My food addiction revelation

     So I'm standing in the mirror, just after a shower and getting frustrated at yet another hive-pimple breakout on my cheek. 
     And I have this ah-ha moment that's kind of depressing. I realize I have to admit something. Not just to myself, but to this blog and to anyone who will listen. Because God told me to share. (Read yesterday's entry.) 
     (Side note: It's really a big DANG IT moment, because I don't know about you, but I HATE admitting my weaknesses. Some people call that prideful. It's genetic in my neck of the woods.) 
     I am addicted to food. Sugary food. Chocolate food. Unhealthy food. All food. 
     I have a real problem. Really. I have a really real problem with food. 
     There. It's out. It hurts. 
     Right before my shower, I hate a fourth of a half-gallon of Praire Farms ice cream. It sat in my fridge for well over a week, and nobody ate it. So today in a moment of weakness that was just like all the others I had in the week that I was somehow able to overcome, I succumbed to it. I don't know why this time was different. I certainly was able to ignore that mouth-watering picture of a cow (Just kidding, cows don't make my mouth water. Well, maybe a little) a dozen other times I opened the freezer this week. But today, I ate it. I intended to eat just two bites. You know, because the "experts" say you really only need a couple bites to satisfy a craving. (What do they know?) 
     I bargained with myself. 
     I'll eat just a little more than that. 
     In my mind, I visually carved out a section that would be "acceptable" to eat. The smaller portion on the left side of the container, which was really just a few more bites than the two I intended. Then I decided I would eat from that carton until the computer finally opened a program I was waiting to use. 
     But the computer was so slow. Another bite. Then another. I was eating as slow as the computer was working. So, you can see, it wasn't really my fault I ate it all, because it was the darn computer. The longer I waited for the computer to open the program, the more frustrated I became. The more frustrated I became, the more I justified the food in my hand. 
     It wasn't my fault, after all. It was the stupid computer. 
     Then I went to hide the ice cream container in the trash, which was overflowing. So I stuffed it in the bag, put something bigger over it and took the trash out to the garage. 
     I dusted off my hands — mission covert food addiction accomplished — and hopped in the shower. 
     There's NO DOUBT my complexion is related to the sugar or the dairy,  both of which I can hardly tolerate in large amounts. My reflection tells me a truth I don't want to acknowledge, and it doesn't lie. 
     But here's another truth. I'm normally so much better with food choices. I had been freed from the pain and suffering caused by years of abusive eating more than a year ago thanks to my full-body cellular cleansing and fat-burning replenishment system via Isagenix. 
      Well, I thought I was. 
     I used my pregnancy — not as an excuse, because excuses are excusable. Rather I used my pregnancy to justify something I should not be doing. That carried over in breastfeeding. Don't ask how, but in my mind, it all made sense. Extra calories. Pampering my body, which was suffering the ups and downs — mostly downs — of pregnancy and then caring for a newborn. And the struggles of early breastfeeding. 
     You may be wondering why this is any big deal at all. I mean, is ice cream bad? Most people don't think so in the slightest. 
      The truth is, yes and no. This product is made of ingredients that make me sick. They make everyone sick, if we're honest, but they make me sicker than most people. And I KNOW in my heart that I can satisfy that craving with something healthy. I also KNOW I could have stopped at two bites. I also KNOW I could have recognized the signs a few more bites in that I was emotionally eating. I also KNOW that I was playing games to justified my bad choice. 
     I guess I'm making progress, because I'm seeing it more clearly now, even if in retrospective. I understand what I'm doing. I know it's wrong, and I want to make right choices. I want to make right choices because I've cleansed my body, which helped me in all ways with cravings. I know that a clean body wants what it needs, not what's sitting in the freezer. And I know when my body is alkaline and clean, it functions so much better. Gone is the restlessness, the mental fog and the lack of energy throughout the day. My pain was resolved once I made better choices in my diet. My eating habits made my body function better, and I was much happier. That's right, eating good food (which doesn't include Prairie Farms ice cream, believe it or not!) made me happier. Feed the body, fuel the mind!
     Yet here I was stumbling. I had just told my husband two days earlier I had a food addiction. I admitted that I had bought a Reese's PB cup in the store checkout that day. 
     So what, he said. That doesn't mean you're addicted to food.  
     Bless him. He's so nice. He loves me, and he doesn't want me to feel bad about myself. He never has. So in a way, he helps me justify. I don't want him to help me justify. I want to be free again. 
     I hid the wrapper in a zipper pocket of my purse, I said. 

Evidence of my food addiction can be found tucked away in undisclosed locations. 

     It's not like it was the first time, I said, but just in my head this time. 
     I realized that it's a thing I do. It's a thing I've always done. 
     Sure, there are some people who eat giant stacks of Oreos and 65-ounce sodas out in the open. They may know it's bad or that it's unhealthy. Heck, they may even realize they have a food addiction. They may be struggling. I don't know, because they aren't me. I just know my food addiction is a covert one. It's hard for me to admit. I think the ones who do it openly might have more integrity than me. But let's be honest, a food addiction is dangerous and the struggle is real no matter where the battleground is. 
     Even harder than food addiction, at least for me, is admitting that the food controls me. I allow the food to control me. I'm out of control. 
     I said this to my husband, tears streaming down my face. He made some joke about how he was on his second lunch. He was. But both were relatively healthy. I don't see him binging on ice cream. Ever. 
     Besides, I said. I'm not here to condemn or point out anyone else's eating habits. I am here to say, I have a problem, and I need help. 
     The truth is Isagenix was a tool that helped me overcome the food addiction I wasn't even admitting I had a year ago. Now that I KNOW I have a problem, I'm using the fact that I can't cleanse as an excuse to further justify my bad behavior. 
     I still have some tools. The products I can eat have some qualities to assist me with the addiction, plus I can utilize Rod Hairston's wonderful new coaching program for a healthy mind and body. (I'm in heaven about this addition to a company that already stands for integrity and completeness in everything it does!) And I still and always have the power of prayer. Now, I can add to my tools that I have knowledge, which I've been told is power. (Ha! See how I did that there?)
     Much as I hated admitting I'm addicted to food, God — in his infinite wisdom — blessed me with a girl's writing yesterday to confirm that I am SUPPOSED to share this with you. Isabelle Loux has written about her struggles with anxiety and depression, writing I'm blessed that she's allowing to be published in Mighty Strong Girls. But the truth is, her perspective has blessed me as the writing of so many girls in this ministry has! 
     They constantly remind me that we don't get help in the dark. We MUST bring our struggles into the light. There, we find hope, mercy, Jesus, forgiveness and community. We discover we aren't alone, and mostly importantly, we help one another. 
     If this resonates with you, then join me, please. Help me be accountable, and I'll help you. Let's live this struggle out — in the light. Let this post be the start of a conversation, and let's get really real with one another!

