Three ways to show LOVE

Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

If God is LOVE, I learn from Him how to display love. If I meditate on how He first loved me, I realize so much more about love. 

I mean, really think about it. If you know even a glimmer of the LOVE of God, compare that to wordly love. Love that we see in the movies, read about in books or witness between people in our lives. The love I see around me is often fake, based on material things and impatient. Fictional love in movies and books is uncomplicated, contrived, forceful.

God's LOVE looks so different than that. I realize that even when I was a hot mess, LOVE was patient, kind and gentle. God wasn't demanding or in my face. He also never left me, even when I left Him. He didn't dwell on my past mistakes. He forgave and forgot. He went out of His way to be kind to me, allowing me to understand my identity and be the person He created and even to serve Him in ways that bring joy to me. He even sent His son to die for me. That's sacrificial and complete and mysterious and amazing!

So, if we strive to show LOVE to others, we share with them the LOVE that God gave us personally. Here are three ways based on my personal knowledge of God to shower LOVE on each other: 

1. Be patient. That means we can't expect immediate results from our love of others. We can't throw a fit when we don't get our way in love. Are we even supposed to "get our way" when it comes to love? We need to set down our expectations. We need to put others above ourselves, even when they don't deserve it. Remember, God didn't rush you into a decision to follow Him, and we would be wise not to rush others into .... well, anything at all. Trust God when your intentions seem to be falling flat. 

 2. Be kind. Often when we are called to LOVE someone in Christian ways, it's someone who is hard to love. LOVE them anyway. Go out of your way to show kindness. Find out their love language (there are five: acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch) and use them to remind them that they are worthy of LOVE. Do this even when they don't deserve it. Do this especially when they are hard to love. That's the LOVE of our Father, who loves us even in our sin, even when we don't deserve His kindness. 

3. Be gentle. Don't remind others constantly of the reasons they are a hot mess. Don't point out their sins, their stumblings, their mistakes especially when they never asked you to play this role in their lives. Simply point them to Jesus, and let Him do the judging. Think about it: Did God reveal your sins to you BEFORE you were in a relationship with Him? Of course He didn't. Don't be the judge and jury for anyone, unless of course they have asked you to help them with their sins. A gentle love encourages and lifts up. It doesn't tear down and hate.

All of these have one thing in common: God. Submit to Him. Submission is not the negative, miserable, forceful thing our world tries to teach us it is. Submitting requires wisdom and grace. It's hard, but it's so worth it. Submission to God puts Him in control. When we trust Him, we are empowered to be the expression of LOVE He wants to reflect of Himself in our world. It's a beautiful thing. 

Finally, read 1 Corinthians 13. But each time you see the word "love," substitute God in its place. This is a little exercise my friend Jan Koch does with the Mighty Strong Girls spa. It's pretty powerful. Get your Bible, and read it aloud. It will remind you of how wonderful, beautiful and amazing the LOVE of God is, and who doesn't need that reminder?

Gluten....it's gotta go!

