Typical -- at least for me -- is the anxiety that comes with the preparation for something big. In this case, it's leaving my family for nine days to travel -- alone -- to Sierra Leone. And for me, anxiety usually attacks at night. I had a big case of it on Sunday night. I could not fall asleep, and then I woke up in the same trap of mentally going over my list.
Don't get me wrong. It's a big list. With important tasks. Yet I decided instead of tackling it Monday morning I would...leave my house. Leave town. Leave it behind.
I packed my bike, my Bible and a small notebook into my Jeep along with my kids on Monday morning. I dropped the kids off at school and headed to a nearby bike path.
Before I set off, I sat in the driver's seat and thought about what scripture I would read. I could pick up where our family last left off in our Bible reading plan. I really wanted to dig into some Proverbs. They're always so encouraging, and I could definitely use some wisdom and guidance.
But my fingers gravitated elsewhere. They headed for Philippians, chapter four. I love Paul's letters, especially the short ones that are jam-packed with gospel truths, advice and encouragement.
I rode five miles to a pond where I could settle in for some solitude, albeit to the sound of interstate traffic, and meditate on Paul's words.
It was soul food for me at this moment. Because the anxiety I felt Sunday night didn't compare to the worry that overwhelmed me when I read my email after dropping off the kids at school.
Let me back up. One of the necessities required for my upcoming travels is a Visa. To get that, I needed my travel itinerary and a yellow fever vaccine (I couldn't travel until 10 days after getting it). Once I had that, I began communicating with a travel agent. We picked some dates, and then I spent the next 3 days trying to reach my sister in Germany and change the date so I could spend a day with her and my brother-in-law who -- it turns out -- would be in London during my layover. It wasn't a long enough layover and they were leaving about the same time, but I figured the timing of this must be from God. So I went to business trying to rearrange the date of arrival in London. That killed several days. (And didn't work...the price was $600 more for 24 hours with my sister. Boo.)
I was waiting to apply for my Visa until I booked the flight. In my haste, it didn't occur to me that the arrival date in Sierra Leone wouldn't change, only London. By the time I finally contacted the Embassy of Sierra Leone, I discovered I would have to MAIL my passport to Washington D.C. It was now 10 days before my trip. This was the email I read right after I dropped off the kids Monday morning. A call to my husband didn't ease my worries. He seemed as freaked out as me, and so I decided that God definitely was sending me on this journey so I could "give it to him."
As I settled down to find calm and comfort in Philippians, I came to one of my favorites, verse 6: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God."
Wow. Don't be anxious about ANYTHING. Okay. I definitely didn't like the feeling that was overwhelming me this morning. My acid reflux was a reflection of how severe the toll of stress was! I wanted, no I craved this reassurance. Praise God for it!
But my mind also settled on the word THANKSGIVING. In all my worry, how quick I was to forget how easily God brought me to this very moment. Everything had come together. He had shown me, quite clearly, this was his will. Not that I had quickly accepted the call, but he had reassured me all during March and early April that I am to do this. The constant reassurance came in so many forms and through so many people, and yet I had not expressed my gratitude to God! I had a lot to be thankful for!
Moving to verse 7, Paul says if we come to God with prayer, leaving anxiety behind, we get a reward: "And the peace of God which transcends understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Further down in verse 9, "Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me -- put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
Paraphrasing verses 11 through 13, Paul says he's learned to be content, that he's actually learned the SECRET to contentment in ALL circumstances, whether "well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want," which is "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." I used to visualize Jesus giving me strength in sickness or difficult days of mommyhood, but after attending a Fellowship of Christian Athletes conference and listening to a Christian NFL quarterback whose name escapes me at the moment (Dan would be disgusted! LOL!), I have new perspective. He said Paul's secret to contentment came when he realized that if everything he treasured in life was stripped away, having Christ would still be enough. Because the only thing with absolute certainty is Jesus. We WILL face trials and challenges. Everyone's will be different. The question is, do we worship those things and people that could be taken from us so much so that if they are, when they are, we will be bitter, angry at God and discontent? Or will Jesus be enough in all our circumstances? The secret to being content, to being at peace, is to know that Jesus is always sufficient. Easy to say; harder to put into practice! (Makes me think of "It is Well with My Soul" hymn-writer Horatio Spafford, who exemplifies this much like Job!)
As I wrapped up this precious time alone with God, I wrote down one more verse from chapter four, verse 19: "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."
These are Paul's words after scribbling notes of thanks for all the gifts his supporters had sent him. That resonated with me, as a big portion of my trip is already funded because of those people around me who wanted to support this both in prayer and financially, and I treasure them as I do Paul's promise that my God will come through.
Then I wrote in all capital letters: PEACE and CONTENTMENT. It was really what I needed in this moment, in this day. I needed it as an ailment for my anxiety but also as a secret weapon for what's to come. Without it, I would have been a wreck later that day as the well-meaning postal worker rattled off all the reasons I shouldn't go to Sierra Leone and that I had left myself a tight time frame to get my Visa with the wiggle room of...one day! I pray it also comes in handy to help me find rest and revival on my flights and calm confidence during the nerve-wracking airport navigation portions of my trip.
Actually, I know it will. Because of God's promise. And he reassured me once again as I encountered these words:
From my morning devotion: May the God of peace . . . equip you with everything good for doing his will. HEBREWS 13:20-21, NIV
And as I opened Dan's bible to look up a scripture this morning and found a highlighter tucked between the pages where he had very recently marked this verse: Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58.
That Visa WILL come. I WILL go to Sierra Leone. But I WILL still need (and love to have) your prayers! And no matter what...I WILL have peace and contentment.
Thanks for sharing in this journey!
{Much love}
Amy
No comments:
Post a Comment