Disobedience: My hidden sin

     Do you ever feel like God is nudging you to do something, yet you are holding back? 
     There are some things in life I'm certain of, and one of those is that all God wants from me is obedience. My obedience, which looks far different than the obedience of His other children, is always a battle. I'm a stubborn control-freak of a child. True story.
     It's also a fact that being obedient to God helps me with so much more than my faith. It keeps my eyes on Him so as to not be bound by jealousy or bitterness. It keeps me squarely in His purpose for me alone. It helps me to see through His eyes, so I'm more apt to love and pray for other people and use my gifts for His glory. 
     Typically, being obedient to Him means I have little time to worry about the sins of others, criticize, judge or condemn. If I'm honest, doing what He tells me usually involves me working on my sins and purpose, so He can give me freedom to soar in my identity in Christ. 
     But there was this one thing He asked me to do four years ago that I stubbornly dig my heels in about every chance I get. 
     God made it clear to me that I am to share stories of myself and to do so authentically, using my voice through writing on this blog and other publications. Part of me loved this calling, because I have always had a deep passion for writing. But there was part of me holding back from the very beginning. 
    The authentically part. Because being authentic means being honest with yourself and exploring areas of the depth of your soul you may not really want to. Subjects that are dark and difficult. Parts of me I'd rather hide.
    I did not want to bring these into the light. So like most defiant children, I didn't. I wrote about what I wanted to write about and ignored the truths He laid out in front of me. 
     I cannot tell you how detrimental this was to my health and particularly how it affected not just my spiritual being but my physical and emotional selves, too. (See above. The parts about jealous, bitterness, love and gifts. Yep, I was regularly a hot mess of ugliness!)
     Not long ago I read an article about the hidden sins of Christians. Two of them stood out at me as if God Himself had gotten out His bright pink highlighter for my sake: hypocrisy and caring more about what other people think than what God thinks. 
     I have a real problem with hypocrisy, as you can tell. 
     You see, I was holding back complete obedience to God in my writing and blogging because I thought to do so would make me seem arrogant. I like to think of one of my spiritual strengths as humility. I like to serve, and I highly value those amazing servants who do so without much fanfare or praise, whose work is so far behind the scenes that maybe, just maybe, God is the only witness. I don't like being in the limelight; I never have. So to say that writing about my struggles — some that I've overcome and some that are sins I still wrestle with — would be outside my comfort zone is the understatement of the decade. My history in writing is to interview other people and write their stories, not to write my own. 
     There were other factors at play, too. 
     Fear of criticism and judgement, fear that others would view me as prideful, an unlikely expert for writing about the topics I'm called to write about. Not surprisingly, fear is the subject of an upcoming Mighty Strong Girls publication, and God was revealing to me through others' writing submissions how I was letting my fear rule me and keep me from obedience. 
     So I balked. Over and over, I let me fear trump my calling. 
     A few weeks ago, my pastor preached about Nehemiah and how God used Him to rebuild the temple as God wants to use us to rebuild our lives, His church and His kingdom. 
     It resonated with me, as God has recently been rebuilding my life, and I realized I was not walking in full with His beautiful purpose for me because of my disobedience. 
     I know my calling. That much is clear. But I'm distracted by other things that seem tempting. I'm distracted by fear and criticisms. 
     That sermon opened my eyes to the fact that I'm getting in my own way with my disobedience. I am blocking God from using me for the very purposes He designed me for!
     God never promised I wouldn't face criticism, so in a way, my fears are founded on fact. 
     But why do we think for one moment that to walk in His will as we walk toward our purpose that He will reward us by lavishing us with constant blessings. Jesus' disciples made sacrifices. They were mocked. They, too, had fears and doubts. 
     Fears have never been powerful enough to stop destiny! Take my fear of childbirth, for instance. I did it — three times, mind you — and lived to tell the tale. It's walking through and facing those fears that builds our faith and our testimony. 
     To bring our stories into the light...it's not about us anyway, especially when He calls us to do it. Even when we don't like the way He wants us to do it. Who am I to think I know better than Him the way in which I'm to do His work. 
     It is encouraging for me to remember that Nehemiah and Daniel and Jesus' disciples and David and even Jesus Himself were not immune to fears, temptations and doubts. However, they did not change the fact that these men had great work at hand for their lives, God's church and His kingdom. 
     So do I. 
     And so do you. 

Three ways to show LOVE

Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

If God is LOVE, I learn from Him how to display love. If I meditate on how He first loved me, I realize so much more about love. 

I mean, really think about it. If you know even a glimmer of the LOVE of God, compare that to wordly love. Love that we see in the movies, read about in books or witness between people in our lives. The love I see around me is often fake, based on material things and impatient. Fictional love in movies and books is uncomplicated, contrived, forceful.

