could do that."


Oddly enough, those are similar to words I said the first several times I met and talked to Paula Miller, the very missionary I visited and assisted in Africa this past April. Her response resonates so deeply with me now, and was confirmed at a recent sermon at my church preached from Deuteronomy 28. A summary -- obedience is blessed; disobedience is cursed. 


Another comment I got was, "God's never spoken to me like that." 


I believe God talks to all of us; sometimes we simply aren't actively listening. His word itself gives us the directions we need to be obedient. 


Still, it's clear that everyone can't obey every single command of Jesus' in the same way. Not everyone is called to do the SAME thing, or to sell everything they own, but we are ALL called. I love this video and what it reminds me about obedience and how being obedient doesn't always necessarily mean an audible voice of God. Sometimes it's just doing what we know in our heart to be right because he told us it is.


You can check out the video HERE.


Is his written word (instruction manual) enough for us? Or is this where we create "holes" in the Gospel? I have absolutely cut out holes in my Gospel. I've repented, and now I crave the opportunities and abilities to fulfill his word. 


If you're interested in EXACTLY how God wants to use us to help around the world or in our own backyards, check out these specific scriptures at World Vision's Web site HERE. Read them, meditate on them, pray about them, incorporate them in your life in a way that makes sense and has an impact! I can't wait to get started! Can you?

Hanging out in the waiting room

Romans 5:3-5 (The Message)
There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!


Have you ever arrived for a doctor appointment only to find the waiting room brimming with people and illness? Naturally it's a day when your to-do list is longer than your weekly grocery list. And you can just feel your teeth gritting and grinding in frustration and annoyance as you sit and stew for minutes, then an hour and you haven't even been called back yet. "What the...."





What if you instead turned your entire perspective around. You walk in and excitedly realize you might get a whole hour -- to pray, read your Bible, meditate. What a gift from God that you can set everything aside and focus on him and what really matters most. Passionately patient!


Right now, I'm in one of life's waiting rooms. God called me to leave my full-time job with nothing lined up to replace lost income and help pay our mounting medical debts. Then he called me to go to Africa without even a dollar to finance my own trip. Why would he do this? Why am I still sitting here jobless? 


It would be easy to complain, and don't get me wrong -- I have bad days and get stressed! But God has already shown me he will provide. He DID provide -- every last penny for my mission trip. And while we're not making much headway on medical bills, I was just able to pay all our bills in the third month of me being unemployed with a few odd jobs here and there. 


This, how ever ridiculous it may sound, is my choosing. Yes, I COULD get a job. I am perfectly capable. But when I prayed in January that I would surrender myself to God's will, I made a commitment that I would have faith and let him worry about the details. Sound nuts? We're such control freaks about our lives that it is very, very difficult to walk where he leads! Well, he very clearly led me to Africa and then worked out every last detail. What a faith strengthening exercise that was!


So I'm back in the waiting room, reminding myself not to get frustrated. God has called me again, and I am working toward obedience. Can I follow him in faith without losing hope? Can I shout my praises in worship while hemmed with troubles? I think I MUST, because I promised and he's never let me down yet. And he has a promise, too...that he will show me what to do if I am alert (which is hard to do when I'm annoyed and frustrated!), that I will become virtuous in my waiting, that I will not feel shortchanged and that he will pour generously into my life through the Holy Spirit. 


Wow. Making a choice about how I view my waiting room seems quite easy in light of this! I will wait, excitedly, for him to keep his promises to me!

Angry and sad and confusing....oh my!

Warning: This post is harsh, but it gets better. So please in the name of all that's decent and right in this world, stick with it, love me in my unlovable state and read it all the way through!


Lately I've been sad a lot. God's really breaking my heart for the things that break his. And it's, well, really truly heart-breaking in ways I never knew I could be be heartbroken. 


For instance, I couldn't listen to an NPR story on chronic acute malnutrition in a Yemen village this morning without bawling. 