     So it seems after an eight-week gluten-free trial earlier this year, this little protein that shows up most commonly in wheat is the culprit that has been wreaking havoc on my gut for the last nine years. 
     GLUTEN. 
     The very thing I scoffed at years ago. The very thing I was so thankful wasn't "my problem" is very much my problem. Ha! 
     I didn't want it to be my problem because I didn't want to give up bread, pancakes, cookies, brownies, etc. 
     Countless emergency room visits and (pardon the TMI here) horrendous, excruciating painful gas left me doubled over in pain for days -- strung together for weeks of misery. Sometimes I couldn't get out of bed the pain was so bad!
     This gluten-free thing all started when I found a study of 275 or so endometriosis patients who did a gluten-free diet for 12 months. After a year, 75 percent of them were nearly pain free! 
     That's all I needed to hear. Early this year, when discussing my options once again with my doctor, I was determined to avoid surgery and drastic treatments for endometriosis -- mostly because it just keeps coming back, even after surgery. If I couldn't be pain-free with surgery, what was the point? I wanted a permanent solution. I craved long-lasting healing. 
     So I cut out all gluten from my diet for four weeks, which turned into six for safe measure and then eight. 
     I certainly felt no different after that time, so when I was out one weekend working on Mighty Strong Girls interviews on the road, I began eating gluten again. A big Arby's roast beef sandwich for lunch and then Avanti's -- pasta and bread -- for dinner. Two days later, I thought I was dying. It was pretty bad. Nausea, sweating, pain in the entire abdomen. 
     That's when it occurred to me that gluten may or may not lessen my endometriosis symptoms, but it certainly could be the culprit for the undiagnosed pain I had experienced for years in my upper abdomen. Tests were all inclusive. Not really a gall bladder problem. No ulcers. No scarring from reflux, but that's what they ended up saying I was suffering from -- acid reflux. 
     Again with the TMI, I had awful, embarrassing, painful and sometimes stinky gas. I wasn't sure what it was related to, though my doctor said it can be a symptom of endo.  
     It's been six months since my trial, and going gluten-free has changed my life! I feel so much better. I rarely have gas, and when I do, it's not painful. No more stomach problems and pains, and severely lessened pain related to endometriosis. 
     The key to determining my sensitivity to gluten was reintroducing it, which I'm not sure I would recommend! 
     I'm sharing this because more and more people are going on gluten-free diets. Not because it's a weight-loss thing (it's not!) but because gluten is the result of food that has been altered over the years. Like so much of our diet, it's processed. It's not the natural state of wheat. It's unnatural. And it's likely the reason for lots of illnesses, including those that affect the brain. 
     The good news is that there are now lots of gluten-free products available in almost every supermarket. I can still eat all the bread products I want, which may or may not be a good thing!
     I've read tons of articles on gluten, but I found this one fairly easy, straight-forward and all-encompassing. I highly recommend anyone who has a digestive, brain or inflammation type of illness read it, go on a gluten-free trial and see for yourself if you don't experience major freedom in your own health! 

http://authoritynutrition.com/6-shocking-reasons-why-gluten-is-bad/   Be sure to also read the linked article at the end!

Why I gave up coffee

I started a new journey to better health about six months ago after another emotional meeting with my physician, but I hesitated to write about it as I began because I wasn't exactly sure about what I was doing and whether it was "right."

What I've learned in this short time frame is significant, but mostly I realized it was time to start looking at issues so objectively. The reality is if I want to keep drinking coffee, I can find dozens of articles with claims supporting the benefits of coffee. I needed to find and do what was best for me, and I needed to get off the fence about some issues that could be beneficial to my health and extend myself grace on others.

As such, many women I know are struggling for answers to complicated and painful health issues. I hope by writing about what has worked for me, it might be of use to someone! But mostly, I think we need to recognize that not everyone's body is the same. Our struggles certainly aren't the same, but our need for better health, better nutrition and inspiration is the tie that binds us! I hope to provide good, accurate information to fulfill all three of those needs. 

The very first step I took long before I made any other decisions was prompted by some studies my husband was reading about coffee -- one of my favorite beverages. Actually, it was all I drank outside of water.

But then Dan discovered coffee was specifically linked to endometriosis, the most debilitating of my conditions that had me at the end of my rope and desperate for anything that would help me avoid surgery.

I'm not one to take someone's word for it (I blame the reporter in me...pray for my husband!), so I did some digging of my own. Here's what I found:

According to researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health, women who have two or more cups of caffeinated coffee (or four cans of cola) per day were found to be twice as likely to develop endometriosis as other women.

Not only that, by caffeine was linked to worsening fibromyalgia symptoms by interrupting healthy sleep patterns (I had recently been suffering from insomnia) which is a big factor in minimizing the painful symptoms of fibromyalia, according to a Norwegian study published in the journal Arthritis & Rheumatism.

Why stop there? Web MD says if used excessively, caffeine can be too stimulating and cause anxiety, sleep problems, muscle twitching, or abdominal pain. I have suffered from anxiety and problems caused from it since I was a child. I was recently caught in sleeplessness that was doing a number on my mind, not to mention my body. And I've suffered from abdominal pain since giving birth to my second child.

It seemed rather conclusive. Coffee was not my friend, even though I am rather fond of it! 