God's LOVE looks so different than that. I realize that even when I was a hot mess, LOVE was patient, kind and gentle. God wasn't demanding or in my face. He also never left me, even when I left Him. He didn't dwell on my past mistakes. He forgave and forgot. He went out of His way to be kind to me, allowing me to understand my identity and be the person He created and even to serve Him in ways that bring joy to me. He even sent His son to die for me. That's sacrificial and complete and mysterious and amazing!

So, if we strive to show LOVE to others, we share with them the LOVE that God gave us personally. Here are three ways based on my personal knowledge of God to shower LOVE on each other: 

1. Be patient. That means we can't expect immediate results from our love of others. We can't throw a fit when we don't get our way in love. Are we even supposed to "get our way" when it comes to love? We need to set down our expectations. We need to put others above ourselves, even when they don't deserve it. Remember, God didn't rush you into a decision to follow Him, and we would be wise not to rush others into .... well, anything at all. Trust God when your intentions seem to be falling flat. 

 2. Be kind. Often when we are called to LOVE someone in Christian ways, it's someone who is hard to love. LOVE them anyway. Go out of your way to show kindness. Find out their love language (there are five: acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch) and use them to remind them that they are worthy of LOVE. Do this even when they don't deserve it. Do this especially when they are hard to love. That's the LOVE of our Father, who loves us even in our sin, even when we don't deserve His kindness. 

3. Be gentle. Don't remind others constantly of the reasons they are a hot mess. Don't point out their sins, their stumblings, their mistakes especially when they never asked you to play this role in their lives. Simply point them to Jesus, and let Him do the judging. Think about it: Did God reveal your sins to you BEFORE you were in a relationship with Him? Of course He didn't. Don't be the judge and jury for anyone, unless of course they have asked you to help them with their sins. A gentle love encourages and lifts up. It doesn't tear down and hate.

All of these have one thing in common: God. Submit to Him. Submission is not the negative, miserable, forceful thing our world tries to teach us it is. Submitting requires wisdom and grace. It's hard, but it's so worth it. Submission to God puts Him in control. When we trust Him, we are empowered to be the expression of LOVE He wants to reflect of Himself in our world. It's a beautiful thing. 

Finally, read 1 Corinthians 13. But each time you see the word "love," substitute God in its place. This is a little exercise my friend Jan Koch does with the Mighty Strong Girls spa. It's pretty powerful. Get your Bible, and read it aloud. It will remind you of how wonderful, beautiful and amazing the LOVE of God is, and who doesn't need that reminder?

Answering the call to pray

     God has really been speaking to me lately about prayer. 
    If you are skeptical that God actually speaks to people, be reassured that when we take the time to draw close to Him, He absolutely does! But it requires a committed relationship, and as you grow closer, His faithfulness is absolutely breathtaking. Not long ago, I believed that ordinary people did not hear from God, but prayer was the breakthrough that increased my faith. 
     I have always cherished prayer. It's not just a "thing" I do now and then but an open pattern of communication between me and the Lord. Lately, He's been bringing a new message about prayer to me. 
     Get on your knees. 
     Stay in prayer until you have peace. 
     Rest in me. 
     The sermons at church, my daily Bible reading and just about everything I come across is used by God to deliver the message to me that He wants me to REST in the power of prayer. 
     As if that wasn't enough, one my prayer partners/intercessors sends these quotes to me with no knowledge of the things God is speaking to me: 
     "I have so much to do that I spend several hours in prayer before I am able to do it." ~ John Wesley

     "Prayer is the greatest power that God has put into the hands for service -- at least I find it so. But, the dynamic lies that way to advance the kingdom." ~ Mary Slessor

     So I decide that in addition to my daily Bible and devotion readings in the morning, I need to increase my prayer. My goal is 30 minutes every morning, and I don't exactly set a watch. I simply pray over every person who is on my heart and mind. And to make sure I'm not overlooking anything, I began writing down the people/issues I am praying over and at least some of my prayer in a journal. 
     It may sound like a lot of work, but it's not! I've done this on and off before, but for the first time, I have a dedicated prayer journal. 
     And get this. I'm on day three, and He is answering prayers! It's absolutely amazing to see Him at work so mightily. 
     Here's one example: On day one, I prayed for someone to help me with Mighty Strong Girls work, specifically managing the blog, and on day two, a woman emailed me about this very subject! I asked her, and she (in prayer) accepted!
     I know not every prayer is going to be answered yes, and some are much more complicated than that. In fact, the prayers I have for Mighty Strong Girls aren't always yes/no prayers. Our whole board and a team of prayer warriors is praying daily for discernment, timing, favor, justice and wisdom over this ministry. Yes, we believe God answers our prayers. Of course the blog would keep on going without a manager, but God has a purpose and a plan that involves how He's called me and Sarah, and because we both sought Him, His purposes can be fulfilled and the blog will be that much better. Simply because we said yes to prayer. We'd love it if you would join the Mighty Strong Girls team in prayers...we covet prayer!
    I can also -- in just three days -- see signs of God's fingerprints in relationships, signs that He wants to heal not just physical ailments but also our brokenness. In fact, I'm praying specifically for my children to become more respectful. My daughter was put to the test yesterday, and more prayers were answered!
     If you enjoy prayer, I invite you to meet me here and pray with me on the blog. If you have a prayer request, leave it in the comments, and I'll add it to my list. A 30-minute investment in prayer can produce so much fruit in our lives! 
     Here is an excerpt from my written prayer this morning:
     Lord, your answer to prayer is fueling my faith and lighting it on fire! What a blessing...I praise you, the author and perfecter of life and love. Help strengthen me for your mission to bring depression and other tough issues to light -- boldly with truth and for the sake of the gospel. Give me a heart that meditates on gladness, goodness, and gratitude. Thank you for your faithfulness and all the good things you give us to meditate on for your glory! Keep my eyes ahead -- not to the left or right -- but firmly fixed on Jesus and what you're calling me to do. Amen. 