Maybe because I've seen it...face-to-face. And "it" has a name. Lots of names. Sadly I didn't even get this woman's name, because I had to walk away. I could not muster a single word, and I was "working" lest I cry right then and there! She has given birth to eight children. Three of them are currently walking the earth. She has named and then said good-bye to five of her own, burying them in the ground before they had a chance to grow up. And here's the thing: It's not a fluke. This is one of many, many sobering realities for the poorest on our planet. Did she do something to deserve this life? Just try to look one of them in the eyes and ever say or think it. The reality is THIS COULD BE YOU. The only difference between this woman and me is the place we were born. 

I've also been angry lately. Oh, so angry. At God somewhat for the state of our world, for not giving me more resources to help the heartbroken. But mostly at other people. With their new cars, vacations, ridiculous "toys," weekly mani/pedis, rituals that involve their hair. You get the point. I'm angry at how it seems people take things for granted. I am angry at the reality that a mom in Africa is forced to wait a week to take her dying child to see a doctor because she doesn't have $1 -- the amount it takes to get a cab and get there.


Did you know that Americans spend $31 billion on their pets every year, $13 billion on plastic surgery, $65 billion on jewelry and an astounding $705 billion on entertainment and recreation? 


Did you know if every American church-goer tithed, there would be an extra $168 billion? To eliminate the most extreme poverty on the planet for more than a billion people, it would require 40 percent of that -- $65 billion. 


These numbers -- presented in "The Hole in Our Gospel" -- kind of make me more sad. 



I am angry, too, because the place where I come from -- my upbringing, my world -- put such a high value on "things," more stuff and achievement that is tied to a dollar figure. I watch as people I love look down their noses at their own family members who can't "afford" a car or boat or RV (loan) and snub their own blood, blaming them for not being successful enough to pay their own way. 


Then I wonder where my parents would have been without the occasional handout from my grandparents or where we would be without my parents helping out. Certainly we wouldn't have paid off all our debt without the occasional shoes, back-to-school clothes and food that my own and my husband's parents have aided us with over the years. And without their help, how could we possibly leave a legacy for our own children. How can we teach them what money means if we aren't showing them? 


1 Timothy 6:17-19 says "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they make take hold of life that is truly life."


I love the way Richard Stearns also describes the parable Jesus tells in Matthew 25:14. The master gives to each "according to his ability," but what he expects is that we multiply our gifts for his kingdom. I want my kids to know: It all comes from God; we are not entitled to it but entrusted with it and we are to use it to further his kingdom. 


God talks to us more about money than most any other subject. He WANTS us to have wisdom in this matter. This I know well, but I'm reading along thinking of all the people I know who could do so much to further God's kingdom, to end pain and suffering, to feed the poor, to help a woman in Africa watch her children grow past age 5 or get a cab to see a doctor. I was literally getting mad at what the people in my life are NOT doing. Can you imagine my indignation and self-righteousness? 


Then I read on in Stearns' book last night to discover that 87 percent of non-churchgoers view Christians as judgmental, 85 percent view Christians as hypocritical, 70 percent view us as insensitive to others and 72 percent believe we are out of touch with reality. 


Yikes. Was he writing that for me? 


And so I MUST turn the table if I am to call myself a Christian. I must get that darned plank out of my eye. Because to be Christian is to be Christ-like. And besides loving ALL people, Christ was forgiving, revolutionary, truthful, radical and genuine. 


There it is. MUCH WORK is to be done in me. Who am I to be sad or angry and then judgmental when I'm sitting here among the 1 percent of the world's wealthiest people? And then, to make matters worse, look at that scripture in Timothy again. He is calling out the "rich," and while I may not feel rich in my society, the reality is I AM rich, and there's no dollar amount on the call to action here: Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. The time for action is NOW. 


The church doesn't exist within the four walls where I worship every Sunday. And I love this quote in Stearns' book, too, by Billy Sunday: "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."


Will you take this challenge with me, Christian sisters and brothers? Will you take the church to the people? Will you help be the hands, feet and mouth of Jesus? Will you be radical and revolutionary with me? 


