In a conversation with a good friend yesterday, I tried making sense of it all.
"I think I'm a liar," I said, laughing....sort of. "But I can't figure out who I'm not being honest with — myself, God or the people following Mighty Strong Girls."
Based on a few other comments, she deduced that I'm not being honest with myself. If you ask me, lying to yourself has implications when it comes to God and everyone else, too. So I'm a liar. Great.
It's an uneasy feeling, not being honest with yourself. A trick. A slight of the hand. Nobody else knows, but you are harboring a dirty little secret...or several. I tell myself repeatedly that Mighty Strong Girls is what I'm supposed to be doing. It's what God put on my heart. I'm being obedient. I'm loving every minute of it. I'm not afraid. We're doing 'just fine' financially.
They seem like legitimate lies, because I don't want anyone — least of all myself — to doubt "my" ministry. Deep down, I KNOW it's what I'm SUPPOSED to do. So I stuff all my emotions, fears and problems way down deep and begin to fill my head with "positive self talk" to convince myself everything is peachy keen. So that people will want to be part of it, because who wants to buy in to something that fills the founder up with doubt?
But when you go from living three years debt-free in the name of God and in 12 short months have a credit card that is maxed out, and you have no cash to fill up your gas tank or get groceries, it's absolutely terrifying. When you are doing the work of a team of a dozen without getting paid, you begin to question your sanity. When you push aside your family for a ministry, even if only for a week, it feels icky.
Is this really what God wants? Or did I go too fast? Out of order? Do too much too soon? Am I ungrateful? Is my family angry? What if my husband doesn't forgive me for this?
Second guessing begins. It shows up everywhere.
God didn't give me a little "first step" in the vision of Mighty Strong Girls; He gave me the whole thing. I jumped on board, perhaps a little too eagerly and went ahead of His plan for me. I know that now.
I repented. We've been blessed. Financially my family is back "on track," but the ministry is still in a bit of a mess. Debt with more on the horizon to accomplish what we minimally need to do. I am so grateful for God's provision; what He's done in two short months can only be described as miraculous. And that's just the money part. The lives He's touched, the fun we've had, the friendships made, the faith He's deepened in girls and women, the lies we've exposed, the work we've accomplished, the walls we've knocked down. All of that we've done because of His divine and glorious work through the hands, hearts, minds and feet of so many. It's astonishing; really it is! To begin dissecting the list of His accomplishments in one year of Mighty Strong Girls is exhausting!
But I'd be lying if I didn't add that I want more. I want a ministry that doesn't operate in the "red." I want a family who doesn't wear shoes that squeeze our toes and give us blisters because we can't afford new ones. I want a financial plan I know will work — as in the money is already there before we know we need it. The American way.
Admitting that feels incredibly selfish sometimes, and that's why I lie. Because when you minister, you put your faith in God. Right? What I described in the previous paragraph would mean I don't have to rely on Him. Right? I mean, that's what so many have said. God's people wandered 40 years in the dessert, relying on his providence. Not always knowing where it would come. Not knowing. That's Biblical. Right?
The problem is after taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, I can't make it agree. I'm way outside my comfort zone with a lot of what's happening with Mighty Strong Girls. The speed of things are faster than even I wanted. Income is not keeping up with expenses. Which means our modest middle class family budget is now not only stretched to cover my nearly complete lack of income (save for a half dozen photography clients a year) but also thousands in expenses for a ministry. I'm secretly fearful about losing our home. That wasn't my plan. I'm not sure whether it's God's plan. There. That's it. There's the honesty.
There are days I simply want to throw in the towel and do what makes sense: Get a good paying job that will pull my family out of the mess, the uncertainty. I have a master's degree, for crying out loud, and I know it wouldn't take long to find work. It's a formula that I already know provides the solution. My brain screams for this in my lowest moments of discouragement.
Except I've been there. It's not so neat, certain and happy. On that side, I yearned for something authentic. A job that used the best of what I could offer to make a difference and help others make a difference. Here God gives it to me, and I'm complaining. You can see why I'm lying to myself. In my weakest, most human moments, I want what the world wants — security, certainty, comfort. These things beckon me from my lowest lows of doubtfulness.
It's like a tug-of-war in my mind, heart and soul. This thing, this little "thing" God called me to do is absolutely amazing, and watching the body of Christ formed to do His work makes me feel so small but so incredibly filled up spiritually. It's awesome and amazing and fearful. I hate admitting that I want to turn my back on it. (The truth is I don't think I EVER could!) I know God has me where I need to be, where He wants me to be.
I want to create a place where girls and women can be honest and real. To really explore this seemingly unchartered territory of "reality," I have to stop lying to myself. I'm praying this honesty will help unlock the bonds of the writer's block and give me confidence to move forward boldly with Mighty Strong Girls. Because as secure as I am that my own daughter can be raised in an environment that affirms her inner-awesomeness, it's not enough. I want that for all girls, and I want her to grow up with girls who believe it, too. I can't do that without holding onto "the truth."