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. 
Colossians 4:2

Her healing was complete in Christ

     I have discovered over the years that while I sometimes feel like the queen of “TMI” (too much information), it is often my fear of talking about life in real ways that isolates me and keeps me from receiving all God wants for me.
      Not only that, but it separates me from others instead of uniting us. Because our stories are the explanations for why we stumble, the reasons we sometimes succeed, and why we may appear the way we do to others around us.
      Until we understand what motivates another human being, we cannot be united.
      It is time, if there ever was another, to be authentic, genuine and transparent. That is the heart of Mighty Strong Girls —to shed light on all things the enemy would have us keep hidden shamefully in the dark.
      So here’s a couple reveal-all truths about me: I have five plantar warts on my feet — two on one foot and three on another. Not that big of a deal, you may think. They have been there since my last pregnancy — 10 years ago! They have been frozen twice at my dermatologist‘s office, and I have tried every medical and alternative treatment at my disposal to no avail. In the meantime, both of my children have gotten the virus and developed warts that were easily treated and cured. I sooooo want a pedicure, but I’m plagued by embarrassment and shame.
      Here’s the second TMI: I struggle frequently with severe, sometimes debilitating pain caused by endometriosis, a disorder of migrating ovarian tissue that —in my case — has attached itself to my bowels and other organs. I find myself often clenching my teeth through the pain, fearful of lashing out at others around me as it takes every bit of emotional energy and mental strength — not to mention the grace of God and a plethora of prayers — to prevent the “outer me” from being a reflection of the turmoil and angst I feel on my inside.
      When there is something about your body that seems odd, pain-filled, unusual or untreatable, it begins to transform how you feel about yourself. A few warts can make a middle-aged mom quite self-conscious; the pain of my disorder can make me feel all-around ugly.
      It makes me identify just a little with the unnamed sick woman in the Bible. She had been bleeding for 12 years. She was suffering, and doctors could do nothing, as her condition grew worse instead of better.
      Do you know anyone who has been through such a trial? Have you? I cannot fathom her fear and pain, but in her faith, she sought out a different type of healing.
      I do not think it was a desperate manuveur, though I imagine her life was lived in a state of desperation. She had heard the stories of Jesus — this Son of God, Son of Man who performed miracles, who was healing the sick and lame, exorcising demons and walking on water.
      She must have known without a shadow of a doubt that He was capable of doing what no mere human could and stop the bleeding once and for all. It probably took an extraordinary effort in those days to get close the Him, as crowds of thousands followed Him everywhere He went.
      She did not have a friend in His ministry or influential contacts (I imagine she was lonely, as often those with long-term medical issues are rejected and discarded by society at large), so she would have to take her bleeding, aching body and make her way to Him. She was not planning a face-to-face meeting; she probably did not feel worthy of taking up any of Jesus’ precious time, as I imagine most everyone else didn‘t treat her as valuable so even in her faith, she likely doubted He would either!

      Still, she thought to herself that all she really needed was to touch the hem of his cloak. So she pressed in. She pressed in to the crowds and pressed in to get close enough, and she reached out.
      The bleeding stopped and instantly the sick woman was no longer defined by the malfunctioning body she lived inside. The chains were broken; she was free. It must have felt absolutely indescribably incredible. But this was not a feeling exclusive to her. Just as instantly as she touched the fabric on Jesus‘s cloak, He felt her healing, too.
      Can you imagine? Our healing is not something we alone feel. It is not an isolated celebration. Not only does the Lord know when we are healed, he feels and experiences it alongside us! Isn’t that exciting!
      Jesus knew His power had been utilized even in the midst of a sea of bodies bumping and knocking into Him like waves. Even the bewildered disciples asked Him how He could single out one person touching Him in the wild crowd. But Jesus wants to acknowledge her, not because He does not know. He simply is inviting her to share her testimony. So He waits.
      Finally the woman — now defined by her wholeness and not her unhealthiness — acknowledges, fearful of God, trembling at the feet of Jesus and confessing that it was her.   She is a woman who knew the fear of God. She is aware of his almighty power, that He is God of the universe who can do great and wonderful things.
      She had been shunned and dismissed — the kind of patient who keeps relentlessly pursuing medical care for the same symptoms. Doctors were probably patient initially,
determined to find a cure, to get to the bottom of her mysterious bleeding. But after 12 years, I wonder how many of those experts remained resolute in finding a cause for her
hurting. Who, I wonder, remained by her side at all for all those years as her health continued on a downward spiral?
      She schemed and succeeded. She seized the wonderful power of God through the vessel of Jesus and His healing touch. Now Jesus wanted her to share what she had done. In fact, Luke’s version of the story says she tells her story “in the presence of all the people.”
      Don’t you think that’s why He asked, so that she would share her testimony of her wholistic healing? It wasn’t just about the physical. I believe Jesus wanted her to understand the whole healing that had taken place just then — emotionally, she now knew true love; mentally, she was freed from the torment of physical pain and the sadness of social isolation; and spiritually, she had no doubt of her Savior, as she entered a personal, intimate relationship with the Son of God.
      Jesus wanted her to verbalize her story — not for His sake. For the crowd to hear, for her to know, for you to understand the mysterious, amazing power of God and what He desires to do in our lives because of His great love for us when we simply fear him and have faith.
      “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering,” Jesus says to the woman in Mark 5:34.
      His healing starts with trust and faith. To open myself up for physical healing through expert care, I must connect with the master Healer spiritually, to be available for the miraculous, to trust in a healing power not entirely available in my physician’s office.
      To fully heal means I must be willing to change, open to something radical, much like the woman who had seen all the doctors and done all the “normal” things. I must also be open to sharing, willing to tell others, available to testify to the power of Jesus.
      My Savior desires for me to be authentic, honest, real, transparent and available to share His truth. This is what heals, but it is also what unites. It is what bonds us and saves us.
      We invite you, dear readers and sisters in Christ, to open your mind and heart to the stories and ideas as you take a journey on with Mighty Strong Girls to transform.
      The first step to change begins on the inside; it is a LIFELONG ENDEAVOR with everlasting consequences.

