Always ask why, part one

Often when we want more information about something, we ask where, when, who and what. Rarely we ask why — the most critical question of all. 

Why is where the story unfolds, the reason someone is motivated to do something or act a certain way. When we ask why, we begin to understand the person behind the event or incident. We begin to relate. 

As a reporter, the why was always my favorite question. It's the mean of the story. It's the good stuff, my dear friends.

Why is where compassion and empathy enter, where hate begins to evaporate. 

There’s this girl I know who latches onto new girls who move into the community, forces her friendship on them, drops other friends (saying cruel things to and about them in the process) and then repeats the cycle when another new girl comes into the picture. 

Anyone examining this from the outside sees the wake of damage and recognizes the unscrupulous and unhealthy behavior of this girl. She appears pathetic and dangerous and most certainly untrustworthy. 

We clearly see what is going on, who is involved, as well as the when and where of her actions. What we don’t readily see or even ask ourselves is why. Do we know? Do we even care?

 

Because more than likely, she has been hurt in the past, probably by someone close to her. Maybe she was neglected time and time again by a parent, who made promises and never delivered. 

Unless we ask why, we will never see the human behind the action that disgusts us. Until we ask why, we can have no sympathy or compassion. Not asking why allows us to transfer disgust from the action to the person, and this is where hate breeds.

If I'm fully honest with myself, I must admit that not asking  why is my way of avoiding the mess. If I don't ask, I don't have to feel obligated to clean it up or even offer her my love while we both look at our own individual messes, unsure of what to do next. 

 

Isn't it true that most of us simply want to turn our back on others rather than even ask this one question? We justify it because it will "protect our heart" or keep us out of a messy situation or prevent us from having to deal with something really real and really complicated. Or, keep us from having to address something of our own that is equally messy that we have cordoned off in our brain so that we don't have to face it. Is it not a fact that when we stop asking why, our relationships are no longer deep and meaningful? 

Some 2,000 years ago, a man named Jesus died. There is little controversy about the what, when and where.  There is some dispute about the who — Son of God, Son of man. But have you ever really, really reflected on why?

If you have never asked yourself before, today is the day. Revel in the why. Ask yourself. Search for answers. Be determined to understand the reason behind the act. Go unearth clues and seek out evidence. 

The why always has been and will always remain the most critical question at the heart of all relationships that matter, the relationships that are worth having.