I have no other choice but to lean entirely and completely into Him. The truth is I have nowhere else to turn if I'm being honest about what I want in the previous paragraph. The truth is He doesn't want us to live lives of despair or sadness. The truth is that I need ministered to as much as anyone else. The truth is that when God fills us up, we feel complete. The truth is that Philippians 4:13 isn't about getting what we want or accomplishing what we want. It's not about our selfish desires at all. It's about being satisfied when all we have is Him. It's about drawing strength from Him when we feel weak, when we feel we need what the world offers, when we feel we should have what everyone else has.
If I want to stop lying to myself, I need to get to the bottom of one simple question: Is He really enough?
Can I stop obsessing about what I don't have, what I want, what I think He should provide? Can I make my God enough to fill me up?
As I explored this with my friend yesterday, I did what I sadly too often do. I hung up the phone and shifted gears to something else entirely.
But she didn't forget. Five minutes later and for 10 minutes, my phone was "on fire" with text messages from girls and moms. She asked some of those close to Mighty Strong Girls to send me some encouragement. Each of them spoke from their heart about what it's meant to them.
Here is a sample:
"Mighty Strong Girls helps me feel like I matter more than I did before, and I realize it's OK to be different."
"Mighty Strong Girls has been a great way for me to stay connected with God and other Christian Girls. Thank you!"
"It's amazing what Mighty Strong Girls has become. It's weird to look back at the day you told me about it. I thought it was so out of reach! And now it's this huge thing that has become so much! I'm so thankful for you. I love you."
"Mighty Strong Girls is going to be something amazing. Thank you!"
The icing on the cake was a phone call right about the time I got the texts from my husband, who had to run some medication to one of our children at camp in Springfield. He was heading back to work when he saw a woman out for a walk wearing the "Be-YOU-tiful" T-shirt she got at the Mighty Strong Girls event this summer. Best of all, he called it "Polly's shirt." Polly is the girl at my church who designed the T-shirt. That's an impressive detail for most men to remember, but he was so excited — for Polly, for me and for Mighty Strong Girls.
I have to tell you to have such support is a tremendous blessing. It occurred to me that their words were God's way of affirming this ministry and encouraging me. I sat crying tears of joy. It
The very thing I want for girls — to be told they matter, to walk obediently in the will of God, to know it's OK to be the girl God created them to be, to be affirmed and encouraged — is something I need, too. It's something we all need. It's something we all deserve as the children of God.
Be a Mighty Strong Girl today and encourage one another. To do so is to be the hands, feet and mouth of Christ!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Writer's block
For the longest time, I blogged. Now I'm not. Wish I had something profound to say about my writer's block. I don't. I'm afraid, really afraid, that this is as good as it gets. Because my writing is not going so well. Understatement of the year.
It's weird, really. Because it's never happened to me. I overwrite. I can write one story 10 ways and love them all equally. I can write crap and show it to my husband who thinks it's awesome. Believe me, I've tried. But I can't. I can't journal, write stories or get a cohesive, intelligent thought from brain to blank sheet — either typing or writing.
When I quit my job in early 2012, I felt like God wanted me to write about my experience. To share it. To record it. So I did. Even though it was the most uncomfortable thing I have ever written about.
So much more has happened. God has moved in even bigger ways. My faith has grown. He has shown up when I was barely holding on. When I was about to give up. Time and time again.
And when I try to record it, get it on paper...my words don't come. I really, really want to write again. Anything. I will even joyfully blog about the crazy world I live in, where my family can't figure out how to get groceries one day and the next, a friend gives us food. A world where I screw up, go before God and feel so dumb. But I repent, and He forgives, pouring grace and mercy on me like never before. A world where my family is honest, authentic and seeking (and offering) forgiveness. A world where I'm sure nobody understands, and I must be secretly considered the "crazy lady" by most of my friends and all of my family.
But the words. They don't come. So many times, I've sat down here with my blog open, my journal blank and prayed for the right words. There are none. Or what I am thinking isn't what I'm writing. It's awful. Like this place here, where I am sure this very blog entry is cursed. Horrible. Nonsensical.
Why. I'm not sure if it's God, perhaps wanting me to experience Him in new and different ways. To put down my pen and come to worship and know Him in new ways. (I have. I have loved it, even as I've longed to write.) Or if it's me, scared to be as raw as somedays I want to be. Fearful that when my opinion hits the paper, "crazy" will be the kindest thing people think of when they hear my name.
I'm terrified I might write a lot more like this. Even more, I am scared of continuing in this place where I am not writing. At all. I don't like it here.
The journal thing is really not working out. So I'm coming back here. To blog. Mostly for me, a return to myself, but for anyone who cares to tune in.
Because there is so much I want to write. If only I can find the words.
It's weird, really. Because it's never happened to me. I overwrite. I can write one story 10 ways and love them all equally. I can write crap and show it to my husband who thinks it's awesome. Believe me, I've tried. But I can't. I can't journal, write stories or get a cohesive, intelligent thought from brain to blank sheet — either typing or writing.
When I quit my job in early 2012, I felt like God wanted me to write about my experience. To share it. To record it. So I did. Even though it was the most uncomfortable thing I have ever written about.
So much more has happened. God has moved in even bigger ways. My faith has grown. He has shown up when I was barely holding on. When I was about to give up. Time and time again.