Initially I switched to very diluted green tea, which I noticed right off the bat leaves a much thicker, harder to remove residue in my coffee pot. It made me a bit concerned about what it was doing to my insides, and I've never fully researched the benefits of green tea. I've only heard people say that green tea is "good for you." I have no idea if that's true. Eventually I got off the green tea, but I'll write about that later. 

The one health problem I worried about most in giving up coffee was my migraines, which were leaving me in bed at least one and up to three days a month. With a migraine, I cannot read, talk or even watch television. Not exactly how I want to spend my time. 

I had always assumed that coffee was "good" for my headaches. 

According to Web MD, that is true. Caffeine is a common ingredient in many prescription and over-the-counter headache medications. Caffeine additives make pain relievers 40 percent  more effective in treating headaches. Caffeine also helps the body absorb headache drugs more quickly, bringing faster relief. By adding caffeine and, in turn, taking less medication, you can reduce the risk for potential side effects and possible drug addiction.

But what I learned recently was that even though I no longer drink caffeine, it still works quite effectively if I have a headache. In fact, it may work better. 

I had a migraine just a few weeks ago, after giving up all caffeine and making lots of other changes. Ibuprofen wasn't working, and I didn't have my migraine medicine with me. I was on my way to a date night with my husband to see a Cardinals game, and I really, really did not want a migraine to interfere. 

We stopped at a gas station and I bought a 12-ounce can of Coke. I drank it fast with a second dose of ibuprofen. Since I never drink caffeine, I think it definitely made the caffeine more effective. Headache was gone within minutes! 

I did have a three-day headache when I stopped drinking green tea, and it was a pretty rough three days, but I combined it with a 30-day cleanse. By day four of the cleanse, I felt so much better. 

More on the cleanse coming up in another blog post....

We are overcomers!

A few days ago, my super brave, super awesome cousin Anne posted something raw and authentic on Facebook that made me think about how I see myself and how women see and treat their bodies.

She agreed to let me share what she had to say: 

     Why am I so nervous to post this…
     I have a laziness problem and I know it.
     Let me start by stating what I want.
     My objective is…to be healthier in every way. I want to get into shape by becoming more active, eating less and more healthy, and to stop pretending that I can change tomorrow when I need to change immediately. I have plenty of family history to prove that I’ll end up with diabetes (or something worse) much sooner than I realize and I have to stop kidding myself that I can do it alone. How would I really like to tackle this? I’d be able to afford a fat farm and disappear for 3-6 months only to emerge as I should be and no one would have to tell me I look great or ask me how I’m doing along the way. I know that’s not how it works, but I have this weird problem with being complemented when I don’t think I should be. I put myself in this situation, and I don’t want anyone asking me if I’ve lost weight. I want to get healthy in my own little bubble and just go about business without having any focus placed on me. That being said…
     This is a way for me to admit to myself that I have to stop pretending I can motivate myself on my own and that things are not going to change by ignoring the situation. I’m not stupid. I know what and how I’m supposed to get in shape, but I have a serious motivation problem and I need help. I’ve started all kinds of diets and workouts, and I’ve tried relying on people to provide accountability before but something always happens and I (and those trying to motivate me) give up. Please spare me the lecture about how this decision has to come solely from me (or don’t), but I when I was active I was being coached and yelled at all along the way and rarely did anything just because I wanted to do it. Cross-country, track, basketball, volleyball, cheerleading…about the only thing I actually tried to work on outside of actual practice was choir and that didn’t require me to put down the cheeseburger.
     So, I figured I would crowd-source my accountability. Maybe if I opened up about my problems to Facebook, then I could find a number of people that would be willing to remind me not to be lazy on a daily basis. I need a coach, and I can’t afford a live-in trainer. I even considered posting BEFORE pictures and listing my statistics in this post, but I’m WAY too scared to do it because it’s bad. I mean, REAL BAD. I’m glad I missed my 15 year high school reunion and I’m scared to go to my husband’s 20 year reunion in 2 weeks because all I can think about is his classmates going, “Why is he with HER?” Anyways, I’ll end with this. This is not an attempt to fat-shame myself into losing weight. If you’re happy with yourself, then more power to you. I am not happy and therefore, need to change. Who wants to help?
     Eek! I'm so nervous to hit the post button.