     Mighty Strong Girls is evolving — now filled with more girls' stories, more advice from girls to girls, a FREE small group study guide, and growth opportunities and challenges in wholistic health. You can now buy a copy online at http://mightystronggirls.com/the-magazine.html

Girls need heroes

     About a year ago, I happened across the Instagram account of a girl on my daughter's softball team. Turns out, she was in her grade at school. If I'm doing my math right, that would have made her 9 or 10, maybe 11, at the time. 
     I was stunned. 
     First, her account was public. Anyone could view her profile and all her posts/photos/comments. 
     Second, everything she posted reeked of desperation to be loved.
     Her professed relationship status (not a mandatory part of your Instagram profile, by the way) was "used to be taken" with lots of sad faces. She had photo after photo of handwritten notes about her unrequited love for a boy in her grade. She took every opportunity to let anyone who would give her attention know that she still yearned for her ex-boyfriend and would take him back in a heartbeat.
     Third, what on earth is a child this young even doing on social media. Ugh! This kind of thing just annoys me! If you give your elementary or middle school age kid a phone and access to the internet (which I think is dangerous and unwise to begin with but if you decide they are responsible enough) police it, hover like a helicopter, comb through everything daily, watch over them like a hawk. They are children. It's your job! Help them discern what and how to post. Protect them from being vulnerable and victimized! 
     Anyway, I talked to my husband about this, as he was assistant coaching the team. He said this girl made him feel uncomfortable in her desperation for his attention, baiting him for remarks about her appearance and constantly needing to be validated that included being on her cell phone texting people if she couldn't get anyone in the dugout to talk to her. She had no sense of boundaries in relationships.
     In that entire season, I never saw a dad. I never heard mention of a dad. Not that she didn't have one. I have no idea. But he was not present. 
     Her story is hardly unique or new. Girls whose dads (or stepdads or grandpas) aren't around or available are naturally desperate for masculine love. Shouldn't this be predictable? 
     Well, we can simply observe, shake our heads and be critical. OR, we can all decide to do something to come alongside these girls. It's not their fault! 
     Of course this girl craves love. We were ALL built to desire love. 
     Why do dads matter? 
     — 21 percent of 12-15-year-olds said their No. 1 concern was not having enough TIME with their parents, while only 8 percent of parents thought they didn't have enough time with their kids. 
     — Girls who live with their mothers only have significantly less ability to control impulses, delay gratification and have a weaker sense of conscience (right or wrong). 
     — When a father is involved in his kids' day-to-day activities, they are more likely to confide in him and seek his emotional support. 
     — Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention. 
     Again, these are all statistics gathered for Dr. Meg Meeker's amazing book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know. 
     How can you really live out the role of a strong father? 
     According to Meeker, you can become her hero. In fact, she's naturally chosen you, and she cannot survive without a humble hero who is her rescuer and defender. 
     "She needs a hero to navigate her through a treacherous popular culture. And you should know that being a twenty-first century hero is tough stuff. It means walking into embarrassing, uncomfortable or even life-threatening situations in order to rescue your daughter,"  says Meeker.
     As much as it irritates me that the media and popular culture is responsible for objectifying and sexualizing girls, it angers me that it demasculinizes men and boys. They've made men appear weak, spineless and without purpose.
     It's no wonder our men aren't sure how to be a hero anymore. Culture is robbing them of a key component of their God-ordained identities, just as we are deceiving girls about their value in God's eyes. 
     It's my prayer that events like this weekend's Father-Daughter Gala and others will begin to heal the past hurts that have come between relationships and seal a bond between dads and daughters that is filled with redemption and hope. 
     As Father's Day approaches, I celebrate the awesome dad my husband is for his daughter. He builds her up, joins her in the things that interest her and expresses love for her that encompasses all of who she is. 
     Let's pray for a courageous generation of dads to come to the rescue of ALL girls. We need for men to intervene when girls are young and begin speaking truths into their lives! They don't have to be dads; mentors and father figures like grandpas or uncles can be very effective, too. Godly men, it's time to be courageous; we support and celebrate you! We are fighting this battle together. Let's do it radically and with conviction! 

Being intentional = forgiveness

Every now and then, this crazy — or maybe not-so-crazy — inner part of my being wants to update my social media status with something like: I love gay people. Or, conservatives rock! Or, I am friends with some real far, far, far left liberals. Or, I love people who use government benefits, even when they are capable of getting a job. Or, let's do something nice for inmates today. Or, I love porn addicts. Or, prostitutes are nice girls.

Nothing shows our true colors like the way we feel about "some people." The disagreements. The opinions. The divisions. It's easy to put yourself on a pedestal; how much harder is it to lift up someone who stands for something with which you disagree — or something the "church" condemns?  How hard is it to love them in a way that puts their needs before yours? Most of us can't handle that kind of love. It's excruciating, because our emotions are tangled up in it. 

Who I love shouldn't be tied to their choices, behavior, past, mistakes, opinions, lifestyle choices, job (or lack of one), etc. It's sad when we make it about these trivial things, because we are missing out on knowing — and loving — some pretty awesome people that God would like for us to encounter!

God wants a relationship with all of the above. He loves them all. They are all at least as valuable in His eyes as you are. Maybe more. No matter how much you despise someone, that person is a child of God's. He gets to be the judge. I don't. His ways are mysterious. Mine are not, because I am human. And my heart is deceitful. Sometimes I just like to remind myself that love is complicated from our side of things. It doesn't come naturally. It takes faith and action, and love has absolutely nothing to do with how we feel. Because emotions are a dangerous way to measure love, and they prevent us from putting love in action. 

Loving people has everything to do with being intentional. We don't come at it naturally, so God gave us laws that include how we are to treat others. Then He showed us that the laws still couldn't contain our feelings. That we would hate anyway. Especially if we attempted to apply the laws on others, because then we wriggle our way into the self-righteous judgement seat. Laws aren't really there to prove to others that they have faults or to compare yourself to another. Laws are designed as mirrors we use individually to look into our own sinful souls.