And when I try to record it, get it on paper...my words don't come. I really, really want to write again. Anything. I will even joyfully blog about the crazy world I live in, where my family can't figure out how to get groceries one day and the next, a friend gives us food. A world where I screw up, go before God and feel so dumb. But I repent, and He forgives, pouring grace and mercy on me like never before. A world where my family is honest, authentic and seeking (and offering) forgiveness. A world where I'm sure nobody understands, and I must be secretly considered the "crazy lady" by most of my friends and all of my family.
But the words. They don't come. So many times, I've sat down here with my blog open, my journal blank and prayed for the right words. There are none. Or what I am thinking isn't what I'm writing. It's awful. Like this place here, where I am sure this very blog entry is cursed. Horrible. Nonsensical.
Why. I'm not sure if it's God, perhaps wanting me to experience Him in new and different ways. To put down my pen and come to worship and know Him in new ways. (I have. I have loved it, even as I've longed to write.) Or if it's me, scared to be as raw as somedays I want to be. Fearful that when my opinion hits the paper, "crazy" will be the kindest thing people think of when they hear my name.
I'm terrified I might write a lot more like this. Even more, I am scared of continuing in this place where I am not writing. At all. I don't like it here.
The journal thing is really not working out. So I'm coming back here. To blog. Mostly for me, a return to myself, but for anyone who cares to tune in.
Because there is so much I want to write. If only I can find the words.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Not-so-great days
Today is one for me. One of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days, from the book of the same name. Maybe you remember it. It's not a tragic day, just one where nothing goes right for poor Alexander!
So I've been not feeling great for a few months. Not awful, just not great. It started late in the year when I began to have facial pains. My jaw, my ears, my forehead, my cheekbones. After weeks of enduring it, I had to take a sick kid to Prompt Care, so I mentioned to the doctor that I might have a sinus infection. He gives me antibiotics. It works. The pain is gone.
For a while. Then it returns, and the dentist I see the day after Christmas tells me I'm clenching my teeth at night, which is causing the pain. Then she quits her job to stay home with her kids, so I've not followed up on that.
A couple weeks ago, the pain returned. I can't decide what it is....clenching teeth or sinus infection?? Dan — who knows someone whose wife died from a sinus infection and doesn't take this lightly — finally convinces me to call the doctor, so I do.
I call; get put on hold; then get hung up on. I call back. The scheduling assistant says (in kinda a snarky tone), "I just booked the last appointment with your doctor."
I'm thinking....yep, the one that would have been mine if I hadn't been hung up on. Whatever.
"Do you have anything open for Friday?"
She sighs like it's a terribly inconvenient question, puts me on hold and then comes back, "Nope, but you can try back for same-day scheduling on Friday."
So then I say, "Well, I did get hung up on the first time I called and probably would have got an appointment. Is there anyone I can see this week?"
Then she says, "There's nothing I can do about that," in a tone that suggests I've offended her. "What's your problem anyway?"
Ugh. I'd love to talk to my doctor, but I guess I'll head to Prompt Care later today.
So then a couple hours into the morning I find out that Mighty Strong Girls did not win the $14,000 grant I had applied for. Honestly, I'm not surprised. But I'm feeling regretful that I subconsciously put fundraising on hold as we waited for this decision. How stupid! Now I feel like I'm three months behind and have lots of catching up to do.
Plus, I'm sad. Because it means we probably aren't going to be able to print the summer issue. Maybe we won't be able to print any issues this year. I'm still raising funds to pay off debt from the launch of the ministry. I feel kind of like an idiot for staking so much on this grant!
This is not tragic. But it's a realization that things really aren't going my way. (And it kind of makes me want to stomp my feet and scream like a toddler having a temper tantrum!)
I start to feel a little pity party coming on, and then I realize I had a couple unread emails this morning. So I distract myself with those and come upon my daily devotion, which opens with this scripture:
Many plans are in a man’s heart, but the counsel of the LORD will stand. PROVERBS 19:21
Ahhh! Thanks for the reminder, God!
Developing something slowly and correctly almost always wins over fast and viral. Things take time, and good things are always worth waiting for!
All of my marketing and fundraising blogs I follow have been VERY hard-hitting on this point lately. Doing things right means investing in serving the people you want to serve, developing relationships and building trust.
So I've been not feeling great for a few months. Not awful, just not great. It started late in the year when I began to have facial pains. My jaw, my ears, my forehead, my cheekbones. After weeks of enduring it, I had to take a sick kid to Prompt Care, so I mentioned to the doctor that I might have a sinus infection. He gives me antibiotics. It works. The pain is gone.
For a while. Then it returns, and the dentist I see the day after Christmas tells me I'm clenching my teeth at night, which is causing the pain. Then she quits her job to stay home with her kids, so I've not followed up on that.
A couple weeks ago, the pain returned. I can't decide what it is....clenching teeth or sinus infection?? Dan — who knows someone whose wife died from a sinus infection and doesn't take this lightly — finally convinces me to call the doctor, so I do.
I call; get put on hold; then get hung up on. I call back. The scheduling assistant says (in kinda a snarky tone), "I just booked the last appointment with your doctor."
I'm thinking....yep, the one that would have been mine if I hadn't been hung up on. Whatever.
"Do you have anything open for Friday?"
She sighs like it's a terribly inconvenient question, puts me on hold and then comes back, "Nope, but you can try back for same-day scheduling on Friday."
