Not long ago, I overheard a man compliment a teen girl he knew.
"You're getting so thin and tan and fit. You're really looking good," he told a girl, who looked a little shocked and embarrassed by the remark.
I don't think the man meant harm. I believe he wanted to let her know that she was evolving into a lovely young lady, and I hope his intentions weren't just about the physical transformation. Sometimes, especially with people we don't know well, we can't find the right words. It's those times when no words might be better!
Well, this girl happens to be thin, tan and fit mostly as a result of a sport she excels at, so perhaps focusing on that would be more appropriate. I felt just awful for her, awkwardly hanging on his every word. Fortunately, she's the kind of girl who knows she's more than the superficial.
More than anything, all people need to know they matter. But when the message girls repeatedly get is about their body shape, skin color, size/weight, makeup, hair, eyes, legs, butt, curves, then suddenly they realize that's what matters MOST. It's hard enough when the media focuses only on these, but when people do....well, just ick! These girls are more than the sum of their "parts." What about their intellect, talents, skills, interests, goals, academic pursuits, athletic abilities? It suddenly all comes down to how physically attractive — how "sexy" they are.
I'm watching my own 11-year-old daughter evolving into this young lady, a process that is just as much an emotional and intellectual maturity as a physical one. Some of her traits that have always been there are becoming more honed, more obvious — her compassion, her service, her creativity, her giftedness. She NEEDS to know she's loved for her character and her attributes that have nothing to do with her physical appearance.
ALL girls need and deserve to know, and they need to know from their dad or a father figure.
Here are a few reasons why:
— Parent connectedness is the No. 1 factor preventing girls from indulging in drugs and alcohol and premarital sex.
— Girls with doting fathers are more assertive.
— Daughters who perceive their fathers care about them, who feel connected to their dads, have significantly fewer suicide attempts, fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance use and unhealthy weight.
— A girl's self-esteem is BEST PREDICTED by her father's physical affection.
— Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention.
— Girls with involved fathers wait longer to initiate sex and have lower rates of teen pregnancy. Teen girls who live with both parents are three times less likely to lose their virginity before their 16th birthday.
All of these are statistics Dr. Meg Meeker compiled for her highly-recommended book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know.
If you haven't spent some quality time with your daughter lately — or you know a girl who could use a father-figure in her life — please take three hours this weekend to show her she matters! Life is busy. Time moves quickly. But you can be the answer to a big prayer in her life...show her she matters for all the right reasons! And it takes such a small investment: Three hours and $20. What you'll get in return is priceless!
Some awesome volunteers with Mighty Strong Girls are taking the awkward out of this by holding this special event where you can spend quality time together, create memories and give your daughter what she needs.
Buy your tickets now at http://www.eventbrite.com/e/father-daughter-gala-tickets-11674624115?aff=eorg
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