Once we see ourselves as guilty of violating God's laws, then we should understand why He sent Jesus. We should understand grace and how — because we get to receive it — we get to extend it. Jesus is the way. He is peace. He is truth. He is love. He showed us how to love. He became the law.  And He boils down the law into two commands: Love God and love people. 

Some of us struggle still. But you see, love is a choice. As such, we are bound to get tripped up by it and fall on our sinful faces. When we mess up, like God knew we would, we can ask those we love to forgive us our shortcomings and we can forgive those who put us in a box, categorize us or hate on us even when we don't deserve it. Forgiveness is both the cost of love and the gift that comes out of love. It looks like a cross from God's point of view. 

Before Jesus left the world, He told His disciples to pick up their crosses and follow Him. If you believe and if you want to be a follower, then love should look like a cross from your point of view, too. 

Forgiveness is love in action. I want to be forgiving, as much as I want to be forgiven. I want to be loving, even when it's hard. I want to be intentional. How about you? 

Always ask why, part two

Why has she put on so much weight? 

Why doesn't she come to our meetings anymore? 

Why on earth is she cutting herself? What's wrong with her?

Why does she always seem to cold to me? 

I wrote part one of this post a few months ago, and as I came back to it and reviewed it, it occurred to me something was missing — another, more complicated reason we don't often ask why. Because once one person knows your why, it seems the whole dang world knows. So we believe the lie that we are protecting ourselves from hurt by telling nobody, by holding it all inside.

Have you ever unearthed the why of someone's struggles and then ran as fast as you could in the other direction? Or, ran as fast as you could, telling everyone on the way what you just learned? In other words, have you ever found out someone's story, learned about their messy place and then gossiped about it?

I have. I did this recently. I learned. I was shocked at someone else's why. I told. Then as I heard a friend repeat my gossip to another friend, it was as if a curtain was pulled back. God showed me how damaging it was. To the person who was — at least so far — unaware of what we were saying, to me, to my friend, to our relationships with one another, to God's kingdom.

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. James 4:11

Do we not tend to justify these two things: Not caring enough to ask others what's going on, what's hurting them, or finding out how to help them AND  misusing this type of information when we know it. 

I'm embarrassed. I am the reason it has become so hard to share the why. 

But I'm so thankful for the amazing friendships in my life right now, because my friend sensed my judgment of her when I called out her gossip. What she didn't know, because in my pride I didn't confess, was the guilt I felt for my own part in the act. Yet she forced me into an uncomfortable situation where we could examine the mess. It was ugly looking in the mirror, I tell you.

The truth is I dream of a place where girls and women can be raw and honest with each other, but to get there, first we have to stop the gossip. It's hurtful, and it makes being honest and loving one another more complicated, if not impossible.

Gossip leads to judgment. Judgment leads to hate. Hate leads to wars. 

  

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live my life in self-righteous hatred or judgement of even one other human being. Will I stumble? Will I occasionally gossip? Will I screw up and hurt people? Yes, because I am only human. I see countless people who complain about Christians judging non-Christians or Muslims hating Christians. We see acts of atrocity committed in the name of every faith, and then use it to justify a hate for that faith. Wake up people, because we all do it. Slap whatever label on it you want, but the reality is that the fault isn't really with the group, the faith or the label.

God's word offers us a glimpse of truth: The human heart is full of evils. His word doesn't classifying the hearts — as in these sects, certain religions, those tribes, certain countries, specific people. His description for this atrocity of the heart is human. All hearts are capable of hatred and evil. 

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9

Because I have screwed up, because I have sinned and because I will continue to make mistakes, I want grace! I want to be loved and forgiven, so I will keep putting myself out there to constantly love and forgive others. In every mess, including my own.

A friend and I were discussing this recently and we wondered: Is there a way we can police one another on gossip with grace? Is there a way to help our sisters in our social circles shut down gossip without it being harmful (like the ax of judgment coming down) on our friendships? 

I want to know, because I crave both things — good healthy friendships and an end to this destructive behavior. 

In the meantime, I will keep asking why. As much as I am able, I will ask not about someone secondhand, but to someone firsthand. In order to love them better. In order to see them the way God sees them. In order to get to the heart of the matter. Because I believe our Heavenly Creator really wants us to care about the why, no matter how messy or complicated or risky it might be.

One of my favorite quotes is this one, and it's where I want to be:

“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”

~ Eleanor Roosevelt 

 Will you help me get here? 

G
  my favorite reat minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/eleanorroo385439.html#8L9l6EYXo3MD0K2r.99

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/eleanorroo385439.html#8L9l6EYXo3MD0K2r.99

Always ask why, part one

Often when we want more information about something, we ask where, when, who and what. Rarely we ask why — the most critical question of all. 

Why is where the story unfolds, the reason someone is motivated to do something or act a certain way. When we ask why, we begin to understand the person behind the event or incident. We begin to relate. 

As a reporter, the why was always my favorite question. It's the mean of the story. It's the good stuff, my dear friends.

Why is where compassion and empathy enter, where hate begins to evaporate. 

There’s this girl I know who latches onto new girls who move into the community, forces her friendship on them, drops other friends (saying cruel things to and about them in the process) and then repeats the cycle when another new girl comes into the picture. 

Anyone examining this from the outside sees the wake of damage and recognizes the unscrupulous and unhealthy behavior of this girl. She appears pathetic and dangerous and most certainly untrustworthy. 

We clearly see what is going on, who is involved, as well as the when and where of her actions. What we don’t readily see or even ask ourselves is why. Do we know? Do we even care?

 

Because more than likely, she has been hurt in the past, probably by someone close to her. Maybe she was neglected time and time again by a parent, who made promises and never delivered. 