So then I say, "Well, I did get hung up on the first time I called and probably would have got an appointment. Is there anyone I can see this week?"
Then she says, "There's nothing I can do about that," in a tone that suggests I've offended her. "What's your problem anyway?"
Ugh. I'd love to talk to my doctor, but I guess I'll head to Prompt Care later today.
So then a couple hours into the morning I find out that Mighty Strong Girls did not win the $14,000 grant I had applied for. Honestly, I'm not surprised. But I'm feeling regretful that I subconsciously put fundraising on hold as we waited for this decision. How stupid! Now I feel like I'm three months behind and have lots of catching up to do.
Plus, I'm sad. Because it means we probably aren't going to be able to print the summer issue. Maybe we won't be able to print any issues this year. I'm still raising funds to pay off debt from the launch of the ministry. I feel kind of like an idiot for staking so much on this grant!
This is not tragic. But it's a realization that things really aren't going my way. (And it kind of makes me want to stomp my feet and scream like a toddler having a temper tantrum!)
I start to feel a little pity party coming on, and then I realize I had a couple unread emails this morning. So I distract myself with those and come upon my daily devotion, which opens with this scripture:
Many plans are in a man’s heart, but the counsel of the LORD will stand. PROVERBS 19:21
Ahhh! Thanks for the reminder, God!
Developing something slowly and correctly almost always wins over fast and viral. Things take time, and good things are always worth waiting for!
All of my marketing and fundraising blogs I follow have been VERY hard-hitting on this point lately. Doing things right means investing in serving the people you want to serve, developing relationships and building trust.
So while I sit here trying to "figure things out," it occurs to me that I need MORE of two things — gratitude and forgiveness.
I can — and should — regularly count my blessings.
* We are nearly in the black with our budget!
* We have a wonderful team of women and girls guiding this ship. Thank you God for not calling me to do this on my own, but for surrounding me with a most AMAZING team!
* We are investing in a small, core group of girls whose lives are changing and who are already in turn investing in the lives of other girls! Praise God!
* More than 1,000 girls/women are reading the magazine online!
* Our new advisory board is giving us WONDERFUL feedback that we can use to serve them better!
* Families are investing! We have seven families who are regular givers with automatic bank withdrawals and others who are giving when they can. We are more than halfway to the level of sustaining our ministry in its current format!
* There are more partners out there. God will put the right partners in our path and meet our needs!
* We have the partnership of many, many other ministries. And the prayers of so many people!
But here's the other thing that occurred to me. I need to forgive myself for not doing more. I promised when I began down this path that I would do what God called, but I would keep my priorities in order: God, family, ministry. To do more would honestly throw them out of whack, and I know that's not what God would want. My money problems that I like to blame on Mighty Strong Girls are mine. I need to own them and do something about it, because I cannot serve my family if we cannot buy groceries. Yes, God will provide, but I must also do my part!
This morning, I got real short with my kids after my conversation with the not-so-friendly scheduling assistant that put us behind schedule on our way out the door. It upset Abby, who doesn't like it when I yell. And I was yelling at Ryker, not her, but it didn't matter.
I HAD to apologize. And then I explained why I was grumpy and asked if they had ideas about what I should do. Abby's response was, "Punch her lights out!"
Isn't that "our" response when we have a bad day? How many of us go right to anger and hatred when someone mistreats us? This is how our world teaches us to deal with negative people — retaliation. Is it any wonder bullying is so out of control? Just look at Facebook and Twitter. It's like a sounding board for adult negativity!
So, we had a conversation. About forgiveness. And why it's important. I explained to Abby that it didn't matter that she treated me poorly, and for all we know, maybe she even had a good reason. Perhaps she heard some devastating news about a family member. I don't know what her motivation is. But I do know this.
I can pray. I can pray that if her heart is hurting, God would heal it. I can truly forgive her for being rude and mean, and then drop my emotional baggage about the conversation at the foot of the cross. Forgiveness, you know, isn't about right and wrong. It's about letting God sort it out while I focus on my priorities. And frankly, being mad at a woman I don't know has no fit in my life's puzzle!
Might it be that these feelings and emotions, the wishing and envisioning of MY WAY about the grant and the way I think Mighty Strong Girls should go are at the root of my own physical pain? Or in the very least, an aggravating factor to the pain?
I've been meditating on the verse Philippians 4:13 a lot lately, for no apparent reason other than it's where my mind is wandering. And I've been thinking about how popular this verse is, how quoted it is and how I learned about a year ago that the verse is taken out of the context that Paul wrote it in.
You see, in the midst of the promise that we can "do all things through Christ," Paul wanted us to know that the reason we can is because we've learned to be content. How many of us really think of the verse this way? How many of us have learned contentment? How many of us even WANT to be content on bad days, on awful days?
No, this verse isn't one we should use for empowerment in the sense that it's our God-ordained destiny to conquer and do whatever we want. Sorry to burst your bubble if this is why you like the verse! What Paul really wanted us to know is that God wants us to learn to be content, no matter what life throws our way. And that might be a bad day or a tragic day — days, situations and circumstances that we will overcome because we can "do all things through Christ," even those things we'd never imagine doing or worse, would ever even want to do.