Look at the woman above again. She's beautiful, isn't she? She's happy (probably more so than most Americans) and she has faith in a great God who can perform miracles. Brother and sister, WE are her miracle! She is praying for us, for us to be the hands and feet. 


God gave us all the tools and resources to change the world. We have all we need to end poverty. But until we join forces in faith, we can never create the church that God envisioned!

My lovely boy

It's time for me to brag about Ryker, who so often lives in the shadow of his older sister. He is a fantastic young man who has a big heart for God. 


This past spring, when Dan and I coordinated Dave Ramsey's Generation Change, there was an exercise where the kids had to write down 10 "things" they really love. Even though Ryker was not a part of the class, he wanted to participate in the teenagers' activity. After giving them five or so minutes to think about it, then we tell them that they are forced to give away three things and to cross out three. And then three are stolen.....and then three are destroyed in a fire. 


The idea is that the only thing on the list should be JESUS. 


We picked up Ryker's paper -- all folded up after class. I loved the insight into my precious son!


1. Books
2. Jesus (with a backwards 'J')
3. Bible
4. family
5. friends
6. math
7. reading
8. homework (huh?)
9. school
10. the Cardinals


All were crossed off but No. 2. I was just proud to see that Jesus even made the list. Not sure that would have been the case when I was 7.

A little crap helps a garden grow

We all have them -- bad days. Sometimes bad weeks or a string of bad days. Or even just a slump we can't explain, even though we've been in a better mood on a previous "really bad" day. 

I've been kind of slumpy this week -- without much of an explanation. At least not a good one! Abby's on-again, off-again emotional/behavioral highs and lows were affecting me more than her it seemed. She cut a chunk out of her hair; used scissors to carve a divot in her brother's wall (and feeling shame and guilt afterward, "evened" things out by doing the same on her wall!); painted the bottom of spices with blue food color as some kind of torture to me when I took them of the cabinets and got blue all over my hands and couldn't figure out where it had come from; lost a good shoe that we spent 15 minutes looking for and ended up late for camp; wore the same shirt -- dirty -- for three straight days and nights; and other such ADHD-type of impulsiveness that would make this blog too long to read. 

I've been good. No yelling. Lecturing and lots of crying, but no yelling. Grace. Grace. Grace. I'm calling on my "God power" big time; I'm really trying my best to extend grace all over the place! I felt like I was doing good, but the people around me can tell it's bothering me and that I'm not doing the best I can do. I thank God for their accountability and honesty, because they opened me up to hear what God wanted me to experience this morning, and it's too amusing not to share!

Dan is always texting me little "love notes," and while I reply, I rarely initiate. Before you bring out the hate, I have a strict limit on texting on my phone plan. An average of six a day is what I get, and he's a big texter. 

I do love getting his notes, and I started my day on a real "high" after a couple of bad days and wanted to send a quick note to let him know I care. 

"I <3 U!" 

I sent it from the bank parking lot at Bud's corner. And then sixty seconds later, I got stuck behind several big trucks painting the lines on the side of the road. It took me 30 minutes to get to Athens. So much for my productive day I had planned!

Still, I kept a smile on my face. 'Cause that makes everything better, right? 

I needed gas, so I stopped at Casey's. While there, I figured I would fill up the low tire that must have a screw or slow leak that we can't locate because it's been getting low every few days for a couple weeks now. No time or money to deal with it, and air is keeping it at bay. 

I get out and OH MY GOSH!!! I had somehow driven through the white line they painted, and it was splashed up all over and quite high on the passenger side of the Jeep. 

All I could think was that Dan would kill me. Which is humorous, because if you know us then you know I do stupid things all the time like hit the side of the garage with the rear view mirror, run into light poles, hit parked cars, drive through fresh tar that isn't rocked yet. Yet here I am, still alive!

Yes, I've done it all. And every time, I hesitantly pick up the phone to call my husband, hands shaking, tears filling up the corners of my eyes. He knows something is wrong after I've gotten a few words out, and then he yells at me -- for making him think something serious had happened. And replies the same words every single time without fail or hesitation: 

"It's just a car."