Unless we ask why, we will never see the human behind the action that disgusts us. Until we ask why, we can have no sympathy or compassion. Not asking why allows us to transfer disgust from the action to the person, and this is where hate breeds.

If I'm fully honest with myself, I must admit that not asking  why is my way of avoiding the mess. If I don't ask, I don't have to feel obligated to clean it up or even offer her my love while we both look at our own individual messes, unsure of what to do next. 

 

Isn't it true that most of us simply want to turn our back on others rather than even ask this one question? We justify it because it will "protect our heart" or keep us out of a messy situation or prevent us from having to deal with something really real and really complicated. Or, keep us from having to address something of our own that is equally messy that we have cordoned off in our brain so that we don't have to face it. Is it not a fact that when we stop asking why, our relationships are no longer deep and meaningful? 

Some 2,000 years ago, a man named Jesus died. There is little controversy about the what, when and where.  There is some dispute about the who — Son of God, Son of man. But have you ever really, really reflected on why?

If you have never asked yourself before, today is the day. Revel in the why. Ask yourself. Search for answers. Be determined to understand the reason behind the act. Go unearth clues and seek out evidence. 

The why always has been and will always remain the most critical question at the heart of all relationships that matter, the relationships that are worth having.

Paralyzed by fear

Have you ever been so fearful of something that the mere thought of it took your breath away? A wave of anxiety would consume you as you pondered its terror? 

When I was young, I was absolutely convinced that childbirth had to be the most wretched pain ever. I resolved I would simply remain without children. I was, well...wrong.

One of my children has a pathological fear of violent death. Think terrorists barging into our home to wake us from our sleep and torture us before shooting us all one by one. This has been ongoing since first grade, when history somehow demanded that the events of 9/11 be unraveled in an elementary classroom. 

No scripture or prayer has been able to fully undo the fear in my child. Though I hope in time, it will fade away. 

Maybe you fear death, or public speaking, or pain, or public humiliation, or something else entirely. 

Did you know God really and truly wants to take away your fear? His word says “There is no fear in love. Perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18) 

That doesn’t mean if you’re a believer the fear simply goes away. Because the devil is the one who holds the power of death, the battle is with him. For some, it is a constant battle because naturally as you draw nearer to God, the enemy is closer still, breathing down your neck. 

But there's a truth you can and should hang onto. The reality is one act of love canceled out this power. Perfect love. No other kind would do.

Hebrews 2:14b-15 says “by (Jesus’) death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death — that is, the devil — and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.” 

My grandpa died about 10 years ago. It was a beautiful thing, which sounds strange, but bear with me to understand why his death was truly like a fairy tale.  

He was terrified of dying, but only recently. I had visited him not long before in his new home — an apartment in an assisted living facility. He moved there because he had fallen in his new house. 

As I visited, he relayed the story to me. He was trapped on top of his own arm. Seconds turned into minutes turned into hours. He was not only physically stuck, his mind and emotions were trapped on a single thought planted there by the enemy: You will die as you suffer in pain on top of your own arm unable to move. Your death will be slow and agonizing, as you starve unnoticed and unknown in this world. Satan is so convincing!

But God is more powerful still! A prayer saved his life then. He prayed that God would give him supernatural strength to rise up and call 911, and God answered that prayer. But my grandpa, with tears in his eyes, told me he was now scared of death because of the pain he experienced. I hugged him and comforted him as best I could, mind you this was all before I was born again in Christ. 

Not long after that, we went to Branson for a family reunion. Grandpa grew up nearby — one of 11 children — living in the hills of Missouri with no electricity or indoor plumbing. He was reunited for a week with all of his living siblings, and spent time with most of his children and grandchildren and even some great-grandchildren. Then we all kissed him good-bye, and just down the road he had a heart attack at the gas station five minutes after I kissed him  in the back seat of my cousin’s car. 

He was surrounded by love in his last moments, and his death was very fast and pain-free.

I believe he is in heaven now, celebrating yet another answered prayer. 

You see, perfect love experiences the fear on our behalf. Christ suffered in death so that you don’t have to. To make atonement for our sins, He suffered as a man of flesh and blood to “taste death for everyone.” Hebrews 2:9

So next time you find yourself overcome by a wave of terror or anxiety, instead of letting it knock you to the ground, say a prayer and ask God to help you remain steadfast. Open Hebrews 2 and be encouraged by these words. “Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted,” from verse 18.

Musings about Lent

I have always held a certain esteem for people who celebrate Lent. Because fasting and prayer, purification and sanctification are all spiritual disciplines I value. 

I have even wondered why Christians sit idly by while other denominations mark these 40 days leading up to Easter with reverence. This year, I decided I would personally do something for Lent. I discovered an awesome website with a challenge called 40 Acts devised to challenge us to be more Christ-like by serving, giving and worshiping in an attitude of gratitude. Perfect! All are also important in my faith walk. So we signed up as a family with gusto. 

Of course, it fizzled in a few days for the kids when a challenge couldn’t be completed in that day. For me, I started three days late, caught up and then fell behind when I didn’t meet an assigned deadline to call a friend I had not spoken to for some time. I had great intentions, as I often do, and I was disappointed (and truth be told, a little ashamed) that I could not do something so simple. 

Until I attended church on Sunday and in the midst of Bible study on the Passover, the minister/teacher reminded us to be careful when it comes to Lent — a religious institutional tradition that — if we let it, can overshadow the very intent of Easter. 

The Bible tells us that when we accept Christ, we are cleansed, set apart and made pure in God’s sight, due to the shed blood of Jesus. (Hebrews 9:11-14, 22; 13:12) No amount of fasting, abstaining from life’s pleasures or any self-denial will buy this grace. 

I realize I might not be the most popular person to criticize a ritual beloved by so many. But the Bible never mentions Lent. It does mention fasting, prayer and of course, the Passover. 

So, how do we prepare for Easter? Can we prepare for Easter? Should we prepare for Easter? 