I've been meditating on the verse Philippians 4:13 a lot lately, for no apparent reason other than it's where my mind is wandering. And I've been thinking about how popular this verse is, how quoted it is and how I learned about a year ago that the verse is taken out of the context that Paul wrote it in.
You see, in the midst of the promise that we can "do all things through Christ," Paul wanted us to know that the reason we can is because we've learned to be content. How many of us really think of the verse this way? How many of us have learned contentment? How many of us even WANT to be content on bad days, on awful days?
No, this verse isn't one we should use for empowerment in the sense that it's our God-ordained destiny to conquer and do whatever we want. Sorry to burst your bubble if this is why you like the verse! What Paul really wanted us to know is that God wants us to learn to be content, no matter what life throws our way. And that might be a bad day or a tragic day — days, situations and circumstances that we will overcome because we can "do all things through Christ," even those things we'd never imagine doing or worse, would ever even want to do.
So today, I'm dumping all kinds of baggage at the foot of Calvary. I'm praying for contentment. I'm praying for reliance on God and His will. I'm praying God's earnest plans to prevail in it all. After all, Mighty Strong Girls is HIS, not mine. He will find a way, and my ONLY job is to stand ready to recognize it, act when told to act, and allow His plans to prevail!
Sometimes, dear friends, bad days are really good days in disguise. God brought me where He wanted me so He could teach me something far more valuable than a $14,000 grant.
Isn't His wisdom just mind-blowingly amazing?
{Wishing you a good day in disguise!}
Amy
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Does God want you to write something down today?
Today I flipped over the sermon notes page from church and began answering questions. I don't always do this, but if a sermon is particularly compelling, I find I WANT to dive deeper.
I get to question 4 and look up Romans 15:4, which says,
"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."
My pastor's questions were: What does the verse say about finding encouragement? What simple, overlooked practice is required here? Will you take the action step and do it in order to enjoy endurance and encouragement.
I absolutely love how God works in my life. Earlier this week, I circle verse 3 in Proverbs 16, which says,
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
As I read it, I was reflecting on two specific times in my life that I COMPLETELY surrendered to the Lord.
1. When I quit my job at the State Journal-Register, which was barely allowing us to make ends meet in our new, huge, custom-built house. We took Financial Peace University at the same time, began tithing for the first time in our lives and just became like rag dolls in our faith. We relaxed and let God own it. Because we were out of options anyway.
In six months, we paid down some debt, increased our expenses by tithing, created NO new debt and sold our house in the month when we thought we might actually have to put a mortgage payment on a credit card.
I have to be very clear here. The math did NOT add up. We didn't even write a budget, because it was a bad, bad situation before I quit my job! The fact that we did what we did was only by the grace of God, a miracle that blessed our family immensely.
2. When I accepted the Lord's call to go to Sierra Leone. I had just quit another job; we had a stack of medical debt after being debt free for a couple years; I would have to figure out how to pay for this trip and then travel alone.
I didn't ask why or resist, because the fact that this was God's will for me was made perfectly clear!
It should be no surprise that He provided. By the time I wrote letters asking about 20 people to donate toward my trip, I had raised more than half before I asked anyone to give! By the time I went before my church's mission committee to seek a contribution toward the expenses, the trip was covered. By the time I returned, I had more donations to cover the cost of three vinyl banners and 1,000 brochures for my missionary friends.
So, what does this have to do with the scripture in Romans and in Proverbs?
Write it down. When God provides for you, write it down so you will remember. As you go through tests, twists and turns in life later, your own written testimony — in addition to God's word, like Proverbs 16:3 — will encourage you.
Friends, I'm going through another trial. And for the first time since high school, my stress level is through the roof. Yet, I know better.
God has given me the gift of encouragement, and I KNOW through past experience that He will indeed provide! I'm delighted that this week He made it clear that I need to remember those instances to draw on His encouragement!
Later in Proverbs 16, verse 9, it says
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
In this season of my life, starting Mighty Strong Girls, I KNOW what He would have me to do. The destination is clearly marked so I know what I'm shooting for. God has given me a clear vision.
In my human tendencies, there are days I just want to arrive. I'm frustrated by what feels like spinning wheels, financial woes and shackled plans. But there is no end point for God's work. When we arrive at one destination, He creates another. My steps are truly each determined by Him and in sync with His will. And He is wiser than I am!
I have to be ready to take each next step, focusing only on it and through Him and His provision, to reach the ultimate goal. In this manner, He keeps me close through prayer, and reliant on Him! It feels good to know He loves me so much that He wants to keep in constant contact with me! Have you ever noticed, where there's love, there's obedience — even when there's not a full understanding — so that we can keep our faithfulness?
What's your story? Write it down, even if it's only for you, to encourage you when you're in life's trenches that His provision will come in His time! Or, pray about whether God wants you to share your story as a testimony of encouragement for others! It makes such a huge difference when you can be fueled by encouragement instead of slowed down by discouragement!
I get to question 4 and look up Romans 15:4, which says,
"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."
My pastor's questions were: What does the verse say about finding encouragement? What simple, overlooked practice is required here? Will you take the action step and do it in order to enjoy endurance and encouragement.
