Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

     As you have approached this your 11^th birthday, I’ve watched the transition beginning. A girl adopting the traits of a young woman. It seems opportune for me to share with you some of my words. Words of reflection. Words of love. Words of encouragement. Maybe even words of inspiration.

     You already know that I never wanted to be the mom of a daughter. I wanted boys — two boys to be exact. They seemed somehow easier, less complicated. Being the mom of boys, I figured, would give me more confidence in my own parenting abilities. It would make me “look good.” I'm glad you and I can laugh about this now!

     God clearly had other plans.

     You were His plan. I was His plan. For us, He had an amazing vision. That you would challenge me to see the world differently. That you would allow me a glimpse into the world of ADHD. That you would inspire me to see others as the beautiful, unique creations they are. That you would allow me to love without judging. That you would give me grace as we stumbled along this mother-daughter thing without worrying about whether we were doing it “right” but that we would do it as a team — constantly extending grace to one another as we messed up.

     Even in my wildest dreams, I never saw you, Abby. I never imagined I would have a daughter like you. As I write this, I try to think of adjectives for your awesomeness but they seem somewhat constricting — bold, strong, feminine, creative, unique, infectious, compassionate. These won’t do. They box you in. You are you. And you are amazing. There aren’t adequate adjectives for you, my dear.

     God has such great plans. He is the Mighty One.

Because of you, I loved Katie when I didn’t even know her. Because of you and Katie, I was open to hearing God when He gave me a glimpse of His vision for girls — Mighty Strong Girls — and invited me (incapable, imperfect, despicable me) to be part of His amazing plans.

     Abby, it’s because of you. But it’s because you allow God to flow through you. God is at work in you, and if you allow Him, He will always be at work in you.

     To you, Mighty Strong Girls is awesome because it’s a publication, because it reminds girls that they are wonderfully and uniquely made, because it’s a place where creativity and uniqueness reign.

     What you probably don’t know about Mighty Strong Girls is that it has a list of values. Values, as you know, are the characteristics, traits and behaviors that guide our lives. As I wrote the values for Mighty Strong Girls, I was thinking of you.

     And so for your 11^th birthday, I want to begin a tradition of wishing these for you.

     I wish for you to: 

·      Always value a positive, healthy and Biblical portrayal of girls and women.
    

I hope you will understand always why it’s not healthy to objectify another human being. That means, I hope you never think of or treat a person like a “thing.” Sometimes we do this in subtle ways, like using Photoshop to make a girl have plastic-looking skin or shave a few inches from her waist or remove her beautiful freckles.
Nobody likes to talk about it, but the truth is sometimes girls sexualize other girls, too. That means we believe another girl’s worth comes from her sex appeal, or how desirable (ie., pretty, gorgeous, hot, sexy) she is to boys. People aren’t meant to be consumed, and when we use words like this, it reduces them to “eye candy.” Candy is a thing, not a person. How we portray and view each other must always be centered on the human element of who they are and who God designed them to be!

·       Value purity.
This is a big concept that we will talk about a lot as you get older. But for now, it means dressing in a way that accentuates your inner self and doesn’t draw excessive or inappropriate attention to your physical being. More importantly, it means guarding your innocence. God loves His children, especially the young children. Because they aren’t overly critical, judgmental or poisoned by the toxic effects of the world. Your innocence is a gift. Cherish it and embrace your childhood for as long as you want! Don’t watch shows or movies designed for adults; don’t listen to music that de-values life; don’t surround yourself with people who want you to do more grown-up things to be acceptable to them. Being pure not only honors God, but it also will allow you to rise to be the best version of you that God designed. You will love yourself and live with fewer regrets when you choose purity!

• value authenticity and honesty. 
  I know this is an area you struggle with, and I understand why! Sometimes I make you feel shameful for things like taking food into your room at night, breaking the rules, etc. I hate what that does to you! No matter how shameful someone makes you feel about being honest, never shy away from telling the truth. Sometimes shame helps us see the bad behaviors we have that God wants us to change, and even though it feels uncomfortable, it’s a good thing for us. Sometimes shame just makes us want to keep covering up lies with more lies. Even if your behavior is a sin, God doesn’t want you to hide it from others. He cannot help you overcome bad behavior if it’s hidden in the dark. I want you to never feel so ashamed about something that you need to lie. Be honest, and God will meet you where you’re at. He will bring people in your life to help you conquer whatever stronghold is causing you to stumble. He loves you immensely, even when you fail. Don’t be afraid of failing occasionally. Never forget that you are never a failure to God or to me just because you sometimes fail! I just read a story about Mother Theresa saying that when our failures bring us closer to God, it's like being "kissed by Jesus." What a beautiful picture of the grace of being real.
  
  
• value prayer. 
  Part of being an honest and authentic person is living in the light. That means sharing your life with God and people you trust. Always keep an open dialogue with God. You can talk to Him throughout the day. You can talk to Him during devoted times of the day — morning, evening and at meals. You can even talk to Him in a prayer journal. Journals are awesome, because you can go back and see how He has answered prayers. It’s a great tool to grow your faith!
  
  
• value a world view.
  Don’t be afraid to educate yourself about the past and the present. It’s important to know the issues that others face. Girls just like you living in poverty, exploitation (remember those children working in toy factories in China!) and hunger. It’s important that you know girls like you are living on the other side of the globe with diseases like HIV/AIDS, pnueumonia and cholera which are not their fault and they are easily treatable if they have access to medicine.
  It’s important to know your past, too. You should know the struggles that women faced to give you the rights you have today. It’s important to embrace all of this with an attitude of gratitude, rather than bitterness and anger.  Never forget God has a plan for you and for oppressed girls across the globe. If you thank Him for what He has already done and what He’s doing, He will reveal to you how He is at work in these situations. He never leaves any of us! When you have that clear vision, you will be able to hear Him when He calls you to do His work — whether it’s right here or in another country or culture. Not only can you be part of the solution, I believe you ARE! God wants to use His people to change the world. That’s you, my dear Abby!
  
• value creation of local and global communities of like-minded believers.
  Use the Internet, your blog, the resources of Mighty Strong Girls and your creativity not only to connect with other girls like you but to communicate with them. When someone does or shares something with you that has an impact on you and your faith, let her know! That affirmation girls can (but often don’t) graciously give one another builds you all up and creates an army that will be unstoppable! Be a girl who lifts up and doesn’t tear down other girls. 
  
• value discipleship. 
  Never ever be afraid to share the Gospel. Sometimes that’s telling someone about Jesus. Other times it’s sharing your own testimony about how God has worked in your life. And every day you can be His disciple when you allow Him to use you to be the hands, feet and mouth of Jesus!
  
• value a commitment of service. 
  Jesus was the ultimate servant! Never stop thinking about how you can serve others. I feel I don’t need to say much about this, because you already know. You are so giving and compassionate, and that’s what makes you an equal member of the body of Christ. Serving will encourage and inspire not only others but also you! Nothing is more awesome than seeing the Body of Christ come alive when the members share resources with one another. When you serve, you become a living example of Jesus. Serving is contagious when you do it with joy in your heart!
  
• value daily Bible reading. 
  I know this is also a struggle for you, but stay in the word of God. This is one way He speaks to you! If you can’t stay focused on it, use the audio Bible, read devotions, read stories and graphic novels based on the word. There are many creative ways you can continue to be in His word. It’s so exciting to get encouragement from Him, but it’s also through this commitment that you can be sure He is giving you directions for your life. Trust God with prayer and Bible reading, and watch Him do huge things in your life and in the world. 

I love you, dear Abby.

From your blessed momma