     I so resonate with Anne's words! I don't talk about it, because
     1. I hate the weight but worse, I hate how the extra weight makes me feel. I FEEL unhealthy. I don't have the energy to do the things I need to do. Migraines keep me in bed three days a month. That's ridiculous! Life is to dang short! Body aches and pains, sinus issues, etc., etc.
     2. My husband says I'm hot like every day. I think he really means it. And I'm jealous that he is able to love me when I think I'm unlovable. I KNOW to do anything successfully I need to love myself first. Without that, it's not going to work. And yet, telling an overweight woman to be happy when she's clearly not is like picking up Legos while my kids are in the middle of building a replica of Hogwarts. 
     3. We live in a world that values perfection. It's hard enough to live with a problem that shows itself every time you put on a bathing suit, or a pair of jeans, or heck, even a parka, but then when you stumble, it's harder to pick yourself up and get back in the game. 

     But I'm going to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Anne and anyone else who wants to join us. I'm going to be real, like really real. So it could get ugly. It will probably be scary. It might be sad. It most definitely could get hilarious. I hope. Won't you please join us, recruit more and come be part of a new thing -- women helping women, women helping their daughters or their mothers to be overcomers!
     I don't just want to tackle the weighty issue of size but really the whole issue of who I am that encompasses how I feel, think, operate, move and more. Here it is again...it's the whole health thing, the holistic journey. I'm ready! Let's go!

Chasing a gold standard

     I will never forget the time my husband spilled breast milk on the kitchen counter. Ever. 
     Because I cried. And it wasn't just because of my hormones. Being a first-time mom was the most stressful thing that ever happened to me. Despite the plethora of books I had read, classes I had taken and the two college degrees I had, I was fully unprepared. Entirely. Completely. 
     There was one really good thing I knew I could give my daughter, and that was breast milk. I had done my research, and I knew this was the gold standard in baby nutrition. Good for the body and for the brain. 
      I don't know what it was (hmmmm....I don't know, possibly the fact that I was stressed out as a new mom!) but my breast milk production was awful. After the first three months, it was inadequate, and I had to supplement. 
     Still, I persisted. I pumped a ridiculous three times a day at work, plus one side on the drive there and one on the drive home. I took supplements, ate oatmeal and drank tons of water. All this for about four to six total ounces daily. A baby this age takes about 30-40 ounces in a 24-hour period. Looking back, I think I must have been insane to invest all that work for so little. But I was trying to make the best decision with the information I had available to me. I wanted to do what was best for my baby.
     And that's why I cried when my husband dumped over the milk. It represented a huge investment. It was liquid gold all over the counter top that was no unusable! I was crushed! 
     I've been thinking, studying and praying a lot about nutrition lately. I'm hardly an expert, but for some reason when this story came to mind, it reminded me that the best stuff for us isn't always the easiest stuff to come by!  We have to work at it, and even then, we have to study and learn more about it. I had to understand how to adapt my diet to better provide for my baby. I wasn't equipped with this knowledge. It was a process of learning.
     We have simplified food growth to the point where it's all about volume and yield. What was done with the intentions of feeding more with less available space hasn't come with complications, criticisms, controversy and even corruption. What has become less common is man planting seeds and raising his own food or at the very least, knowing exactly where his food came from and how it was grown, processed and packaged. We have sacrificed nurturing in lieu of "faster" and "more." 
     And that's the so-called "natural" food we raise -- produce, meats and poultry, and dairy. Then there's all the fast-food nonsense and packaged goodies, filled with every kind of poison imaginable. Sugar, salt, artificial colors and flavors. Additives intended for yoga mats, additives that happen to be highly addictive. 
     I have spent most of my life eating healthy — comparatively. You know, compared to the majority of people. Not that I like to be in the habit of comparisons, but that's what I was doing. And I felt good about it. Therein lies the BIG PROBLEM with comparisons. Just because I was eating good compared to a statistic did not mean I was eating good for me. I still bought crappy food into my house "for the kids" and then ate it when I knew I shouldn't. I still ate way out of proportion, and I still ate many packaged foods despite homemade dinners every night.
     However, I've been learning lately that is is not good enough. I know better, and I can do better. I HAVE to do better. My body is unhappy; it's raging against the poor quality food I've been dumping in it the last four decades. I've fought "intestinal issues" that cannot firmly be diagnosed for seven years. I have raging endometriosis, migraines, sinus issues and fibromyaligia. The fact that I can even operate most days is miraculous. I've been a walking, talking emotional/mental/spiritual/physical time bomb. I needed a wake-up call. 
      I'm finally listening. 
     I want the spilled milk. I want the good stuff. I want the gold standard of nutrition that fosters mental clarity, stabilizes emotional moodiness, improves my physical well-being and opens me up spiritually. I don't know exactly what that is, so I'm starting with what I do know, which is a lot. I will do the best I can with what I know, committing myself to learning more as I go and forgiving myself for messing up along the way. 
     I'm not an expert. I don't understand everything there is to food. Heck, just when I think I know something, I hear a report that contradicts my knowledge. 
     But I won't be discouraged by that. I will persist. I will grow some of what I can, buy what I know to be the best when I can afford it, eat what's best for me as often as I can and then pray that God will meet me there. 
     It's not a destination. It's a journey of whole health. I will need grace. I will need encouragement. I will need wisdom. Therefore, I will need Jesus. So He will be right at the heart of this new thing. 