I absolutely love how God works in my life. Earlier this week, I circle verse 3 in Proverbs 16, which says,
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
As I read it, I was reflecting on two specific times in my life that I COMPLETELY surrendered to the Lord.
1. When I quit my job at the State Journal-Register, which was barely allowing us to make ends meet in our new, huge, custom-built house. We took Financial Peace University at the same time, began tithing for the first time in our lives and just became like rag dolls in our faith. We relaxed and let God own it. Because we were out of options anyway.
In six months, we paid down some debt, increased our expenses by tithing, created NO new debt and sold our house in the month when we thought we might actually have to put a mortgage payment on a credit card.
I have to be very clear here. The math did NOT add up. We didn't even write a budget, because it was a bad, bad situation before I quit my job! The fact that we did what we did was only by the grace of God, a miracle that blessed our family immensely.
2. When I accepted the Lord's call to go to Sierra Leone. I had just quit another job; we had a stack of medical debt after being debt free for a couple years; I would have to figure out how to pay for this trip and then travel alone.
I didn't ask why or resist, because the fact that this was God's will for me was made perfectly clear!
It should be no surprise that He provided. By the time I wrote letters asking about 20 people to donate toward my trip, I had raised more than half before I asked anyone to give! By the time I went before my church's mission committee to seek a contribution toward the expenses, the trip was covered. By the time I returned, I had more donations to cover the cost of three vinyl banners and 1,000 brochures for my missionary friends.
So, what does this have to do with the scripture in Romans and in Proverbs?
Write it down. When God provides for you, write it down so you will remember. As you go through tests, twists and turns in life later, your own written testimony — in addition to God's word, like Proverbs 16:3 — will encourage you.
Friends, I'm going through another trial. And for the first time since high school, my stress level is through the roof. Yet, I know better.
God has given me the gift of encouragement, and I KNOW through past experience that He will indeed provide! I'm delighted that this week He made it clear that I need to remember those instances to draw on His encouragement!
Later in Proverbs 16, verse 9, it says
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
In this season of my life, starting Mighty Strong Girls, I KNOW what He would have me to do. The destination is clearly marked so I know what I'm shooting for. God has given me a clear vision.
In my human tendencies, there are days I just want to arrive. I'm frustrated by what feels like spinning wheels, financial woes and shackled plans. But there is no end point for God's work. When we arrive at one destination, He creates another. My steps are truly each determined by Him and in sync with His will. And He is wiser than I am!
I have to be ready to take each next step, focusing only on it and through Him and His provision, to reach the ultimate goal. In this manner, He keeps me close through prayer, and reliant on Him! It feels good to know He loves me so much that He wants to keep in constant contact with me! Have you ever noticed, where there's love, there's obedience — even when there's not a full understanding — so that we can keep our faithfulness?
What's your story? Write it down, even if it's only for you, to encourage you when you're in life's trenches that His provision will come in His time! Or, pray about whether God wants you to share your story as a testimony of encouragement for others! It makes such a huge difference when you can be fueled by encouragement instead of slowed down by discouragement!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
How God changed my perspective in 2012
By all accounts, the year 2012 stunk.
* My husband started the first three weeks of the year jobless due to a severe illness.
* I lost my $55,000-a-year job.
* I apparently lost most of my photography clients and had maybe a half dozen paying photo jobs.
* I got called to go to Africa with no feasible way to pay for it.
* My new job pays $375 a month, before taxes.
* We are back in debt.
* Dan's back went out ... again.
* We plunked more than $4,000 into the Jeep and got a car payment.
* The washer and dryer broke.
* My new ministry put us $3,000 further into debt.
That's kind of depressing looking, isn't it?
Some days, I must admit I let it get to me. Making me bitter and sullen. And that's not OK. It's a sin, in fact, as James 1:2 says I must consider it JOY when faced with trials of many kinds. Why? Because when I do, I get the promise that my faith will develop perseverance — which will make me whole. I often quote this scripture to others, and yet there were certainly days I didn't trust in God through the trials, so as I reflect on the last year, I will do so with JOY!
Let's look at that list again:
* Dan survived an illness that could have killed him. Praise God!
* The whole experience put me in a reflective, mortality state of mind. Which made me review my life priorities and seek God's will for my life instead. I would step onto the path to wisdom and happiness. Praise God!
* My trip to Africa was FULLY covered with enough left over to pay for brochures and 6-foot vinyl signs for my missionary friends. Praise God!
* I had just enough clients to pay the bills every month — each one arriving in God's perfect timing. Praise God!
* I got a teaching job at Benedictine that put me in contact with amazing students. Two are doing work for Mighty Strong Girls. Praise God!
* We live in a country where we can secure a loan if need be. Praise God!
* Friends interceded in prayer on behalf of Dan's back, and he was able to connect emotional/mental stress to physical stress. Once he addressed unforgiveness, his back was healed without medical intervention. Praise God!
* We were able to get a safe and comfortable vehicle for our family. Praise God!
* We got a beautiful new washer and dryer, and I got to teach my daughter how to hang clothes out to dry on a line in the winter, which she found terribly exciting and was thankfully limited to three loads of laundry. Praise God!
* I started Mighty Strong Girls. I suspect my life will be forever blessed because of it. I am so excited to see how God uses this ministry to bring teen girls closer to Him. Better yet, I learned how to listen to God and obey His call on my life. It's totally scary and humbling and amazing to be a part of His story! Praise God!