My husband. He's so good at GRACE! I need to be more like him to deal with the weeks ahead of Abby off her medication. It WILL be hard. It WILL be frustrating and taxing and emotional and loooooong. But if I can have grace every time without fail, I've done my job. Because she's already filled with regret, shame and self-hatred when she stumbles. She doesn't need a mom who bends down and shoves her face in it. 

Will you pray for me to find it? I could certainly use all the help I can get!

I had to chuckle as I desperately brainstormed how to get the paint problem fixed because I remembered the text. Holy cow! He would probably think I was buttering him up in preparation for the story of my ignorance! (I might have  started some of my post-accident phone calls with "How much do you love me?")

Thank goodness I didn't need to suck up! Next time you see me in my Jeep, there may be some remnants of white paint on the tires. But the paint job itself looks the same as before -- dull, rusted in spots and dinged up from two kids who play basketball and ride bikes around it. 

Thank God for the high-pressure sprayer (with soap) at the car wash this morning. But before I could clean it off, I would step in manure that had apparently been cleaned off the last vehicle in that bay. In fact, the odor was suffocating, and it was wedged in every crevice of my tires, too. And so here's the crappy part. 

I then laughed out loud. Literally. It's good to laugh on a bad day. Smiling makes everything better....right?

I laughed because I was absolutely where God wanted me -- dripping wet, sweating over my stupidity and covered in poop. How can I grow big and strong without that fertilizer? I so needed God's reminder that no matter how much crap I get myself into he'll always be there for me -- extending grace or putting me in the path of loved ones who give me grace and giving me the power of poop. 


I needed to be filled with that grace, love and faith today! I am constantly awed at how he can take lemons and make lemonade and teach me to do the same! 

Thankful for my man of courage!

It seemed fitting that on Sunday morning of Father's Day, as I stood brushing my hair and teeth in our (shared) family bathroom, I could hear my husband patiently readying our two children for church. 


For so many dads who wear these three letters -- D-A-D -- more as a title of burden than blessing, Father's Day is a RIGHT...for them to do as they please, to escape from their children or be pampered by them. Not my husband. There were no such expectations in our home. 


My normal morning routine with the kids is very rush-rush as I follow behind them begrudgingly picking up their messes. But Sunday mornings always offer reprieve -- a chance for me to slow down while Dan picks up the slack. 


Unlike me, he offers patient words of encouragement when they resist brushing their teeth and seeks out teachable -- or laughable -- moments in everything. 


That's because, you see, he has expectations. Expectations of who is to be as a dad and expectations for his own children so they will grow up strong in Christ. 


And so when we arrived at church to Katie Ibbotson's powerful message on a father's expectations as part of the sermon, it was a reminder to me. A reminder that our heavenly Father has expectations for ALL of us. Among those expectations are strong, influential, godly dads for our children. 


Make no mistake: This is NOT just a job for men. Women must also ensure our husbands can be the leaders in our homes -- as God designed them to be. 


Turn on your television and you'll see what society expects in a home (if a father is even present!) -- a father figure who is mocked by his family, the butt of all jokes, stripped of his masculinity and nagged like a "dripping faucet" (doesn't that sound like a Proverb!). 


And because Katie said it so eloquently, she was willing to share her words from Sunday. Here's an excerpt:


"What can a father do for his child?? Have EXPECTATIONS! A father who expects from his child, who sets forth these expectations in the lives of his children impacts not only his children but those who are watching. 


"What expectations?! Which expectations?! The written word of our FATHER in Heaven Himself sets forth the expectations of our fathers. In Romans 12:2, we read: 'Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will.'


"Oh... men of courage... Don’t let Hollywood set forth the expectations for your loved ones. Seek his pleasing and perfect will and find the way to show your children what expectations our Father in Heaven has for a home...your home.... Read HIS word, show them what OUR Father in Heaven expects!"


Two of my favorite "daddy" photos of my man of courage. :)