I believe God wants just one thing from us: a relationship. There’s only one way to get it. Meet Him in prayer and in Bible reading. Focus on what makes all relationships better: time spent together, submission, service, love and acts of faith. 

It is very hard for me to do this and also admit it, but I am dropping the 40 Acts. Not because they were inherently bad or wrong, but because I was beating myself up over getting them done. God doesn’t intend for us to live in misery, guilt and shame. He delivered us from that with the greatest act of love — sending Jesus to suffer death on our behalf. 

Also, this very commitment had me putting myself front and center. It was about me — what I could do, how good I was, how many acts I could check off MY list. I must admit that I wasn’t exactly thinking about God a whole lot. 

Can I improve my relationship with God by fasting, abstaining or doing 40 Acts? Of course I can! God can use anything...and I mean, ANYTHING!

But after hearing this message on Sunday, it occurred to me that what I want most is to let God flow in and through me. It doesn’t require a formula. It won’t necessarily be accompanied by a checklist. An honest examination showed me that 40 Acts was not improving my relationship with Him.

Instead, I decided I will focus on reading His word and meditating on the Passover and its significance, as well as on the days leading up to Jesus’ death. These simple, humble acts are sufficient for God, which is comforting in itself. Plus, I know for a fact that God will meet me there!

Sexy Superbowl Sunday

All men are big, fierce, unafraid, cocky, athletic and think about sexy, half-naked women whose bodies are the only thing they are interested in. 

This is the predominant message your children might receive if they tune in with the other 108 million people watching the Superbowl on Sunday. 

It's the biggest sporting event of the year and close to the most televised event of the year. 

THE MESSAGES ARE CLEAR, LOUD AND STRONG. 

I have to be honest, I haven't thought much about football this year.  I'm not entirely sure I can tell you who is playing this weekend — a fact that would truly embarrass my son, so please don't tell him I admitted in my blog!

I do, however, LOVE watching my own son playing the game and cheering on his team. I really, really do. I also sincerely like the game. The exception being how it seems to perpetuate these ridiculous societal expectations about gender identity that I often find myself "undoing" later with my children.

The truth is I'm usually too tired or busy to watch more than a couple high school and professional games in any given year. Usually, I'm listening to professional games while I'm doing something else — like designing the Mighty Strong Girls magazine or working on a craft with my daughter. It's not that I don't enjoy football; it's more like it just falls to the bottom of my priorities. 

This Sunday, I WILL be tuning in to watch the Superbowl — along with tens of millions of other people. And I know for a fact, we will see perhaps countless examples of masculine stereotypes threatening to teach my son what it means to be a man. The ads will make this "tough guy" persona look like a valuable trait. (Insert mom groan here.)  There will be almost as many feminine stereotypes paraded in front of the camera by cheerleaders and fans and even advertisers.  Our daughters and beloved sisters will be "on sale" this weekend, showing us all what it looks like when a woman's value is the outside package and teaching our sons that a girl's sexuality makes her a "good catch."

Maybe I'm crazy....some are nodding in agreement right now, but it seems like these stereotypes are more pervasive than ever these days in the media. Perhaps that's because we live in an era that more than ever has an "anything goes" media mentality.

My favorite player loves all sports, the color pink, praying,
watching and participating in theater, reading and shopping.
Sometimes he paints his nails, and he loves babies and
younger kids.

We stumbled upon some free Rams exhibition game tickets in late summer while visiting St. Louis Magic House for my son's birthday. So we started the football season excitedly celebrating his ninth birthday watching a ridiculous show of machismo unraveling before our bewildered eyes, much of it scripted on videos of the players and others spontaneous from the field and the fans. On the flip side, the cheerleader video was like a PSA glamorizing eating disorders and objectification. My husband and I tried our best to avoid undue attention to this highly sexual spectacle unfolding on jumbotrons in front of the four boys with us, but couldn't help but turn to each other with jaws dropped afterward. We promised later we wouldn't return to a pro football event with our son. 

THE MESSAGES WERE CLEAR, LOUD AND STRONG. 

But here's the truth: There are other messages. More than ever, there are more messages about Jesus. More messages about how we should love ALL people, even and especially people who are different than we are. These messages aren't always as loud or strong, but they are there.  Praise the Lord for that!

Here's some more good news. They start in the home. Parents are still the biggest influence on their children. If you aren't talking to your children about gender stereotypes and their inherent danger, please start! Children NEED to know from you that there isn't a darn thing wrong with the way God made them. He is the master Creator and His plan will prevail. Of course, the coolest part is that when we enter into a relationship with Him through Jesus, we can begin to see why He made us the way He did, and how we can use our unique gifts to serve Him and find true happiness. It's a beautiful thing when we can drop the assumptions about how a girl should be and how a boy should be and just BE. Just be the person who God created, and then encourage others to do the same! 

Here's some more good news. You can use the Superbowl to start a conversation or dissect the messages in the advertisements, which helps break down stereotypes and gets to the heart of what drives them: Money. 

I admit I watched the Budweiser commercial that's already viral with the puppy and the horses. It's touching, and it will clearly tug at the heartstrings of both girls and boys. It's refreshing to see this type of story unfold. 

But don't forget, no matter how awesome the story, that is still a paid message by a company that is SELLING YOU SOMETHING.

No matter what you are watching or viewing in any media (television, movies, online ads, magazines, etc.), ask yourself some questions: 

1. Who paid for this message? 
2. What are they saying? 
3. What are they selling? 
4. Does this information tell me anything about their product? 
5. Can I make a decision based on this information? 
6. What other information do I need? 
7. Where can I get more information? Are they willing to share more information about the actual product they are selling?
8. Does this company care more about making the best possible product or making me buy their product at all costs? 

Enjoy your food. Enjoy your football. Enjoy your family. 

xoxoxo,
Amy

P.S. I know the Rams aren't in the Superbowl this year. Right???