I pray that 2013 is as equally fulfilling as 2012! And I pray you, too, will prosper and live for Him in the coming year!
{Hugs}
Amy
* My husband started the first three weeks of the year jobless due to a severe illness.
* I lost my $55,000-a-year job.
* I apparently lost most of my photography clients and had maybe a half dozen paying photo jobs.
* I got called to go to Africa with no feasible way to pay for it.
* My new job pays $375 a month, before taxes.
* We are back in debt.
* Dan's back went out ... again.
* We plunked more than $4,000 into the Jeep and got a car payment.
* The washer and dryer broke.
* My new ministry put us $3,000 further into debt.
That's kind of depressing looking, isn't it?
Some days, I must admit I let it get to me. Making me bitter and sullen. And that's not OK. It's a sin, in fact, as James 1:2 says I must consider it JOY when faced with trials of many kinds. Why? Because when I do, I get the promise that my faith will develop perseverance — which will make me whole. I often quote this scripture to others, and yet there were certainly days I didn't trust in God through the trials, so as I reflect on the last year, I will do so with JOY!
Let's look at that list again:
* Dan survived an illness that could have killed him. Praise God!
* The whole experience put me in a reflective, mortality state of mind. Which made me review my life priorities and seek God's will for my life instead. I would step onto the path to wisdom and happiness. Praise God!
* My trip to Africa was FULLY covered with enough left over to pay for brochures and 6-foot vinyl signs for my missionary friends. Praise God!
* I had just enough clients to pay the bills every month — each one arriving in God's perfect timing. Praise God!
* I got a teaching job at Benedictine that put me in contact with amazing students. Two are doing work for Mighty Strong Girls. Praise God!
* We live in a country where we can secure a loan if need be. Praise God!
* Friends interceded in prayer on behalf of Dan's back, and he was able to connect emotional/mental stress to physical stress. Once he addressed unforgiveness, his back was healed without medical intervention. Praise God!
* We were able to get a safe and comfortable vehicle for our family. Praise God!
* We got a beautiful new washer and dryer, and I got to teach my daughter how to hang clothes out to dry on a line in the winter, which she found terribly exciting and was thankfully limited to three loads of laundry. Praise God!
* I started Mighty Strong Girls. I suspect my life will be forever blessed because of it. I am so excited to see how God uses this ministry to bring teen girls closer to Him. Better yet, I learned how to listen to God and obey His call on my life. It's totally scary and humbling and amazing to be a part of His story! Praise God!
I pray that 2013 is as equally fulfilling as 2012! And I pray you, too, will prosper and live for Him in the coming year!
{Hugs}
Amy
Friday, December 7, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Merry Christmas from our family to yours!
Dear friends and family:
'Tis the season for madness. I'm not talking about long lines, busy schedules or unhealthy eating. It's that time of year when we make Ryker get in family photos with the rest of us. For most families, it gets easier to take family photos the older the kids get. That theory does not hold true in the Denney house, where a photographer's child just cannot get his act together for a photo shoot that could take 20 minutes. With Ryker, it lasts half the day. And if we're lucky, we get ONE good shot.
This year, we nearly missed Abby's musical rehearsal and didn't get all the poses mom wanted and had to eat lunch in the car. But we decided to go with the flow and do something different and Abby-inspired .... because the memory isn't really in the "perfect" photo anyway. The memory is in the experience and all the outtakes that come with the perfect shot.
Enjoy our 2012 digital (and "green" and might I note...on time!) Christmas cards by clicking on the gray link below, and if you have the time, read the letter posted below!
2012 Christmas
2012.
No ordinary year.
Reeling from a serious bout of pneumonia turned into potentially deadly sepsis, Dan was still off work and recouperating in January. As the high doses of steroids wore off, his back condition -- a herniated disc -- was suddenly at its worst! It had not quite been six months since he'd had three rounds of high-dose steroid injections in his spine. Still, he ended up getting three more.
As the demands of raising children and balancing a household became apparent, Amy stepped away from the first 9-5 full-time job she'd had in nine years and only managed to keep for seven months! Then she went on a short-term trip to Africa to get stories and photos and build a website and blog for missionary friends, Rick and Paula Miller. Check it out at lifegateinafrica.org. Dan and Amy are praying about a planned trip to Sierra Leone in December 2013. If you are interested in construction, journalism or orphans, start praying about joining us!
Dan took a short-term trip to Ukraine in August, and about the same time, Amy officially formed Mighty Strong Girls, a non-profit to battle the downward spiral of negative self image in girls. She is officially a missionary and working to raise up supporters for this new ministry.
Keeping us busiest of all are the kids! Baseball and softball in the spring. A fun two-week session of drama camp in the summer. Ryker emerged as a great leader on his football team this fall. They lost twice as many games as they won, but they were so fun to watch! They battled back to win an exciting bowl game, and as soon as football ended, basketball began. Abby auditioned for the 9-year-old lead in "White Christmas" at a local theater. She didn't get the part, but she landed on the children's choir. She's singing and dancing in three numbers, with opening night set for well, tonight! We'll be busy with that the next three weekends, and both kids are ready to audition for another musical. They keep us chasing our tails, but it also prevents us all from getting into any trouble!
