I don't want to share too many more details about it, because it is a truly amazing, pampering, lovely experience that my dear friend Jan Koch came up with in prayer. Anyway, she did this God Spa for a few Mighty Strong Girls board members in October and we've used it at four events (including two in Africa!) since.
My new name was JOY.
Those who are closest to me know that the last two years of my life have been a spiritual struggle. Lots of highs and lows, but more than anything, breaking myself of the things of this world and living fully in God's plan and will.
From Dan's illness and the trip to Sierra Leone and from the stories of teen girls to the meanness my family experienced in a persecution situation, I've shed my share of tears. In fact, just before this God Spa I had spent weeks locking myself inside my house crying often over very mean spirited people in my community mailing, emailing, calling and saying horrible things. People I've known since moving to my little town seven years ago. People who have known my husband their whole lives. Christian people. People who I have witnessed living out their faith in love. Suddenly, they hated my husband — expressions of emotions that poured over onto our entire family. The pain inflicted was deep, sometimes public and always un-Christian and malicious. It was hard to hide tears from my children I had just begun homeschooling.
Just as God used the sadness of Africa to turn my heart toward Him and His purposes and just as He had used the sadness of teenage angst to clearly understand His plan for me and Mighty Strong Girls, I KNEW that God loved me during this persecution. My walk with Him was never so close and personal and fulfilling. While I may not understand how or why God-fearing people would do the things they did, I believe in His plan and His ways. In fact, I am already beginning to see God's people — all of them and especially the brokenhearted and the pride-filled — in all new ways. We are a hurting, injured sinners. Each of us couldn't possibly understand someone else's entire story, which is why we are called to simply love our neighbors as we love ourselves.
I just returned late last night from my second trip to Africa, and it was the most amazing, fruitful mission trip I've been on. I relinquished control and relied on the Holy Spirit alone. In six days, I listened. I heard their stories. The women, the teen girls, the orphans. There were tears spilled to be sure. And yet, I was joy. I poured it out. I felt it. I lived it. Without even trying. What would have broken my heart even a few months ago filled my heart. These girls and women were so inspiring, and instead of seeing their stories as sorrow or shame, I saw them as hope-filled. They know the Lord. They want better for their daughters. They want to change the world. They pray. They love. They persevere in conditions and circumstances I cannot imagine, just as I do in ways they couldn't fathom.
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| Me with some of the women who shared their stories on our trip to Sierra Leone. |
So when they smile through tears and share the love of Christ. When they are the feet and hands of Jesus. When they are persecuted daily. And when they continue to smile while hurting and let their inner beauty radiate from deep places, they fill me with joy.
I'm home. I'm happy. I have hope I never knew was possible. The girl story, it's not so sad. It just depends on your vantage point. I simply choose to view life and love from a new point of view.
What a wonderful way to start 2014. A calendar turns to a new year, a blank page, a fresh start. For me, a new perspective. Joy — no matter what. It's my new name.
What's your name or word for the new year and your story behind it? Let me know by commenting!
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