Equipping the called

     We posted a few photos from one of our Mighty Strong Girls board events on Facebook, and immediately we had requests from women who wanted to be part of it. 
     Because it looked fun? 
     Because we were enjoying each other's company? 
     I'm not sure. I hope they could see that Christ was at the center. 
     When we meet, often we pray, worship and praise the Lord together. But we also have fun and truly deeply love one another. 

     It kind of reminds me of a sorority, except that I know virtually nothing about sororities. It's just that from the outside, it looks like a blast. We all have a sense of belonging, and a common identity. 

     It's funny, I always criticized my college boyfriend for joining a fraternity, saying he was essentially buying his friends. 

    Perhaps I was jealous. I've never felt like I make friends easily. Does anyone? I feel like I've been betrayed more times than not and made friends with someone just in time for us to be separated geographically. 

     I didn't feel like I fit in during my high school years. Most of my friends partied and slept around, even cheating on their boyfriends. I felt lonely and isolated. 

     I met my best friends in college, but I made so many bad choices then that I'm not sure many would recognize me now. I was the wild party girl. OK, I wasn't that wild, but I did lots of drinking and made many mistakes. Friendships there come naturally, especially over shared sin. 
    What I've struggled the most with is adult friendships, which have always seemed so forced and fake. 

     Until now. Until Mighty Strong Girls. 

     In a way, the friendships in Mighty Strong Girls are random, much like the members in a sorority. In a way, they aren't random at all. 

     I didn't choose these women. Not a single one of them. And truth be told, if I were picking women for the board of Mighty Strong Girls, I am not entirely sure they would make my lineup. I hope that doesn't offend them, because I'm almost certain none of them expected God's vision for this ministry to come through me. Yet each of us was called to be a part of Mighty Strong Girls in a strong way by the Lord. We are an unlikely, unsuspecting group of mismatched misfits. 

     That's why we are all so perfect together. Maybe you've heard the saying that God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. That's the process we are in right now.

     And that's the mystery and glory of God's great plan. He created each one of us unique, and He made us each with a purpose. A purpose that was predetermined. He knows. That's why this very random group came together. He had already called each of us to do a specific thing. As His vision became clear, and each of these women learned about or met me, God showed us His plans. He united us. He picked us. 

     Leaning on Him and stretching our faith isn't always easy. It isn't always fun. Every now and then a new mom or girl tries to be part of it and doesn't stay long, because it takes discipline, humility and authenticity. All of those are difficult, and the truth is, it took me most of my life to begin to understand and practice these three things. I'm still struggling with them! But with God's help, it's been so rewarding. 