The orphan we support in Sierra Leone apparently wasn't immune to the family drama. He got a nasty case of malaria that threatened his brain and landed in the hospital. Not the kind of hospital we might want our children to go to. He was in a small dirt-floor room with no window or door coverings for IV medicines and other treatments for several days. But James, who is 9, pulled through and we got to see photos of him smiling in front of his orphanage after he recovered. Praise God for so many answered prayers!
Dan was elected elder at our church this fall and is looking forward to serving as a leader at Athens Christian Church once again.
We can't thank you, our precious family and friends, enough for your prayers in the last 12 months. They have been the most emotional and challenging months of our married life, draining us financially and emotionally. And yet, this time has left us feeling nothing but blessed. We were filled up with the Holy Spirit, thanks to you! I'm literally moved to tears thinking about how you prayed us through each and every encounter -- good or bad -- we experienced in this last calendar year and gave us your support through any means you have available. God has been so, so good to us, and we are far from spiritually drained. He has filled up our tanks, given us more hope and grace than we deserve, and inspired us with visions of how we can use our gifts to serve Him in 2013. We are ready for anything and looking forward to all of it!
May God bless you abundantly in the coming days, weeks and months!
Much love,
Dan, Amy, Abby & Ryker Denney
'Tis the season for madness. I'm not talking about long lines, busy schedules or unhealthy eating. It's that time of year when we make Ryker get in family photos with the rest of us. For most families, it gets easier to take family photos the older the kids get. That theory does not hold true in the Denney house, where a photographer's child just cannot get his act together for a photo shoot that could take 20 minutes. With Ryker, it lasts half the day. And if we're lucky, we get ONE good shot.
This year, we nearly missed Abby's musical rehearsal and didn't get all the poses mom wanted and had to eat lunch in the car. But we decided to go with the flow and do something different and Abby-inspired .... because the memory isn't really in the "perfect" photo anyway. The memory is in the experience and all the outtakes that come with the perfect shot.
Enjoy our 2012 digital (and "green" and might I note...on time!) Christmas cards by clicking on the gray link below, and if you have the time, read the letter posted below!
2012 Christmas
2012.
No ordinary year.
Reeling from a serious bout of pneumonia turned into potentially deadly sepsis, Dan was still off work and recouperating in January. As the high doses of steroids wore off, his back condition -- a herniated disc -- was suddenly at its worst! It had not quite been six months since he'd had three rounds of high-dose steroid injections in his spine. Still, he ended up getting three more.
As the demands of raising children and balancing a household became apparent, Amy stepped away from the first 9-5 full-time job she'd had in nine years and only managed to keep for seven months! Then she went on a short-term trip to Africa to get stories and photos and build a website and blog for missionary friends, Rick and Paula Miller. Check it out at lifegateinafrica.org. Dan and Amy are praying about a planned trip to Sierra Leone in December 2013. If you are interested in construction, journalism or orphans, start praying about joining us!
Dan took a short-term trip to Ukraine in August, and about the same time, Amy officially formed Mighty Strong Girls, a non-profit to battle the downward spiral of negative self image in girls. She is officially a missionary and working to raise up supporters for this new ministry.
Keeping us busiest of all are the kids! Baseball and softball in the spring. A fun two-week session of drama camp in the summer. Ryker emerged as a great leader on his football team this fall. They lost twice as many games as they won, but they were so fun to watch! They battled back to win an exciting bowl game, and as soon as football ended, basketball began. Abby auditioned for the 9-year-old lead in "White Christmas" at a local theater. She didn't get the part, but she landed on the children's choir. She's singing and dancing in three numbers, with opening night set for well, tonight! We'll be busy with that the next three weekends, and both kids are ready to audition for another musical. They keep us chasing our tails, but it also prevents us all from getting into any trouble!
The orphan we support in Sierra Leone apparently wasn't immune to the family drama. He got a nasty case of malaria that threatened his brain and landed in the hospital. Not the kind of hospital we might want our children to go to. He was in a small dirt-floor room with no window or door coverings for IV medicines and other treatments for several days. But James, who is 9, pulled through and we got to see photos of him smiling in front of his orphanage after he recovered. Praise God for so many answered prayers!
Dan was elected elder at our church this fall and is looking forward to serving as a leader at Athens Christian Church once again.
We can't thank you, our precious family and friends, enough for your prayers in the last 12 months. They have been the most emotional and challenging months of our married life, draining us financially and emotionally. And yet, this time has left us feeling nothing but blessed. We were filled up with the Holy Spirit, thanks to you! I'm literally moved to tears thinking about how you prayed us through each and every encounter -- good or bad -- we experienced in this last calendar year and gave us your support through any means you have available. God has been so, so good to us, and we are far from spiritually drained. He has filled up our tanks, given us more hope and grace than we deserve, and inspired us with visions of how we can use our gifts to serve Him in 2013. We are ready for anything and looking forward to all of it!
May God bless you abundantly in the coming days, weeks and months!
Much love,
Dan, Amy, Abby & Ryker Denney
P.S. The kids think it's pretty funny how easily I made this face! Watch the video for more funny faces! :-)
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