     I believe another part of His great plan is to show us how to handle all the complications of female friendship so that we can more effectively inspire and educate our target audience we serve: girls 12-20. 

     He is equipping the called. Sometimes it feels like He's doing it with fire or pressure, but other times, it's freeing to know we can grow in trust and faith with Christ at the center. We know we'll never be perfect, but we are inspired to keep trying. We know He's transforming us into gold and diamonds -- just like He wants to do for all of His chosen princesses. 
     If you are interested in starting a Mighty Strong Connections group or hosting one, let us know. We'd be glad to help, and our curriculum is FREE on our website at www.mightystronggirls.com. 

Answering the call to pray

     God has really been speaking to me lately about prayer. 
    If you are skeptical that God actually speaks to people, be reassured that when we take the time to draw close to Him, He absolutely does! But it requires a committed relationship, and as you grow closer, His faithfulness is absolutely breathtaking. Not long ago, I believed that ordinary people did not hear from God, but prayer was the breakthrough that increased my faith. 
     I have always cherished prayer. It's not just a "thing" I do now and then but an open pattern of communication between me and the Lord. Lately, He's been bringing a new message about prayer to me. 
     Get on your knees. 
     Stay in prayer until you have peace. 
     Rest in me. 
     The sermons at church, my daily Bible reading and just about everything I come across is used by God to deliver the message to me that He wants me to REST in the power of prayer. 
     As if that wasn't enough, one my prayer partners/intercessors sends these quotes to me with no knowledge of the things God is speaking to me: 
     "I have so much to do that I spend several hours in prayer before I am able to do it." ~ John Wesley

     "Prayer is the greatest power that God has put into the hands for service -- at least I find it so. But, the dynamic lies that way to advance the kingdom." ~ Mary Slessor

     So I decide that in addition to my daily Bible and devotion readings in the morning, I need to increase my prayer. My goal is 30 minutes every morning, and I don't exactly set a watch. I simply pray over every person who is on my heart and mind. And to make sure I'm not overlooking anything, I began writing down the people/issues I am praying over and at least some of my prayer in a journal. 
     It may sound like a lot of work, but it's not! I've done this on and off before, but for the first time, I have a dedicated prayer journal. 
     And get this. I'm on day three, and He is answering prayers! It's absolutely amazing to see Him at work so mightily. 
     Here's one example: On day one, I prayed for someone to help me with Mighty Strong Girls work, specifically managing the blog, and on day two, a woman emailed me about this very subject! I asked her, and she (in prayer) accepted!
     I know not every prayer is going to be answered yes, and some are much more complicated than that. In fact, the prayers I have for Mighty Strong Girls aren't always yes/no prayers. Our whole board and a team of prayer warriors is praying daily for discernment, timing, favor, justice and wisdom over this ministry. Yes, we believe God answers our prayers. Of course the blog would keep on going without a manager, but God has a purpose and a plan that involves how He's called me and Sarah, and because we both sought Him, His purposes can be fulfilled and the blog will be that much better. Simply because we said yes to prayer. We'd love it if you would join the Mighty Strong Girls team in prayers...we covet prayer!
    I can also -- in just three days -- see signs of God's fingerprints in relationships, signs that He wants to heal not just physical ailments but also our brokenness. In fact, I'm praying specifically for my children to become more respectful. My daughter was put to the test yesterday, and more prayers were answered!
     If you enjoy prayer, I invite you to meet me here and pray with me on the blog. If you have a prayer request, leave it in the comments, and I'll add it to my list. A 30-minute investment in prayer can produce so much fruit in our lives! 
     Here is an excerpt from my written prayer this morning:
     Lord, your answer to prayer is fueling my faith and lighting it on fire! What a blessing...I praise you, the author and perfecter of life and love. Help strengthen me for your mission to bring depression and other tough issues to light -- boldly with truth and for the sake of the gospel. Give me a heart that meditates on gladness, goodness, and gratitude. Thank you for your faithfulness and all the good things you give us to meditate on for your glory! Keep my eyes ahead -- not to the left or right -- but firmly fixed on Jesus and what you're calling me to do. Amen. 

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. 
Colossians 4:2